mental health

Ready for the weekend, and it’s only Monday.

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This week, my weekend starts on Thursday as my boyfriend and I go on “baecation!” (yes, I know I’m lame lol). The last time we had a vacation together (just us two) was 2016, so you can say it’s a bit overdue. I’m so excited to just get away for the weekend, relax and spend time with my love. We always have the best time together, and I found out there is a P.F. Chang’s where we’re going (aka my obsession) so now I’m even more excited!

The only plan we have right now is a couples massage on the day we arrive, setting the relaxing vibe for the weekend! We’re just going to go with the flow and enjoy our time together away from the realities of work and responsibilities. It’s always nice to disconnect from the world and reconnect with each other without distractions.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my OB, we’re going to talk about my breast cyst (although I already have an appt with the surgeon next month), and I want to hopefully discuss symptoms of PCOS and/or discuss how to test fertility. I’m also having irregular periods lately; currently I’m four days late, but I had a negative pregnancy test today. I feel like I’m probably going to get my period tomorrow, which kinda sucks as I will have to deal with that on vacation.

I just have two more days to work this week, I can get through it! I was absolutely exhausted today; it’s the first of the month so we had to do a lot of statements and re-verifying insurance, so it was just a lot of tedious repetition. I honestly really enjoy this job; I never bring work home with me, and that’s something I’ve really needed as I need to make it a point to focus on self care, and when I’m mentally exhausted and depressed, it’s much harder to do.

My boyfriend and I have been going to the gym on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s, and then we typically pick a weekend day to go as well (however I partied a little too hard for Halloween so I had a lazy Sunday and did NOT want to go this weekend).

It’s been nice getting into a routine and getting more comfortable in the gym! I need to set some reasonable goals and start aiming for them, maybe we can do that while we’re on vacation! Can’t wait for Thursday! I hope everyone has a great week!

Realization

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After stepping back and deleting platforms, I am falling out of my addiction to social media. I have felt overall more happy and less anxious, but I’m also now seeing how terrible social media can be for people/mental health. The constant comparison to others, posting to seek validation from people who don’t really care, focusing so much on professional photos and angles to appear in a certain way… where did our priorities go?

Why do we feel the need to share photos of our dinners, our families, our vacations, etc. with random people from high school/college/previous jobs who we wouldn’t even invite out to coffee? Why do we care so much about posting our personal lives on the internet to be on there forever? Is this actually fun, or are their issues that we have within ourselves that need to be addressed?

Technically, if we are truly happy with our life, we would not feel the need to share our accomplishments or fun moments with anyone and everyone who will hear about it. It may be fun to hear from some old friends who are happy for you, but at the same time, what are you truly seeking? And why can’t you find that happiness within yourself and your current life? Those are the questions we should be seeking.

On the flip side, we have also seen the bad sides of social media that hurt our futures. We have seen what happens when people go back and dig up old posts/pictures back to the surface, and sometimes things get taken out of context. Anyone can pull up anything that was posted years ago and get someone “cancelled.” Sometimes words or pictures can be perceived in a different way than what was intended (especially now when everyone thinks the world should tip-toe around them), but that’s the risk you take when you post.

I have this feeling that as the world of cyber-bullying continues to grow, kids are going to start using each other’s parents’ posts as ways to bully each other. Can you imagine having to sit down with your child and talk to them about bullying and they look at you and say “my friend Billy said that he has pictures from your only fans.” LOL, I mean it may seem far fetched due to “age content,” but look how many kids sign up for 13+ facebook at 11, or play video games meant for 17 and older!

If parents aren’t paying attention, or aren’t really tech savvy themselves, children can really do whatever they want! I had friends in middle school on MySpace/Facebook behind their parents’ backs and were able to keep it secret for months, if not years! Now just imagine these kids pulling up each other’s parents’ instagrams/youtube/tiktoks to embarrass each other… are you going to be okay with them looking at your previous posts and videos? Are you thinking about how your kids are going to perceive your posts later on?

