self love

Rest Day

It’s a gorgeous day outside, and I am currently sitting in my papasan chair with my cat laying on my torso. I went on a walk this morning which was very refreshing and peaceful. Once I got back home, my fiancé and I went on a scenic drive out to grab some lunch and we treated ourselves to the new summer berry lemonade refreshers from Starbucks.

I decided to read a little while he is playing VR and after a chapter with Mushu purring on me I was quickly falling into a nap. Today is a day to rest and really soak up the love around me. I am so grateful for this life, and I’m happy to be present in these beautiful moments.

I FINALLY SAW THE NORTHERN LIGHTS

One of my good friends messaged me yesterday reminding me to look out for the northern lights (bless her soul), so I had set an alarm for midnight to get up and go luck. Well my ass was too tired at that point and my fiancé hadn’t come to bed yet so I told myself that I’ll think about getting up when he comes to bed!

So at around 2:00am he strolls in ready for bed and I got out of my bed and went out to the balcony. I originally didn’t bring my phone out, so I was just staring at the sky when I can see moving lights and little flashes around the sky- it was so clear and beautiful! So of course I ran back to get my phone and decided to take some photos on night mode! I was so shooketh by the beauty I had captured and needed to share it here!

I am so grateful that I finally got to see this magical light show, and rumor has it I may be able to see it again tonight! We will see what happens, but either way I am so happy I got to see the northern lights finally!!

Freedom is Peace

What does freedom mean to you?

Freedom means feeling at ease physically, spiritually, and mentally. Freedom is not worrying about how situations will play out or how long it’ll take to reach your dreams, it’s trusting that all is happening for you and in the best timing that is possible. Freedom is waking up without your heart racing in a panic, but instead you have a deep feeling at peace and are ready to go with the flow of the day. Freedom is not giving a f*ck what other people think of you, because after years of healing and diving into the depths of your soul, you know exactly who you are and you know you can trust yourself. Freedom is peace.

2:22 on the clock

The angel number of “alignment” is on the clock as I start this, and today I am feeling it so much. I have been at my current job since the beginning of the year, so just over 4 months, and I have been enjoying it! I still do dental billing, just at a new office and I am so amazed at how great the doctors/owners are with being transparent and appreciative. I have been told multiple times that I am doing a great job and they’re so happy with me, and this is something I never heard from other employers other than that their required yearly reviews.

Well today the doctor who I work with the most pulled me into her office today and again gave me great feedback on how I’m doing, and then she proceeded to say: “We want to give you a $2 raise.” My jaw dropped. I literally felt myself getting emotional and my body felt so light but also weird. I thanked her and told her how much I appreciate her and the other doctors being so open and supportive, and I told her that I’ve never worked anywhere like this and how grateful I am to be there.

I am just feeling so supported and loved this year. I’m blessed that I always feel that from friends and family, but to finally also have a job where I feel appreciated is honestly incredible. I work full time 40 hours a week I am at this office, and for a lot of my life those 40 hours were at incredibly toxic work environments.

I worked in places where the boss would talk shit about other employees right to you, which only has you wondering what they say about you when you’re gone. I worked where you are constantly getting more and more work dumped on you, but no compensation to go with it. I’ve also worked places where you’re told to do something but once you do it they are mad and said they never told you to do that.

I think part of me always chose to stay in these chaotic workplaces because I was used to that type of environment in my childhood. Since I no longer had those issues in my home life, part of me would still seek out toxicity so I’d just find it in abusive work environments. In reality, I want peace in and all around me, and I’m finally at a place where I can allow peace and rest to be a priority. Now that I have a job where I am not constantly on eggshells, I finally feel free enough to speak up and discuss any concerns I have without fear of retaliation.

I feel so grateful for this job, and for this life. I feel even more grateful that I am able to be present to it all.

New Moon in Taurus: A Love Letter To Myself.

It’s been amazing to watch you grow into the woman you are today. A woman who is no longer afraid of her emotions. Once upon a time you wanted to completely rid herself of them, and with just a few months of Zoloft that goal was achieved. It didn’t take long for you to recognize how lost you were without them, without your powers.

The sensitivity you have to others and to the world around you is a gift when you learn how to use it, and it’s amazing to see you catching on. I see you allowing yourself to feel that childlike joy and also allowing yourself to feel the anger that you’ve been shoving away for too long. Far too long. See how the world has shifted now that you accept and embrace these feelings? No wonder you want to share this with the world.

You care so deeply for others, for humanity as a whole actually. You’ve seen and felt what pain and trauma does to one’s mental health and well being, which makes it easy to have empathy for those who are struggling. You know what it’s like to not be able to feel the true love and joys around you, and now that you can feel them, you want everyone else to be able to feel them too.

You used to let this empathy consume you; losing yourself in everyone else’s worries that they all endlessly dumped on you. You absorbed the anxieties they had and abandoned yourself for too long, completely losing track of what was yours and what wasn’t. You did all of this while trying to keep up a perfect appearance to literally everyone around you- never releasing your own problems or feelings, because they all had enough to worry about.

You always felt like a burden, which is why you made sure to always put everyone else’s happiness before your own. If other people were happy, then there was less likely to be any conflict, thus giving a feeling of safety. You were in survival mode for most of your childhood and early 20s, and I am proud of the transformation you have made through your healing journey.

You allow yourself to rest without shaming yourself about it; instead you now realize it is necessary to recharge your own battery. You are present in your life, making new memories and taking time to enjoy the time with loved ones. You no longer talk about yourself negatively, but instead with the same empathy and grace you’ve always given to others. You have recognized the importance of speaking up and being authentic, and you openly and kindly share your thoughts and opinions with those who you’re close to. You prioritize spending your time and energy with the right people, and you aren’t afraid to say “no.”

