My friend is about to drop off her kids to hang out for a while, and I have decided that this is my opportunity to be a kid today! We have candy land and lincoln logs, and we even have a classic DVD player with a variety of Disney and Pixar movies to choose from! She’s bringing over some snacks, and we have some fun records to listen to! It’s going to be a carefree, imaginative day.
Obviously I am also going to be supervising the children and making sure everyone is staying safe and well! My fiancéis also here to help which is nice, and I know time will just fly by! Kids can talk and ask questions for hours and hours so I am interested to see what is in store today LOL.
As for the week ahead, I am feeling more comfortable at work and feeling productive every day, which is great! I am excited to get in a good groove and get caught up on things and take on more tasks. I also am excited to focus more on myself and my health outside of the office, and hopefully get a nail appointment this week! We had a huge snow storm so I didn’t feel like driving to my appointment this weekend.
We are continuing to lock things in for our wedding which has me super excited. I find myself getting extra emotional when listening to love songs, and I am just so happy and grateful that I get to marry my best friend this year! I’m just going to keep focusing on that energy this year!
Sniffles and cuddles are making up my weekend, and I’m so glad that I took tomorrow off. I’m getting over a cold so it’s nice to just relax and spend time with my love. I was feeling good enough on Friday to get lunch and go shopping with my mom, and we had a great time getting stuff for an upcoming baby shower that we’re looking forward to!
I’ve been on a social media break this month, only using snapchat as I consider it to be basically like texting, but the other day I did realize I was watching those ad-ridden snap drama videos and that’s when I realized why it is also social media and a huge distraction. I logged out of Instagram which I honestly don’t know if I have ever done, and right now I don’t even miss it. I was noticing myself fall into the pressure of posting consistent reels and trying to keep up with engagement, but in reality I don’t have any need to do that. I want to increase my joy in life, not my stress levels.
When I first logged off, I was noticing how often I would just click into the app without even thinking about it, and honestly it was several times a day! I’d see I was logged out and immediately back out, but it has made me realize how instagram / social media has become a total impulse and addition in my life. I originally didn’t want to detox from Instagram because I don’t want to miss out on my favorite podcasters and creators who are looking for topics or questions for their content, or missing out on any giveaways or announcements, but I just kept reminding myself that what is for me won’t miss me.
I’ve been on this spiritual journey, and I honestly love the positive, magical posts I typically see in my feed- but I didn’t feel like I was living to my fullest potential and focusing on my own goals because I was constantly distracting myself with other people’s lives and content. I won’t lie, I’ve found myself still distracting myself with TV and maybe a little shopping, but this is all good information for me to have. I need to start being real and honest about how I abandon my own needs and goals, and I know I’m not the only human who falls into these patterns.
I have also spent time listening to podcasts, which honestly just makes me feel like I’m learning and it gets the wheels turning when I hear different opinions and perspectives. I also started reading a couple of books, but definitely haven’t dedicated enough time to reading as I originally planned. At least now as I actually sit and check in with myself, I am able to slow down and remind myself of what I feel is truly important. I have been resting and have had a packed lunch for work every day, which has definitely made me feel better!
I told myself I’d be taking a month of social media, and at this point I am honestly thinking about taking more than that off. I want to refocus and keep coming back to myself every single day, and make sure I am prioritizing what actually makes me feel happy and fulfilled. Reading, movement, music, podcasts, conversation… I have to actively make room for these things that are helping me to reach my goals. It’s 11:11- I think that’s a sign to end on that note.
Sending love to all, and some extra to those who need it right now.
THIS!! This is hard ass work and I understand why most people don’t want to do this, ESPECIALLY when there are already issues of self-doubt and negative self-talk. If you’re already feeling low and critical of yourself, why would you want to sit and learn about how terrible you really are??
In reality that is how it can feel, but the most important thing I have learned over these past few years in my healing journey is to be able to observe myself with compassion and understanding, rather than harsh judgments. I know that may sound impossible, and for me it definitely felt like it was at first, but once I was able to recognize and learn about the brain and how so much can stem from childhood / past traumas, I was able to understand my patterns and where certain behaviors came from.