What you post on the internet is there to stay forever; filters are easy to remove, content is easy to manipulate, and there are also a lot of smart, evil people who are great at hacking and sharing information that you never thought would be “public.” Just keep in mind what you’re posting, and honestly why you’re posting it! This is not only for yourself, but for your children and their futures.

Hello, new week!

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Happy Monday! Back at work after a nice weekend away with my family; my aunts, mom, grandma, cousin’s wife and I all went away on a girl’s trip! We did some exploring outside and in the cute downtown area, and it was overall a decent time! Now I’m just counting down the days for my boyfriend and I to take our vacation!

My boyfriend and I made a rough schedule for ourselves for the gym and our stream (we want to get back on twitch and regularly stream content for people). Today we technically should be starting the stream, but we will see how it goes! We’re planning to mainly do some reaction videos and also stream when we take car rides together, as that is always a fun time LOL.

I’m just excited to spend more time together, and also I’m excited to be back in the gym. I went a couple of times last weekend (not this past one but the one before that), and also went on a walk outside last week when it was finally nice out. I am making it a priority to get moving and focus on my health a bit more! Of course this past weekend I ate terribly, so that gives extra motivation to keep staying on track!

I also had my halloween shop drop over the weekend, and I sold five items so far which is exciting! I also got to decorate my house with some of my creations which makes me happy! I think I’m going to do a little less for the Thanksgiving drop next month since the shop drops haven’t been selling out, and I’m going to be focused on house stuff and the vacation coming up.

Overall I feel like this is going to be a good rest of 2021, and I am staying positive and focused on my goals! I hope everyone has a great week!

Cloudy Day

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I am so tired today, and I can’t help but feel down although I had a nice, productive weekend. I honestly don’t even feel like posting on here right now, but I also know I’d be much more upset with myself if I didn’t.

Next weekend is my family weekend away with my mom, aunts, grandma and my cousin’s wife. I’m looking forward to seeing the family and being able to relax and also explore a town I’ve never been to before! I think we are staying in a cabin, as that’s what we usually do, and I’m ready for this short getaway.

My boyfriend and I finally booked a vacation for just us in November. We are going to be relaxing in our spa resort for a quick weekend getaway, and I cannot wait! I love spending time with my boyfriend, and we always have the best time together on vacation. We haven’t had a vacation since October 2019, so this is long overdue.

I’m gonna relax the rest of today, maybe go grab a pumpkin spice latte since I’m craving it for some reason. I hope everyone has a good week ahead!

Rough days

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Although my boyfriend and I had a wonderful anniversary on Saturday, I had a rough mental day yesterday and it feels like it’s on today as well. I’m just extra emotional and sensitive- I feel like I’m getting easily overwhelmed by things that haven’t been overwhelming me.

Yesterday we needed to find some clothes for my cousin’s wedding this upcoming weekend, and after going to five different stores and finding absolutely nothing I felt pretty defeated. I know it’s not a huge deal, but I hate having to do things during the week and I also hate when I can’t complete a task so it triggered some anxious feelings. I also had gone all day thinking my period was finally over, but turns out that my body was teasing me (which also likely explains the anxiety/emotions).

In the evening yesterday I went to make Ramen (because I was too distraught to grocery shop, another fail that was eating at me), and I over-cooked the noodles. Again, not a huge deal, but to me it was. I cried. I just felt like literally anything I needed to do, was not able to get done. I felt like I was non-stop failing everything and then failing emotionally for letting these “small things” get to me.

The entire day, my boyfriend was reminding me that these things weren’t detrimental, and that was still have solutions for the issues. I felt like I apologized to him about 250 times and every time he would tell me that there was nothing to be sorry about. I apologized for being emotional and crazy, and he just said “you aren’t as bad as you think you are.”

