Manifest it

Today was self-care Sunday which mainly included being lazy around the house and playing with my cricut! I made a few small projects and I am so impressed with how easy this is to use! This is going to make Christmas so fun this year!

I am going to meet up with an old coworker/friend sometime soon so she can give me some old magazines so I can have some images for my vision board that I’d like to create! I want to start manifesting some greatness into my life, and what better way to start than getting a little crafty!

I want the board to have different themes in different parts of it such as a part for health/wellness and a part for wealth/financial goals, and I definitely want to include some inspirational mantras that I will constantly read. Some people swear they benefit from vision boards, and honestly it couldn’t hurt to try! Not to mention it’ll just be fun to create!

Below I’ll post the first project I made today, which is clearly not perfect, but please don’t judge and do as it says! LOL

Oh 2020…

This year has been a running joke for everyone. Nothing seems to be going right and the phrase “when it rains, it pours” is quite fitting as the theme of this year. We really all need to give ourselves a round of applause if we have made it this far.

After much debating and receiving a decent work bonus, I finally was able to purchase my Cricut Explore Air 2 Everything Bundle! Before that I paid off my credit card (again) and was feeling much more stable about finances and then… the furnace went out! Now my boyfriend and I have to drop $3500+ for a new furnace which of course isn’t ideal… but luckily for us he was just offered a promotion at work and he is receiving a pretty significant raise.

The past couple weeks at work have been hella stressful and overwhelming as the manager is training a bunch of new people so we are short-staffed at the front desk while she’s doing that. Not to mention we’re super busy so we’ve been falling so behind on scanning/prior authorizations etc. So in general I’ve been more on edge and irritable so when the furnace went out I was honestly quite livid. I just got angry and upset and I cried and it just felt like too much was going on.

After sitting and talking with my boyfriend about our options and getting a plan together, I am feeling much better and am just grateful that we have each other and that we’ve worked hard so we are able to do certain things when needed. We are We have to remember to count our blessings and try to focus on the good things. We have a roof over our heads, we are able to feed ourselves, we have clean running water… these are all wonderful things that are a privilege to have.

2020 has been quite a test on everyone, and it’s not over yet… but let’s try to take some good lessons out of this insane year. Your mindset is powerful, and even if you have to “fake it ‘til you make it,” it is important that we try to keep a positive mindset during these troublesome times. Our mind is powerful.

Looking inward

I read a quote that said something along the lines of the best way to get out of the chaos is to look inward. We forget how powerful our minds are as humans, and as hard as the pill may be to swallow, a lot of our obstacles and issues do boil down to ourselves and how we perceive and react to situations.

Once we accept the fact that we have more control over our minds and bodies than we think, we can begin to start the work. Mind you, we’re all humans. We are capable of having our minds and opinions changed, and we are also likely to make mistakes along the way, but as long as we remember our end goal we can bring ourselves back.

I’m always much more motivated on the weekend, which I guess is because I have more time to do things, but also I could do more during the work week if I schedule out the time to do so. I keep saying I want to go to the gym, but I only ever do it on the weekends, as I am too tired after work and haven’t been able to motivate myself enough to go before work.

I have an issue with changing plans/routines and until I take the first step I am constantly delaying my own progress. I haven’t gone to the gym before work yet as I need to make sure I figure out timing to be able to get back home and shower before I leave for work. In reality it is not a hard task, and honestly I’ve calculated the timing already, it’s just forcing myself to get up to that earlier alarm to do something that will benefit me.

Granted, sleep/rest is beneficial as well, but I am typically in bed by 10:00pm or 11:00pm latest so even getting up at 7:00am I get my full eight hours of sleep. I just always feel uneasy when doing something different or “off schedule,” and that has been an issue of mine for as long as I can remember. I need to continue working on these issues in order for me to improve and live the fullest life I can live.

Irritable (WARNING: strong language)

I’ve been letting my emotions and judgements get the better of me these past couple days and I am honestly upset with myself. I’ve been rude and snippy towards my boyfriend who has done nothing wrong, all because I’m aggravated with a friend when I probably don’t even need to be!

I feel like an asshole being irritated with my friend because I’ve been making assumptions due to the lack of communication which has in turn just made me mad when I don’t even know if I have anything to be mad about!

I did some reflecting yesterday after a conversation with my boyfriend, because I wanted to figure out when my attitude went bad, and I pin-pointed it back to when my dress for my friend’s wedding arrived in the mail. The reason I got so upset is because I may not even need or be able to wear this dress as my friend may be cancelling the ceremony.

