I didn’t record my podcast episode, and I am giving myself grace about it. I will record soon, and I know this is just my brain getting into survival mode and putting me in a freeze state. I am feeling my way through it and I see exactly where all this fear is stemming from.
As a child my father would often tell me that I had no voice. He’d remind me that I had zero power or control in the home, because I was just the child. Also, being a child of alcoholics, I kept that part of my life a secret from everyone outside of the house (except for a couple close friends as I got older). I was always keeping quiet as a way to be safe, so my brain automatically shut down when I went to start recording my podcast episode.
I am working through this feeling, reminding myself that I am allowed to have a voice. All I have to do is speak the truth and remember my intentions. People will judge regardless, and that is not my business or my problem. I know my intentions and I know who I am- that is all that matters. I am not putting a harsh timeline on this, but I am determined to start recording this year!
When I initially read this, I thought “absolutely!” and then had a sudden flashback to when I thought this girl at my work was normal and she definitely was NOT. She was sort of a stalker of sorts honestly, and sometimes I still can’t help but judge myself when I literally LET HER CAT SIT MY BABIES WHEN MY HUSBAND (boyfriend at the time) AND I WENT ON VACATION. Luckily I no longer have contact with her, however I still recently was shown a picture where I discovered she named her baby boy the same name as my husband… but back to the prompt.
I decided to google “what makes a good judge of character,” and according to the AI generated response, I will still go with my initial reaction, I am very observant, I listen well, I notice when people are inconsistent in their words and actions, and putting all of this together can assist in making a good judge of character. I also need to trust my intuition more, which is something I’m working on in my current life. I truly do feel that I am a good judge of character, I think my issue with the situation I described at the beginning of my post was just being too trusting too soon.
I am a very empathetic person and at points in my life it has definitely been to my detriment- this weird coworker situation being one of them. I was already friends with one of the girls in that tiny billing office (let’s call her Amanda), and had discovered that I went to high school with the other girl, so I was pretty open and friendly in the beginning with everyone in there. I also had already worked for the company before, so I had already met this other girl (let’s call her Bethany) and never knew of anyone having any problems with her.
I had started at that job in September (years ago, but I’m not trying to go into specifics), and by Halloween my friend Amanda and I were celebrating in my downtown area with Bethany and her other friend and husband, Amanda and I had our boyfriends there as well, and everyone had a relatively good time. Since Bethany actually lived in my same town (yup… super uncomfy) we had made plans to go bowling another night with our significant others. When we did, honestly everything seemed normal. The whole forming of a friendship seemed normal…until it didn’t.
We had these weird work schedules and there would be times when Bethany and I would work just the two of us for an hour or so. Suddenly this girl would just start talking about very sexual shit, like girl had zero boundaries and honestly I had no clue where this was coming from. I’m a pretty conservative person and do not discuss that type of thing with friends, let alone coworkers… in the work place! It was so uncomfortable and I felt so awkward and just would try to ignore or redirect the conversation to work.
She also started to seem to like everything I liked and it started to feel weird. I talked once about how I would sometimes hula-hoop because I wanted to learn how to do cool tricks and dances, and the next day Bethany comes into work like “I wanna learn how to hula-hoop, let’s hoop together.” I also started listening to Gabby Bernstein and then suddenly she’s like “Oh I paid for her manifesting challenge, I can print two copies if you want one!”
As I mentioned earlier on, I had let this girl watch my cats when we had gone on a vacation (this was prior to all of the weird sexual talk and copycat behavior). Since Bethany knew where I lived, she decided to show up at my house unannounced one day. I was actually out with my cousin at the time, but my husband (bf at the time) was home. Luckily, he did not answer the door and he was honestly creeped out, as was I! Like bruh, my own mother does not show up unannounced… why the fuck do you think you can? According to her, she just wanted to show me her new scooter she rode over to the house.
So then I had to have an uncomfortable conversation with her at work, which I made sure not to do in front of anyone else, that she cannot come to my house unannounced as we do not like that. She basically kinda laughed about it, which I was hoping was just a cope laugh, but I also had to tell her that we are coworkers and not friends. Like I want everything to be normal at work, but that’s it. I kinda tried to use the boss and company as reasoning like I just didn’t want the drama, because it’s uncomfortable to straight up tell someone that they are weirding you out.
