Upset

Today the public pool in the town I live in announced that they would not be opening this season… and honestly I am extremely upset by this. Pools have always been a huge part of my summer- I grew up in an apartment complex that had a private pool just for those who lived there and I always spent my summers enjoying the water and getting a nice tan.

Summer is the only time of year that I feel at my very best. I feel like in the summer is when I feel most energized and motivated. I am most definitely happiest during the summer months compared to the rest of the year. I just feel like summer is being taken away and I just don’t know how well I can’t handle it.

Part of me feels like an ungrateful brat when I’m typing this, but at the same time I am just expressing how I feel at this time. I am very much aware that I have plenty in life to be thankful for, and I am not taking those things for granted. I thank my boyfriend every day for loving and caring for me the way he does, and I appreciate all that he does. I am also blessed to have a job and be able to pay my bills at this time.

At this point I feel very done with things. I am tired of quarantine and lockdowns. I am very much ready to just grab a flight to somewhere with a beach or some mountains and take a weeknd to myself away from all of this. I do care about people and understand that people have died from this virus; I also am aware that I am healthy, I wear my mask in public and keep safe distance from people, and I carry mini hand sanitizers with me everywhere. I’m taking proper precautions and do not feel I am putting anyone in danger by doing so.

We will see what happens- I am just feeling really down and stressed lately. I feel like my brain is overwhelmed and I am forgetting how to function… like I feel like I am constantly forgetting things and zoning out. I feel like I am more clumsy than normal and haven’t been thinking as clearly as I usually am. It just sucks right now.

It is what it is.

I bought a roundtrip flight to Denver for the end of April a few days ago and have zero regrets. I know there are a lot of travel restrictions right now, and I know there are bans on large gatherings in places, but I am not scared to go to Denver- worst case they cancel my flight and I lose out on $75, but I couldn’t care less.

I’m honestly annoyed by the mass hysteria and still confused about the toilet paper shortage and it’s making me so crabby and bitchy and I hate it. I don’t want to let other people have an effect on my attitude, but I literally am so disappointed in humanity right now.

I’m upset that idiots have gone out and decided to buy up all the toilet paper/tissues/clorox wipes/etc. I am also upset that my friends who are mothers are struggling to find baby wipes and formula because those who were fortunate enough to be able to panic buy in bulk didn’t think about the other humans on this planet.

I’m tired of the politics behind the virus as well, and how coincidentally all of these flus/viruses such as swine flu and ebola all come out around election time (which reminds me, don’t forget to vote in the primary’s Tuesday)! I think it’s stupid for anyone in power to shut down all businesses and ban the sale of guns/ammunition. I think that there are too many things being done that actually have nothing to do with the virus, and I feel people are using it as a way to fear monger and also pass unnecessary laws.

I feel for my server friends out there who rely on tips for their bills. I also feel for the employees of grocery stores who have to deal with angry, demanding assholes. Luckily they still have jobs, but their hours are being cut left and right as businesses close early or change hours as they have no time to re-stock. I can only imagine what nurses and doctors and other healthcare staff are going through right now. I feel lucky to still have a job during this time, and am grateful that I have money saved as well.

I want to stop having such a cynical, angry mindset about this whole thing. I need to focus more on what I do have and what I’m thankful for during this interesting time in the world. If we have a mandatory quarantine, at least I’ll be home with my best friend and my cats. ♡