Changes.

Change is always scary for me, but it is also kind of thrilling in a way. I feel that I am someone who gets comfortable and complacent, but at the same time there is a part in me that is always looking for something new. I’ve been at my current company for about 2.5 years. I’ve been in my current position here for just over a year, as I was promoted 15 months after I started, and soon I will be moving out of this department and will assume my new position as assistant office manager!

Of course this is exciting, as I will no longer have to be on the phones and there are many aspects of my current job that I will not miss, however I will be working in an entire new office with new people so it will be an adjustment. Not to mention that I’ll have a whole new job to learn! I think what makes me the most nervous is that the manager I will mainly be under has a reputation for not doing anything and throwing her work on others. Also, the more I’m here the less I’m actually liking the company as a whole. However, I also look at this as an opportunity to get a new job title on my resume, which can only help for the future.

I’m not sure just yet when I’ll be starting, but should be within a couple of months! We will see how it goes. ♡

Breathin’

I think it is safe to say I am glad that writing every day was not one of my new year’s resolutions, because I would have failed miserably; unfortunately, I think that is probably why I didn’t care to make any. I never follow through on my goals that I set for myself, and it is very defeating to be aware that I am the only one standing in my way. I am extremely proud of myself with how great I’ve done with my low-carb diet. Recently I have had more cheat days than I’d like to admit, but I am aware and I am ready to get serious again and start going to the gym.

The issue is that I always say things like that, and it doesn’t happen.  “I’ll start exercising more,” or “I’m going to sign up for another yoga class,” and I may do it for a little while, but then I’ll suddenly lose my motivation and am back to laying in bed, mindlessly scrolling on Instagram and Twitter. If I’m not doing that then I’m probably crying while watching Grey’s Anatomy or This is Us. I feel like the winter/weather has a lot to do with it, but I want to overcome that and be able to get out of the negative mindset.

I feel like so far, 2019 is not off to the best start. I’ve had car trouble, work sucks, and I’ve been sad/unmotivated. I am trying to have a social life again, which is helpful, but I also want to focus on myself. I want to read more, and write more. I want to get back into poetry, and I have an urge to dabble in short horror stories. I’d like to learn to play the keyboard/piano and I also would like to take another pole class or maybe try something new. I know that this year I will be going to Florida and on another cruise which will be exciting. I plan to get a few more tattoos and hopefully attend a couple of concerts.

I want this year to be better than 2018, and I am the person who has to make that happen. I want to change the way I see/react to certain things, and focus more on the positive things in life, and being able to let go of unneeded stress/guilt. I have to remind myself that I am strong, and I am smart. I am the one in control of my life. I can make my life great,  and I want to have a great life. ♡

Obligatory end of the year post.

As 2018 comes to an end, I can honestly say this year was not anything extraordinary. I did get a new car, and I was also offered a new position at work (however I am not in that position as of yet, which is a whole different topic), but I can’t say I was very thrilled about this year. It could be because 2017 seemed a lot more productive, seeing as we bought a house, but regardless I know that this is not how I want to feel at the end of next year. I will say I have been good about changing to a low-carb lifestyle, minus the recent holiday slip-ups, but I am aiming to focus on my overall health next year.

I have learned a lot about myself recently after reading about the “Obliger tendency” in the book written by Gretchen Rubin titled “The Four Tendencies.” As an obliger, I have no problem meeting outer expectations, but when it comes to my inner expectations, I often struggle. I am always saying how I can never stick to any hobbies, but that is because I do not find my “wants” to be priorities. If it is something for me, I figure it can wait. I hope to learn to use this to my advantage, and learn how to live with this tendency in a way that is beneficial to me.

I will say that in 2019 I would like to read more, travel more, and experience more. I want to focus only on the positive aspects of life, and stop dwelling/worrying about what cannot be controlled. I plan to become a stronger version of myself this year. ♡

Going strong.

Will I ever make and stick to a routine of writing more than once every couple weeks?? Who knows?? But regardless, I’m here now.