I mean this is something I’m working on with the people-pleasing, because I am very much aware I am allowed to speak up when I’m uncomfortable. I am no longer prioritizing other people’s comfort over my own. I feel like many people do fawn in situations, statistically women do more, and I wish women were just taught to be more assertive as young girls. I should not have felt so weird to just call her out and let her know I’m feeling uncomfortable and do not wish to talk to her.
I did end up going to the boss and letting her know how uncomfortable I was. At this point she kept bringing me my coffee order and saying things like “I had a free coffee! The universe has your back!” which is a Gabby Bernstein book. *eye-roll HARD* Not to mention I completely skipped the part where she was bringing her AirPods into the bathroom, but leaving her phone in the office with the little “ear” device on so she could listen to all of us in the office when she wasn’t in there. Yeah, Bethany really was some sort of wacko I hope to never come across again.
The more I observed Bethany, the more I recognized how all her value came from external validation and attention. She needed everyone else to like her. She made every situation somehow about her, and she’d always make herself the victim. Complete covert narcissist. Literally we had a girl working with us for several months, and during her time there, she had announced that she was pregnant. We were all so excited for her, except for Bethany.
Bethany wanted a baby of her own, and it was not happening for her at that time. Side note: honestly, even though she is not my favorite person, I was so happy for her when I was told that she was pregnant and when she had her baby a couple months ago. I have her blocked on everything so I wouldn’t have known without someone else telling me, and now I kind of wish I didn’t know, because I will forever be weirded out that her baby and my husband have the same name. Especially because she met my husband and also seemed to be oddly obsessed with him too in my opinion.
Okay I got off on a tangent for a second (and this entire prompt that turned into a whole ass story LOL), but Bethany was upset that our other coworker was pregnant. She literally said to me once “I think she’s rubbing in my face” and I said “I think she’s just excited to have a baby girl and a baby she will have all the time” (because she already had a boy and was actively fighting for full custody with her ex).
Our pregnant coworker ended up quitting a couple months before her due date, and in August we got the devastating news that she had actually passed away during childbirth. We were all very shocked and shook up by this incident, but I was also very shocked at what Bethany had to say.
She said, within literally minutes of learning this news, “this really hits home for me dealing with my infertility” ……. WHAT?! First of all, way to make HER FUCKING DEATH ABOUT YOU!! But also, our late coworker didn’t have any “infertility” issues, her death was a rare accident and she was full-term in her pregnancy. Literally what the fuck are you talking about? I was completely confused as to what was coming out of her mouth and was appalled that someone could make this horrific tragedy about themselves.
Once I was truly observing Bethany, I wanted nothing to do with her. We were not aligned in anything, no matter how much she would try to convince me that we were. I have learned a valuable lesson to allow myself time to observe and listen before diving into trust and closeness. I don’t think I’ll let anyone new ever watch my cats again, or know where I reside, and I will be more vocal when I am uncomfortable, because if you have no problem making me uncomfortable, then I have no problem returning the favor. Life is all about lessons, and typically the hardest situations allow for the most growth.
I get really reactive when I mess something up. It triggers the perfectionism in me- like I am not allowed to make mistakes, like all of my work was for nothing, like I’m a failure. Sometimes I feel the spiral coming and I just let it. Instead of using my tools or pausing to breathe, sometimes I just let it overtake me.
Am I too tired to use my tools, or am I punishing myself because I feel like I deserve it? I know I’m not too lazy to change and do the work, because I’ve made so much noticeable progress over the years- so is it self-sabotage? Is it just being a fucking human being with an ego? Is it hormones? Did I eat enough today? No.
Today was just annoying in and of itself, I was over all of it. Today feels like a regression, but I am now recognizing as I type this that this is part of the journey to becoming emotionally mature. Paying attention to these things that get me so bothered and actually trying to understand them.
Like I am very aware that I grew up in a reactive household. I also am aware that I had a verbally abusive father who often told me I was a dumbass, and even told me that I’d fail when I moved out on my own and I’d be crying to come back there. So failure just never feels like the option- but who is here to “punish me” when I fail? No one… so I do it. But why? Would I scream at a friend or my husband for making a simple mistake like dropping an eggshell in batter? Absolutely not! But that is 100% what sent me on a spiral this evening.
