Self-Care Sunday

I posted this photo on Instagram this morning and decided to share it here as well!

“self care means dedicating time to do the things that you love for yourself. self care means resting when your brain/body tells you that you need it. self care is deepening your awareness of your emotions and triggers, so you can be more in control of your own mindset. so many people will say they don’t have time for themselves, but this time is necessary. everyone deserves to be their best selves, not only for yourself, but for everyone around you. your partner deserves you at your best, your children deserve you at your best, and you deserve to feel you best. dedicate that time for yourself, because self care is NOT selfish, it is a necessity.”

Check in/Reflection

How am I feeling? I’ve been having some obnoxious PMS the past few days; the on and off nausea is what’s bothering me the most. I’ve been so irritable and emotional and my period is supposedly coming in a few days, so I’m hoping that all of this goes away. I was going to go out to the bars last night with some friends, but decided to stay in since drinking would definitely not help my nausea. I also have just been feeling like I want to be alone lately; I need to do some self-reflection.

I recently was thinking about how I wasn’t always the nicest person as a kid, and I still find myself being judgmental of others. I was super critical of myself when I was younger, and that also made me critical of those around me. As I’ve grown older and been on my self-love journey over the last couple of years, I’m realizing that when I am being judgmental of someone else, it’s because I am seeing something of myself in them.

Often times how we feel about others is a reflection of how we’re feeling about ourselves. For example, money is a huge trigger for me/my anxiety. A lot of my sense of worth and control is revolved around money, which is another thing I am working on. If I find myself being judgmental of how someone is spending their money, it’s because I have an issue/insecurity about myself and my money habits. What someone else does with their life is none of my business, I can only control myself and my mindset.

I also know that I am a very empathetic and understanding person; I can very easily put myself in someone else’s shoes and get an understanding of why they make the choices they do. It’s also helpful to realize that most people do have unresolved traumas and are the way they are because of that. We couldn’t control our childhood or how we were parented, but today we can control how we parent ourselves.

Diving into what we truly need and finding out how we can give that to ourselves is extremely important. I need loving, healthy relationships, whether with my boyfriend or with friends or family; I can no longer tolerate those who do not respect myself or my boundaries. I get to choose who I spend time with and who is in my life.

I need to feel healthy, and how I do that is try to get my body moving every day, even if it’s just a bit of stretching. I try to balance making sure I get my veggies and fruits in everyday, as well as protein, but I could definitely be better at that. That is something I can try to spend more time/effort on so I feel that I’m living true to my values.

I need to feel knowledgeable, and I have been listening to podcasts more recently as well as reading! I was on a good streak for reading but kind of slowed down within the lag couple months. If I dedicate time to get back into reading, I will feel more fulfilled as I know one of my goals is to write a book one day, and this will definitely be helpful in getting me there. The more books I read, the more knowledge I’ll have and be able to apply to my life and maybe even my first book!

I enjoy experiences, but I also like to do so on a budget. I could look into more local free events and see if friends want to attend, or maybe even just go alone. An experience can really be anything; going to a farmers market, checking out the local library, walking on a new trail… there are truly endless options. Something I could do is set a goal to do at least one new experience a month, and if I want to increase frequency, I can!

I want to heal my traumas and learn how to manage stress and my emotions. I still see my therapist every once in a while, and I make it a point to listen to healing podcasts and follow self-love accounts on instagram, but I know there is more I can do. Writing this blog post is something that is so important, because it is allowing me to talk to myself and figure out my true wants/needs.

I think we all have an idea of what we want, but when we look deeper we find that we aren’t really living a lifestyle that is in alignment with our desires. I want to live a life that is in alignment with my values, and I feel like I am already doing this! However, I also feel that I can dedicate more time to myself and my desires, and I deserve that. We all deserve to live our best lives as our best selves!

Thursday Thoughts

Yesterday was a wonderful day off, and I know I’m going to love having this schedule! I felt like I got so much done yesterday, and still had so much time to do the stuff I enjoy! I listened to a couple podcasts and even went to the pool with a friend! Overall it was a great day and I’m ready to crank out these next two days and get to the weekend!

Summertime always makes me feel so much happier and more motivated, I absolutely love the warmth and sunshine. Just being able to stand on the balcony and feel the heat of the suns rays beaming onto my skin is enough to make the whole day better! I’m praying next week is nice instead of the current rain their predicting, but we will see what happens when we get there!

Happy Friday Eve!

Happy Tears

I am feeling a overwhelming amount of emotions, and I can’t stop crying. I just discovered Gabrielle Bernstein and, this may not make sense, but I feel like I found my future self. I was listening to the latest episode of Jay Shetty and he had her on, and now I just listened to one of her episodes from her podcast “Dear Gabby,” and I just keep crying, but not out of sadness… I feel like it’s almost out of gratitude? I am just feeling like I meant to stumble upon her.