I have been lucky enough to have been able to find a therapist who I love, but know that unfortunately not everyone has access to a good therapist. I am glad there are apps like “Better Help” to allow people to have a more affordable option for therapy, but there are other options that have personally helped me as well.
Finding @the.holistic.psychologist here on instagram was a game-changer, and then realizing she has a podcast (@selfhealers.soundboard) and books (@howtodothework and @howtomeetyourself and her new one coming out @howtobetheloveyouseek) just opened the door to non-judgment and self-awareness. She has so much knowledge and experience and shares it with everyone for little to zero charge! I also have had amazing realizations when listening to other podcasts such as @themelrobbinspodcast, @jayshettypodcast and @deargabbypodcast! those are only a small amount of the millions of podcasts out and available for all to listen to!
I truly believe that once we can truly learn about ourselves and learn to see ourselves through the lens of non-judgment and compassion, that is when we can allow ourselves to truly heal and be free. I also know that it’s then easier to see others with compassion, as most of our judgment of others stems from something within ourselves (yeah I know… that one hurts).
Sending love and healing to all on their journey- you got this! 🤍✨
I’d like to take this time to just write about a few things that I am grateful for in my life. I think that it’s important that we take time out to focus on what is going well in our lives. If we are constantly waiting for the next thing or thinking we won’t be happy until certain goals are reached, then we are delaying our own happiness. I prefer to be happy, and practicing gratitude helps me with this. If you can, take some time to write down at least three things you’re grateful for right now!
I’ll start:
• I am so very grateful for the relationship that I have with my boyfriend. I am blessed to be with a man who is respectful, intelligent, hard-working, and who makes me feel safe and loved. I have seen many unhealthy relationships in my life, and I feel so lucky to have such a happy, healthy relationship with him. We always make sure to appreciate one another and we have learned how to communicate well with one another over the past 11 years, and for that I am grateful.
• I am thankful for books/podcasts. I recently got into podcasts this year, and also started reading more books about self-care and healing. I honestly have learned so much from these brilliant authors/podcasters and in a way I almost feel like they have helped me more than therapy has. I think just because I don’t get to see my therapy as often as I’d like, but during times when I feel like I need her, I can throw on Jay Shetty or Dr. Nicole LePara (aka The Holistic Psychologist) and feel like they’re talking right to me! Unfortunately, not many people have access to therapy, but most people have access to books and podcasts, and for that I am grateful.
• I am thankful for the act of writing/journaling. I always enjoyed writing as a kid, and after a recent zoom interview with some members of the writing community I am in, I think I realized why. The founder of the community said there are studies showing how writing/journaling can be as beneficial as therapy! I can honestly say when I take time to write, I always feel better afterwards. As a child, it was my way to release and escape from the chaos inside my house and myself, and now I am planning on writing a book. I love writing in my blog, as well as writing poetry, and I would love to write a self-love book one day. I am grateful for right to write and for the skills I have and will continue to develop.
I filled up my weekend with seeing good friends after having a week of dealing with health stuff and I am feeling so good! I am happy to see it looks like my labs and other test results came back normal, and it has been a huge relief for me. My doctor will call me next week to confirm, but looking through the results that were uploaded to MyChart, everything looks good!
I am excited to continue on my wellness journey, and I am ready to focus on getting my body moving everyday. I deserve to feel good and healthy long term, and I am the one who is in charge of that. There’s no reason to get upset with my currents habits or weight, because all I can do is move forward and take the information I know now and apply it to myself in the best ways!
I am feeling a lot better now that I don’t feel like I am always rushing or racing against some imaginary clock. I feel like taking a slow approach, building small habits over time, is truly the way that I will get to my goals. Slowing down my nervous system and my thoughts makes me feel way more in control than my anxiety ever did. Focusing on one task at a time, rather than trying to “multi-task,” actually makes me feel so much more productive!
I am realizing that taking the time to focus on one thing at a time and being intentional about everything I do, makes me feel better about my life and choices. Making sure you’re present in your life choices is so important! Being aligned with your intuition and taking time to check in with how you’re feeling will help to realize what is truly important to you and what is worth your time. Make sure you’re living life for you, you absolutely deserve it.
I posted this photo on Instagram this morning and decided to share it here as well!
