positive

Wednesday Affirmations

Lunch break means it’s time for some affirmations! Some I have in my phone as reminders, some just will come as I write. Feel free to write some in the comments or let me know if any resonate with you!

All is well.

Everything always works out in my favor.

I am loved, I am safe, I am at peace.

I release all fear and allow the universe to work her magic.

I trust that all will work out how it should.

I am capable of more than I realize, as I am divinely supported.

I am a confident in myself and my abilities.

I trust myself to navigate what life brings me.

I am strong and resilient; I have survived all of my worst days.

I allow the light within me to shine through.

“This Too Shall Pass”

I survived Monday! And if you’re reading this, that means you did too! Congratulations! I hope you did something for yourself today, because you deserve it! I am happy to report that I woke up today in less pain than I’ve been in all week, and it really wasn’t a bad Monday! Work was productive, getting adjusted and chatting with the chiropractor’s assistant was pleasant, and doing some stretches in the comfort of my living room while listening to Mel Robbins is honestly quite therapeutic.

I just wanted to write for a second, because I was reflecting on my generally good mood today, and it truly is insane how different my mood was when I was in pain. I mean it makes total sense! Not only was I irritable because of the pain I felt and how slowly I had to move when doing literally anything, but I felt myself getting anxious about the house chores piling up, and of course starting the worst case scenarios: “what if I am in this horrific pain forever?” But when I found myself sobbing softly in the kitchen (because a hard sob would hurt too much) my brain did something different. Instead of letting myself go down that dark rabbit hole of guilt and negative self-talk, during the very worst of the pain I found myself saying, out loud too myself: “This is temporary, I am okay.”

I knew the back pain was temporary, because I had this same pain a month prior. I knew that I’d continue to see the chiropractor and actually start wearing the back brace (so maybe I didn’t wear the brace and maybe I skipped out on my therapies…I wonder why the pain started. LOL) and that I could get help myself out of this pain. I knew the pain wasn’t going to be there forever, and that I would feel myself again… so why not apply this to all of life’s hard times?

If I wanted to relive my past, which quite frankly I am actively trying to live in the present so that doesn’t sound very appealing, I would wish that I could have thought this way in so many moments. To be able to remind yourself that heavy emotions are temporary, the physical pain is temporary, the need for more rest is temporary, that stressful job is temporary…that can ease so much of the weight in those hard times. It’s easy for me to spiral into negative thought patterns and turn on the self-loathing soundboard, so to be able to stop the downward spiral with the simple reminder that “this too shall pass” is honestly a game-changer. I know, I know… I’ve heard that phrase a million times over in my twenty-seven years of life, but this is when it clicked for me.

As I move through the week and face challenges as they come (including hormonal ones, because sometimes I think mother nature f*cking hates me), I will continue to remind myself that everything is temporary. I get to choose what I focus on, and I am choosing to focus on my happiness. And no matter how heavy things may feel, I’ll just remind myself that this too shall pass.

Low

I believe my last post had to do with my back pain, and I am happy to say that I have had much improvement over the week, but I do still have some pain. I went to my chiropractor and got some new x-rays done, and basically I am making progress which is kind of causing the pain. My hips are off-center because of the 10-degree curve in my spine, and as we are making progress on the curve, my hips are realigning. The way he explained it is that the joint in my hip doesn’t want to continue making progress and it is fighting back, but as we continue with adjustments and my therapies that it will continue to get better.

I am excited to get back in the gym and get back to being active, as I’ve been laying pretty low since having this pain. I have been stretching and still running errands and what not as I want to stay moving, but I can’t wait to be back to 100%! I have a feeling I’ll be feeling that way by the end of this week, considering I’ll be seeing my chiropractor Mon-Wed!

I’m not going to lie, it’s been a little rough for me not to start getting down on myself or anxious. I hate “falling behind” on house chores and I was also super motivated for this new year and to feel like I’ve been spending most of it in pain makes me upset. I have to make sure I take time to remember all of the beautiful things that have already happened this year.

For example, I got to make vision boards with my best friend! We are going to make this a yearly tradition to make vision boards for the new year, and I am so happy with how mine turned out! I also got to hang out with my childhood bff, and just laughing and chilling with her felt healing in and of itself. We’re excited to hang out more this year, and overall I am very excited for this year ahead.

