Giving Grace

I did so well about starting my morning routine on Monday, but I haven’t been getting to bed early enough and that made it harder yesterday and today. Today I am up earlier than I was yesterday and I am here writing in my blog, so I count that as a victory!

Normally I am super hard on myself, but I am actively working on trying to give myself more grace and be the friend to me that I am to others. I have no problem reminding friends that we’re all human and it’s okay to deviate from plans or make mistakes, as long as we learn and grow, so why wouldn’t I deserve that same treatment?

Do I wish I would have stayed more consistent this week? Of course! But does that mean I should give up completely and call it a failure? Absolutely not! All I can try to do is be better than I was yesterday, and remind myself that I am doing this as a benefit to myself.

The goal tonight is to be off my phone by 9pm and asleep by 10pm, that way I can get my eight hours of sleep; this will make it easier for me to get up in the morning. I was normally in bed around 10pm for a while, but I think having Covid and sleeping all throughout the day kinda messed the schedule up.

A lot is going on around me lately that could be stress inducing, but I am doing my best to remember that I can only control my mindset and my reactions. Everything happens for a reason, and when things don’t work out, it’s usually because something better is on the horizon! All will happen as it should.

New Week, New Start

I decided to try out a new morning routine today. I am sitting at my kitchen table with a cup of coffee, water and my notebook. I wrote a bit in my journal, and now I am typing this on my phone as I left my laptop in the other room where my boyfriend is sleeping, and I figure this will be a relatively short post anyways as it’s about time for my stretching/workout!

I kept saying I wanted to start a new morning routine, but last week every time my alarm went off I just felt like I needed more sleep and hit that snooze button. I was also recovering from covid so I wanted to give my body the rest it needed. Now that I am finally feeling myself again, I made sure to push through the urge to snooze and got my ass up. I am not married to this set routine, but I have to start experimenting to see what works best for me!

I can already feel that this is going to be a good week! I am excited for what is to come, and to see how I feel after implementing this new plan! My intentions for the week are to stay focused on my current goals and stay positive! I hope everyone has a great week ahead!

morning views.

Leo Season

I go back and forth between dabbling in the idea of astrology and horoscopes; it can be really fun looking for insight, even if the messages are vague and couple apply to many other people. Since I am a Leo and my birthday is in less than two weeks, I am deciding to be extra this month and celebrate myself during this season!

In reality I have been growing more confidence in myself and my choices, and I’m using this time to really explore this part of me and see where I can go! I know I love writing, so I am trying to write more! I also enjoy reading and podcasts, so I have also been making sure to take more time for those activities. I also decided that if I want to go swimming or roller blading and no one wants to go, I’m just going to do it anyways!

For the longest time I wouldn’t do things alone, mainly out of paranoia as I grew up in a home with helicopter parents and a mom who was obsessed with “The First 48” and “Nancy Grace,” but I also would worry about what others around me were thinking. But just as I don’t care what others around me are doing with their lives, they don’t care about mine! Strangers watching an almost 27-year-old roller blading alone at a rink may think I am being a child or may make an initial judgment, but who cares?

Well, apparently I did for the longest time, but I am realizing now that if you are living your life for other people, your life is not yours. We have to focus on what makes us happy. We have to focus on what our needs are. We have to focus on what our inner child needs from us, whether it’s speaking to or doing activities that bring healing and joy. Do what feels innately right for you, because you deserve it! And per some of the astrology stuff I have read, now is the season for everyone to do this! Leo season just started yesterday (7/22), so it is just getting started!

Health Update

After two years of getting through the pandemic without catching covid, I finally tested positive last week. I went to the immediate care because I thought I had a double ear infection and/or a sinus infection because my whole head felt like I was underwater; when I blew my nose I could hear cracking and there was so much pressure behind my ears it was insane.

Not to mention the never-ending headaches were something else, it hurt just to move my eyes around in my head. I felt super fatigued and overall just like garbage. My boyfriend also unfortunately came down with symptoms as well; he had a low-grade fever and he actually threw up a couple of times during our quarantine.

I will say we are extremely blessed to have had relatively minor cases and I’m also glad we know so much more about Covid now compared to two years ago. We knew just to stay inside and rest, drink plenty of water, and we also supplemented with Vitamin D and Zinc. I tried to make sure I was eating healthier options, although I definitely door-dashed some McDonalds (hey, I’m only human)!

