Feeling better

I am finally starting to feel normal again. This morning I had a follow up appointment with my PCP and she prescribed omeprazole to help with my symptoms, so I’m hoping this helps as well and everything goes away.

This is going to be a productive week at work as we only have patients coming in on Friday, so we get to play catch up on claims and billing which is much needed! This office had some less than competent people up front for the past several months, so there is plenty to clean up!

It is so satisfying to get messes fixed and organize the office. I can’t wait to get everything exactly how I want it and continue to bring in new patients to the practice. For this week I am planning to get off around 3-4pm every day, so I will be working on crafting projects and exercising.

I have to continue to work on myself and I have to stop all of the self-loathing. I broke down on Saturday, because I just was feeling like I was ruining everyone’s plans and I was constantly forgetting things. After talking to my boyfriend, we came to the conclusion I have spread myself too thin with work/friends(weddings).

With my hands in too many things, I can’t be giving 100% to everything, and that makes me more upset because I have pretty high expectations of myself. I have to take a step back and think things through before I’m saying “yes!” to everyone and ask myself if it’s something I can actually handle taking on. Boundaries are important, and they only work if you enforce them.

Not having a great time

I’m still having issues with my health; random nausea and this morning I was having random sharp cramping. I can’t remember if I said but mother nature finally made her appearance 13 days late, which was a relief in a way, but also it’s sounding like my next step might be a GI doctor.

I have a follow up appointment on Monday at 8am, but it has to be Telehealth since I’ve been vomiting (even with my negative covid test). I feel like they’re just going to tell me go to the GI doctor; honestly I do have a fear of being diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. But I do need to take care of myself, so I will listen to what the doctor says on Monday.

I’ve been having a rough mental health day/week. Today I was bawling my eyes out in the car with my boyfriend because I feel like I’m constantly ruining everyone’s plans. My best friend got married yesterday and the plan was for everyone to go to the bar after the dinner, and unfortunately I felt like garbage after dinner and a couple drinks so I went home after dinner.

I felt terrible about that and then I also ruined planed with another friend today. She was supposed to come over with a couple other people for wedding crafts, and I forgot that my boyfriend wanted to go see a car that was an hour away from home, which messed up the plans. Then we also forgot that we had an appointment at 2pm for someone to come out and measure for our windows to be replaced, but luckily we made it back in time.

The other thing was my boyfriend had an appointment to see that car at 12pm, and his brother stayed over last night and we wanted breakfast this morning. When we went to breakfast it took a little longer than normal because it was busy, and then we were late to the 12pm by almost an hour. When we got there, we were told they just sold that car five minutes prior. So then I felt even more like shit.

I just haven’t been myself and I’ve been super stressed and I feel like I’ve been holding a lot in that I just need to let out. I’m so annoyed and frustrated with myself, but my boyfriend was saying how he gets so upset when I’m so hard on myself and how he wasn’t even upset with me or anything. I just have been completely out of it lately with everything going on with my health too.

Anyways, I’m just so exhausted and I’m really needing to just push through this shit. Tomorrow is going to be sunny and 60 degrees, so I need to make sure I go on a walk. I also am going to grocery shop and get some healthy options, as I need to start treating my body better. I’m excited to spend the rest of the day just relaxing and spending time with my boyfriend. I’m ready to start feeling better and feeling more like myself.

Feeling feelings

Been irritable lately and overthinking a lot. I had a fun weekend, but there were also parts that made me upset but I made sure to let it all go because we were celebrating a good friend for her bachelorette party.

I’ve been feeling people’s emotions and passive aggressiveness lately and it’s been draining. I also feel lack of communication is hurting a relationship right now, but I also don’t know how to address it and it’s not a good time at all. At this point it would be rude to do/say anything so I will just have to wait.

I am just tired right now and am ready to go to bed. I have to work tomorrow and honestly I am kind of excited to start off the month on a good note at work! I think my career life will be thriving soon, I just have to get through a couple months of fixing up quite a few issues.

Meh

Yesterday was a bad mental health day. Although I was productive, I was feeling very “meh” all day and was just being very hard on myself. I am able to recognize when I am being hard on myself and when I’m overworking myself, but I can’t seem to stop it. My hardest struggle right now is the new job.

I love my new job, honestly! There’s just quite a few things that are similar to one of my previous jobs, and unfortunately it’s a bit triggering for me and my body. I’m not throwing up daily or anything like I did at the job I’m referring to, but there’s just an overwhelming amount of mistakes to fix again, and it feels like I’m drowning in it.

I find myself having difficulty sleeping again, and constantly dreaming about being at work. The good thing is that all of my coworkers and higher ups are very encouraging and are so pleased with me and they tell me daily that I’m doing a great job- and I know I am too- I just can’t help but feel like I’m never doing enough.