I’m just over three weeks into my ketogenic diet and I have been feeling great! No cravings, no over-eating, and I’ve lost ten pounds! I went to the gym the other day for the first time in several months and was able to do a mile on the elliptical in just over seven minutes!

I often will get into a good routine where I eat well, exercise regularly, and out of nowhere I just stop. I’ll make excuses for a day or a week and I let myself fly off the handle, and I am hoping this time is different. It feels different. I mean, it’s currently cold and snowy (and it’s not even technically winter) and normally this is when I’d be very unmotivated. I feel like if I can finally defeat the winter blues, maybe I’ll stay on track!

If anyone is wondering, I did have one cheat day where I went a little over 50 carbs (it was 60 haha), but I didn’t feel guilty and I wasn’t hard on myself like I used to be. My relationship with food is significantly better, and my relationship with myself is also better!

I will admit I get a little scared with counting calories/carbs so closely as I don’t want to become obsessed and form an unhealthy eating disorder. I do feel that my personality is addictive, but I also feel that if I am making healthy choices and still eating enough during the day, then I should be okay. My friend told me the other day “just know when to stop.” And that got me thinking, what if I don’t want to? I feel like I could live a low carb life forever! However, she is right in the aspect of losing weight. I don’t want to get to an unhealthy weight, and I don’t want to become obsessed with watching the scale go down, because I’ll admit it’s pretty nice! But, being healthy is most important.

I want to be more healthy for me, and also for my future children. I grew up on frozen pizza and kraft mac and cheese, which I loved growing up and luckily I had a fast metabolism (I was only 125lbs in high school and ate garbage ALL THE TIME), but that is no way to live and I want to be able to cook healthy meals and make healthy snacks for my kids. Once I was out on my own, not knowing how to cook and having no limits on what I could eat, I started gaining a lot of weight.

Last year around New Years I was at my heaviest, and I just remember being so discouraged taking pictures with my friends because I felt so fat and my face was so round. That’s when I originally started keto, and I did pretty well for a few months, but I allowed myself cheat weekends, and instead of limiting myself to a certain amount of carbs, I’d find myself binge eating whatever I could because it was my cheat day and I wanted to. Now that I have a limit that I give myself, I feel like this is going to work much better this time around, and hopefully for New Years I am feeling fabulous!

Well that was a much needed post, it’s nice to recognize your own accomplishments once in a while. ♡

You and I, we’re the jam.

Today there is a winter storm warning, and where I live we are expecting anywhere between 8-14 inches of snow. Normally, this would make me really upset and stressed out, but my boyfriend and I planned ahead to be able to stay home all day today together. We went to Walgreen’s last night after having dinner with some friends, and we made sure to get hard liquor and diet soda (still going strong on keto!) because we planned to day drink today and watch a movie or two.

It is hard for me to sit still all day, and what I like about the relationship my boyfriend and I share is we do a lot of things separately; so if he wants to sit around all day, he can, and he doesn’t expect me to do the same with him. Currently I am writing this post and he is playing video games (Call of Duty), and after I’m finished I will put away my laundry and probably do a little yoga, or if he is done we can watch a movie/show. We have been together for seven years, and although we get along great and he is my absolute best friend, we don’t exactly have a lot of mutual interests.

Some people might find it hard to be in a relationship with someone like that, but I have always been independent, and he has too, which is why I think it works so well for us. I have gone to Seattle and Colorado without him, and he has no problem with that. He has gone out of state with friends before without me, and the world didn’t fall apart. A lot of couples in our generation (millennials) seem to have a lot of trust issues and I think that stems a lot from social media, along with shitty past relationships, but our relationship would be considered more “old fashioned.”