Yesterday my boyfriend and I went to Portillo’s, which was such a yummy treat. I literally was craving their cheese fries for three days leading up to that lunch date, so to say I was excited was an understatement. After that we traveled out to the Dick’s Warehouse Sale, and after sifting through some very interesting products, we each found a pair of shoes we liked! Once we were home I went to hang out with a friend of mine, and just enjoyed a pretty chill night.

This year hasn’t been bad, I am just learning to live slower and more mindfully. I also feel that this pain has taught me that I need to keep moving and take care of myself, which is something I’ve been saying for a long time, but haven’t been doing. I deserve to be healthy and enjoy life, and I am the only one who can give myself that. As I continue to heal, I will remember to keep tuning into gratitude and being present. Happy Sunday!

2023 vision board

Gratitude Check

On a quick break and that calls for some gratitude! Feel free to list what you’re grateful for today in the comments 🙂 Let’s make the rest of the day a good one!

1- I am grateful for my health. It is a blessing to be able to walk, eat, talk, use the restroom, and complete daily tasks without the need of assistance.

2- I am grateful for my boyfriend/our relationship. I’m blessed to have a life partner who is hard-working, respectful, caring, and overall an incredible person to be around. I feel so safe and loved, and I’m happy we have great communication skills and have continued to grow together throughout the years.

3- I am grateful for our home. I am blessed to have a roof over my head and have everything I could ever need within the walls. Clean running water, heat/AC, appliances, a bed… truly we are so lucky to have all of these things and they’re easy to take for granted.

4- I am grateful for my job. I am lucky to have a job that allows me to pay my bills and live life as I’d like. I am happy to have insurance and PTO, and I am also so grateful to not work weekends!

5- I am grateful for books and podcasts! It’s so amazing to me when people can take their ideas and thoughts and organize them in such a way that leaves an incredible impact. I love when I read something or hear something that just blows my mind and changes my whole perspective on things. Also the fact that people write/podcast to help others is truly beautiful!

I have to get back to work, but I just wanted to take a few minutes to check in and remind myself how great life is! Hope everyone has a great day!

First Monday of 2022: Complete

Happy 2023! Yesterday was 1/1/23 and I was blessed enough to be able to spend time with some family. My aunt and her friend made it back from from Thailand yesterday and we got to see her before she drove back to Iowa which was nice. Soon enough we will all be going out there for our Family Christmas and I’m looking forward to seeing my Grandma and the rest of the family.

Other than that I pretty much laid low yesterday. My boyfriend and I re-did our budget for the new year and I took some time to journal a bit. My coworker started listening to Gabby Bernstein and joined her 21 day manifesting challenge, and she shared the PDF with me with the journal prompts for each day. Yesterday I created my “desire statement,” and I am excited to see what todays prompt brings.

As far as manifesting goes, I know it’s all the work you put in. You cannot wish for things to happen and they happen, you cannot control things beyond your control, but although it isn’t magic, to some it can feel like it is. I definitely love feeling the “magic” of the world… and ironically it happened as I was writing this.

If I’m going to be completely honest, I started writing this blog post on the toilet this morning (LOL, sorry for the TMI). Once I was done I washed my hands and I went into my bedroom. I started doing yoga and as I was breathing, all I could smell was the cat litter. So I decided to get up and clean that, and then I took out the garbage, and when I came back to my phone I decided to check my email. It was 9:14am and my email was from Gabby Bernstein and it said “Dear Gabby Live 10:15am EST.” I’m like OH SHIT ONE MINUTE!!! and quickly grabbed my laptop and jumped on zoom.

I have only ever been in one other “Dear Gabby Podcast” Zoom, and I am so grateful that I was able to do it again. Ironically enough it’s something that I have been reflecting about over the past couple of days as I was looking at the positive parts of 2022. Today I was just in there to listen, I didn’t raise my hand to try to get picked to ask anything, I just decided to be grateful for the experience and listen to the others call in and listen to Gabby’s insight.

