Patience

I write this as I am sitting in the drive thru of dunkin’ donuts, patiently waiting to order my large iced dark roast with cream and a medium black cold brew for my boyfriend. I want a pick me up before the bridal shower I am going to attend today!

I am excited to see friends at the bridal shower and celebrate the bride-to-be! I put on a full face or makeup, which I also did yesterday when my boyfriend and I went ax throwing with a couple friends! It feels nice to do normal things and spend time with other people.

I am hopeful that one day life will go back to some sort of normal, although I can only pray that people will have learned how to be more patient and kind to one another. I want people to remember that we’re all humans going through our own struggles, and we are more alike than we think.

Lately I’ve been trying to take time every day to think about what I am grateful for, and it’s already made a difference in how I view life. I feel like in general I’m feeling more positive and happier, because I am taking time to actually think about things that make me happy and that I am blessed to have.

Take some time to think about what you’re grateful for today!

Monday night post I guess

Today wasn’t bad, yet I find myself happy that it’s over. After getting more than ten hours of sleep last night I think my body is just begging for that again. I hate when I let myself sleep too long, but at the same time sometimes you truly do need it!

I don’t have a lot to say really, but I do want to share a couple photos that I took of my friend and her son as ghosts! She saw some trend about doing ghost pictures with friends and so we decided to do it but also include her 1.5 year old son! He really didn’t mind having the sheet over his head which was surprising!! LOL enjoy!

“ghost with style”

Self-care weekend

Yesterday was such a nice day, and it’s because I actually took time to do things that I like, and I was able to spend a lot of time with my boyfriend. Yesterday I was productive around the house in the aspect of doing laundry, dishes and taking out the garbage; then I decided to do some yoga.

Yesterday I even went on a walk in the rain because I wanted to go on a walk and was tired of being indoors. It’s been raining for the past week and it’s been exhausting, but I didn’t want to let that stop me. It was only sprinkling when I left for my walk, but at different points throughout the park it was raining pretty steadily. Nonetheless it was still really nice outside.

It’s 12:28pm right now and the sun is finally shining today!! I already went on my walk (my walk is about 2 miles according to my phone tracking me LOL). I also made myself some breakfast as I did yesterday. My go-to is two eggs over-easy/medium, bacon, and toast. I typically will drink orange juice with it if I have it, which I did today!

My boyfriend should be home soon from his personal training session so I’m going to ask him if he wants to get a late lunch later from one of our local sports bars because I kinda feel like putting on makeup and getting “dressed up” (aka maybe jeans instead of leggings/biker shorts LOL).

I hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday and finds time to do something that brings pure joy!

Wandering

I feel like my mind is constantly wandering trying to find new interests and hobbies. I feel like even though I didn’t do much before quarantine, I need to do things now to keep me going. But at the same time, I feel such a lack of motivation because I always give up on everything that I try. I never stick with anything and it drives me insane (especially because I know I’m the only one who can change that).

To be honest I need to give myself a little credit, because both Yesterday and Saturday I did at-home workouts. And then today I went on not one, but two walks! I told myself I wanted to work our more so I actually started doing something about it. I just really know myself and I know how I always give up on things, so I’m hoping I can get passed that somehow this time around.

I want to start writing poetry again, but I haven’t felt motivated or inspired lately. I sometimes wonder if taking anxiety medication hinders my ability to write because I always loved writing when I was in a bad state of mine (aka high anxiety or depression). My anxiety medication has definitely helped me a lot, but I hope to one day come off of it.

Bring on September

I feel like August flew by so quickly, then again this whole year has felt like one huge blur so far. All the days seem mixed together and I have been so unmotivated. Luckily I have had a couple fun and busy weekends these last two weeks so I feel like it’s bringing me back, so I am ready to see what September brings!

I know September brings my best friends birthday, and one of my other good friends has her bridal shower shortly after that. Part of me doesn’t like being so busy and having to spend all this money at once, but also I need to live my life and I want to spend time with my good friends who make me happy!

I hope September brings good news and happy times for everyone; I feel like we all need it.

Self-reflecting

Something that I struggle with is staying motivated, and I’ve been feeling down about it lately. I also am upset with myself for my lack of hobbies/passions. I know that I have this blog, and I am proud of that, but there’s so much more that I want to be doing with my writing- I’m just not motivated.

