Whirlwind Nightmare

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Just woke up from what felt like a series of confusing nightmares of not being enough:

I’m not enough, but at the same time, I was also not trying because I don’t believe in myself. The pressures of pleasing everyone else and not being a disappointment swirling around at every turn. Seeing everyone else’s have fun while I punish myself for not being perfect. I distract myself with to-do lists and chores while getting overwhelmed. I don’t participate in the fun or games due to fear of failure and looking stupid.

Everywhere I go, I just want to cry- yet, I’m also so angry. But with who? It can only be me. I’m stopping myself from having fun and being around everyone because I am insecure about my intelligence and even my body at times. I’m putting this insane pressure on myself that I would never put on others. I’m worried about disappointing and upsetting others, while also continuously disappointing and upsetting myself. Who am I living for? What do I care about? What is important to me?

Monday PM

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Why is it only Monday???? LOL jk today wasn’t too bad. Work was okay, my husband finished up installing our new faucets in the bathroom, and I’m just feeling tired. It’s that time of the month so I’m sure my energy levels will rise over the next few days and I’ll be feeling better- but for now, I’m gonna go to bed.

from this morning

Prompt

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What’s one thing you know now that would have saved your younger self a lot of pain?

Faith. Talking to my angels / guides and giving them all of my worries. I was such a stressed out child since my parents were always drinking and screaming at each other. It was not possible to escape except in Full House and in my journals. I think if I would have gotten into more faith and “magic” as a kid, I would have felt less pain. I would have seen more good around.

10/10 – New Moon

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Good morning!

It’s a chilly fall morning on this gorgeous Saturday, and it’s October 10th! I love repeating numbers and I dabble in numerology here and there, so I love that today is 10/10 and it’s a new moon! Set intentions about who you want to be!

I want to be someone who can easily let go of things beyond my control and lean into faith. I want to be someone who cares about my body and shows it through movement and better eating habits. I want to be someone who is completely authentically me in all spaces, even if not everyone enjoys me. I want to be free in my mind, body and soul.