MonDay Dreaming

A few weeks ago I decided to switch my weekly posts to Mondays instead of Sundays, because I noticed on Mondays that I would typically get more traction, but to be honest it has kind of thrown me off! I am likely going to go back to Sundays, but I also keep saying that I’m going to write more, and I haven’t been; but I have a reason for that.

I’ve been trying to spend more time reading books; my main focus has been “self-help” books, which has honestly been so inspiring to me. I am loving reading work from today different authors and finding new perspectives and ways to basically re-frame your mindset in a more positive way. I know that if I read about more topics, I’ll only have more ideas to write about! In which case, I will begin to write more.

In reality, I’d love to write a book one day, and honestly I intend to do so. I always have told my boyfriend that we should write a book on relationships, and although I’d still love to do that one day, I think I’d like to write a self-help book one day. Not only that, but I’ve also always enjoyed poetry and would love to maybe even do some sort of positive self-help poetry book! I hope that as I continue on my self-care journey, I’ll find more and more ways that we can help ourselves and portray such ideas within my writings.

I’ve been trying to dedicate my free time to reading, listening to self-help/inspirational podcasts, and also I’ve been working out! I’ve been going to the gym a few days a week, and I’ve been going on walks whenever it’s nice out! It’s nice actually dedicating time for myself that is beneficial to future me!

I’m off to the park to go on a walk so I can soak up some of this sunshine before it’s gone! Make sure to take time to yourself today, even if it’s just a couple minutes!

Growing

As I am growing, I am learning that I need to stop muting myself. What I mean by that is I often won’t say what I’m feeling in fear of hurting others, but in reality I know my intention behind my thoughts and I’m never trying to be malicious at all. People even often tell me how nice I am and how I’m great at talking to people, but I don’t always feel that way with the people closest to me.

I just saw this post that said “Let’s normalize asking questions for clarity, instead of moving based on the story you’ve created in your mind, which may not be true;” I feel like I want that from my friends, but how I can expect that when I don’t do it! I want to start vocalizing when I have questions or thoughts that come up, so that I don’t sit with them and ruin my own inner peace or growth.

For example, one of my good friends recently reached out and asked if she could express something without causing problems/drama, and of course I said yes. The conversation went well and we are good, but now I am the one who is wanting to express my feelings about it and I feel like a scared little kid who is avoiding confrontation.

I know that my feelings are valid and I also know I can express my thoughts without being an asshole, but at the same time I never know how people will react and that is what gives me the anxiety. I would hate to unintentionally make someone upset, but at the same time, I can’t make myself upset by holding in all these feelings/thoughts.

My boyfriend has always been very direct and he’s still very polite and easy to talk to- and I don’t just mean with me, I mean with all our friends and family as well. He always asks questions when he wants clarification because he knows he’s not trying to hurt anyone, he’s just trying to understand; and that’s my goal as well! Talking to him definitely helps, but if anyone else has any tips or tricks, please feel free to comment!

Bird Set Free

Today I did something I never have, and I posted a short video of me singing on instagram. No music/instrumentals, just my voice, and I don’t feel insecure about it! I realized how I normally would feel weird or embarrassed, but I really don’t care if people hate it or think I’m awful, because I had fun!

It definitely is nice to have friend and some strangers comment and tell me that they think I sound good, but at the same time, it really doesn’t even matter! It’s more so nice to actually just feel good about myself and feel confident without feeling that need for validation.

Having the sun out this Monday has me feeling happy and motivated; I hope everyone reading is able to find something happy about today!

Thursday Thoughts

With the new moon yesterday, I’ve been thinking about new intentions, and I really want to work on non-judgment. I am a very observant person, but this also makes me very judgmental. I find myself judging others for their “bad choices,” when in reality I don’t know what is a “good” or “bad” choice for that person; it just is what it is.

It’s basically like how I am rewiring my angry/negative thoughts to being thankful, I am going to actively start doing that when I find myself being judgmental. I have read about practicing non-judgment before, and I truly wish to master this skill. I know it will take time, and I’ll never be “perfect,” but I feel like a “bad” person when I’m judging others and I don’t like that feeling.

