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Indecisive

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I have been going back and forth trying to make a decision about what to do with my job situation. I currently have a job that I like, but I have not been getting my full 40 hours for several weeks now, and it is starting to become stressful. I recently had my manager from my last job reach out and asked if I wanted to work in the billing department for her, and offered $1 more an hour, steady 40 hours a week, no weekends, and give me my vacation time back immediately as if I never left- the issue is the insurance is more expensive as they are a smaller company. So although I would “make more money,” it would be going to my insurance. The one good thing is it is a little closer to home than my current job. I am trying to see if I can get on my boyfriend’s insurance without being married, as we do have a joint account and are both on our current mortgage. If I can do that, that may sway me into going to that job.

On the other hand, I work for a company that wants to keep their employees, and I told them about my offer and how much I would want to get paid to stay and transition into being in their billing team; I had to keep in mind that it is quite a bit further of a drive to work. However, they can let me work from home two days a week once I am fully trained, and I would also have steady hours and not work weekends. I know a lot of people don’t care about the drive, but I just keep thinking about having an hour commute to work and then back, but also how it’ll be even longer in the winter.

In the midst of all of this stress, I came up with a craft drop schedule for my small shop! I will post it with this blog, that way if anyone wants to follow along on my Instagram or Facebook page! I am really excited to take this leap and give myself deadlines; it is important to set goals if you want to reach them! I can think about stuff I want to do as much as I want, but until I put in the work, all those thoughts will ever be are just thoughts. I keep reminding myself that you cannot rely on motivation as it is temporary, you have to rely on yourself, which requires discipline. I set up a crafting schedule so that I am constantly working on projects and being creative; I work well with routine and schedules, so as long as I put it on the schedule it will get done. Also, posting publicly about it also gives that added incentive to get it done and do a good job, as I can just hope someone is waiting to see what I’ve made!

I am open to any thoughts/advice anyone has, and appreciate any who are here reading this! I hope you all have a great week.

Rainy Monday

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Today is supposed to be my productive day, and it did not start out how I planned. I had a few things on my to-do list, and this morning I was starting my day at UPS to ship off one of the orders I got over the weekend. It was raining when I left the house, and by the time I got to UPS (which was only six minutes away) it was down-pouring!

I got soaked getting out of my car and when I got in to find out shipping prices I was in shock! $45 to package and ship a couple of mugs to Miami! The girl at the counter was even shocked by the fee and said that Florida rates are high right now. Luckily the girl who ordered from me was understanding and paid for the shipping, but I was shook! Now I had to tell the other two people who made orders how much their shipping costs are and I’m waiting on their responses.

I got very lucky over the weekend and one of my cricut creations was recognized by the Official Cricut Instagram account and they shared my post to their 1.4 million followers and tagged me! I gained some followers on my crafting instagram, my etsy shop got favorited a couple of times, and I had three people place orders with me! So even though this shipping thing is annoying, I’m so grateful that this happened, and am happy to be learning the best ways to ship as a small business!

Now that they shared my work, I have been more confident and motivated and I now want to make/post at least one project weekly! I have been following more pages and hashtags to get inspiration, and I want to start making some fall items! I know it’s still summer for now, but kids are going back to school and fall is right around the corner! I’m also thinking about having a Halloween party again this year and going all out with crafting/decor!

I am going to start planning out projects and times to do certain things as I find it easier to stick to a schedule. My boyfriend and I are also making a list of updates we want to do on the house over the next couple years so we can plan for those. We are still without AC right now but it should be fixed this week- I really hope it’s soon because it’s going to be in the 90s for the next three days!

Overall I’ve had a lot of stress coming up, but also a lot of excitement! I am trying hard to focus on the positive things and be grateful, rather than let the stress bring me down. We will always have stress and not-so-great things that happen to us, but as long as we remember to practice gratitude and be aware of what we have, I feel that can only benefit us in the end.

I’m attaching the photo from instagram that was shared! If you have instagram, go ahead and check out some out the items I’ve made (@jenamadeitems)!

Feeling blessed.