That statement there made me start wondering at what point in my life I developed such a strong hatred toward myself and my mental state. I have empathy for all my friends/family who have mental issues, and I would never even think about speaking to them the way I do to myself; I don’t even feel like I need to! Why do I feel the need to be mad at myself? That’s something I want to dig into a bit more, I can’t see my therapist for a couple of months as my insurance lapsed and she’s hella booked out, but in the meantime I can do my own work. I’m worth working on.

Anniversary Weekend

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Today my boyfriend and I are celebrating 10 years together! He’s currently driving us back home from our yummy lunch at P.F. Changs, and we are just going to chill together for the rest of the day. It’s so crazy to think that we started dating at 16 years old, and here we are 10 years later living the best life together.

My boyfriend and I moved out to our first apartment together when we were 19, and we bought our townhome together at 21! Over the years here we have had to update some pretty big ticket items around the house, but luckily this will benefit us later on when it’s time to sell or rent it out! There are still quite a few things we want to update around the house over the next few years, but for now we’re focusing on paying down the debts from those unexpected updates.

People are always asking when we’re going to get engaged/married/have kids/etc, and honestly it doesn’t bother me as I know we have been together for a while, but I don’t really even have an answer for anyone. I know that my boyfriend is trying to get me a ring that is too expensive, and with what we are trying to accomplish with our budget, I don’t know when that will be possible for him. He won’t budge on his decision, even though he knows I’d take a $500 ring, but that’s his choice.

I’ve always said my minimum age for having kids is 28, and I just turned 26 a couple months ago, so I am still on my timeline for that! Of course I always have that fear that I won’t be able to get pregnant, but luckily there are options like IVF and adoption! And if it comes to those options, I am blessed to have my wonderful man by my side for those times. I am so happy that we have come this far, and I know we will be able to handle anything together.

I honestly was kind shocked when I had a friend reach out to me yesterday – she told me to let her know if “anything happens” today, meaning a proposal. I let her know that it was not going to happen today, as my boyfriend and I already talked about everything, and her response was “I’m sorry.” Sorry? For what?

In my head, I was thinking “do my friends just feel bad for me? they think I’m not happy until I’m engaged?” I think it really just threw me off as she has known me for longer than I’ve been with my boyfriend, and I am very content with my life, which makes me think that she thinks I shouldn’t be. It may not be the case, I mean she’s already married and has a child, but I don’t compare my life with everyone else’s like most do, so I guess that could be why she assumed I’m unhappy? I really don’t know, it just didn’t really sit right with me.

I’ve been having a lot of thoughts and realizations lately, which is making me want to just cut off a bunch of people. I feel like it’s better to hang out with people who want to share ideas and life goals, and try to make plans to make dreams a reality. I’d rather not be around people who just want to talk about other people and judge everyone. I’ll be 100% honest, I have been a judgmental person, and I don’t want to be that way; I’d much rather take the time to understand where people are coming from and why they make the decisions that they do.

I’ve always had empathy for others, and I have always fallen in the middle of most debates and issues as I can literally see both sides of pretty much everything! I feel like that is also a majority of people, but we get lost in our social bubbles and the influences around us. I feel like it’s important to be open and understanding with all people, as when we ask questions and try to understand where people are coming from, we often learn new perspectives and ideas. Isn’t that what life is all about?

There is an overall lack of empathy and understanding in the world, and it will be detrimental to us all in the long run. I really want to do something to encourage more open discussions and ideas; my boyfriend and I have talked about doing a twitch stream and that may be where this starts. I’ll keep you posted on that! I hope everyone is having a good weekend!

Sick

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Well I’ve been sick since about Thursday. I’ve had multiple negative covid tests (mainly for work as I didn’t really think I had it). Every year when the weather changes I get bad post-nasal drip which turns into a sore throat, then a cough and into a sinus infection! Honestly it’s terrible, and I’m just trying to rest and drink plenty of fluids and take vitamins.

