Rain

I feel like all it does it rain, even though just yesterday I was out out a walk enjoying the sun. I’ve tried to stay motivated today by doing my makeup, and I ended up face-timing with a good friend of mine for a while today, but right now I just feel drained.

I’m tired of quarantine and everyday feeling like the same day over and over again. I’m upset with myself for not getting into healthy habits such as working out like I had planned to do. I know I still can do those things but I honestly don’t feel like it right now.

I don’t even really feel like writing today. I know I should channel this into creativity, but today’s not that day. At least not right now. I will however attach a photo of myself from today since I did do my makeup and felt at least energetic enough to do that. Hope everyone has a good rest of their Sunday.

Coming to the end.

I’m looking forward to the new year. I’m ready to get back into the gym and make it a routine, and hopefully develop an overall healthier lifestyle throughout the year. I am looking forward to working on my writing, both poetry and my general blog posts, such as this one. I’m looking forward to visiting a couple of friends out of state, and hopefully going to Hawaii as well! I am also excited to continue therapy and working on myself.

Although for the past couple of weeks I have been really feeling the “good-fucking-bye 2019- I will not miss you at all” vibe, I do realize that there were some great things that happened this past year. Even though I have been extremely stressed out, I know that I have made progress in both myself and my career. I feel like this is the first year where I have really learned how to say “no,” and I have set healthy boundaries with certain relationships. I definitely still have work to do, but seeing how far I’ve already come only makes me want to continue moving forward.

This year I was able to leave my place of work that I very much disliked, and I found a job where I have a boss who genuinely cares about her employees. I also have freedom when it comes to my schedule and how I want to do things in the office. I’m not going to lie, this job has been the most stressful one I have had in my entire life- I literally used to throw up every morning before work for two months straight because my anxiety was so  high. I knew that it would get better though, and now that I have been here for over six months I feel like it has gotten much better. There is still plenty to do, but it is getting to be more manageable.

Although I did not stick to the ketogenic/low-carb lifestyle, I feel like I still had an improvement with my relationship with food. I am not going to do another strict diet anytime soon, but I am going to limit my sugar intake and make sure to avoid binge eating. I want working out/going to the gym to become a hobby for me again. I feel like the best part of working out is the fact that you are truly benefiting yourself and practicing a form of self-care. Caring about your health is important, and this upcoming year I turn 25 and people tell me its harder to lose weight and get the body you want the closer you get to 30+ (so basically its now or never).

I am excited to see what 2020 brings. Oddly enough, I am very optimistic about this upcoming year. I feel that may be because I know that I can control my attitude and responses to situations and make the year great all on my own. Of course I expect life to take a few shits on me throughout the year, but I know that I can handle anything. Luckily for me, I don’t have to handle it on my own, as my boyfriend will be right by my side supporting me and loving me; so when life inevitable shits on us, we will get through it together.  ♡