“self care means dedicating time to do the things that you love for yourself. self care means resting when your brain/body tells you that you need it. self care is deepening your awareness of your emotions and triggers, so you can be more in control of your own mindset. so many people will say they don’t have time for themselves, but this time is necessary. everyone deserves to be their best selves, not only for yourself, but for everyone around you. your partner deserves you at your best, your children deserve you at your best, and you deserve to feel you best. dedicate that time for yourself, because self care is NOT selfish, it is a necessity.”
Well today was an interesting day to say the least, however I want to start off this post with saying how grateful I am to have such a wonderful man in my life who knows how to help me when I’m having anxiety. I am also blessed that he’s so calm and knows how to fix things (or can learn quickly from youtube), and that we are able to afford to fix things when they break.
This morning our hot water tank went out, so we had to purchase one of those and are going to be installing that here shortly. I did originally start to get upset and irritable because I started having money fears as I usually do. I had no clue how much it would be to fix and I started feeling my brain start spiraling down into how we will just always have more and more expenses coming up.
Luckily I was able to calm down when my boyfriend said he wasn’t worried about it, and I was able to remind myself that we can only take it day by day, and today we need to solve this issue. We were happy to find out that the water tank was on the lower end of the price scale, and if we can install it then we don’t have that expense of labor to pay! We are lucky to live in a time where we have access to instant information at our fingertips.
I was still able to see my mom today for Mother’s Day, which was nice. We were able to go for a walk and I helped her by going with her to the grocery store. Unfortunately she is drinking more alcohol again which of course was not what I wanted to hear, but it is what it is and unfortunately there’s not much I can do. It’s her life, she will do what she wants and I cannot take on any responsibility or feelings of guilt for that. All so can do is wish her well and be grateful for our current time together.
She also shared some other not-so-great family updates with me, so I’d say today was filled with a lot of negative emotion and energy. I have been reminding myself of what I can control and also reminding myself that spending time on negative energy and spending time worrying will not improve my current situation. However, focusing on gratitude and what I can control will help me.
It’s helpful that I feel like I am able to slow down my thoughts now and truly calm down before having outbursts of anger; I can tell I still have work to do, but it’s much more bearable now. I am grateful for the progress I’ve been able to make with my mental health, and I know I can only get better from here!
It’s late, but I didn’t want to not write at all. I had a good weekend, seeing friends and enjoying time with my boyfriend. I have been watching trash tv (LOL my guilty pleasure is Are You The One on MTV), and it’s honestly been so relaxing.
I have been still practicing the art of gratitude daily and really focusing on the positive side of things, and I can tell an overall difference in my mood. It may we a weird way to describe it, but I feel lighter. Like I just feel as if I am carrying less worry and less stress, and it makes me want to continue on this path.
For now I am going to rest as I have to work early tomorrow- I hope everyone has a great week ahead!
I let my friend know that I was struggling to hear about her friends death, and honestly the conversion went so well it almost left me feeling angry with myself; instead I reminded myself that I am still growing and I can take this as a lesson and move forward. I found myself hesitating to put myself first out of fear of coming off like a selfish asshole, when in reality that’s the exact opposite of what I am trying to do.
It’s okay to be overwhelmed and it’s okay if certain things are triggering; what’s not okay is expecting people to understand when you haven’t communicated with them. I was avoiding an important conversation out of fear of confrontation, but having the conversation felt like a huge weight was lifted off of me. And now I can also take time to heal and see what boundaries work for me.
I ordered a couple more books off amazon today. After reading “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success,” I feel the need to dive more into learning about being aware and present, as well as the law of attraction. I have always believed in and been interested in Karma, but I never focused so much on what I was giving to the universe each day. I am excited to go on this inward, spiritual journey and learn more about myself.
Yesterday was the first time in several months, if not a year, that I had inspiration to write a poem. I sat down and wrote the first two lines that I had sitting in my head, and the rest just seemed to pour right out of me. Although it’s probably not my best work (I’ll have to go back and re-read it), I am just happy that I had that sudden feeling to write!
I’m excited for the week ahead, and excited to see my best friend this upcoming weekend for us to finally celebrate our Christmas together LOL. I hope everyone has a great week!
From Dark to Light 