motivation

An Off Day

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Today just felt off, and honestly yesterday did too. I’m trying to be positive and remind myself that I’m allowed to rest and take breaks, but it’s not always easy. Today it’s 100 degrees outside and I started not feeling the greatest towards the end of my shift, so I ended up skipping the gym. I’ve been sleeping a lot more these past couple of days and I need to listen to my body.

I can’t help but feel guilty about it, and I’m trying to figure out why. Why am I so hard on myself? Is it because going to the gym is within my control and I’m not doing it? I already told myself that I’m going to the gym to feel better and be healthier, getting obsessive over it is not healthy! Honestly though, I’m stressed about life shit too.

We recently got a letter from our lovely homeowners association and they’re requiring some expensive work to be done. It’s annoying and honestly would never recommend anyone to live where there is an HOA. At a time where inflation is ridiculous, we’d rather not spend thousands of dollars on stuff that isn’t really that important (to us, but to them it’s not cosmetically pleasing), but we unfortunately don’t have that choice right now. I think the anxiety is coming from the fact that we don’t know what the pricing looks like yet, and I always have anxiety around money.

I am trying to remind myself that money comes and goes, and luckily my boyfriend and I are both working and are able to pay all of our bills. We truly are blessed and I am grateful for this every single day; I just need to keep reminding myself to turn to gratitude.

It’s not a bad life, it’s just a rough couple of days. I always come out of it and I will do the same this time. Day by day, I will learn to give myself grace, and I will learn how to be patient with myself. This is all part of the journey.

Good Start

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I went to the gym this morning!! I am extremely proud of myself as I have never gone before work and I was having some anxiety about it; luckily everything worked out (LOL, get it? 😂) and here I am in the parking lot of my job with a little extra time to type this out!

I have been wanting to start going to the gym in the mornings all week; I was going to start on Monday, but then I used the random snowfall that happened as an excuse not to go. By Tuesday I gave up because I was already having anxiety and losing sleep thinking that I wouldn’t wake up in time to go or I’d be late to work.

I was having my anxious dreams like I used to have where I’m running late for work, or I go to the wrong office and can’t get a hold of anyone. As a kid I’d often dream that I missed the bus or I was late to class- I’ve always had anxiety about time and being late, but I’m not sure where it stems from. But today I overcame a fear and I feel so much better about it!

I am going to start going to the gym four days a week in the mornings before work, and I feel that this will make me feel a lot better as I’ll start my days early doing something for myself! I’m excited to see where this journey takes me!

I hope everyone has a great Thursday!

Bird Set Free

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Today I did something I never have, and I posted a short video of me singing on instagram. No music/instrumentals, just my voice, and I don’t feel insecure about it! I realized how I normally would feel weird or embarrassed, but I really don’t care if people hate it or think I’m awful, because I had fun!

It definitely is nice to have friend and some strangers comment and tell me that they think I sound good, but at the same time, it really doesn’t even matter! It’s more so nice to actually just feel good about myself and feel confident without feeling that need for validation.

Having the sun out this Monday has me feeling happy and motivated; I hope everyone reading is able to find something happy about today!

Thank You.

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I’ve been on a path of self-growth and gratitude, and it’s truly amazing how much saying “thank you” can do. I’m was reading a book called “The Magic,” which is a daily practice book- meaning you only read a few pages each morning and you follow the steps in the book. I did fall off of reading this when my mother had her stroke, and honestly I haven’t picked the book back up yet, but I have made sure to still do one of the practices daily.

Every morning I was writing down ten things that I’m grateful for, why I am grateful for them, and then said “thank you” three times after each one. After a while I got tired of writing them in my phone notes, so now I actually say them aloud in the car on my way to work. I’ve been noticing some “magic” (and/or coincidences) happening already!

For example, every day a lot of the ten things tend to be the same, but I switched it up a bit and said I was thankful for coffee. I am grateful for coffee, because it tastes good and gives me energy and just makes my day that much better; I spoke this into the universe, said “thank you, thank you, thank you,” and kept driving to work. When I got close to my destination, the line at the nearest Dunkin’ was short, and I actually had time to stop before work! So I went into work happy with my iced coffee, and then one of my coworkers shows up with another iced coffee for me! I was shocked, but boy did it make the day even better LOL!

Today I told the universe I was thankful for money, and then my boss surprised me with a $100 Visa gift card for not getting any “points” (basically penalties) against me for the past year of work. What’s even crazier is that I actually had left this job for a few months and they brought me back in when my other job didn’t work out like I thought it would, and she still rewarded me with the gift card! Again, I know these can be coincidental, but at the same time, believing in a little magic can be fun!

