Stressed, but blessed

On Thursday night I hit a patch of icy snow in my car which caused it to veer out of control and my tire went off the road and the control arm snapped. Luckily no airbags deployed and I was the only one involved and I am not injured. My car, however, has over $7000 of damage (thank goodness for insurance).

Today my cat woke my boyfriend and I up and he was acting weird, and he had thrown up twice. I ended up taking him into the vet because last time I thought something was wrong it escalated fast and he had high kidney counts and a urinary blockage. This time around his PH levels in his urine are high, but kidney levels are normal. He does have a urinary blockage again, but he’s doing better and we will just have him on a prescription diet the rest of his life. We will be able to bring him home tomorrow if all goes as planned.

So far this year has taken an interesting turn, but I am truly blessed that everyone is okay. Of course my pockets are hurting a bit (the vet bill is over $1000), but money is just money, and there are more important things to stress about. Luckily, I will be starting my new job soon and will be making more money so I can pay off my credit card again ASAP.

I’m trying to keep positive spirits with everything being thrown my way, but I do have my moments where it’s all a bit overwhelming. I just remind myself that we’re all human, I am allowed to feel that way.

Manifesting money.

Every astrology page that I follow on twitter has been saying that Leo/Leo rising (me and me LOL) are going to come into some money early on this week, and I have a job interview tomorrow! Whether or not you believe in astrology, you may believe in the law of attraction; I am using that power to manifest money into my life.

I feel like people forget how powerful the mind is, and honestly I have been learning more about the stars and I feel like it’s beneficial because it makes me believe that these good things will happen to me- not only that, but it helps me to ask questions and analyze situations in my life, and practicing self-reflection is needed in order to progress.

In addition to the possible new job, I’ve been selling items that I’ve been making with my Cricut which is a fun little side hustle right now! I don’t expect to make tons and tons of money from that right now, as I’m still really just learning about things to make. But it definitely is fun! I hope everyone is having a nice Sunday.

Feeling good (accidental late draft post)

I have a job interview coming up Monday morning for a manager position at a dental office. I have experience and am very hopeful about this opportunity; they told me via email that they are impressed with my experience which is a good sign, right?!

Also what’s good is at my current job we hit all our numbers for last month so we ended up getting a nice bonus this month, which I used part of to order my Easy Press so I can start making shirts/sweatshirts with my Cricut. I also treated myself to a manicure today so that felt great!

One of my old coworkers is coming over to buy a shaker bottle from me! I bought some cute ones from Walmart and used my Cricut and permanent vinyl to add the phrase “Gym & Tonic” and people love them! (I’ll add the photo to this blog post). I’m thinking of more ideas for projects with Valentine’s day coming up!

How’s everyone’s weekend going?

Late night post

Changes may be coming, which is quite fitting for a new year. I had a phone interview for a new job last week and am going to be setting up an in person interview sometime this week! It would be for more pay and more responsibilities, and I am feeling very hopeful. The woman who interviewed me on the phone told me she was impressed with my experience, so we will see!

I’ve been having fun crafting still! I slowed down a bit since the holidays just ended, but I already have ideas ready for some (near) future projects! I’ve had some supportive friends order from me, and it honestly is such a nice feeling. I appreciate all of my friends and family, and their support of my crafting page.

I haven’t really come up with a “new years resolution,” but I am working on patience and finding inner peace. I am learning how to focus on the positive and be kinder to myself, which in turn should help me be kinder to others; not that I am mean to others, I just find myself judging others more than I’d like to admit.

Self-reflection is important if you want to improve and progress in life, but sometimes it can be a hard pill to swallow.

Proud

Yesterday I was able to talk my way through an issue of mine which made me feel proud. I was actually reflecting on my attitude from Friday and earlier that morning when I realized how quickly certain symptoms come back when I forget to take my medication (I realized I forgot it Friday and then Saturday morning so I took it right after I had this realization).

When I don’t take my medication, I quickly go back to being very irritable which is my main symptoms of anxiety. I get easily overwhelmed and I start re-prioritizing without sound thinking which in turn overwhelms me more.

Long story short, the sink had dishes, the garbage in the kitchen was full, and I had laundry to do. Mind you, it’s like 10am and I don’t have any other plans for the day, so it wasn’t a big deal, but to me without medication, it’s a HUGE deal! I always have this problem where if there’s something I have control over and I don’t control it I start having negative self talk and everything feels like the end of the world.

Later on I started talking to my boyfriend about it because I kept saying how I wanted to find the root issue as to why I am this way, and all I could remember is that I always had to finish my homework before I could go outside. Now that may not sound like a big thing, and it teaches kids priorities and responsibilities when you have them finish school work before they can play with their friends, but my mind got stuck in that pattern.

In my unmedicated mind, I have to do the dishes/laundry/garbage right away before I can move on and do anything else because those are things that HAVE to be done; but would it really make a difference if I did it two hours later? or six hours later? Or broke up the tasks? No, it really wouldn’t. Lucky for me, I was able to realize this.

As a child, I wasn’t given the option to do homework later after dinner or after playing outside, so I had no way to know if doing it at another time would affect my grades or really anything. For as long as I can remember, anytime I change up a routine I get super anxious and I’m just on edge because I have no idea really what to expect. I like having routine and knowing my tasks and following them because that means (to me) that everything will likely be safe and sound.

I know this is all a minuscule issue compared to many others associated with anxiety disorder, but for me to make this connection/realization and be able to actually take a second and think “why do I feel like this?” is something to be proud of! When in an anxious state of mind it is hard to pause and rationalize, but it is so important to do- even if it is minutes, hours or even days later.

The only way to move forward is to address the triggers from the past, face them, and keep walking.