I am 23, and my boyfriend is 24. We started dating when we were juniors in high school. We have three cats together, and we bought our first home about a year and a half ago. I feel lucky every day that I have such an intelligent, caring man in my life. He listens to my problems, and tries to help me in any way he can. He is always telling me that I am “gorgeous” and when I call he answers the phone with either “Hey, beautiful” or “Hello, my love.” Those seemingly “small” things are what make me feel so very special every day. We have grown from being teenagers to young adults, and we did this together. We push each other to be better every day, and encourage and support one another in any way we can.

Like any couple, we do argue. Thankfully, it really is not often; and when we do we can talk through it, once we have our space to cool down. I can honestly say that communication is one of the most important things in any relationship. It is essential that you and that person, whether it be a significant other or even a friend, need to be able to tell each other what you are feeling. You need to express when you are hurt, or upset. You need to tell each other what is bothering you, so that you can work on a solution together. Literally just talking to each other every day, whether it be venting about work or discussing a new idea/goal or just decided what to cook for dinner, communication is key to a healthy, growing relationship.

well, all this talk about relationships makes me want to hop off of this blog and get everything done so I can cuddle with my baby. I am glad I took the time to write today, it seems to help fight the winter blues. ♡

A lifestyle.

I always say I’m going to write more, and then I don’t. But hey, I’m doing it now and that matters. For the past 10 days I have been strict on my new low carb diet (and yes, that includes on thanksgiving day). I am doing the ketogenic diet, but as of right now I haven’t been getting enough fat in my diet, so it’s basically just low carb.

People always freak out when they hear “low carb” because who doesn’t love bread? Or pasta? Or sweets? Trust me, I love me some carbs. Mac and cheese is basically my favorite food, next to fettuccine alfredo and olive garden breadsticks (yummmm). But the thing is, when I eat a lot of carbs I feel like shit. Granted, I’m not exactly eating the “good carbs,” but regardless I have felt much better after cutting my carb intake.

The thing I like about being on this diet is that the cravings for carbs literally just go away. Not only that, but I feel full after what seems like a small portion but it’s a normal one! I also do intermittent fasting, and I do 16:8. So everyday I fast for 16 hours, and I eat within the same eight hours of the day. This honestly works perfectly with my current work schedule, and not only that but I finally feel like I have a routine!

During this diet you are trying to get into and stay in “ketosis,” and keeping your carb intake under 50g of net carbs a day (carb-fiber=net carb) is how you can do this. Ideally though, you should keep your net carb intake under 20g a day. I decided that I will let myself go up to 50g of carbs on the weekends, but during the week I stay strict at 20g. I have done this diet before, but I would always let myself have cheat weekends and I’d basically binge eat a bunch of garbage and feel like shit and it would reverse my progress. Not this time!

Even though I’ve only been on the diet for 10 days, I’ve lost 7lbs! I think I was able to get into ketosis after just a few days! I am starting to add yoga/stretching into my routine and I think I’m going to start walking and/or going to the gym next week. I want to get toned and feel good again! Not only that, but I want to get healthier and develop better habits. ♡

I’ve been working on myself and that’s the most important work (even if you don’t get paid for it).

I haven’t written in a while, and this is going to be brief. I have been in a good, positive state of mind lately. I’ve been reading a self-improvement book (Better Than Before by: Gretchen Rubin- highly recommend to anyone and everyone). I have been trying to stretch/do yoga every day, even if it is only for five minutes. I have been helping people when I can, which makes me feel good. I’m just hoping I can keep this up.

Winter is basically here now, considering there is snow all over the ground. Which means it’s time for seasonal depression (whoop whooop)! It’s so hard to fight the darkness sometimes… I feel like every couple of weeks I slowly sink back into my hole. I’m not motivated, I feel tired constantly, and I never want to do anything. Of course, I still go to work, but that’s because I have bills that have to be paid, and my anxiety would never allow me to take a day off for my depression.

For now I will try my best to focus on the good, and be more active with my blog and other blogs as well. I always feel good after I write, even if it isn’t a lot. I need to remember the small things that bring me joy, and try to incorporate it into a daily routine. Maybe I’ll start to work on that too. ♡