In reality, I am allowed to have feelings and be upset and angry, but why am I doing that? The coronavirus is around which obviously has made event planning a million times harder, and things are ever changing when it comes to the lockdowns. She is the one having to plan a wedding during all of this, I should be sympathetic towards her (which I am now). I am thankful that I do not have to be dealing with all of that stress right now.

Since now I probably sound like a total bitch I can explain why I was angry about her possibly cancelling the ceremony. Less than two months ago we were discussing everyone ordering their dresses for the bridal party, and she was overwhelmed and wanted someone else to take it over, so I did without any hesitation! I talked with one of the other bridesmaids and figured out how we all have to order so that it is guaranteed all our dresses are the same exact color, and we picked a date to order!

I informed the bride of when we were all ordering, and we did so as planned. The reason I was upset is because literally two weeks after we ordered is when the bride told me that they’re likely just doing a courthouse wedding and a small celebration afterwards. I was upset because I had just taken this over, got it all done for her, and I felt like she hadn’t been communicating and just dropped this on me. Not to mention I could definitely use that $90 back, but it’s whatever.

For all I know, they didn’t have that decision in their mind back when we placed the order, and that is why I am upset with myself for letting it get me so angry to the point that I was taking it out on someone who doesn’t deserve it. I need to work on being less judgmental and catching/stopping myself when I’m making assumptions. I mean, we all know what they say about assumptions…

Social media break

I’ve decided to take some time away from Facebook and Twitter, as the constant hatred is disheartening to watch and absorb, and I refuse to become bitter like most the people I see on the internet. I have control over what I take in and what I do with my time, and lately I’ve been feeling like social media has been a waste of time.

I love the idea of keeping in touch with old friends and distant family, but when people are constantly putting down others for having different opinions or views it makes you wonder if it’s really worth it. I’ve found myself “muting” and “unfollowing” many people’s feeds because the never ending negativity is becoming too much.

I appreciate productive, respectful conversations and I feel that we as humans can accomplish so much more when we listen to each other and try to learn from one another, rather than listening to speak and in hopes to “win” the conversation or argument. It just seems lately that has been hard to find in my social media bubbles.

I want to take this time to look inward and work on myself, as everyone can make improvements.

November

As we get closer and closer to the end of the year, I can’t help but realize all the stuff I didn’t do and could have been doing during the quarantine periods. Then again, I was lucky enough to be able to continue working full-time so it’s not like I magically had more time on my hands rather than the lack of social life.

I am not going to use this time to sulk and think about what I could have done, instead I want to focus on what I can do now and what I want to work on. As I had said in my last post I am thinking about investing in a cricut and dedicating time to crafts and projects. Ideally I would like to be able to eventually profit off of the products I make, but at the same time I am just looking forward to being able to make friends and family personalized gifts.

I don’t want to get too overwhelmed with everything so I am trying to plan out what I can and I’ve been writing notes with ideas of what I want to do; if I can keep organized that will make this much easier overall, plus I always feel better when things are in some sort of order.

I’m working hard to focus on me and what I can do for present and future self, and this also includes fitness. I really want to make sure I get to the gym more and/or work out at home more as there’s no excuses with the time that we have. I want to be more toned and fit and the only way to improve that is to start working on it.

On that note I’m gonna get myself out of this bed and I’m going to do some stretching before I head off to work.

Vices

I’ve been shopping/spending money on myself lately, which feels great but at the same time I know I shouldn’t be. I’ve been using my credit card on expenses that have been coming up with the upcoming weddings and also car stuff, so since I’m already using it I decide to keep going and I end up at Ulta or Walmart (yes, I love buying stuff at Walmart) and I feel so guilty after.

I am working full time, but I did take a pay decrease when I left my last job. I do want to say that I am 100x happier and in a better place mentally at this new job. I would never go back to such a toxic environment/boss, and I’d rather have this (self-inflicted) “money stress” than feel how I did at that job.

I will say that one good thing is I do not ignore the issue. I am aware of my credit card balance and make it a priority to pay it every single time I get paid. I really do need to cut back on habits such as getting my nails done and coffee, but I also justify those things with the fact that they make me happy and this year has been rough on everyone.

