Upset

Today the public pool in the town I live in announced that they would not be opening this season… and honestly I am extremely upset by this. Pools have always been a huge part of my summer- I grew up in an apartment complex that had a private pool just for those who lived there and I always spent my summers enjoying the water and getting a nice tan.

Summer is the only time of year that I feel at my very best. I feel like in the summer is when I feel most energized and motivated. I am most definitely happiest during the summer months compared to the rest of the year. I just feel like summer is being taken away and I just don’t know how well I can’t handle it.

Part of me feels like an ungrateful brat when I’m typing this, but at the same time I am just expressing how I feel at this time. I am very much aware that I have plenty in life to be thankful for, and I am not taking those things for granted. I thank my boyfriend every day for loving and caring for me the way he does, and I appreciate all that he does. I am also blessed to have a job and be able to pay my bills at this time.

At this point I feel very done with things. I am tired of quarantine and lockdowns. I am very much ready to just grab a flight to somewhere with a beach or some mountains and take a weeknd to myself away from all of this. I do care about people and understand that people have died from this virus; I also am aware that I am healthy, I wear my mask in public and keep safe distance from people, and I carry mini hand sanitizers with me everywhere. I’m taking proper precautions and do not feel I am putting anyone in danger by doing so.

We will see what happens- I am just feeling really down and stressed lately. I feel like my brain is overwhelmed and I am forgetting how to function… like I feel like I am constantly forgetting things and zoning out. I feel like I am more clumsy than normal and haven’t been thinking as clearly as I usually am. It just sucks right now.

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