I am back to work tomorrow and have a doctors appointment on Wednesday to follow up with my OB. I had originally made an appointment with her as I’ve been having excruciating pain during my ovulation and I want to make sure I don’t have cysts or something else going on. The pain happened the last two cycles and it had happened once earlier in the year as well, but it definitely doesn’t feel normal. I’m hoping she will order an ultrasound so that they can look at my uterus/ovaries and make sure everything is okay.

I also want to talk to her about the possible chemical pregnancy that I had earlier this month. I had some weird PMS this time around and was having some nausea and was crying at almost everything which isn’t like my normal PMS, so when it was a day late I decided to take an early response test and it had a faint positive. Now knowing that chemical pregnancies are a thing and the fact that it was very faint, I didn’t get too excited or nervous because I just felt like nothing was confirmed.

The next day I decided to take another early response test to see if it was positive, and it was very clearly negative, and then the following day I got my period. The OB still ordered a blood HCG test which was negative as well. When I talked to the nurse at my OB’s office she let me know that it was either a false positive or a chemical pregnancy, which is basically when the embryo formed but didn’t continue developing. I truly feel like it was a chemical pregnancy just due to all of the weird symptoms I was having, but there really isn’t a way to know for sure.

I just want to make sure I am taking care of myself and my health so that in the future we can hopefully have healthy children of our own. I know that often people struggle to get pregnant, so it would be nice to know if I will have difficulties just so we can be somewhat prepared.

I know that everything happens for a reason, and I am exactly where I am supposed to be, so I am not too worried; worrying doesn’t change the outcome anyways. I am blessed to have such a great life partner who I got to quarantine with, and I’m glad we have advances in health and technology which will help me if ever needed in the future. I’m also super grateful that I am recovering and will feel 100% heading into Leo Season!! My birthday is less than two weeks away and I am here to celebrate! Here’s to a great week ahead!

Grateful 7/15

-I am grateful for the relationship I have with my boyfriend. I feel so blessed having such a loving, respectful, intelligent man as my life partner. To think that we met in high school and have managed to grow into the people we are now is absolutely incredible and more than I could have ever asked for; he makes me feel like the luckiest woman in the world. ♡

-I am grateful for my health. Although we are both under the weather currently, I am thankful that we are young and healthy and we will recover from our illnesses quickly. I’m grateful that we are able to take time for our bodies to rest so we can feel 100% soon! ♡

-I am grateful for our home. We are so lucky to have a home that has so much space for the two of us and that truly feels like ours. My home is my favorite place to be, and we have everything we could ever need. It’s truly a blessing to have a home and be able to afford our home. ♡

-I am grateful for technology; even though we are sick we can still order delivery from the tap of a finger. Whether it’s food or groceries, we’re able to get what we need without coming into contact with anyone else. As we rest we’re also able to watch Hulu, Netflix, Youtube… all things possible with technology! ♡

-I am grateful for books and podcasts. It’s truly amazing that we have a plethora of information always available to us. Listening to/reading from mental health advocates like Jay Shetty and Gabrielle Bernstein has really opened my eyes to new perspectives and has helped me with gaining a more positive mindset. I am forever grateful for both of them, as well as the many other authors I will come across. ♡

There are so many other reasons to be grateful, I just wanted to jot down a few this morning. I hope everyone has a wonderful Friday!

Another day, Another post

Today was my second Wednesday off after starting my new schedule! I got breakfast with a good friend for her birthday this morning, and once I was home I did some dishes and laundry. I made sure to get my groceries yesterday after work instead of today, so I had the whole day free to do whatever!

I listened to a few podcasts, went on a walk, and even was able to join Gabrielle Bernstein’s zoom call where she recorded an episode of “Dear Gabby!” I honestly almost chickened out, but I was so glad I didn’t! There were about 80 participants in the meeting, all of us could chat and we remained muted unless we were picked to ask her a question!

It was nice listening to other people and remembering that we are all truly so similar; imagine what we could accomplish if we’d just take the time to listen and have real conversations with others. I honestly even cried listening to her speak and answer questions, and again it was just happy tears feeling like I was where I was supposed to be!