Granted again, I had a rough day as it is just getting triggered about people and their lack of work ethic, but why does that bother me? Likely, because I have been working for what feels like most of my life and always have put pride into what I do. I have also worked for shitty employers who did not appreciate my work, and I am blessed to say I don’t have that problem anymore- so that’s why I get triggered when I can see good bosses being taken advantage of. However, I can focus on myself and stay in my line and keep doing my job, and that is definitely what is best for myself and my mental health.
Back to the whole thing where I feel like I’m stupid when I fuck up- I am very much aware that I hold myself to insane standards that I don’t expect from anyone else… I just struggle to let it go. I struggle because I feel that my high standards are what got me to where I am today. Moving out at 19, buying a house at 21, working upwards in my career, having a stable relationship- weren’t my high standards for myself the reason I could do all of this?
When I actually think about that… no they aren’t. Me being me and being able to reach out for help and use resources is the reason I’m able to do the things I do. Holding myself to insane expectations only allows me to feel rigid and anxious when things aren’t going right- but failure is just an opportunity to learn and pivot.
Failure is an inevitable thing in life- I hear it in so many self-help podcast interviews with successful people. They always say that failure is basically step one- we all have to fail to be able to learn and grow for the next experience. Today I learned that I will always crack eggs in a separate container before mixing them in batter so it is easier to remove the shell. I wouldn’t have learned that without dropping the shells in.
The best part of all of this stupid eggshell story is that I got the eggshells out of the batter eventually anyways! So I had an entire spiral of negativity for no reason; but also since I believe that everything happens for a reason- I guess this was it. I honestly am proud of myself that I even took time to sit and journal myself out of the triggered state.
I really do want to stop punishing myself and holding myself to such high standards, and now I can refer back to this post where I literally show myself how doing those things aren’t necessary or helpful at all. This one thing won’t fix it all, this will be a repetitive process until I build a strong habit, and I am very much willing to do the work. Guess I’ll start with giving myself grace and celebrating this little win of slowing down and dissecting my thoughts with curiosity.
Today is 9/9 and we all know how much I love repeating numbers! I have only scratched the surface of numerology and astrology, but I do follow some accounts on Instagram and they are talking about how this 9 signifies completion of a cycle/journey.
Today is a great day to take time to reflect on your journey so far, celebrating what has brought you to this current moment. It’s also a great time to release anything that is no longer serving your highest self. This gives us a nice transition into our next cycle, where we can realign our focus to what is important for us now, in this new chapter.
Today I am so proud of where I am. My relationship with my fiancé, my friendships, my workplace- all is feeling abundant and well. My mental health has improved greatly over the recent years, and I am so grateful that I’ve stayed dedicated to improving my mental health and learning to love myself.
I am releasing the tension and fears that keep me stagnant and obsessive, as I know I can lean into my intuition and I can trust myself to handle anything that comes my way. I am releasing the fearful “future-thinking” that keeps me away from the present moment where I am safe and supported. I am releasing the trust issues I have with myself, and I am leaning into the trust I have with the divine.
I am so grateful for this life. I am grateful for this love. I am grateful for the support all around me, both in the physical world and beyond. I’ve dreamt of these days, and I am grateful to be present to enjoy them. 🤍
Propaganda (Oxford): “Persuasive mass communication that filters and frames the issues of the day in a way that strongly favours particular interests; usually those of a government or corporation.”
Propaganda (Merriam-Webster): “The spreading of ideas, information, or rumor for the purpose of helping or injuring an institution, a cause, or a person.”
Propaganda (Brittanica): “Ideas or statements that are often false or exaggerated and that are spread in order to help a cause, a political leader, a government, etc.”
I hated history in school, but I do remember learning a bit about propaganda. The generation I am a part of is the first one who grew up with the internet and social media. we don’t have to wait for the channel 7’s breaking story, we have thousands of stories at our fingertips at every waking moment.
It is so easy for anyone with power behind the media/algorithms to control us, because we’re addicted to the screens and we’re addicted to the stress. It’s sad to see so much hatred and division, but diving and conquering seems to work for those in power.
I know this all sounds sooooo doom and gloom, but I honestly think there’s hope. I think that more people have common goals than they think, and we need to actually learn how to sit and actually have a conversations to listen, learn, and collaborate. We need to learn how to manage our emotions, rather than letting our emotions manage us. Consuming copious amounts of traumatic images and horrendous events repeatedly is actually doing something to our brains.