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I had such a wonderful birthday weekend with great people! From drinking in a sunflower field, to finishing my tattoo, back to drinking (but on an island in the lake), it was full of adventure and laughter. If this is any indicator of how 26 will be for me, I am excited!

One shitty part of the weekend is that our AC went out on Thursday, so it’s been a tad warm in the house. I will say we got lucky with the timing because it has been in the mid-to-high 70s this weekend, rather than the 90 degree heat we had a couple weeks ago, so with that we are blessed. And if you remember from when the furnace went out, my boyfriend’s cousin owns an HVAC company so he will be coming out to take a look at it this week.

I’ve been working hard redirecting my negative thoughts to remembering things that I’m grateful for, and I can already tell the difference in how I am responding to situations that usually send me into an irritable anxious state. I’m trying to practice this often so that it becomes a habit, because healthy habits are essential for progress and growth.

I explained to my therapist how I’ve been practicing gratitude and she was very proud of me, especially being off of my medication for nearly a month now. I’ve been taking the vitamin supplements she recommended which I’m sure are also helping, and I’ve been more active as well (but right now with the air being out I have tried not to be as I hate having to try to cool down in the hot house).

I have a good feeling about 26- I feel like I am finally going to get good control of my emotions and live a healthier lifestyle. I want to grow stronger both mentally and physically, and I want to be at peace in my mind and with everyone around me. I want to actively practice more kindness towards myself and others. And as this photo says, I want to swing my worries away; I feel I am heading in the right direction.

Logged out.

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I logged out of twitter and tik tok. I’m tired of wasting time, and I need to focus on myself and what I want to achieve. I need to set goals in order to meet them, and I want to continue to progress in life. I’ll be writing more, and I’d love to get back into poetry. I’ll be working out more, as I want to be stronger and healthier. I’ll be spending more time with my cats, as I love them dearly and want to spend time with them while they’re here. I’m going to do what’s best for me and focus on what makes me happy.

Talk to you all soon!

Refreshed

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I had an amazing weekend with one of my best friends from high school! I went up in northern WI to visit her and she lives five minutes from the lake, so we had quite a fun-filled adventure of a weekend!

The Wisconsin State Fair was in town which was absolute perfect timing, as they announced the dates after we had already planned this weekend. So our weekend was full of concerts and fair rides, as well as funnel cakes and cheese curds! We also went out on her boyfriend’s boat and jet ski which was honestly the most fun thing I’ve done in quite a while!

We also went hiking and to the zoo in her town, and she made a nice crab dinner which was heavenly. We went to the beach, we went to the bars… it was just a total blast! I got home last night and was so happy to be able to snuggle with my boyfriend (I missed him like crazy even though we were having fun)!

Today my boyfriend had to go back into the office after over a year of working from home. I had the day off as I feel you always need a day after vacation to catch back up on life and recharge. I did laundry, grocery shopped, made a sh*t-ton of bacon (LOL), and also finished up making gifts for my friend for her wedding that I’m in this upcoming weekend! Oh, I also learned a tik-tok dance (cringe, I know), but to be honest, it was fun!

This month is super busy for me, and normally I’d be overwhelmed but I have been feeling relatively good lately! I’m planning to keep this mindset as the days go by! I hope everyone is having a good Monday!

What to do

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I have this itch to start doing something new, like youtube or streaming. My boyfriend and I have talked about doing a podcast type thing together or a reaction video channel, but I think I have a fear of both failure and even success. It would suck to put a bunch of time and effort into something for it to flop or not be fun, but it would also be insane if it took off for some reason and then you have to keep up with that.

I’ve always wanted to do things to help people deal with their mental health, but I also feel like I am not in a position to help people when I’m still learning how to help myself. Humor and making people laugh can also help those give a relief of pain for a while, so maybe we should just start with reaction videos.

Another thing is I’ve always enjoyed singing, but not many people have heard me sing. I have thought about singing and posting that too, but also I’m hesitant. A part of me wants to re-download tik tok because simple one minute or less videos sounds much easier and quicker, but I also feel like I will waste a bunch of time scrolling.

I don’t know I just feel motivated, but also not because I’m clearly not focused and don’t know exactly what I want to do. I just need to do something!

Calm and content.