Random afternoon post

Just chilling in my car on my lunch break since none of us can eat in the break room (too many people without masks), and reflecting on the fact that every Thursday I am supposed to leave at 5 and always end up staying until 5:30-6pm due to how busy we are… unfortunately I don’t think today will be much different.

The good thing is I’m off tomorrow and am dropping off a surprise pre-christmas gift to my best friend and her son, so I’m excited about that! Also a good friend of mine is going to come visit and I get to give her the gift I made for her! It’s a cute Margarita glass with a mini margarita for her!

I’m loving the Christmas season this time around as I’ve said before, but I am genuinely happy being able to make all these gifts for people and it’s so fun! I can’t wait to see everyone’s reactions to their presents. I’ve attached the margarita photo to this post- let me know what you think!

I want to be off of my meds.

Lately I’ve been feeling good, which I’m sure has a lot to do with my medication. I’ve been on a low dose of Cymbalta for about 5 months or so now, and it has been the best anxiety medication I’ve tried. I only take 20mg daily, but I’m also very sensitive to medications so it has made a whole world of a difference.

The last weekend I had a somewhat irrational thought and was like “let’s see what it’s like if I don’t take my medication today,” and by the end of the day I was sobbing uncontrollably. To be fair, it probably wouldn’t have been that bad, but it was that time of the month, so I was I already more emotional than normal. Not really the greatest time to experiment with coming off my anxiety medication, my bad LOL.

My boyfriend helped me to calm down and made me realize that most of what I was experiencing likely had to do with my hormones, but I still know that the medication had something to do with it. The thing is though, my goal is to be off of my medication by February, and absolute latest would be by July. I haven’t been going to therapy but I haven’t really felt the need to either. I have been reading about empaths and highly sensitive people which has helped me to understand more about myself and be able to apply that to every day life.

I have also been very motivated in regards to making crafts/gifts for my friends and family! I am loving Christmas season this time around which is a great improvement from last year. I love that I got my Cricut and I am always using it. Of course or sucks when I make mistakes, but then I learn! Overall I have been feeling good, especially for it being winter. I am happy with the change I’ve seen in myself comparing how I was this time last year.

Positive thoughts = positive outcomes (hopefully)

I’ve been thinking a lot about how people manifest great things into their lives and I’ve been trying to do the same. I still need to make my vision board but I am debating getting a new printer and getting printable vinyl or just buying magazines and finding pictures like I used to as a teenager LOL.

I know that I have a purpose, and I don’t know 100% what it is yet, but I know that I like to bring people joy and I want more people to feel in control of their emotions and I feel like I need to help people in some way. Granted, I am nowhere near perfect and I still breakdown and have bad days, and I will always be working to improve myself; but in reality that is everyone, we’re all human.

We need to stop being so hard on ourselves and be more encouraging, as we are to our loved ones! We have no problem telling others that “everything will be okay” and “nobody is perfect, don’t be too hard on yourself,” but we can’t seem to cut ourselves the same slack. Why not?! It is important to have goals and high expectations in yourself, but that doesn’t mean you have to hate on yourself the whole way there!

I’ve been having fun and also getting discouraged with my cricut. I see other people doing awesome projects of much higher skill level, and I see projects where I don’t have the materials I need right now, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be able to get them in the future! And I will always be able to learn these new skills that I am seeing! I just need to remember to be patient and kind with myself, as we all should be with ourselves.

Manifest it

Today was self-care Sunday which mainly included being lazy around the house and playing with my cricut! I made a few small projects and I am so impressed with how easy this is to use! This is going to make Christmas so fun this year!

I am going to meet up with an old coworker/friend sometime soon so she can give me some old magazines so I can have some images for my vision board that I’d like to create! I want to start manifesting some greatness into my life, and what better way to start than getting a little crafty!

I want the board to have different themes in different parts of it such as a part for health/wellness and a part for wealth/financial goals, and I definitely want to include some inspirational mantras that I will constantly read. Some people swear they benefit from vision boards, and honestly it couldn’t hurt to try! Not to mention it’ll just be fun to create!

Below I’ll post the first project I made today, which is clearly not perfect, but please don’t judge and do as it says! LOL

Oh 2020…

This year has been a running joke for everyone. Nothing seems to be going right and the phrase “when it rains, it pours” is quite fitting as the theme of this year. We really all need to give ourselves a round of applause if we have made it this far.

After much debating and receiving a decent work bonus, I finally was able to purchase my Cricut Explore Air 2 Everything Bundle! Before that I paid off my credit card (again) and was feeling much more stable about finances and then… the furnace went out! Now my boyfriend and I have to drop $3500+ for a new furnace which of course isn’t ideal… but luckily for us he was just offered a promotion at work and he is receiving a pretty significant raise.

The past couple weeks at work have been hella stressful and overwhelming as the manager is training a bunch of new people so we are short-staffed at the front desk while she’s doing that. Not to mention we’re super busy so we’ve been falling so behind on scanning/prior authorizations etc. So in general I’ve been more on edge and irritable so when the furnace went out I was honestly quite livid. I just got angry and upset and I cried and it just felt like too much was going on.

After sitting and talking with my boyfriend about our options and getting a plan together, I am feeling much better and am just grateful that we have each other and that we’ve worked hard so we are able to do certain things when needed. We are We have to remember to count our blessings and try to focus on the good things. We have a roof over our heads, we are able to feed ourselves, we have clean running water… these are all wonderful things that are a privilege to have.

2020 has been quite a test on everyone, and it’s not over yet… but let’s try to take some good lessons out of this insane year. Your mindset is powerful, and even if you have to “fake it ‘til you make it,” it is important that we try to keep a positive mindset during these troublesome times. Our mind is powerful.