I thought the answer was to get off of social media, and honestly I still feel that in a way, but this is also a way to share information and hopefully help people to realize how much we could actually do together. We’re all skin and bones, and I’m always going to be hopeful that love wins in the end. Humans deserve peace.
I am finally feeling about 95% better with my back! I was able to enjoy the 4th with my best friend and her son; we went to the farmers market and then swam at the pool in town for a few hours which honestly felt great on my back! Apparently it was exhausting as well, because my ass fell asleep at 7:30pm! I woke up at 9:30pm to the sound of fireworks, looked out my window and watched them for a couple minutes and knocked back out.
My body has definitely been needing rest, and I am doing my best to give myself that time. I went back to the chiro yesterday and am planning to go tomorrow as well, as I want to get back to 100%! I also am going to make sure I am getting in my walks and stretching at least, as I never want to be in the pain again.
I am happy to say that I had huge weight lifted off my shoulder when it comes to my work life. I had a coworker who was really adding stress to my days at work and it was an everyday struggle with trying to be nice and tolerable at work, but feeling inauthentic because I really wanted to tell them off. This created an internal battle, because I didn’t want to make everyone at work feel uncomfortable, but I was feeling uncomfortable every day.
This person would constantly talk about everyone in the office, never minding their own business. When they were called out for mistakes, they would point fingers and blame everyone else even though they were the one who made the error. Not only that, but even though I had said multiple times that this was work relationship, they were constantly trying to make me be friends with them and try to hang out outside of work. They never take accountability, they always play the victim, and overall this person was super manipulative— and luckily this is all over now!
Something that opened my eyes when I was dealing with all this was a video my friend sent me that said “sometimes the universe will bring people into your life to simply show you what it would be like if you didn’t heal.” I immediately thought of this person and how I could even see some of past me in them. Definitely not to this extreme, but the people-pleasing and trying to make everyone like me was something I used to struggle with. I didn’t go through lengths of pretending to listen to the same podcasts or have the same interests as people, nor did I try to buy anyone’s friendship with coffee and food, but I used to care a lot about what people thought of me.
I also never went through lengths of reading through someone’s personal email or recording someone’s voice when I’m not in the room, but maybe if I never went on this healing journey I could have become that kind of person (although I seriously doubt it because all of that is crazy as hell). This person also would overshare too much about their sexual life which was completely unwarranted and unwanted, and I probably should have reported it to the boss (considering there’s really no HR), and I never did. Either way, I am glad this is all over and I can finally stop dreading going to interact with this person.
I am so happy it is Friday and I have the ultimate self care day planned for after work, which I am looking forward to! I hope everyone has a great weekend, and that your crazy coworker that you can’t stand finally quits LOL!
I definitely skipped writing yesterday and feel absolutely no guilt about it. Yesterday I returned from a much needed, yet also exhausting weekend away with a couple of friends. I was energized and excited from the time I got there on Friday afternoon, all the way until waking up yesterday morning knowing I had over a five hour drive home, and then the fatigue kicked in. I was so happy to come home to my love and my fur babies, and just shower away the sweat and filth from the night before. The reason this weekend came about is my friend and I wanted to see Bryce Vine this year, and we decided to meet up in Minneapolis! Saturday night after that incredible show, we met back up with her other friend and went out until bar close. The bars closed at 2am, but then daylight savings happened and suddenly we’re driving back to the apartment at 3am.
I will say, as tired as I felt today, I have zero regrets from this trip and am so happy that I got to see a concert and hang with my girls. We also went to the Mall of America and it was my first time there! Of course we did some shopping and eating, but we also went to the aquarium and the amusement park! We got a free behind-the-scenes and were able to feed the fish at the aquarium, and we even got a free ride at the amusement park! Overall I felt like a giddy child the entire weekend and absolutely lived for it.
Now that I am home I am resetting and refocusing on my current priorities in life, and I want to focus on eating better and taking care of my body more consistently. My boyfriend and I got up this morning and went to the gym before work, and even though it was a short workout for me, I am proud that I went. I am the only person in my way of achieving what I want to achieve, and it is time to take a break and re-prioritize my time and schedule. I always say I want to know how to cook, so I am going to try a new recipe this week. It doesn’t mean I have to switch my whole life in one day and make a new recipe every night of the week, but just making small efforts will help get the ball rolling.