When I find myself being judgmental, I will instead start thinking about why I am grateful for that person or think of a positive way to look at them. I will also remind myself that “it is what it is, and should be,” because everything truly does happen for a reason. Does anyone else have any tips/tricks for this?

Affirmations.

I have a lovely weekend, although I missed my blog post. Today I’m going to do a little something for me- feel free to join along with some affirmations for yourself! Happy Monday!

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My mind is a peaceful place; I enjoy the time I spend in my head.

I attract what is meant for me, and I release what is not for me.

Good news and positivity flows to me abundantly.

I am deserving of inner peace.

I release all negative energy to make room for positive vibrations.

My circle is filled with positive, motivating people who love me for me.

I do not worry about what I cannot control.

It is what it is, and should be. ♡

Relief.

I let my friend know that I was struggling to hear about her friends death, and honestly the conversion went so well it almost left me feeling angry with myself; instead I reminded myself that I am still growing and I can take this as a lesson and move forward. I found myself hesitating to put myself first out of fear of coming off like a selfish asshole, when in reality that’s the exact opposite of what I am trying to do.

It’s okay to be overwhelmed and it’s okay if certain things are triggering; what’s not okay is expecting people to understand when you haven’t communicated with them. I was avoiding an important conversation out of fear of confrontation, but having the conversation felt like a huge weight was lifted off of me. And now I can also take time to heal and see what boundaries work for me.

I ordered a couple more books off amazon today. After reading “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success,” I feel the need to dive more into learning about being aware and present, as well as the law of attraction. I have always believed in and been interested in Karma, but I never focused so much on what I was giving to the universe each day. I am excited to go on this inward, spiritual journey and learn more about myself.

Yesterday was the first time in several months, if not a year, that I had inspiration to write a poem. I sat down and wrote the first two lines that I had sitting in my head, and the rest just seemed to pour right out of me. Although it’s probably not my best work (I’ll have to go back and re-read it), I am just happy that I had that sudden feeling to write!

I’m excited for the week ahead, and excited to see my best friend this upcoming weekend for us to finally celebrate our Christmas together LOL. I hope everyone has a great week!

Appreciate.

I always make sure that the ones closest to me are appreciated. My boyfriend is the person who does the most for me, and I tell him every day how much I appreciate him and make sure he feels loved. We’ve been together since we were 16, and I’m 26 now. We always make sure we are supporting one another and caring for one another. I am grateful everyday that I have him in my life, and I make him a top priority as this benefits both of us in our life together.

As we grow older, we tend to grow away from people. I see myself growing away from friendships; I am seeing which friendships are healthy and which ones aren’t. I go through a battle in my head where I debate bringing up my observations to friends in fear of offending them, but at the same time, I feel like a bad friend if I am observing a friend display some unhealthy behaviors and I never bring it to their attention.

I also know I am not a doctor or expert on mental health, but there are truly some things that are just obvious. People also love to share their lives on the internet so more people can observe these behaviors. I honestly truly feel that everyone can benefit from therapy, and especially when you have a known mental illness and/or diagnosis. I mean, why wouldn’t you want to work on yourself so you can have a better life for yourself?

As I’ve stated in previous posts, I understand that therapy isn’t something everyone can afford, but there are things we can do on our own that can help make our daily lives better. One of those things is practicing gratitude: focus on what you have and appreciate your blessings! You tend to forget how good you have it when you don’t take the time to acknowledge and appreciate.

Another good way to take care of yourself is to take social media breaks; I saw that Lush Cosmetics recently deleted all social media platforms in lieu of information that came out about how terrible instagram is for young teens’ mental health. The constant comparing yourself to others, seeing how others are “better” or “prettier” is a sure way to feel unsatisfied in your current life.

I am glad that I have been able to go to therapy and learn to practice better habits in my life. I am so blessed to have a wonderful man in my life, supportive friends/family, and my three beautiful kitties! My boyfriend and I are blessed to have good jobs, a spacious townhome, and reliable cars that we enjoy. Of course we all have struggles and tough times that come about, but it’s so important to count your blessings whenever you can.