When she is recording these, it is for future episodes and it’s fun to see the behind-the-scenes of her podcast. She will re-record certain parts and do different exits for a show and it’s fun to see the time and effort that goes into making a project seem so perfect and effortless. It also reminded me that perfection isn’t real, and it’s completely normal to “mess up.”

I feel like I already knew that, but I needed just a little push or refresher because I feel like I still strive for perfection, which is stopping me from starting anything new. I also feel like I have so many different ideas and things I want to try, but I can’t decide on which to focus on. After listening to one of the shows that was being recorded, it was brought up to focus on the one bringing the most joy.

When I started the manifesting challenge, my goal is to manifest a healthier lifestyle for myself. I have been on a healing/self-love journey for years now, but I know that deep down I need to have my mind and body in alignment, and I always feel better when I take care of myself. From what I’ve been listening to on the self-help podcast, it actually helps you rebuild your sense of trust with yourself when you do what you say you’re going to do. I have always felt a distrust towards myself, and that’s likely because I don’t always follow through with my self-care, but the thought of truly being able to be disciplined for the sake of self-love brings me so much joy.

I used to want to be fit and/or skinny so that I didn’t feel insecure out in crowds or on social media, but I didn’t actually care about my health at that time. As I am growing older, I am realizing that good health, both physical and mental, is the true wealth. If I know that and I truly do care about myself, I deserve to give myself that healthier life. I deserve to move my body and fuel it with the foods it needs. I also deserve to not restrict myself or shame myself for eating the cookies that I am baking right now.

I am excited to continue on this journey of self love and discovery, and I am happy to be taking it one day at a time. I want to continue working on being present and mindful, and learning to love myself unconditionally.

Tuesday Groove

Although I’m back to work after a long weekend, tired as hell with my back pain coming back slightly, I still am having a good day! I’m currently on lunch at work and although I didn’t do all that I wanted to this morning, I still did two of the things on my am list: practiced gratitude and set an intention for the day.

Todays intention was simply to be mindful and grateful. I want to be mindful of my words/my responses, and I want to be grateful for everything. When I set the intention I also told myself that if I find points of frustration or irritability, I should take a moment to reflect on something good that is happening in the situation.

Yesterday I spent a little time and money on myself and went shopping after my chiropractor appointment. I’m excited to say that I purchased the “How To Meet Yourself” workbook by Dr. Nicole Lepera (aka The Holistic Psychologist) and I am ready to start off the new year on the right foot! Honestly I already started it, but I am already starting my 2023 goals now. I also ordered another self-help workbook by Vex King & Kaushal and am so excited for that one to arrive as well!

I am feeling really good about this upcoming year, and really just about life right now. I am happy in my relationship and in our home, I’m happy with my friendships, I am happy with the progress I’ve made in relation to my health/mental health- overall I am just feeling happy! Gratitude really does change the attitude, and I love adding that practice into my mornings.

I don’t really make New Year’s resolutions anymore as most people don’t stick with them, but I do know I want to just continue to focus on my health/mental health and do more of the things I love. Concerts, hiking, singing, writing, dancing… all of the things that bring my inner child joy will be done regularly in 2023! I’m finding my inner confidence and becoming the best version of myself, because I deserve that.

Wishing everyone a peaceful remainder of 2022 and a good transition into 2023. Sending so much love and light to all struggling with loss, financial troubles, health troubles, heartbreak, stress, family issues- as hard as it may be to remember during these tough times, it is always dark before the dawn.

2022 Progress Report: Proud and Grateful

As the year slowly comes to a close, I am looking forward to continue my healing into 2023. I have learned so much about myself over this year, and I am honestly very proud of my growth. I think back to when my mother had her stroke in February, and how instead of sitting and worrying about if or when she would have another one, I instead turned to gratitude. I was grateful that she is still here, and she can function normally and on her own; she is truly blessed, and I feel the same way. If this were to have happened a few years ago, I would have spiraled for probably months, just riddled with anxiety. I am proud of the fact that I find it easier to turn to gratitude during tough times.

