Sunny Sunday!

It’s such a beautiful day outside, yet I’ve been inside most of the day organizing and cleaning the house. Honestly it feels great, and I still have time to go on a walk as it’s only 2:30pm. I also did some crafting today; I made a couple of canvases for my living room.

I’ve been feeling like getting off of social media again. I got back on Facebook for my small business and I am back to scrolling a lot. Today I logged out so that when I pull up the app I can stop and decide if I am going on there for business or not and just get back off. Twitter is where I spend a lot of time and truly it’s kind of a hellhole, but the astrology people on there are interesting to me LOL! I like reading that stuff even if some people don’t think it’s real, I truly think it just helps with self-reflection and being aware.

I still haven’t made a decision about work, which I guess means I may be staying where I am? To be fair, my current job told me they had to talk to some people and I wouldn’t hear much until next week. Part of me still is hesitant to stay because of the drive and I don’t want to be wasting all of my time, but also the insurance is much more affordable at this job. It’s just stressful to think about, and my boyfriend’s HR won’t get back to him on if we need to be married or need a civil union or whatever. I’m honestly not really focusing on that right now, I’m trying to get the house clean and start preparing for my first crafting “drop!”

I’ve been really proud of myself for how I’ve been managing all of this stress while also no longer being on anxiety medication! It’s been over 6 weeks now, and I am honestly feeling really good! I feel my emotions again, but I also feel like I am 100% gaining more control over them. I’ve been focusing more on gratitude which is helping me to get through the negative situations. It is a lot of practice and it’s hard, but creating healthy habits is important, and I want to do this for myself.

I also am going to be more mindful about how I eat and how active I am, as I want to be healthy. I want to starting trying to have children within the next couple years, and I want to make sure that I am active and get into healthy habits so that I can continue them postpartum, and teach them to my children as well. What I choose to do today affects my future self, and I need to be mindful of that

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Feeling blessed.

I had such a wonderful birthday weekend with great people! From drinking in a sunflower field, to finishing my tattoo, back to drinking (but on an island in the lake), it was full of adventure and laughter. If this is any indicator of how 26 will be for me, I am excited!

One shitty part of the weekend is that our AC went out on Thursday, so it’s been a tad warm in the house. I will say we got lucky with the timing because it has been in the mid-to-high 70s this weekend, rather than the 90 degree heat we had a couple weeks ago, so with that we are blessed. And if you remember from when the furnace went out, my boyfriend’s cousin owns an HVAC company so he will be coming out to take a look at it this week.

I’ve been working hard redirecting my negative thoughts to remembering things that I’m grateful for, and I can already tell the difference in how I am responding to situations that usually send me into an irritable anxious state. I’m trying to practice this often so that it becomes a habit, because healthy habits are essential for progress and growth.

I explained to my therapist how I’ve been practicing gratitude and she was very proud of me, especially being off of my medication for nearly a month now. I’ve been taking the vitamin supplements she recommended which I’m sure are also helping, and I’ve been more active as well (but right now with the air being out I have tried not to be as I hate having to try to cool down in the hot house).

I have a good feeling about 26- I feel like I am finally going to get good control of my emotions and live a healthier lifestyle. I want to grow stronger both mentally and physically, and I want to be at peace in my mind and with everyone around me. I want to actively practice more kindness towards myself and others. And as this photo says, I want to swing my worries away; I feel I am heading in the right direction.

Looking inward

I read a quote that said something along the lines of the best way to get out of the chaos is to look inward. We forget how powerful our minds are as humans, and as hard as the pill may be to swallow, a lot of our obstacles and issues do boil down to ourselves and how we perceive and react to situations.

Once we accept the fact that we have more control over our minds and bodies than we think, we can begin to start the work. Mind you, we’re all humans. We are capable of having our minds and opinions changed, and we are also likely to make mistakes along the way, but as long as we remember our end goal we can bring ourselves back.

I’m always much more motivated on the weekend, which I guess is because I have more time to do things, but also I could do more during the work week if I schedule out the time to do so. I keep saying I want to go to the gym, but I only ever do it on the weekends, as I am too tired after work and haven’t been able to motivate myself enough to go before work.

I have an issue with changing plans/routines and until I take the first step I am constantly delaying my own progress. I haven’t gone to the gym before work yet as I need to make sure I figure out timing to be able to get back home and shower before I leave for work. In reality it is not a hard task, and honestly I’ve calculated the timing already, it’s just forcing myself to get up to that earlier alarm to do something that will benefit me.

Granted, sleep/rest is beneficial as well, but I am typically in bed by 10:00pm or 11:00pm latest so even getting up at 7:00am I get my full eight hours of sleep. I just always feel uneasy when doing something different or “off schedule,” and that has been an issue of mine for as long as I can remember. I need to continue working on these issues in order for me to improve and live the fullest life I can live.