Back and Better!

We’re so happy to be home after our short little getaway! My boyfriend and I had 3-night-stay in Myrtle Beach over the past weekend, and it was quite a relaxing time! I was happy to have a balcony with an ocean view; being able to listen to the waves whenever I wanted was a wonderful pastime.

Honestly, at one point while just sitting in solitude on the deck, I began to tear up; I always feel so at peace when I’m near the water. It is a goal of mine to one day live near the ocean, or at least a large body of water in which I could paddle board or kayak. I don’t know…it’s just something about being on the water that gives me a feeling of serenity.

Although we somehow brought our cold, windy weather with us to North Carolina, we still very much enjoyed our time together. It was fun checking out local restaurants and just chilling in the hotel hot tub outside. I will say, the couples massage with the jacuzzi sea salt soak was definitely the highlight of the trip! The Swedish massage was much needed, but wow did it hurt at certain points!

It was nice to get away for the weekend to celebrate my boyfriend’s 27th birthday together and just disconnect for a while. This trip made me want to travel more, but honestly even just finding small towns and places in my state within a few hours driving distance sounds fun and within budget! Of course now it’s getting colder out and winter is right around the corner, but I can start my research on areas to check out! Not to mention, find some local holiday events!

We got back home yesterday, and today was overall a productive day. I grocery shopped, donated some clothes to Goodwill, and got some services done for my car! I’m also excited to continue the gym routine and set some fitness goals! Well, it is back to work for me tomorrow morning; I hope everyone is having a great week so far and has a great week ahead!

Rough days

Although my boyfriend and I had a wonderful anniversary on Saturday, I had a rough mental day yesterday and it feels like it’s on today as well. I’m just extra emotional and sensitive- I feel like I’m getting easily overwhelmed by things that haven’t been overwhelming me.

Yesterday we needed to find some clothes for my cousin’s wedding this upcoming weekend, and after going to five different stores and finding absolutely nothing I felt pretty defeated. I know it’s not a huge deal, but I hate having to do things during the week and I also hate when I can’t complete a task so it triggered some anxious feelings. I also had gone all day thinking my period was finally over, but turns out that my body was teasing me (which also likely explains the anxiety/emotions).

In the evening yesterday I went to make Ramen (because I was too distraught to grocery shop, another fail that was eating at me), and I over-cooked the noodles. Again, not a huge deal, but to me it was. I cried. I just felt like literally anything I needed to do, was not able to get done. I felt like I was non-stop failing everything and then failing emotionally for letting these “small things” get to me.

The entire day, my boyfriend was reminding me that these things weren’t detrimental, and that was still have solutions for the issues. I felt like I apologized to him about 250 times and every time he would tell me that there was nothing to be sorry about. I apologized for being emotional and crazy, and he just said “you aren’t as bad as you think you are.”

That statement there made me start wondering at what point in my life I developed such a strong hatred toward myself and my mental state. I have empathy for all my friends/family who have mental issues, and I would never even think about speaking to them the way I do to myself; I don’t even feel like I need to! Why do I feel the need to be mad at myself? That’s something I want to dig into a bit more, I can’t see my therapist for a couple of months as my insurance lapsed and she’s hella booked out, but in the meantime I can do my own work. I’m worth working on.

Happy Sunday.

Today I woke up and made breakfast for myself and my boyfriend, and we enjoyed a calm morning together. I spent most of the rest of the day crafting, preparing for my first small shop drop on September 10th! Since not too many people I know follow my blog on here, I want to share a little sneak peak of the drop items on here!

I want to do a relatively small drop for my first one, as I have no clue if people will be interested/participating on this one, and I already have 17 items available for purchase! I am excited about everything I’ve made, and I’m feeling a lot more creative and confident about my crafting!

I’ve been feeling a lot better about my decision when it comes to work, and I am excited to start my new job in a couple of weeks! The goal is to get into a new routine with my job, workout out, crafting, and reading. I want to make sure that I am progressing in life and moving toward my goals, I deserve that for myself.

I am excited for the week ahead, as I feel only good things coming up. I hope that is the same for all of you as well!