I also am grateful that I am getting better at communicating when I am bothered by something. A few months ago, I was able to have a conversation with a close friend about something that I felt like could have been confrontational or maybe even hurtful. Although I was anxious about it, I was able to clearly communicate my intentions and thoughts, and because she is a good friend, I felt heard and understood during that conversation! I am proud that instead of just being quiet about it and building up resentment, I decided to speak up for myself and discuss my feelings. As someone who has avoided conflict and kept quiet her whole life, that one single act felt like it broke a huge barrier for me, and for that I am proud of myself.

Throughout the year I’ve struggled with judgment; truly it’s been me judging myself for judging others, and then realizing that those judgments I had towards others were actually the judgments I had towards myself. I had read about that in a book, and I’ve also heard it on podcasts before, but it really clicked this year. Although there have been a lot of hard truths to swallow, it has also been calming in a way to release that urge to control or “rescue” others. In reality, I only have the power to control or “rescue” myself, and that is what I will continue to focus on.

I am so grateful to have access to therapy and to have found such amazing podcasts that I enjoy listening to. I also am happy that I started reading more books again this year, and I plan to read even more in 2023. I plan to dedicate time to myself each day, even if only for one minute on some days, because I deserve that love and attention from myself. I plan to be authentic and honest and speak up for myself whenever needed, and I plan to be unapologetic about setting healthy boundaries. I am planning to be less busy and live calmer and slower; after living with a dysregulated nervous system for most of my life, I want to do my absolute best to try to regulate it.

2023: More connecting with nature, less connecting with technology. More reading books, less scrolling through Instagram. More time doing what I love, less wasting time doing things that don’t align with me. More pausing and slowing down, less rushing and stressing. More focusing on my values and goals, less judging and doubting myself. I am doing only what I feel is best for me, and I won’t feel guilty about it.

Bed

I’m writing this from bed as yesterday I woke up with some pretty severe lower back pain. We did have a get-together Friday evening and I know I was running around like a crazy person prior to guests arriving, and I am wondering if I lifted something wrong. I feel like it may be a combination of that as well as some PMS, but it’s pretty bad.

I tried to stretch a lot yesterday and I took some ibuprofen and acetaminophen on and off, but nothing seems to help. If I wake up to turn in my sleep, it is always an uncomfortable transition. Luckily I am supposed to see my chiropractor tomorrow, but depending on how today goes, I may need to see someone sooner.

I am honestly pretty opposed to going to the urgent care / hospital for pain because I always just assume they will give me an pain killer and not identify any real issue. I feel like every time I have to go to the ER for something, no one ever has any answers and just prescribes some pill to take, and I hate it! I am trying to find the root cause, not just put a bandaid on it and hope it sticks!

As the patient, I have the right to advocate for myself as well, so I know I would be asking questions and asking about certain tests, and I’d straight up tell them I want to avoid any pain medication. The only time I ever took a pain killer was after my wisdom teeth surgery and it made me feel super weird and then I just passed out for hours. I ended up switching to ibuprofen after that one pill, and I honestly don’t even take ibuprofen regularly, only when I am in a decent amount of pain.

I am just planning to take it easy today. I’m hoping it just gets better throughout the day and I don’t feel the need to seek medical attention. Sending love and light to all those struggling with any health (mental, physical, emotional, etc.) concerns! We will get through it!

A Love Letter to Myself:

It’s the way you giggle with glee when passing by farm animals when driving down country roads, waving and screaming “hello!” to them out of the passenger window. It’s the way you admire the sky at all times of the day and night, and how different your moods are when grey clouds block the view. It’s the way you say “good morning” to each of the cats and how you ask them how their days were when you come home. It’s the effort you put into yourself; going to therapy, reading self-help books, listening to mindfulness podcasts… you’re truly doing the work and you are finally doing it for you. It’s the way you are so comfortable being your weird, goofy self when around those who love you, and even around those who don’t even know you. It’s the way you want everyone to feel comfortable and loved for who they are, and not feel ashamed of their perceived “flaws.” It’s the way you love a day inside; whether you’re making crafts, writing, or watching some dramatic real estate show, you always find joy in the environment you’re in. No matter what you go through, you have this strength and resilience that always comes to the surface, and although at times you don’t give yourself the credit you deserve, just know that you deserve all of the wonders the world has to offer. Shine brightly and unapologetically; don’t let anyone dim the light that the world so desperately needs.

I love you. I love me.