Calm and content.

Well it’s Tuesday at 11:08pm and I just remembered that I still hadn’t posted here yet. I’d like to say I’ve been busy and motivated, which I guess is somewhat true, but also I feel like I haven’t been doing anything. I mean I’ve been working and then just hanging with my boyfriend. We did grab lunch with a couple friends on Sunday which was nice.

I’ve been enjoying my time with my boyfriend, and we actually went looking at rings over the weekend to give him some ideas (his suggestion)! I am so happy to be spending my life with him, and although I’m excited for the proposal, I don’t want to know anything about it. I don’t care where it is, who is there, if it’s photographed or not… I just want it to be a surprise.

He had asked me recently if I wanted the proposal to be in front of people or if I wanted it to be just us and I told him I didn’t care. I honestly feel like it being just us makes the most sense, I mean we are each other’s best friend and it’s always just us two, but again I won’t care either way.

I’ve kind of enjoyed just slowing down a bit this past week and moving into this week. It gives me time to appreciate things a bit more as I feel like I can take time to observe and take everything in. I am seeing my therapist this Friday and I honestly am excited, because I feel like I’m in a good headspace so we can start digging into more parts of my brain.

I’m getting tired as I type this, so I’ll close this off. I honestly was planning to write more, but I didn’t even make my weekly Sunday post this week sooooo no promises.

Motivated and mindful

I’ve been feeling very motivated this past week. I’ve been more mindful of what I’m eating and my physical activity levels, and it’s already making such a difference! I’m not going on runs or to the gym or anything just yet, but getting back into walks and at home workouts.

I have really been trying to focus on myself and improving myself both mentally and physically. One thing I am struggling with though is this constant battle of feeling selfish, and feeling like I’m being an assh*le to my friends and family.

The thing is I’m a super low-maintenance person, which isn’t good nor bad but it definitely differs from a lot of my friends/family. Not to say everyone else is high-maintenance, but when I tell you I’m low maintanence it’s like I never want or need anything from anyone. I rarely ask for help or favors, and if I do it’s probably from my boyfriend as we are each other’s biggest support systems.

I have gotten better at saying no to people, but I hate feeling guilty about it – and people seem to love to make me feel that way. I recently said no to a couple family things and I feel like it may cause some tension, but at the same time I can’t be spreading myself so thin and this has been just a super busy year (and last year).

I was in a wedding in November, one in March, and now I’m in another one this coming July; not to mention I started a management job at the end of January and which was a large transition in itself. I also recently had health issues that are thankfully resolved (for now?), but excuse me if I need to take some time for myself. I can’t feel bad about it; I refuse to.

Hope this feeling stays

This weekend I’ve been feeling very motivated. I did wedding crafts with a friend and we got so much done! We even were able to sneak in a nail appointment and she made me get back on tik tok LOL. Honestly though, learning those dances is a work out.

Speaking of which, I started adding in little workouts to my schedule these past few days. Nothing intense, but I do want to lose some weight/gain some muscle over the next few months so I’m going to be watching what I’m eating more and making sure I’m getting active!

Today I got a lot done around the house, and my friend came by to pick up a project that my other friend and I collaborated on for her! The best part was when she sent me the money on Venmo, I realized I never transferred previous money to my account so I ended up having an extra $100 I didn’t know I had (which will definitely help for this upcoming tattoo appointment in a couple weeks).

Anyways, I’m really trying to keep myself motivated and keep my head up! I have to start dedicating time to myself and my health, now that I’m finally feeling better!

Feeling better

I am finally starting to feel normal again. This morning I had a follow up appointment with my PCP and she prescribed omeprazole to help with my symptoms, so I’m hoping this helps as well and everything goes away.

This is going to be a productive week at work as we only have patients coming in on Friday, so we get to play catch up on claims and billing which is much needed! This office had some less than competent people up front for the past several months, so there is plenty to clean up!

It is so satisfying to get messes fixed and organize the office. I can’t wait to get everything exactly how I want it and continue to bring in new patients to the practice. For this week I am planning to get off around 3-4pm every day, so I will be working on crafting projects and exercising.

I have to continue to work on myself and I have to stop all of the self-loathing. I broke down on Saturday, because I just was feeling like I was ruining everyone’s plans and I was constantly forgetting things. After talking to my boyfriend, we came to the conclusion I have spread myself too thin with work/friends(weddings).

With my hands in too many things, I can’t be giving 100% to everything, and that makes me more upset because I have pretty high expectations of myself. I have to take a step back and think things through before I’m saying “yes!” to everyone and ask myself if it’s something I can actually handle taking on. Boundaries are important, and they only work if you enforce them.

Feeling feelings

Been irritable lately and overthinking a lot. I had a fun weekend, but there were also parts that made me upset but I made sure to let it all go because we were celebrating a good friend for her bachelorette party.