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Well it’s Tuesday at 11:08pm and I just remembered that I still hadn’t posted here yet. I’d like to say I’ve been busy and motivated, which I guess is somewhat true, but also I feel like I haven’t been doing anything. I mean I’ve been working and then just hanging with my boyfriend. We did grab lunch with a couple friends on Sunday which was nice.

I’ve been enjoying my time with my boyfriend, and we actually went looking at rings over the weekend to give him some ideas (his suggestion)! I am so happy to be spending my life with him, and although I’m excited for the proposal, I don’t want to know anything about it. I don’t care where it is, who is there, if it’s photographed or not… I just want it to be a surprise.

He had asked me recently if I wanted the proposal to be in front of people or if I wanted it to be just us and I told him I didn’t care. I honestly feel like it being just us makes the most sense, I mean we are each other’s best friend and it’s always just us two, but again I won’t care either way.

I’ve kind of enjoyed just slowing down a bit this past week and moving into this week. It gives me time to appreciate things a bit more as I feel like I can take time to observe and take everything in. I am seeing my therapist this Friday and I honestly am excited, because I feel like I’m in a good headspace so we can start digging into more parts of my brain.

I’m getting tired as I type this, so I’ll close this off. I honestly was planning to write more, but I didn’t even make my weekly Sunday post this week sooooo no promises.

Motivated and mindful

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I’ve been feeling very motivated this past week. I’ve been more mindful of what I’m eating and my physical activity levels, and it’s already making such a difference! I’m not going on runs or to the gym or anything just yet, but getting back into walks and at home workouts.

I have really been trying to focus on myself and improving myself both mentally and physically. One thing I am struggling with though is this constant battle of feeling selfish, and feeling like I’m being an assh*le to my friends and family.

The thing is I’m a super low-maintenance person, which isn’t good nor bad but it definitely differs from a lot of my friends/family. Not to say everyone else is high-maintenance, but when I tell you I’m low maintanence it’s like I never want or need anything from anyone. I rarely ask for help or favors, and if I do it’s probably from my boyfriend as we are each other’s biggest support systems.

I have gotten better at saying no to people, but I hate feeling guilty about it – and people seem to love to make me feel that way. I recently said no to a couple family things and I feel like it may cause some tension, but at the same time I can’t be spreading myself so thin and this has been just a super busy year (and last year).

I was in a wedding in November, one in March, and now I’m in another one this coming July; not to mention I started a management job at the end of January and which was a large transition in itself. I also recently had health issues that are thankfully resolved (for now?), but excuse me if I need to take some time for myself. I can’t feel bad about it; I refuse to.

Hope this feeling stays

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This weekend I’ve been feeling very motivated. I did wedding crafts with a friend and we got so much done! We even were able to sneak in a nail appointment and she made me get back on tik tok LOL. Honestly though, learning those dances is a work out.

Speaking of which, I started adding in little workouts to my schedule these past few days. Nothing intense, but I do want to lose some weight/gain some muscle over the next few months so I’m going to be watching what I’m eating more and making sure I’m getting active!

Today I got a lot done around the house, and my friend came by to pick up a project that my other friend and I collaborated on for her! The best part was when she sent me the money on Venmo, I realized I never transferred previous money to my account so I ended up having an extra $100 I didn’t know I had (which will definitely help for this upcoming tattoo appointment in a couple weeks).

Anyways, I’m really trying to keep myself motivated and keep my head up! I have to start dedicating time to myself and my health, now that I’m finally feeling better!

Feeling feelings

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Been irritable lately and overthinking a lot. I had a fun weekend, but there were also parts that made me upset but I made sure to let it all go because we were celebrating a good friend for her bachelorette party.

I’ve been feeling people’s emotions and passive aggressiveness lately and it’s been draining. I also feel lack of communication is hurting a relationship right now, but I also don’t know how to address it and it’s not a good time at all. At this point it would be rude to do/say anything so I will just have to wait.

I am just tired right now and am ready to go to bed. I have to work tomorrow and honestly I am kind of excited to start off the month on a good note at work! I think my career life will be thriving soon, I just have to get through a couple months of fixing up quite a few issues.