You have grown so much throughout the years, and I am so proud of who you are. You deserve peace and love, and you have it all around you and within you. You are a magical woman with a strong intuition, and you’re a magnet for miracles. I love you so much, and I’m so happy to finally be here with you in this beautiful and crazy world. I am here. I am home.

Magic

It’s crazy how connected people become the longer you spend time together. Last night, my fiancé and I were sharing a long embrace when tears started forming in my eyes. I felt so safe and happy, and I couldn’t help but think of our wedding day being a few months away and how amazing it will be to marry my best friend.

As he started to pull away from the hug I held on a little longer and told him that I got emotional. He’s like “what are you thinking? talk to me.” And I am smiling so big as the years literally just fall out of my eyes and I said “I’m just thinking about our wedding and I’m just so happy.” He looked at me and asked: “is it weird that I was thinking the same thing? I was imagining how our wedding kiss is going to end up turning into a long embrace like this and how you’ll be crying and I’ll just be holding you.”

We were both envisioning the same thing, the same moment. I’ve been feeling divinely supported throughout this wedding planning process, and this was just another confirmation of our love and how this is our time. I am so thankful to have him in my life, and to have support from all around us. 🥰

Prompt:

Do you have a quote you live your life by or think of often?

There is a quote I read for the first time a couple years ago that I still often think of; I even have an image of it as a widget on my phone so I can see it every day. I am still unable to find who said this quote, but is as follows:

“You will inspire some, and trigger others. Both are medicine.”

As a recovering people pleaser, this quote almost felt like it gave me permission to just be. I always knew the whole “you can’t please everyone,” quote, but this one hit my soul in a different way.

Free Writing, Free Thoughts. 4-28-24

I am proud of myself for being able to speak about my opinions while still having empathy, and I have had this ability all along. I’ve kept quiet, keeping my true thoughts to myself in times where it was actually appropriate to share them all in fear of hurting another person. Having a different opinion or thought may be offensive or triggering for some, but that is not to be feared, that is to be expected and even celebrated.

If you think about it, now you have an opportunity to learn about this new perspective that has you bothered- meaning now you can learn where this belief may stem from. If you are very set in your belief and opinion, now you get to move forward with these relationships knowing how the other person feels and you get to decide if that is something you can deal with. If I completely disagree with someone’s morals or learn something that changes my view of them, I am allowed to express my concern and/or distance myself. Just as they are allowed to do the same once they know my opinion as well!

It is not a loss when someone leaves after you are open and authentic; instead you now have more room for the real connections that you’re going to make in your life. The authentic and genuine connections only come from you being authentic and genuine. Whatever it is you’re seeking, make sure you’re embodying that in your own life. You are not required to share everything with everyone, and the more you’re open to having conversations, the more you learn to practice discernment. Not everyone is entitled to know every detail of your life, you do not need to share anything that you don’t want to.

The more time you spend with yourself, the more you learn about yourself- but the more you spend connecting with others, the more you learn from others and gain new perspectives. Balance is important. Being in tune with your gut is important. Be still, be brave, and be authentic.

Full Moon Reflection

As the full moon is upon us, I release the lingering feelings of self doubt and fear that hold me back from being the best version of myself.

I release limiting beliefs that keep me small and quiet, and instead I allow myself to express my thoughts and feelings without shame or guilt.

I release resentment and bitterness that is trapped within my muscles, letting go of any tension that was never mind to hold.

I know who I am, and I know that no one has power over me, such as I have no power over anyone else. I can only control my mindset and my reactions, and I release any urges to fix or predict other people’s behavior.

I love deeply. I feel deeply. I think deeply. I don’t wish to have surface level friendships or really surface level anything. To create authentic connections, I must be authentically connected to myself. I am embracing this journey of self love and healing, and within this I must let go of what is keeping me from processing.

Universe, Angels, and Guides of the highest truth and love, please allow me to let go of what no longer serves me, to make room for the abundance and blessings that are heading my way. Allow me to see, hear, and feel the truth that I need to experience to elevate me to my highest potential. Allow me to be a vessel for love, for creativity, and for the goodness of the world. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Universe, Angels, and Guides of the highest truth and love, please allow the world to open their eyes to peace and love, rather than chaos and evil. Allow the truth to be accepted and all of the people in the world to be free. Allow healing energy and light to flow over all those in pain, and bring food to the hungry and water to the thirsty. This world has so much love within it, please allow it to outshine over the darkness. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

A Surprising Gift

I have been feeling very present and grateful lately, and I’m truly working on soaking it all in. I feel like everything is working in divine timing, and I am being blessed randomly by the universe around me. Just this past week I had something amazing happen!

My fiancé and I are planning to have a “Til Death Do Us Party” a couple weeks after our small destination wedding, and we had a plan to have a cute vintage phone record messages and use that as our guest book. There are companies that rent these phones, and there are also phones you can purchase that have this purpose and ability already built in, but my fiancé wanted to try to build one himself.

He is into computers/programming, and he figured he could buy an old phone and a raspberry pi computer to make the phone into our audio guestbook. We placed an order for a cute, black vintage phone and the raspberry pi, but when we opened the box, we were shocked at what came.

Inside the amazon box that literally was labeled “black vintage office phone” and was a cream colored vintage phone, with a center button that said “record your memory.” This was the exact thing that he was planning to make. He looks at his receipt and sees we definitely did not order this phone, in fact, the one we ordered was $40 and did not have this technology. I start looking up this phone we received and it is a $135 phone!

As much as I wanted a black phone, I couldn’t help but be excited about this random accident that happened! I feel like this phone was meant for us and I am just going with the flow of it all. Whether it’s my angels and guides or the universe at large, I am feeling very connected and protected at this point. I am so lucky and blessed to be living here in the present, and I don’t want to ever take this for granted.