Looking inward

I read a quote that said something along the lines of the best way to get out of the chaos is to look inward. We forget how powerful our minds are as humans, and as hard as the pill may be to swallow, a lot of our obstacles and issues do boil down to ourselves and how we perceive and react to situations.

Once we accept the fact that we have more control over our minds and bodies than we think, we can begin to start the work. Mind you, we’re all humans. We are capable of having our minds and opinions changed, and we are also likely to make mistakes along the way, but as long as we remember our end goal we can bring ourselves back.

I’m always much more motivated on the weekend, which I guess is because I have more time to do things, but also I could do more during the work week if I schedule out the time to do so. I keep saying I want to go to the gym, but I only ever do it on the weekends, as I am too tired after work and haven’t been able to motivate myself enough to go before work.

I have an issue with changing plans/routines and until I take the first step I am constantly delaying my own progress. I haven’t gone to the gym before work yet as I need to make sure I figure out timing to be able to get back home and shower before I leave for work. In reality it is not a hard task, and honestly I’ve calculated the timing already, it’s just forcing myself to get up to that earlier alarm to do something that will benefit me.

Granted, sleep/rest is beneficial as well, but I am typically in bed by 10:00pm or 11:00pm latest so even getting up at 7:00am I get my full eight hours of sleep. I just always feel uneasy when doing something different or “off schedule,” and that has been an issue of mine for as long as I can remember. I need to continue working on these issues in order for me to improve and live the fullest life I can live.

this year is mine.

I finally saw my therapist last Friday after six weeks without a session. She had to cancel one of our sessions earlier in December and she didn’t have any cancellations prior to this appointment I had for January 3rd, so it’s been a little longer than usual between sessions. I am always happy to see my therapist, and as usual we had a good session. I will say that it has left me with open eyes and I realize I am needing to deal with certain things in friendships/relationships. I have a problem where I often spread myself too thin and I feel like I over book myself, but it’s not always with things that I want to do. I can’t keep doing things that I don’t want to do, and I can’t keep accepting guilt from those who try to guilt trip me into doing certain things.

I am often exhausted; I typically drive to work before the sun is up and I come home long after it had already set. Besides my job, I also have to keep up with things at home such as laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking (which I plan to start doing more or this year), cat-moming, garbage etc. Not only that, but I am also trying to work on developing healthy habits such as going to the gym, reading more often, and focusing on my poetry. Now, I know I don’t have any children, and I know I’m not ready for them yet which is why my boyfriend and I take necessary precautions, but that does not mean I am not busy or stressed.

I understand that other people are stressed as well, as we all have different lives and stress, but I think people often look at me like I have all of the time in the world, when in reality I don’t. I do make sure to spend time with friends, but I typically will spread that out over weekends as again, I’m often very tired. I also love spending time at home with my boyfriend since I spend long hours away from him during the week. I know I have good friends who understand these things, and I also know that I have friends who enjoy spending time with me and would probably prefer I spent more time with them; but as adults we all need to understand that our priorities in life are changing, and we have more responsibilities taking our time.

What’s important is that I am happy with how I am spending my time. It is important to be a little selfish- we are the only people who will be with ourselves every day until we die. I feel that one of the most important things in life is to love and care about yourself, and for some of us it takes time and effort to get to that point. That is what I want to focus on right now. I am 24, I’m in a committed relationship, I have an Associates Degree, I’m a home-owner, and I am a manager of a dental practice. I work for what I want, and at this point I want to work on myself. This will also not only benefit me, but my relationship with my boyfriend, my friends, my family, and my future children. ♡