Happy Easter to all who celebrate! I am not religious at this point in my life, nor do I have children to hide eggs from or to make baskets for, so this year is very low-key, yet still enjoyable! I won’t lie though, this morning was a rough one for me, but I am definitely proud of myself for not letting it ruin the entire day like I would have in the past.
This morning I woke up at 2am to terrible nausea and cramping- to my not-so-surprise, lovely mother nature was here to pay me a visit. I dealt with that and curled up with my heating pad for a while before shifting it to my lower back, and I fell back asleep.
When I got back up around 8:30-9ish I decided I wanted to take a shower. I got a haircut yesterday and the stylist put a lot of product in my hair to keep my curls looking nice, but it felt like a lot of residue was just sitting on my hair so I was ready to rinse it all out. I brushed out my curls and went to start my shower, and when I turned the nozzle nothing happened.
I messed with it a couple more times and then told my boyfriend that it was not working. Of course my anxiety decides to set in, and coupled with my hormones I already felt myself starting to get worked up. Luckily my boyfriend just grabbed a screw driver and was able to fix it; we were able to turn it on and off with no issues!
I quickly got into the shower and washed all the build-up out of my hair and then scrubbed it all off my body; I felt so clean and refreshed running my fingers through my clean, healthy hair. Once the water was all running clear and I was rinsed off I went to turn off the shower and the water wouldn’t shut off.
Now I feel the spike of anxiety in my chest again and I yell to my boyfriend “babe! now the water won’t turn off!” I quickly get out and have him go in and once again, he was able to fix it. We discovered that part of the plastic nozzle had broken on the inside, which is why we were having so much trouble. He removed that and used pliers to shut off the water, and we added a new shower nozzle to our Walmart list for today.
After I got dressed I decided to do a Dunkin’ run for us as I really wanted some iced coffee, and honestly I was using it as a pick me up for the shitty morning I was having. I left and got our coffees, and while I’m driving home I go to sip my iced coffee and all of a sudden I just feel liquid start spilling down my chest, shirt and pants- iced coffee was dripping from the lid all onto my new tank top.
I was driving so I wasn’t trying to get into an accident or make things worse than they were, so I kept driving home and when I was able to stop at a stop sign I grabbed napkins from my glove compartment and began go wipe the coffee off of me. I got home and when I got inside I set the coffees on the floor so I could get situation to go upstairs, and of course I then knocked over my iced coffee and spilled some onto the floor.
At this point I felt myself having psychical symptoms of anger; when I used to get panic attacks they often made me feel like I just needed to scratch myself or stretch or shake; it’s hard to deceive but it’s likely I could feel the rage/anxiety rushing threw all of my veins and pores, just bringing me to a boiling point. I felt this happening and decided to take a couple deep breaths.
With my head feeling a bit more clear, I went upstairs to get paper towels, went back down to clean up my mess, and proceeded to bring our coffees upstairs. I walked into our room and set our coffees down and said “the universe is testing me today,” and began to remove my coffee stained tank top. I changed into another shirt and plopped my body back on the bed and proceeded to just let the tears well up and stream down my cheeks.
I started talking to myself in my head- asking why I was so upset, and reminding myself that I am okay. I still had coffee, I still have other clothes that are not stained with coffee, my shower is fixable, and there is still so much left in the day where this doesn’t have to be a bad day. After a lot of discussion within myself and deep breaths, I finally stopped crying and sat up and decided to take on the rest of the day.
In the past, I would have let these string of events ruin my entire day and I would have spent so much time feeling bad and guilty about it. Instead, I took time to acknowledge how I was feeling and reminded myself of what I should be grateful for and got back up and ready to go! My boyfriend and I had a good rest of the day! We went to Walmart to get stuff that we needed, and I did a dread detox and re-twist for him! Overall it was a pretty good Easter!