mindfulness

From My Instagram:

took this pic the other day🌙

I always admire how the moon is so beautiful in every single phase, and I do my best to love myself the same way. sometimes I like to isolate myself from the world and hide in the dark, and sometimes I like to shine my light and be loud, but most the time I’m in the middle just finding balance between the two.

I also get excited about angel numbers, mainly because it’s a reminder that I am being present. for a long time I was always overthinking about the future and was worried about being nine steps ahead as an attempt to be “prepared” and to “relieve my anxiety,” but in reality, I was feeding it. you cannot plan the future, no matter how hard you try. things happen unexpectedly, and it’s important that we are not attached to these future plans we have, as that only leads to disappointment and frustration.

putting trust in the timing of the universe and recognizing that you can navigate through any obstacle brings such a sense of empowerment and peace. there’s so much beauty in the here and now, and I never want to take that for granted 🤍✨

Feelings are Friends.

Although the energy has felt heavy lately, I still am so grateful for all of the positive things going on around me and in my life. I have felt a bit depleted the past couple of weeks, and even though I was still enjoying the highlights, I definitely felt that need for rest. Lately when I am getting my rest, I have been having some vivid dreams, all seem to be in relation to conflict and arguments surrounding friendships/relationships which is very interesting to me. I am paying attention to the messages and just reflecting on what they can mean and what they mean in my current life. As I drop my people-pleasing behaviors and speak my mind, I know conflict is bound to arise, and this time around I am looking at anger differently.

I always had a negative view towards the emotion of “anger,” likely due to growing up in a home where rage seemed to be a common theme. Looking back, I think what was hardest for my brain was the fact that I was not allowed to have these strong emotions such as anger or sadness, and when I did I felt shamed or misunderstood. As an adult, I can now understand it is because both of my parents also were unable to handle their own big emotions, so how would they know how to deal with mine? At twenty-seven I feel like I am finally learning that these big emotions are actually a necessity for life and can even be tools in the healing process, and what I have recently discovered is that anger is actually a friend.

I was on Instagram and while I was scrolling through the self-improvement and mental health posts that fill my feed (so grateful that I fixed my algorithm to be all good news and self-love posts) I stumbled upon a post about anger by an incredible author named Brianna Wiest. In her post she wrote: “It is healthy to be angry, as anger can show us important aspects of who we are and what we care about. Instead of being afraid of anger, we can see it as an influx of energy attempting to help us see our limits, priorities and values more clearly. We can use it to help make big, important changes for ourselves and the world around us.” I shortened up the quote a bit, but this post blew my mind! I had never looked at anger in such a light where I actually was intrigued and excited about it!

I always remember feeling so shameful and upset when I had angry feelings, so I’d do my best to suppress them. Of course the anger would always slip out in some way or another, whether it was a sarcastic comment or a full blown hissy fit over something small-which this of course only made me hate that emotion even more. Anger usually turned into some sort of sadness/depression over the fact that I was an angry person or I was “just like my dad,” which I was desperately trying to avoid, but me shoving away those emotions away only made it easier for them to bubble up and boil over, resulting in exactly what I was trying to avoid. As I grew up, I continued on a path of people-pleasing to avoid conflict in order to avoid any of my own anger coming up, but that has had negative impacts on my mental health and overall growth.

As I am working through my healing journey, I am finding it easier to communicate how I am feeling with good friends and family. Instead of censoring my feelings, now I am getting in the habit of checking in with myself and trying to dig deeper into the reason I am feeling that emotion. Anger can show you what you are passionate about. Sadness can teach you the power of love. Happiness can guide you towards your purpose. Everything we feel can be used as a tool in growing and healing. I remember how I felt when I went on an anxiety medication that seemed to take away all of my emotions- I hated. I asked my doctor to come off of them after only a few months, and she told me I needed to stay on them for a year. Knowing that I needed my emotions and how I completely lost my sense of self, I stopped taking them anyways and never saw that doctor again. I’ve known for years that I needed to feel my emotions, so it’s time to stop avoiding them and keep reminding them that they are my friends.

Post from Brianna West on Instagram

Grateful Sundays

For some reason it feels like I haven’t typed up a blog post in a while. That could be the fact that I will often write these posts on my phone, but there is something more satisfying about typing it on my laptop, listening to Anderson .Paak Radio, while sipping on some iced coffee. This year when it starts to get warmer, I want to make time to go to different coffee shops or bookstores so I can have new places to write and maybe spark some more creativity. I absolutely love being home, but I want to make sure I don’t become a total homebody because I also love being outside and exploring new environments.