I don’t have insurance right now due to my job transition, so I don’t plan on going to the doctor for this. I’m hoping I’ll start feeling better soon, as I’m not trying to get sent home from work or told to get a doctor’s note. My insurance should be active in a couple of weeks, so of course all of this was bound to happen right now. I am blessed that it isn’t covid though, and I’m happy that I have had this weekend to rest and hydrate.

I was able to get a little bit of crafting done for my next shop drop on October 15th, which makes me feel good since I’ve been pretty tired. I had planned to go to the dollar tree and michael’s today, but I honestly don’t want to go into any stores right now. I know it’s not covid and I’ll have a mask on, but I know I’ll still feel all self-conscious if I cough or something and don’t want everyone freaking out. I’m also exhausted so I really don’t feel like going out.

If anyone has any tips for natural or over-the-counter remedies that have worked for them for cough/sinus infection I am all ears! I hope everyone else is well.

Full Moon Monday

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Wow was today a crazy ass day! Don’t get me wrong, I’m still liking this new job, but there’s definitely stress when there’s a coworker out sick when you’re still somewhat training (I know what I’m doing, I just have to keep practicing to get faster at it). I do like having my 40 hours a week, and honestly the job is so easy! I’m exhausted after today, but I knew I needed to post since I didn’t write yesterday.

Honestly, I had a really good week last week; I met up with a lot of friends that I haven’t seen in while and it was so nice catching up with people! The reason I got to connect with so many friends is because of my first small shop drop I did on 9/10! I was so happy to see so many friends supporting me; it honestly gave me a better appreciation for what I’m doing with my crafting.

I started a new book this evening titled “I’m a Therapist and My Patient is Going to be the Next School Shooter.” The book contains six patient files, and so far I have read two of them! So far it’s a super quick read and I’m excited to read the next one! On that note, I’m gonna end this post now and the goal is to post again on Sunday! Hope everyone has a great week!

Labor Day

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I cannot believe it’s already Labor Day… I feel like we already lost out on a whole year (2020) but now I’m like how is it about to be 2022??? In my timeline of life, ideally I would want to be getting pregnant this time next year with my first baby and already be married, but my boyfriend is still not my fiancé yet so we will see how that’s goes LOL.

Honestly I am happy with how life is going, and I want to keep this timeline in mind as motivation to keep me working out and eating healthier. I want to be much more healthy and fit by the time that I get pregnant/have children so that I can teach them how to have healthy habits as they grow up. I also know it may take a while to get pregnant, or I may find out I cannot get pregnant, in which case it will still be better to be healthy incase I have to try IVF.

I don’t want that to come off as negative or worried about the worst case, I truly just look at that as something normal that can happen, along with miscarriages! I think the problem is we weren’t really taught that in health class or in any type of schooling that 1 in 4 women have a miscarriage and a lot also struggle with infertility issues. I feel like since I’m very aware of that and have friends who have gone through all of the above, that is just something I’m (somewhat) mentally prepared for.

Overall there are obviously more reasons to want to get healthy and get stronger, but I am going to try to keep this in mind as the months and years keep flying by. I’m the only person who can make these changes and make healthy habits for myself, and my future self and children deserve it!

Happy Sunday.

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Today I woke up and made breakfast for myself and my boyfriend, and we enjoyed a calm morning together. I spent most of the rest of the day crafting, preparing for my first small shop drop on September 10th! Since not too many people I know follow my blog on here, I want to share a little sneak peak of the drop items on here!

I want to do a relatively small drop for my first one, as I have no clue if people will be interested/participating on this one, and I already have 17 items available for purchase! I am excited about everything I’ve made, and I’m feeling a lot more creative and confident about my crafting!

I’ve been feeling a lot better about my decision when it comes to work, and I am excited to start my new job in a couple of weeks! The goal is to get into a new routine with my job, workout out, crafting, and reading. I want to make sure that I am progressing in life and moving toward my goals, I deserve that for myself.

I am excited for the week ahead, as I feel only good things coming up. I hope that is the same for all of you as well!