I’ve been feeling people’s emotions and passive aggressiveness lately and it’s been draining. I also feel lack of communication is hurting a relationship right now, but I also don’t know how to address it and it’s not a good time at all. At this point it would be rude to do/say anything so I will just have to wait.

I am just tired right now and am ready to go to bed. I have to work tomorrow and honestly I am kind of excited to start off the month on a good note at work! I think my career life will be thriving soon, I just have to get through a couple months of fixing up quite a few issues.

Lucky in love

I love slowly waking up on Sunday mornings with you; taking what feels like hours to get out of bed and start the day. Feeling your warm hands reach out for me, then giving in to your warm embrace. That feeling of complete calmness overwhelming my body, giving me a sense of peace.

You make it so easy to be in love, and you make it seem so easy to love me. You see the beauty underneath the roughness, and you admire every part of me. It doesn’t matter the day or time, you always make sure I am aware of your love for me. I often sit and wonder how I got so fortunate to be loved by such an incredible man.

We’ve grown together over the years, making our connection stronger and stronger. Every day we laugh together, making each day more enjoyable. You kiss my cheek every night when you come to bed, and I kiss yours every morning when I leave for work. Our love is my favorite, and I am so blessed to have your love forever.

I need to write more

I’m thinking about writing more in my blog. I don’t want to jump into daily writing right away, but even though overall I’m more busy with my job and life right now, I feel like writing daily could actually help me- reflecting on the day and focusing on positivity can really only benefit you, right?

I haven’t been writing any poetry, and when I say that I get upset with myself as that’s something I used to do often, and I was also proud of my work. Maybe I have a fear that I’ve lost my “touch” when it comes to poetry, or maybe even my emotions in a way. Writing poetry helped me a lot when I was younger and dealing with my childhood trauma, and once I finally was able to escape I feel like I just stopped writing.

I feel like my poetry used to be more “dark,” and I loved it that way, I just feel like I’ve been in such a better place now that I don’t want to go back and try to feel those emotions, just in order to write. I guess I should just start dabbling in some positive/inspirational poetry since that’s what people really need right now anyways!

If anyone reading this has any suggestions as to writing more in blogs, writing poetry, or just wants to share your thoughts, I am open to any and all suggestions! I hope you all enjoy your upcoming week.

Quick Monday

It’s my last Monday at my current job! This is bittersweet as I love my coworkers and I also have really enjoyed this job, I just miss having more responsibilities (and more money of course)! I start training at the new job this Thursday, and literally they told me I can do my compliance training at home which is so nice!

I have nothing but good feelings about this new job; I think this is the first time I’ve truly felt confident going into a job. Of course we all have normal anxieties around it as I have a whole new system to learn, but I know I’ll grasp it quickly.

I have this thing when I start new jobs, I want to try to start a new life habit, and I really need to incorporate working out into my life, so I need to work up a schedule for myself for once I am more settled with my regular hours. I will have to work on that later today. For now, off to work!

Stressed, but blessed

On Thursday night I hit a patch of icy snow in my car which caused it to veer out of control and my tire went off the road and the control arm snapped. Luckily no airbags deployed and I was the only one involved and I am not injured. My car, however, has over $7000 of damage (thank goodness for insurance).

Today my cat woke my boyfriend and I up and he was acting weird, and he had thrown up twice. I ended up taking him into the vet because last time I thought something was wrong it escalated fast and he had high kidney counts and a urinary blockage. This time around his PH levels in his urine are high, but kidney levels are normal. He does have a urinary blockage again, but he’s doing better and we will just have him on a prescription diet the rest of his life. We will be able to bring him home tomorrow if all goes as planned.

So far this year has taken an interesting turn, but I am truly blessed that everyone is okay. Of course my pockets are hurting a bit (the vet bill is over $1000), but money is just money, and there are more important things to stress about. Luckily, I will be starting my new job soon and will be making more money so I can pay off my credit card again ASAP.

I’m trying to keep positive spirits with everything being thrown my way, but I do have my moments where it’s all a bit overwhelming. I just remind myself that we’re all human, I am allowed to feel that way.

Manifesting money.

Every astrology page that I follow on twitter has been saying that Leo/Leo rising (me and me LOL) are going to come into some money early on this week, and I have a job interview tomorrow! Whether or not you believe in astrology, you may believe in the law of attraction; I am using that power to manifest money into my life.

I feel like people forget how powerful the mind is, and honestly I have been learning more about the stars and I feel like it’s beneficial because it makes me believe that these good things will happen to me- not only that, but it helps me to ask questions and analyze situations in my life, and practicing self-reflection is needed in order to progress.

In addition to the possible new job, I’ve been selling items that I’ve been making with my Cricut which is a fun little side hustle right now! I don’t expect to make tons and tons of money from that right now, as I’m still really just learning about things to make. But it definitely is fun! I hope everyone is having a nice Sunday.