Yesterday I was thinking about what goals I am currently working on. I had listened to an episode from the Mel Robbins Podcast a few weeks back that talked about narrowing down your goals. She even has a free worksheet available on her site to use (I need to invest in a printer so I can start printing these resources out); although I haven’t even looked at this sheet yet, I did remember that she said to only have one to three goals at a time. The less goals, the more time and effort you have to actually spend on working toward that goal. Overall I have been on a healing journey and been focusing on that, but I wanted to actually list out three goals that I am currently working towards so that I can come back to them and re-focus when I inevitably fall out of it.

My first goal I am working on is being more present. I know I have mentioned this in previous posts, but within the last year it really hit me that I have spent most of my life on autopilot and in a hypervigilant state. According to WebMD, Hypervigilance is defined as: “the elevated state of constantly assessing potential threats around you,” and states that it is often the result of a trauma. Growing up in an unpredictable environment (for me, having alcoholic parents, one of which was an angry drunk), has left my nervous system in a continuous state of dysregulation. Since I spent most of my life planning ahead, coming up with worst-case scenarios so I could be prepared for whatever happened (which btw, is just a lie my anxiety told me), I never was actually in the present moment. I may have been physically there, but mentally I was always elsewhere. I can look back at photos and not even remember that day, which honestly broke my heart when I started realizing how few memories I had. Now I am making a more conscious effort to check in with myself throughout the day so that it becomes more second nature for me to do so. I also decided to start a 2023 memory jar, and whenever I have a fun experience or something brings me joy, I write it on a little piece of paper and fold it up and throw it in the jar! That way at the end of the year, I can remind myself how amazing the year was, and hopefully continue this tradition.

Another important goal of mine is to always find the joy in things, and actively do things that bring me happiness. Now this doesn’t need to be extravagant things like traveling to Caribbean or going on shopping sprees-although those things definitely do bring me joy, but I want to focus on the simple things in life. As I’ve stated multiple times throughout this blog, I absolutely love nature walks and being outside. In the winter I unfortunately let my hatred of the cold win most battles, but I am finding other things that bring me joy within my own home. I love writing, even though I may not always feel like writing, once I start I realize how much I needed it and how great I feel afterwards. I also enjoy reading, listening to podcasts, and of course singing and dancing along to some good jams. I also go in and out of phases of enjoying crafting, which I honestly haven’t done in a while, but I did think about starting to make some crafts again that have to do with mental health and healing! I also still want to start a podcast or at least start streaming again on Twitch, because I honestly love talking and can literally talk to myself for hours, so maybe others will want to listen. I have had multiple friends say we should start a podcast together, so I have thought of just starting one and bringing everyone one as guests. That will require more thought and planning, but either way I will be sure to find the joy in all of it!

The last, but certainly not least, goal of mine that I am focusing on my health, which includes my mental health. I want to consistently work on regulating my nervous system with exercise, meditation and journaling. I also want to be more mindful about my food choices and work on eating/drinking less sugar. I am not a person who does well with diets, as I get very obsessive with calorie/carb counting and it becomes unhealthy, so I am just focusing on being mindful in my day to day choices. I also feel that part of focusing on my health includes not holding onto anger or bitterness, so I am actively working on speaking up when things bother me, and also sharing my opinions even if they differ from others. Constantly muting myself in conversations is only depleting my self-worth and building up resentment; I know that everyone has differing opinions and sometimes I may come off offensive, but as long as my intentions are pure and all with love, then I will continue to be okay with myself and with the outcome. As I said before, I love talking…so I am done silencing myself.

As January comes to a slow close, I am looking forward to working towards my goals this year and continuing to check in with myself. I know that life with bring challenges and hiccups as it always does, but as I continue to regulate my nervous system and focus on my mental health, I will become more emotionally mature and more confident in myself along the way. I have made it through all of my worst days, and I am stronger because of it. I am excited to finally see myself in a different, more accepting light; I appreciate my resilience and the empathy I have for myself along the way. In my opinion, love is always going to be the answer; I am choosing to give my inner child the love she deserves, therefore giving my present self that same love.

New Moon, New Intentions

This month I want to focus on my health and mental health. With the holidays approaching, I also want to focus on love and joy, and do the little things that make me happy. I want to live slowly and enjoy each of life’s precious moments- I want to be fully present.

Things I can practice to help me:

-Meditation

-Journaling

-Social media break

-Continue going to the chiropractor

-Go to the gym more frequently

-Reading

This month’s Mantra for me: I release and let go of what I cannot control, and I focus on the beauty around me.