Over the weekend I picked up a couple of Gabby’s books, one of which my mom was nice enough to get for me as an early birthday gift! We had gone out for breakfast together and went to the bookstore afterwards, and that’s where I picked up “Judgement Detox,” and then I found “Happy Days.” I was originally looking for “Happy Days,” so when I finally found it my mom said that would be my gift from her and my dad for my birthday, and I am so grateful!

I haven’t started them yet, as I am already currently reading two books, but I am ready to dedicate time to reading more again so I can move onto her books next! I have been feeling good lately and plan to keep it that way; I had to mute some accounts on instagram just to escape from some of the negativity and drama, and honestly I am proud of myself for setting that boundary.

For a while now I haven’t followed any news or radio shows, because I am tired of consuming tragedy after tragedy and feeling like everything I see is horrible. I’d rather feed my brain with positivity, growth, and happiness. I prefer to not be ignorant to the current events, but I can also seek information out on my own and try to find unbiased sources, rather than believing everything that people share on social media.

Social media definitely has major impacts on mental health (just google it), which is why I do my best to keep everything on my page positive and I like/save positive posts to help the algorithm share more of those things to my feed. We choose what we consume on a daily basis, make sure you pay attention to what you feed your brain.

Check in/Reflection

How am I feeling? I’ve been having some obnoxious PMS the past few days; the on and off nausea is what’s bothering me the most. I’ve been so irritable and emotional and my period is supposedly coming in a few days, so I’m hoping that all of this goes away. I was going to go out to the bars last night with some friends, but decided to stay in since drinking would definitely not help my nausea. I also have just been feeling like I want to be alone lately; I need to do some self-reflection.

I recently was thinking about how I wasn’t always the nicest person as a kid, and I still find myself being judgmental of others. I was super critical of myself when I was younger, and that also made me critical of those around me. As I’ve grown older and been on my self-love journey over the last couple of years, I’m realizing that when I am being judgmental of someone else, it’s because I am seeing something of myself in them.

Often times how we feel about others is a reflection of how we’re feeling about ourselves. For example, money is a huge trigger for me/my anxiety. A lot of my sense of worth and control is revolved around money, which is another thing I am working on. If I find myself being judgmental of how someone is spending their money, it’s because I have an issue/insecurity about myself and my money habits. What someone else does with their life is none of my business, I can only control myself and my mindset.

I also know that I am a very empathetic and understanding person; I can very easily put myself in someone else’s shoes and get an understanding of why they make the choices they do. It’s also helpful to realize that most people do have unresolved traumas and are the way they are because of that. We couldn’t control our childhood or how we were parented, but today we can control how we parent ourselves.

Diving into what we truly need and finding out how we can give that to ourselves is extremely important. I need loving, healthy relationships, whether with my boyfriend or with friends or family; I can no longer tolerate those who do not respect myself or my boundaries. I get to choose who I spend time with and who is in my life.

I need to feel healthy, and how I do that is try to get my body moving every day, even if it’s just a bit of stretching. I try to balance making sure I get my veggies and fruits in everyday, as well as protein, but I could definitely be better at that. That is something I can try to spend more time/effort on so I feel that I’m living true to my values.

I need to feel knowledgeable, and I have been listening to podcasts more recently as well as reading! I was on a good streak for reading but kind of slowed down within the lag couple months. If I dedicate time to get back into reading, I will feel more fulfilled as I know one of my goals is to write a book one day, and this will definitely be helpful in getting me there. The more books I read, the more knowledge I’ll have and be able to apply to my life and maybe even my first book!

I enjoy experiences, but I also like to do so on a budget. I could look into more local free events and see if friends want to attend, or maybe even just go alone. An experience can really be anything; going to a farmers market, checking out the local library, walking on a new trail… there are truly endless options. Something I could do is set a goal to do at least one new experience a month, and if I want to increase frequency, I can!

I want to heal my traumas and learn how to manage stress and my emotions. I still see my therapist every once in a while, and I make it a point to listen to healing podcasts and follow self-love accounts on instagram, but I know there is more I can do. Writing this blog post is something that is so important, because it is allowing me to talk to myself and figure out my true wants/needs.

I think we all have an idea of what we want, but when we look deeper we find that we aren’t really living a lifestyle that is in alignment with our desires. I want to live a life that is in alignment with my values, and I feel like I am already doing this! However, I also feel that I can dedicate more time to myself and my desires, and I deserve that. We all deserve to live our best lives as our best selves!