Using free time to remember things that we are grateful for can truly make a world of a difference in our minds. It’s all perspective and mindset; as my mom always told me “mind over matter.” I used to get so mad at that phrase when I was a kid, but wow do I appreciate it now. It’s crazy to think that there truly is a bit of magic everywhere, we are just too distracted and busy to see it. Being aware and present in the moment can really open up a whole new world within you!

I hope everyone has a magical weekend! Abs thank you for being here. ♡

Late/Tired

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It’s late, but I didn’t want to not write at all. I had a good weekend, seeing friends and enjoying time with my boyfriend. I have been watching trash tv (LOL my guilty pleasure is Are You The One on MTV), and it’s honestly been so relaxing.

I have been still practicing the art of gratitude daily and really focusing on the positive side of things, and I can tell an overall difference in my mood. It may we a weird way to describe it, but I feel lighter. Like I just feel as if I am carrying less worry and less stress, and it makes me want to continue on this path.

For now I am going to rest as I have to work early tomorrow- I hope everyone has a great week ahead!

Hello, new week!

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Happy Monday! Back at work after a nice weekend away with my family; my aunts, mom, grandma, cousin’s wife and I all went away on a girl’s trip! We did some exploring outside and in the cute downtown area, and it was overall a decent time! Now I’m just counting down the days for my boyfriend and I to take our vacation!

My boyfriend and I made a rough schedule for ourselves for the gym and our stream (we want to get back on twitch and regularly stream content for people). Today we technically should be starting the stream, but we will see how it goes! We’re planning to mainly do some reaction videos and also stream when we take car rides together, as that is always a fun time LOL.

I’m just excited to spend more time together, and also I’m excited to be back in the gym. I went a couple of times last weekend (not this past one but the one before that), and also went on a walk outside last week when it was finally nice out. I am making it a priority to get moving and focus on my health a bit more! Of course this past weekend I ate terribly, so that gives extra motivation to keep staying on track!

I also had my halloween shop drop over the weekend, and I sold five items so far which is exciting! I also got to decorate my house with some of my creations which makes me happy! I think I’m going to do a little less for the Thanksgiving drop next month since the shop drops haven’t been selling out, and I’m going to be focused on house stuff and the vacation coming up.

Overall I feel like this is going to be a good rest of 2021, and I am staying positive and focused on my goals! I hope everyone has a great week!

Anniversary Weekend

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Today my boyfriend and I are celebrating 10 years together! He’s currently driving us back home from our yummy lunch at P.F. Changs, and we are just going to chill together for the rest of the day. It’s so crazy to think that we started dating at 16 years old, and here we are 10 years later living the best life together.

My boyfriend and I moved out to our first apartment together when we were 19, and we bought our townhome together at 21! Over the years here we have had to update some pretty big ticket items around the house, but luckily this will benefit us later on when it’s time to sell or rent it out! There are still quite a few things we want to update around the house over the next few years, but for now we’re focusing on paying down the debts from those unexpected updates.

People are always asking when we’re going to get engaged/married/have kids/etc, and honestly it doesn’t bother me as I know we have been together for a while, but I don’t really even have an answer for anyone. I know that my boyfriend is trying to get me a ring that is too expensive, and with what we are trying to accomplish with our budget, I don’t know when that will be possible for him. He won’t budge on his decision, even though he knows I’d take a $500 ring, but that’s his choice.

I’ve always said my minimum age for having kids is 28, and I just turned 26 a couple months ago, so I am still on my timeline for that! Of course I always have that fear that I won’t be able to get pregnant, but luckily there are options like IVF and adoption! And if it comes to those options, I am blessed to have my wonderful man by my side for those times. I am so happy that we have come this far, and I know we will be able to handle anything together.

I honestly was kind shocked when I had a friend reach out to me yesterday – she told me to let her know if “anything happens” today, meaning a proposal. I let her know that it was not going to happen today, as my boyfriend and I already talked about everything, and her response was “I’m sorry.” Sorry? For what?

In my head, I was thinking “do my friends just feel bad for me? they think I’m not happy until I’m engaged?” I think it really just threw me off as she has known me for longer than I’ve been with my boyfriend, and I am very content with my life, which makes me think that she thinks I shouldn’t be. It may not be the case, I mean she’s already married and has a child, but I don’t compare my life with everyone else’s like most do, so I guess that could be why she assumed I’m unhappy? I really don’t know, it just didn’t really sit right with me.

I’ve been having a lot of thoughts and realizations lately, which is making me want to just cut off a bunch of people. I feel like it’s better to hang out with people who want to share ideas and life goals, and try to make plans to make dreams a reality. I’d rather not be around people who just want to talk about other people and judge everyone. I’ll be 100% honest, I have been a judgmental person, and I don’t want to be that way; I’d much rather take the time to understand where people are coming from and why they make the decisions that they do.