She said she has several self-help books and she wrote them within her journey and she felt that her readers would benefit from being on that journey. I keep going back and forth about writing a book and thinking that I have to do it once I’m “fully healed,” but we aren’t really ever fully healed, are we? Life keeps going, new stresses and traumas come about, we just learn to navigate and develop new ways to self-soothe.

The ideal self-soothing techniques would be tuned into self-growth, rather than self-destruction, which is exactly what I am trying to do now. I am actively trying to give myself grace and remind myself that I am human, and I think a lot of people could also benefit from doing this. Being hard on ourselves doesn’t necessarily help us; sure, it’s good to expect more from yourself, but not to the point where you break yourself down to nothing.

We deserve to love ourselves, and the more love we have for our authentic selves, the more we can love others. The world would be such a better place if everyone looked at people though the lens of love and empathy, because instead of judging and being critical, we’d be welcoming and understanding. People can do much more together than apart.

Tuesday Thoughts

I survived yesterday! The work day felt super productive and didn’t drag on for me which was nice, but of course it couldn’t be a perfectly smooth transition- I was crying and overwhelmed once I was home for an hour or so.

Everything was fine when I got home, I talked to my boyfriend about his day and I emptied the dishwasher, it was really when it came to what we were going to have for dinner. I am doing my grocery shopping on Wednesday, which means there is currently a lack of groceries in the house.

We had agreed on a frozen pasta meal that I suggested, but then I realized we didn’t have any. So I apologized for that (which he didn’t think was necessary), and then offered that we air-fry some burgers! Well I pre-heated the air fryer and put the fries in the oven, and once the air fryer was done preheating, I realized that I never washed it out from before.

This is where I started to get super frustrated and overwhelmed with myself and I told my boyfriend that apparently we were just having fries for dinner because now the air fryer was too hot to clean out and I was just having a rough time. He was, again, completely understanding and didn’t mind the dinner change once again- but I was so upset.

I was upset with myself and I was trying to diagnose where it was coming from, and it seems to me that it’s from not being able to do stuff correctly on my own. I felt like I failed, because even though I had the day basically planned, I failed the dinner part. Also, I was pissed at myself because I usually always clean out the air fryer and I clearly didn’t and also didn’t check before I started preheating it.

When the idea came of asking for help, that’s when I started to tear up, because I can ask for help, and not everyone can do everything on their own. It’s okay to need help and I luckily have someone in my life that would help me without complaining, and without holding it over my head.

As a child I tried to do everything on my own, and when I was finally moving out my father made it a point to tell me that I’d fail and come crying back (which has not happened, nor will it happen). I think subconsciously this sits in my mind and makes me feel angry and upset whenever I do feel like I’m “failing,” and I know I just need to be less hard on myself.

I scheduled an appointment with my therapist as I now have a new schedule, but I still can’t get in to see her for a couple months. In the meantime I will have to be observant of myself and take notes on how I feel and what comes up for me in those moments of anxiety/overwhelm.

Today is a new day and I’m hoping to handle things better than last night, but in reality I still handled that situation much better than I would have in the past. I am actively looking inward as to why I feel certain things, rather than just letting the emotion absorb me. Healing takes time, and it’s worth it.

New Week, New Routine

Writing this early morning blog post today as I am starting my new work schedule this week! On Thursday our boss came to us with the idea of working four 10-hour days instead of our normal five day work week, and we were all thrilled! Of course, I don’t have any seniority in my department at this time, so the other people picked to be off Monday and Friday, so I decided to choose Wednesday as my day off.

I am excited to have a day off in the middle of the week as I will be able to get all of the grocery shopping done, as well as house chores and still have plenty of time for myself! I’m also excited as I’ll work two days, be off a day, work two days, and then be off two days (weekend)! I wrote out a tentative schedule for myself yesterday as I want to make sure I am taking time to prioritize and give myself time to do the things I want.

I put the gym in the schedule a couple days in the week, but also made it a point that the days I am not going to the gym, I want to at least go for a walk or do a workout at home. I’ve been feeling a lot better getting my body moving and I want to continue to get stronger as well!

I made sure to add in reading and journaling into my mornings since I’ll be home and not rushing to go the the gym, and because I keep saying I want to write more and never do anything about it. Now with the schedule change I feel like I am basically starting new and I feel like it’s kind of a reset for me, which I am using to my advantage!

I have to head to work here shortly for a ten hour day, but I have a feeling I’ll feel very productive and the day will probably fly by! And if not, I just have to get through tomorrow and then I get a day to myself anyways! I hope everyone has a great week! Make sure you take time to check in with yourself and see what it is you want to prioritize today and this week!

Count Your Blessings

When I log into any social media, I’m bombarded with posts of people raging and angry. I can empathize with them, but also struggle to as I’ve been trying to focus only on what effects me. Yes, I am a woman, and no, I’d never want an abortion. The only time I’d want one is if that baby was going to kill me without one, and I’m still trying to research on if that is technically still going to be legal.

However, this does not mean I hate any of my friends who have had abortions or feel a way about anyone who has, because again, that’s not my life! I don’t know what’s best for anyone’s life, and I am not here to make those decisions; I am here to decide what is best for my life.