I am excited for this season in my life, as I continue to turn inward and focus on myself and my needs, I will continue to build confidence and more love for myself and others. I truly believe that when people are feeling their best, then they give their best, which is why I never think self-care or self-improvement is selfish. But to some people it is, and with that being said, it’s time for me to start enjoying my selfish era.
For some reason it feels like I haven’t typed up a blog post in a while. That could be the fact that I will often write these posts on my phone, but there is something more satisfying about typing it on my laptop, listening to Anderson .Paak Radio, while sipping on some iced coffee. This year when it starts to get warmer, I want to make time to go to different coffee shops or bookstores so I can have new places to write and maybe spark some more creativity. I absolutely love being home, but I want to make sure I don’t become a total homebody because I also love being outside and exploring new environments.
Yesterday I was thinking about what goals I am currently working on. I had listened to an episode from the Mel Robbins Podcast a few weeks back that talked about narrowing down your goals. She even has a free worksheet available on her site to use (I need to invest in a printer so I can start printing these resources out); although I haven’t even looked at this sheet yet, I did remember that she said to only have one to three goals at a time. The less goals, the more time and effort you have to actually spend on working toward that goal. Overall I have been on a healing journey and been focusing on that, but I wanted to actually list out three goals that I am currently working towards so that I can come back to them and re-focus when I inevitably fall out of it.
My first goal I am working on is being more present. I know I have mentioned this in previous posts, but within the last year it really hit me that I have spent most of my life on autopilot and in a hypervigilant state. According to WebMD, Hypervigilance is defined as: “the elevated state of constantly assessing potential threats around you,” and states that it is often the result of a trauma. Growing up in an unpredictable environment (for me, having alcoholic parents, one of which was an angry drunk), has left my nervous system in a continuous state of dysregulation. Since I spent most of my life planning ahead, coming up with worst-case scenarios so I could be prepared for whatever happened (which btw, is just a lie my anxiety told me), I never was actually in the present moment. I may have been physically there, but mentally I was always elsewhere. I can look back at photos and not even remember that day, which honestly broke my heart when I started realizing how few memories I had. Now I am making a more conscious effort to check in with myself throughout the day so that it becomes more second nature for me to do so. I also decided to start a 2023 memory jar, and whenever I have a fun experience or something brings me joy, I write it on a little piece of paper and fold it up and throw it in the jar! That way at the end of the year, I can remind myself how amazing the year was, and hopefully continue this tradition.
Another important goal of mine is to always find the joy in things, and actively do things that bring me happiness. Now this doesn’t need to be extravagant things like traveling to Caribbean or going on shopping sprees-although those things definitely do bring me joy, but I want to focus on the simple things in life. As I’ve stated multiple times throughout this blog, I absolutely love nature walks and being outside. In the winter I unfortunately let my hatred of the cold win most battles, but I am finding other things that bring me joy within my own home. I love writing, even though I may not always feel like writing, once I start I realize how much I needed it and how great I feel afterwards. I also enjoy reading, listening to podcasts, and of course singing and dancing along to some good jams. I also go in and out of phases of enjoying crafting, which I honestly haven’t done in a while, but I did think about starting to make some crafts again that have to do with mental health and healing! I also still want to start a podcast or at least start streaming again on Twitch, because I honestly love talking and can literally talk to myself for hours, so maybe others will want to listen. I have had multiple friends say we should start a podcast together, so I have thought of just starting one and bringing everyone one as guests. That will require more thought and planning, but either way I will be sure to find the joy in all of it!
The last, but certainly not least, goal of mine that I am focusing on my health, which includes my mental health. I want to consistently work on regulating my nervous system with exercise, meditation and journaling. I also want to be more mindful about my food choices and work on eating/drinking less sugar. I am not a person who does well with diets, as I get very obsessive with calorie/carb counting and it becomes unhealthy, so I am just focusing on being mindful in my day to day choices. I also feel that part of focusing on my health includes not holding onto anger or bitterness, so I am actively working on speaking up when things bother me, and also sharing my opinions even if they differ from others. Constantly muting myself in conversations is only depleting my self-worth and building up resentment; I know that everyone has differing opinions and sometimes I may come off offensive, but as long as my intentions are pure and all with love, then I will continue to be okay with myself and with the outcome. As I said before, I love talking…so I am done silencing myself.