I would like to make more money, and I have been thinking about ways I can do that. I am thinking about investing in a Cricut (once I pay my credit card down) and possibly making an Etsy shop once I have enough practice and am confident with my projects. I also love the idea of being able to make personalized gifts for people for birthdays and holidays.

This is a super late post on a Monday night and I’m exhausted so I’m going to end this now. I need to put a reminder back in my phone to go off on Sundays to blog because I keep getting so busy and forgetting. Anyways, goodnight.

“Live like the flowers”

Today I got a couple new tattoos which has of course left me feeling very happy! I love getting tattoos, and the best part was I had a gift certificate which was able to cover everything! I got a floral half moon on my back, and I got the quote “live like the flowers” on my collar bone.

The quote has a few inspirations, but overall the meaning behind it is to just be. There’s a quote from Zen shin that reads: “a flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it; it just blooms.” I read that quote years ago and it always sat with me. As I’ve grown older I’ve cared less and less about what others think of me, and now I rarely compare myself to others.

There’s another quote I read that was “live like flowers; wild, beautiful and drenched in sunlight.” Overall I’ve always felt more at home in nature; I love going on walks or just floating in the water. As a kid I was always climbing different trees around the apartments that I grew up in, and now I enjoy hiking when I can and just walking through the park.

Other quotes about flowers touch on the fact that when a flower isn’t blooming you don’t throw it away, you change the environment and/or the way in which you care for the flower. If you water the flower and make sure it gets proper sunlight and nutrients, the flower typically will bloom beautifully. Taking that knowledge and applying to yourself as a human can make a world of a difference in the way in which we “bloom.”

Another day

Happy Monday! I am writing this from the break room at work as I was very busy yesterday and was too exhausted to post last night. This morning I was organizing ordering the bridesmaids dresses for my friends wedding in March as I am maid of honor, so that is why I didn’t post this morning.

Life has been busy which is good. I’m finally getting my car fixed after it was hit in July, so I’m driving around a 2020 Nissan Altima as my rental car for now. It’s a nice car but I definitely prefer my 2020 Sonata, which I should have back this week! My friend visited from WI this weekend and we went out to the bar which was nice and normal feeling.

Yesterday my friend had a “drive-by” baby shower as times are weird, but honestly I prefer those for baby showers because then you don’t have to sit there for hours watching them open all the gifts LOL. I feel like even when all this is over I’d prefer to do a drive-by baby shower in the future.

Speaking of which, my boyfriend and I revisited our plans/goals and we are going to try to start having children in a couple of years. We do still want to be married first, and we are currently not engaged, but our wedding plan is to elope in Aruba and we’ve already looked into a lot of it, so we are thinking the planning shouldn’t be too bad.

For the next couple years I plan to continue to work on my mental health. I am planning to wean off of my Cymbalta come Spring as I don’t want to risk coming off right into the winter months, but I’d like to not be on any prescriptions during pregnancy even if they are deemed to be “safe.” I’m still practicing the art of calmness and patience, and I know I will be doing that for the rest of my life, but I want to really dive into that over the next couple years to help prepare for motherhood.

Any tips/tricks/advice would be helpful! I love yoga but have been lacking at practicing, and I want to try meditation again as I feel like I’m at a better place now mentally that I was when I tried it before. I will keep you posted on that!

Early Sunday Morning

This morning I was wide awake at 7am, and I went to bed after midnight so I am not entirely sure why, but I used this morning to put together a little lame crafty card for a friend as I feel she may need a pick me up. I’m terrible about reaching out to friends lately, but I’m trying to get better.

Fall has arrived which makes me very happy! I already started decorating the house because I think it will help prevent me from falling into my seasonal depression at least for now, as I’m not trying to mix together my pandemic depression and my seasonal depression; I mean I can only handle so much.

I feel that I’ve been able to do a lot of self-reflecting during this year and I honestly do feel like I’ve learned a lot about myself and I am really trying to be more grateful and express more love to those who are important to me. Life is so short and our time is never guaranteed, and I am trying to apply that to everyday life, but in a healthy way, not an anxious way.

Today I am hoping to pick up a good book or two from Barnes and Noble, and very likely a nice candle from Bath & Body Works. I can’t spend too much money right now so I have to keep that in mind when I go, but I really want to find a book on Empaths. I’m not looking for one in particular but rather seeing if any look interesting and/or beneficial to me.

Maybe I’ll post later with an update, but until that possible “later” I want to share a peak into my spooky house!