I am blessed that I was education on safe sex, and not just told about abstinence- I feel that public schools should do a better job at this, as well as parents. I know you don’t want to be telling your 11-13 year olds about sex, but unfortunately that’s when kids start having sex nowadays. I wasn’t that kid, but I knew those kids, and most of them had no idea how easy it was to get pregnant. We have to teach people based on the world we live in, not the world we want, and in this world children are having sex, and thus having children.

As far as rape/incest goes, based on statistics that is less than 1% of abortions, but I truly believe those should be legal. I also think people do need to realize that those only account for such a small number of abortions, but it likely wouldn’t change a closed mind anyways. If the baby or the mother is guaranteed death without one, they should be able to get one as well. Unfortunately though, I cannot control the law at this point, again I can only control myself.

It’s hard in a world of social media to be able to detach and look back within yourself, but I am working hard to do this. For me, I am lucky to not really be affected by this at this point in time. I am not wanting an abortion, therefore this is not affecting me. I cannot ruin my own mental health and work up my anxiety over this, because I am truly blessed at this point.

An Off Day

Today just felt off, and honestly yesterday did too. I’m trying to be positive and remind myself that I’m allowed to rest and take breaks, but it’s not always easy. Today it’s 100 degrees outside and I started not feeling the greatest towards the end of my shift, so I ended up skipping the gym. I’ve been sleeping a lot more these past couple of days and I need to listen to my body.

I can’t help but feel guilty about it, and I’m trying to figure out why. Why am I so hard on myself? Is it because going to the gym is within my control and I’m not doing it? I already told myself that I’m going to the gym to feel better and be healthier, getting obsessive over it is not healthy! Honestly though, I’m stressed about life shit too.

We recently got a letter from our lovely homeowners association and they’re requiring some expensive work to be done. It’s annoying and honestly would never recommend anyone to live where there is an HOA. At a time where inflation is ridiculous, we’d rather not spend thousands of dollars on stuff that isn’t really that important (to us, but to them it’s not cosmetically pleasing), but we unfortunately don’t have that choice right now. I think the anxiety is coming from the fact that we don’t know what the pricing looks like yet, and I always have anxiety around money.

I am trying to remind myself that money comes and goes, and luckily my boyfriend and I are both working and are able to pay all of our bills. We truly are blessed and I am grateful for this every single day; I just need to keep reminding myself to turn to gratitude.

It’s not a bad life, it’s just a rough couple of days. I always come out of it and I will do the same this time. Day by day, I will learn to give myself grace, and I will learn how to be patient with myself. This is all part of the journey.

Monday Mood

Today was a relatively good day, but I found myself getting easily irritated today and feeling a little anxious. This morning I didn’t feel 100% and I know it’s because I indulged in some ice cream last night, but I ended up sleeping in and skipping the gym this morning which I’m sure has set this whole tone.

I am in the car with my boyfriend now and just checking in with myself, and reminding myself that I am allowed to miss a day at the gym, I am allowed to eat some delicious ice cream, and I will be back in the gym tomorrow! Even just talking to myself made me feel a bit of relief, and I think that shows that is where the angst is coming from.

I have an automated response to be hard on myself and mad at myself when I change a plan or routine, when in reality, life never goes as planned. It’s okay to rest, it’s okay to take a break, and it’s okay to NOT be okay. Luckily for me, I am okay today.

Discipline

I keep saying I’m going to write more, and then I don’t. I am going to add writing into my weekly routine, hoping to do at least 2-3 times a week, but ideally I’d like to journal daily. I deserve that time to check in with myself and I know it’ll help with my self-development as well.

The other I was telling my boyfriend about writing and how one day I want to be an author, and that I need to start writing more and even posting more on instagram to get more following (so that way when I do eventually publish a book, maybe more people will be interested in it). Not even kidding, literally within a couple hours one of my friend’s dads (who happens to be an author) messaged me on instagram after I posted a funny reel and he said he loved my posts and said “You are an author waiting to happen!”

What’s even more ironic is that I didn’t even post anything about writing a book or wanting to be an author, but that he is what he said to me. He also said that he can tell I have a lot in my head and it’s cool to see “flashes of it peak out.” I don’t even know 100% what that means, but I definitely have a lot in my head LOL!

My boyfriend is not the same as me when it comes to believing in signs, and he isn’t really into any spirituality, but I definitely saw this as a sign! Although he doesn’t believe in some of the things I believe in, he still listens to me and tries his best to understand; and we both always support each other’s dreams. We are both realistic of course, like no one is quitting their day job to become an author or a Twitch streamer, but it’s important to have dreams!

So basically I just need to write more, and instead of just saying it, I actually need to do it. I have to figure out a schedule and see what times of the day work well for me to sit down and journal. I hear it’s great to journal in the morning, so maybe on days that I am not going to the gym I can take time to write instead. I’ll just have to try it out and see.

If anyone has any advice at all, I’ll gladly accept it! I hope everyone has a good weekend!