Happy Tears

I am feeling a overwhelming amount of emotions, and I can’t stop crying. I just discovered Gabrielle Bernstein and, this may not make sense, but I feel like I found my future self. I was listening to the latest episode of Jay Shetty and he had her on, and now I just listened to one of her episodes from her podcast “Dear Gabby,” and I just keep crying, but not out of sadness… I feel like it’s almost out of gratitude? I am just feeling like I meant to stumble upon her.

She said she has several self-help books and she wrote them within her journey and she felt that her readers would benefit from being on that journey. I keep going back and forth about writing a book and thinking that I have to do it once I’m “fully healed,” but we aren’t really ever fully healed, are we? Life keeps going, new stresses and traumas come about, we just learn to navigate and develop new ways to self-soothe.

The ideal self-soothing techniques would be tuned into self-growth, rather than self-destruction, which is exactly what I am trying to do now. I am actively trying to give myself grace and remind myself that I am human, and I think a lot of people could also benefit from doing this. Being hard on ourselves doesn’t necessarily help us; sure, it’s good to expect more from yourself, but not to the point where you break yourself down to nothing.

We deserve to love ourselves, and the more love we have for our authentic selves, the more we can love others. The world would be such a better place if everyone looked at people though the lens of love and empathy, because instead of judging and being critical, we’d be welcoming and understanding. People can do much more together than apart.

New Week, New Routine

Writing this early morning blog post today as I am starting my new work schedule this week! On Thursday our boss came to us with the idea of working four 10-hour days instead of our normal five day work week, and we were all thrilled! Of course, I don’t have any seniority in my department at this time, so the other people picked to be off Monday and Friday, so I decided to choose Wednesday as my day off.

I am excited to have a day off in the middle of the week as I will be able to get all of the grocery shopping done, as well as house chores and still have plenty of time for myself! I’m also excited as I’ll work two days, be off a day, work two days, and then be off two days (weekend)! I wrote out a tentative schedule for myself yesterday as I want to make sure I am taking time to prioritize and give myself time to do the things I want.

I put the gym in the schedule a couple days in the week, but also made it a point that the days I am not going to the gym, I want to at least go for a walk or do a workout at home. I’ve been feeling a lot better getting my body moving and I want to continue to get stronger as well!

I made sure to add in reading and journaling into my mornings since I’ll be home and not rushing to go the the gym, and because I keep saying I want to write more and never do anything about it. Now with the schedule change I feel like I am basically starting new and I feel like it’s kind of a reset for me, which I am using to my advantage!

I have to head to work here shortly for a ten hour day, but I have a feeling I’ll feel very productive and the day will probably fly by! And if not, I just have to get through tomorrow and then I get a day to myself anyways! I hope everyone has a great week! Make sure you take time to check in with yourself and see what it is you want to prioritize today and this week!

An Off Day

Today just felt off, and honestly yesterday did too. I’m trying to be positive and remind myself that I’m allowed to rest and take breaks, but it’s not always easy. Today it’s 100 degrees outside and I started not feeling the greatest towards the end of my shift, so I ended up skipping the gym. I’ve been sleeping a lot more these past couple of days and I need to listen to my body.

I can’t help but feel guilty about it, and I’m trying to figure out why. Why am I so hard on myself? Is it because going to the gym is within my control and I’m not doing it? I already told myself that I’m going to the gym to feel better and be healthier, getting obsessive over it is not healthy! Honestly though, I’m stressed about life shit too.

We recently got a letter from our lovely homeowners association and they’re requiring some expensive work to be done. It’s annoying and honestly would never recommend anyone to live where there is an HOA. At a time where inflation is ridiculous, we’d rather not spend thousands of dollars on stuff that isn’t really that important (to us, but to them it’s not cosmetically pleasing), but we unfortunately don’t have that choice right now. I think the anxiety is coming from the fact that we don’t know what the pricing looks like yet, and I always have anxiety around money.

I am trying to remind myself that money comes and goes, and luckily my boyfriend and I are both working and are able to pay all of our bills. We truly are blessed and I am grateful for this every single day; I just need to keep reminding myself to turn to gratitude.

It’s not a bad life, it’s just a rough couple of days. I always come out of it and I will do the same this time. Day by day, I will learn to give myself grace, and I will learn how to be patient with myself. This is all part of the journey.