What are you intentions this month?

Giving Grace

I did so well about starting my morning routine on Monday, but I haven’t been getting to bed early enough and that made it harder yesterday and today. Today I am up earlier than I was yesterday and I am here writing in my blog, so I count that as a victory!

Normally I am super hard on myself, but I am actively working on trying to give myself more grace and be the friend to me that I am to others. I have no problem reminding friends that we’re all human and it’s okay to deviate from plans or make mistakes, as long as we learn and grow, so why wouldn’t I deserve that same treatment?

Do I wish I would have stayed more consistent this week? Of course! But does that mean I should give up completely and call it a failure? Absolutely not! All I can try to do is be better than I was yesterday, and remind myself that I am doing this as a benefit to myself.

The goal tonight is to be off my phone by 9pm and asleep by 10pm, that way I can get my eight hours of sleep; this will make it easier for me to get up in the morning. I was normally in bed around 10pm for a while, but I think having Covid and sleeping all throughout the day kinda messed the schedule up.

A lot is going on around me lately that could be stress inducing, but I am doing my best to remember that I can only control my mindset and my reactions. Everything happens for a reason, and when things don’t work out, it’s usually because something better is on the horizon! All will happen as it should.

Thursday Thoughts

Yesterday was a wonderful day off, and I know I’m going to love having this schedule! I felt like I got so much done yesterday, and still had so much time to do the stuff I enjoy! I listened to a couple podcasts and even went to the pool with a friend! Overall it was a great day and I’m ready to crank out these next two days and get to the weekend!

Summertime always makes me feel so much happier and more motivated, I absolutely love the warmth and sunshine. Just being able to stand on the balcony and feel the heat of the suns rays beaming onto my skin is enough to make the whole day better! I’m praying next week is nice instead of the current rain their predicting, but we will see what happens when we get there!

Happy Friday Eve!

Self Care Sunday

Today felt like a very productive day, which always makes me feel very happy and accomplished. I love having days like this, and I know I only have many more to come if I keep working hard on focusing on the positives in every situation.

Grocery shopping is normally something I complain about, but I knew it was a task I had to complete today. I reminded myself that it is important to look at the situation with gratitude; I am thankful that I can afford to grocery shop for my home, and I am thankful that there are so many different food options to choose from! I felt a lot better getting ready to go to the grocery store than I normally would have, and I truly believe that is because I took that time to acknowledge the fact that grocery shopping is a blessing, and a privilege that I am lucky to have.

Something else that was a blessing today was I randomly got a notification on my phone that my aunt from out of town sent me money on venmo! The memo said: “Gas, groceries, meal out, whatever you want. :)” I was honestly taken aback, but immediately was so grateful and I sent her a message thanking her for this sweet gift. I put it right in our account to go towards groceries, and I’m currently making steaks in the air fryer for us! It’s truly incredible how it seems that when you pay attention to your blessings, that more seem to show up!

I may not have gone to the gym today or cleaned out my closet, but I did other productive things and I am happy for myself! I read some of my book (The Power is Within You- Louise Hay) out on my balcony, I listened to a Phil in the Blanks podcast, and I treated myself to an iced coffee! I keep reading posts and listening to podcasts about focusing on one thing at a time, and truly looking at life day by day instead of stressing about the “end goals,” and it’s truly has changed my perspective. For example, if I have the thought that I should go to the gym, but I truly don’t feel like going, I will at least take a few minutes to stretch or do a small workout with some dumbbells at home.

My past, perfectionist self wouldn’t have even done that because if I’m not going all in it’s not worth it, but that’s not true! If I would have done what I’m doing now each time that I didn’t go, I’d likely be a lot stronger/more toned now than I am! Instead of getting down on myself about that, I’m just making more conscious efforts and decisions moving forward; taking it day by day makes life feel a lot easier.

What did you do for yourself today? If nothing yet, please take some time for yourself! It doesn’t have to be something major, simply washing your face, reading a chapter of a book, or lighting your favorite candle can be an act of self care! You deserve time for yourself; remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup!

Affirmations.

I have a lovely weekend, although I missed my blog post. Today I’m going to do a little something for me- feel free to join along with some affirmations for yourself! Happy Monday!

_____________________________________________

My mind is a peaceful place; I enjoy the time I spend in my head.

I attract what is meant for me, and I release what is not for me.

Good news and positivity flows to me abundantly.

I am deserving of inner peace.

I release all negative energy to make room for positive vibrations.

My circle is filled with positive, motivating people who love me for me.

I do not worry about what I cannot control.

It is what it is, and should be. ♡