I get mad at myself for being tired and for just laying in bed watching pointless tv, yet I have no desire to get up and work on bettering myself. I know life is hard right now for everyone with everything that’s going on in the world, and I’m sure I’m not the only person feeling this way, but that doesn’t make it any better because I am feeling everyone else’s depression.

I am a human, I am allowed to feel emotions, and I am still working on being able to differentiate the emotions of others; I need to stop being hard on myself. I mean, here I am writing again (even though I missed my regularly scheduled post) and I deserve to be proud of myself.

Tuesday post (whoops!)

I’m exhausted, but I need to post because I forgot to post the last two days and I am feeling so many things right now but am also too lazy to organize my thoughts or even type them all out. At this point I just feel like sleeping to escape from everything,

Work has been the easy part of life, even with it being a bit overwhelming at times. Now I’m just overwhelmed by my actual life, as I am in three weddings within the next year (pending Covid crap), and although I am excited and happy for my friends I’m just worried about losing myself again- I already feel like I am in a way.

I don’t even know how to explain it, I just feel off right now. I feel like I forget how to dedicate time to myself and I start neglecting myself when big things are happening for my friends. I start to feel what they feel on top of my own normal life stress, and then I exhaust myself.

I know that I can fix the self-care aspect of this… I just need to care about myself a little more. This tends to happen when I get lost in everything else going on around me. I just need to learn how to balance life a bit better and I need to be more self-disciplined when it comes to getting my ass out of bed to workout or stretch or write or do something for myself.

I honestly didn’t even want to write when I started this blog post, and I ended up writing more than I thought I would, and I even feel a little better than I did when I started. I guess I need to have a little more faith in myself.

Nature calls, maybe?

Sometimes I wonder if I’d genuinely be happier living near a body of water, whether the ocean or a lake or even a huge pond. I just feel like knowing that I have that opportunity to escape to the calm waters right in my backyard would give me a sense of peace. Of course I’d have to purchase a paddle board and/or kayak, but I think this is something I definitely need.

I absolutely love going on walks/hikes and just being outside soaking up the sun. I love that I can still do all of these things even with the virus crap going on, and I hope that doesn’t change. Of course I’m upset that pools aren’t open, but if I was closer to water I’d probably complain less LOL. I did go on a walk today which was nice, I just feel like I need to go travel to new places and explore.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to do and any hobbies I can get into, and I have been struggling. I do like the idea of it being physically beneficial, such as actually going on hikes and/or taking yoga classes. However I also like the idea of it being self-reflective such as writing/singing. The only person stopping me is myself, I just am not feeling super passionate about anything right now. I feel happy though, which is a good thing.

Monday post again

Today was definitely a Monday…

I’m still enjoying the new job, but today the other front desk girl didn’t come in and she told the office coordinator via text that she had a doctors appointment this morning and would let her know how the appointment went when it was done. So after a couple hours she hadn’t reached out to anyone and she wasn’t responding to messages so we don’t know if she’s coming back at all.

Me, being the anxious person that I am, have this whole scenario in my head that she had an emergency appointment to go to and then had to have emergency surgery or something (because she obviously wouldn’t have her phone). Meanwhile, the office coordinator and other employees just assume she’s done because she still lives with her parents and has no bills and just works for “fun money.” Honestly, I hope they’re right in this case!

The other issue I have with this though is I worked with this girl on Friday and she was talking about working future weekends with me and told me she’d she me on Monday. I also didn’t get any bad vibes from her and I really did think she had a good sense of work ethic, but the OC doesn’t think so. To be fair she has known her way longer, I just can’t believe how off my radar is. I usually am very good about reading people.

There’s no point in dwelling on it now though, I’m sure we will hire someone soon and get them trained and everything will be okay soon enough. For now I will just work the overtime and enjoy my paychecks. I hope everyone is having a great Monday evening.

Monday post because I fell asleep yesterday.

Happy Monday! Last week was my first week at my new job, I turned 25, I had a get together with some close friends- overall I’d say it was a great week! I am loving the new job so far; it’s very busy but it is extremely organized, there are procedures in place, and it is a very well-run office.

I am already feeling so much less anxious and stressed. I haven’t thrown up before work at all, not even on my first day when I was nervous/anxious about starting the new job. The office coordinator is very smart, hard-working, organized and a great trainer. The other front desk girl is also a hard-worker; it’s nice to be part of a team where everyone helps each other out!

During this week I will still technically be in training, but starting next week I will have a couple days where I don’t start until noon so I want to start working out on those days and making sure I really take time for myself. I am feeling very positive at this point!