As January comes to a slow close, I am looking forward to working towards my goals this year and continuing to check in with myself. I know that life with bring challenges and hiccups as it always does, but as I continue to regulate my nervous system and focus on my mental health, I will become more emotionally mature and more confident in myself along the way. I have made it through all of my worst days, and I am stronger because of it. I am excited to finally see myself in a different, more accepting light; I appreciate my resilience and the empathy I have for myself along the way. In my opinion, love is always going to be the answer; I am choosing to give my inner child the love she deserves, therefore giving my present self that same love.
Today is the day that my face will be up on a digital billboard in my town! I was lucky that the writing community I am in wanted to advertise in a major city near me, and they were generous enough to give me a billboard right in my town too so I didn’t have to go an hour and a half away to see it! It will be playing with other ads, and it is only for today! The billboard says: “What Makes You Strong? Enter our writing contest on TheUnsealed.com,” and then has my happy face on there! I am so happy that I joined this community and have been able to get some of my writing out into the public eye; this whole experience has been wild, as it has brought up things within me that I hadn’t truly realized before.
I always have had trouble celebrating myself, and I also hate being the center of attention (although apparently as a Leo I should love the spotlight), so being excited about something so public and personal felt weird to me. I know I am allowed to feel from this and I honestly do, but I realized that I have a habit of downplaying any exciting things or achievements in my life. When I graduated from community college, with a degree that I paid for with no loans or help from FAFSA, I remembered saying to my boyfriend: “Is it weird that I am not that excited? Like I don’t even want walk the stage.” He was encouraging and understood that school had been stressful and it was probably just a relief to be done, but also made sure I knew that he was super proud of me and I should be too. I did end up walking the stage, and both of our families were there to celebrate me which made me feel so loved.
While realizing that I have trouble celebrating myself, I also was connecting that to how I also have trouble truly looking at my life traumas as… well, traumas. I can honestly say that it was only within the last year or so that I truly felt validated in feeling traumatized, and it happened while listening to Gabrielle Bernstein on her “Dear Gabby” Podcast. She was talking about how everyone has trauma, and then talked about “Big T” traumas and “Little T” traumas. An example of a “Little T” trauma would be if you were standing in line to get food as a child and another classmate came over and called you fat. Even though this may not sound like a big deal, this thought can live in your brain and if you get stuck on that thought it can become all you think about and completely diminish any self-love or self-esteem that was there. But what struck me in this podcast was when she listed “having an alcoholic parent” as a “Big T” trauma… because I had two. Even though I had been going to therapy for years at this point, it still never hit me like it did in that moment. I had “Big T” trauma that I was dealing with, and I should be so proud of how far I’ve come. As I sit here and write this today, I am very proud of all of the work that I have done, and I look forward to seeing my continued progress.
I can say that as I am continuing this healing journey, I have moments of grieving where I feel so sad and distraught about the fact that I have been so distant from my own feelings and presence. But in those same moments, I am very present in those feelings, which makes me feel almost happy in a way, because that means I am here now. What I mean is that I am present with those hard emotions and I am feeling them all the way through, and that in and of itself is being present. I still struggle with celebrating myself, but I find when I am writing, it tends to come through me. There is that confident, higher self that is within me and she is working hard to break through. Together we are un-learning bad habits, re-wiring old thoughts, and immersing ourselves in podcasts and books about healing and mental health. I am the one who is writing my blog posts, I am the one who is going to therapy, I am the one who is doing all of this hard work, and I am doing it for me. I deserve to feel the love for myself that others can so effortlessly give to me, and I deserve all of the happy things that are in my life.
I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed by life this past week; it has a lot to do with my PMS and lack of sleep, but also just unexpected life stuff. I had a conversation with myself out loud in my car last night trying to get to the root of everything, and I am realizing I still have a lot of guilty feelings and am still very hard on myself.
I have to constantly remind myself that I am allowed to relax and take breaks, and that am a human being who is allowed to have emotions. Life gets stressful, and we don’t have control over much that happens, but I can control how I react and respond to situations. I can also look inward and ask myself questions to try to help myself move forward and understand myself more.
We all have bad days, but that doesn’t mean we have bad lives. Focusing on my blessings and practicing gratitude is what is helping me through these situations, and although it’s a struggle sometimes, I am proud of myself for truly trying to make it a habit to think more positively, no matter the situation. I don’t spiral out of control like I used to, which is progress in and of itself.
From Dark to Light 