I feel like I mainly have this issue when I’m in leadership positions at work, because I feel like everything comes down on me (even though it’s not true because this is a team effort) and I put way to high of expectations on myself. I want to make sure no one is stressed, including myself, so I overwork myself trying to prevent anything from going wrong. The problem is, I keep walking into jobs where there is A LOT of clean up, so mainly everything is going wrong until I can fix it all.

I’m going to learn a balance; luckily my regional coach is always reminding me that they don’t want me to burn out. She told me that it’s very easy to want to work all day as there will always be stuff to do, but work/life balance is important. I just have to be better at setting myself a boundary so I stop over-working myself and stop making myself more anxious.

Lucky in love

I love slowly waking up on Sunday mornings with you; taking what feels like hours to get out of bed and start the day. Feeling your warm hands reach out for me, then giving in to your warm embrace. That feeling of complete calmness overwhelming my body, giving me a sense of peace.

You make it so easy to be in love, and you make it seem so easy to love me. You see the beauty underneath the roughness, and you admire every part of me. It doesn’t matter the day or time, you always make sure I am aware of your love for me. I often sit and wonder how I got so fortunate to be loved by such an incredible man.

We’ve grown together over the years, making our connection stronger and stronger. Every day we laugh together, making each day more enjoyable. You kiss my cheek every night when you come to bed, and I kiss yours every morning when I leave for work. Our love is my favorite, and I am so blessed to have your love forever.

Productive

Yesterday I spent most of the day making gifts for my friend’s upcoming bachelorette party! She asked me to be her maid of honor so I decided to take on making all the goody bags for the party and it’s super fun!

I started my new job at the end of last week and I am feeling very good about this company and office I will be working for! As silly as it may sound, I am excited to have my own little desk/office area and I want to decorate it all cute LOL. It really is the little things.

I keep telling myself I am going to make fitness a priority in my life, so I am going to. I need to work on weight lifting and toning my body; I also want to be stronger in general. I should get working on it while I’m young and make it a habit so life isn’t so hard later in life (going up stairs, going on long walks, etc.) I am on my period right now so I’ve been exhausted, but I can at least stretch and do some yoga.

I am over the cold weather/snow already, I just want it to be nice outside again so I can go on walks regularly and just enjoy the sunshine. Hopefully winter just flies by!

Quick Monday

It’s my last Monday at my current job! This is bittersweet as I love my coworkers and I also have really enjoyed this job, I just miss having more responsibilities (and more money of course)! I start training at the new job this Thursday, and literally they told me I can do my compliance training at home which is so nice!

I have nothing but good feelings about this new job; I think this is the first time I’ve truly felt confident going into a job. Of course we all have normal anxieties around it as I have a whole new system to learn, but I know I’ll grasp it quickly.

I have this thing when I start new jobs, I want to try to start a new life habit, and I really need to incorporate working out into my life, so I need to work up a schedule for myself for once I am more settled with my regular hours. I will have to work on that later today. For now, off to work!

Stressed, but blessed

On Thursday night I hit a patch of icy snow in my car which caused it to veer out of control and my tire went off the road and the control arm snapped. Luckily no airbags deployed and I was the only one involved and I am not injured. My car, however, has over $7000 of damage (thank goodness for insurance).

Today my cat woke my boyfriend and I up and he was acting weird, and he had thrown up twice. I ended up taking him into the vet because last time I thought something was wrong it escalated fast and he had high kidney counts and a urinary blockage. This time around his PH levels in his urine are high, but kidney levels are normal. He does have a urinary blockage again, but he’s doing better and we will just have him on a prescription diet the rest of his life. We will be able to bring him home tomorrow if all goes as planned.

So far this year has taken an interesting turn, but I am truly blessed that everyone is okay. Of course my pockets are hurting a bit (the vet bill is over $1000), but money is just money, and there are more important things to stress about. Luckily, I will be starting my new job soon and will be making more money so I can pay off my credit card again ASAP.

I’m trying to keep positive spirits with everything being thrown my way, but I do have my moments where it’s all a bit overwhelming. I just remind myself that we’re all human, I am allowed to feel that way.

Feeling good (accidental late draft post)

I have a job interview coming up Monday morning for a manager position at a dental office. I have experience and am very hopeful about this opportunity; they told me via email that they are impressed with my experience which is a good sign, right?!

Also what’s good is at my current job we hit all our numbers for last month so we ended up getting a nice bonus this month, which I used part of to order my Easy Press so I can start making shirts/sweatshirts with my Cricut. I also treated myself to a manicure today so that felt great!

One of my old coworkers is coming over to buy a shaker bottle from me! I bought some cute ones from Walmart and used my Cricut and permanent vinyl to add the phrase “Gym & Tonic” and people love them! (I’ll add the photo to this blog post). I’m thinking of more ideas for projects with Valentine’s day coming up!

How’s everyone’s weekend going?