I’ve always had empathy for others, and I have always fallen in the middle of most debates and issues as I can literally see both sides of pretty much everything! I feel like that is also a majority of people, but we get lost in our social bubbles and the influences around us. I feel like it’s important to be open and understanding with all people, as when we ask questions and try to understand where people are coming from, we often learn new perspectives and ideas. Isn’t that what life is all about?

There is an overall lack of empathy and understanding in the world, and it will be detrimental to us all in the long run. I really want to do something to encourage more open discussions and ideas; my boyfriend and I have talked about doing a twitch stream and that may be where this starts. I’ll keep you posted on that! I hope everyone is having a good weekend!

Labor Day

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I cannot believe it’s already Labor Day… I feel like we already lost out on a whole year (2020) but now I’m like how is it about to be 2022??? In my timeline of life, ideally I would want to be getting pregnant this time next year with my first baby and already be married, but my boyfriend is still not my fiancé yet so we will see how that’s goes LOL.

Honestly I am happy with how life is going, and I want to keep this timeline in mind as motivation to keep me working out and eating healthier. I want to be much more healthy and fit by the time that I get pregnant/have children so that I can teach them how to have healthy habits as they grow up. I also know it may take a while to get pregnant, or I may find out I cannot get pregnant, in which case it will still be better to be healthy incase I have to try IVF.

I don’t want that to come off as negative or worried about the worst case, I truly just look at that as something normal that can happen, along with miscarriages! I think the problem is we weren’t really taught that in health class or in any type of schooling that 1 in 4 women have a miscarriage and a lot also struggle with infertility issues. I feel like since I’m very aware of that and have friends who have gone through all of the above, that is just something I’m (somewhat) mentally prepared for.

Overall there are obviously more reasons to want to get healthy and get stronger, but I am going to try to keep this in mind as the months and years keep flying by. I’m the only person who can make these changes and make healthy habits for myself, and my future self and children deserve it!

Happy Sunday.

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Today I woke up and made breakfast for myself and my boyfriend, and we enjoyed a calm morning together. I spent most of the rest of the day crafting, preparing for my first small shop drop on September 10th! Since not too many people I know follow my blog on here, I want to share a little sneak peak of the drop items on here!

I want to do a relatively small drop for my first one, as I have no clue if people will be interested/participating on this one, and I already have 17 items available for purchase! I am excited about everything I’ve made, and I’m feeling a lot more creative and confident about my crafting!

I’ve been feeling a lot better about my decision when it comes to work, and I am excited to start my new job in a couple of weeks! The goal is to get into a new routine with my job, workout out, crafting, and reading. I want to make sure that I am progressing in life and moving toward my goals, I deserve that for myself.

I am excited for the week ahead, as I feel only good things coming up. I hope that is the same for all of you as well!

Indecisive

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I have been going back and forth trying to make a decision about what to do with my job situation. I currently have a job that I like, but I have not been getting my full 40 hours for several weeks now, and it is starting to become stressful. I recently had my manager from my last job reach out and asked if I wanted to work in the billing department for her, and offered $1 more an hour, steady 40 hours a week, no weekends, and give me my vacation time back immediately as if I never left- the issue is the insurance is more expensive as they are a smaller company. So although I would “make more money,” it would be going to my insurance. The one good thing is it is a little closer to home than my current job. I am trying to see if I can get on my boyfriend’s insurance without being married, as we do have a joint account and are both on our current mortgage. If I can do that, that may sway me into going to that job.

On the other hand, I work for a company that wants to keep their employees, and I told them about my offer and how much I would want to get paid to stay and transition into being in their billing team; I had to keep in mind that it is quite a bit further of a drive to work. However, they can let me work from home two days a week once I am fully trained, and I would also have steady hours and not work weekends. I know a lot of people don’t care about the drive, but I just keep thinking about having an hour commute to work and then back, but also how it’ll be even longer in the winter.

In the midst of all of this stress, I came up with a craft drop schedule for my small shop! I will post it with this blog, that way if anyone wants to follow along on my Instagram or Facebook page! I am really excited to take this leap and give myself deadlines; it is important to set goals if you want to reach them! I can think about stuff I want to do as much as I want, but until I put in the work, all those thoughts will ever be are just thoughts. I keep reminding myself that you cannot rely on motivation as it is temporary, you have to rely on yourself, which requires discipline. I set up a crafting schedule so that I am constantly working on projects and being creative; I work well with routine and schedules, so as long as I put it on the schedule it will get done. Also, posting publicly about it also gives that added incentive to get it done and do a good job, as I can just hope someone is waiting to see what I’ve made!

I am open to any thoughts/advice anyone has, and appreciate any who are here reading this! I hope you all have a great week.