happiness

Thursday Thoughts

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With the new moon yesterday, I’ve been thinking about new intentions, and I really want to work on non-judgment. I am a very observant person, but this also makes me very judgmental. I find myself judging others for their “bad choices,” when in reality I don’t know what is a “good” or “bad” choice for that person; it just is what it is.

It’s basically like how I am rewiring my angry/negative thoughts to being thankful, I am going to actively start doing that when I find myself being judgmental. I have read about practicing non-judgment before, and I truly wish to master this skill. I know it will take time, and I’ll never be “perfect,” but I feel like a “bad” person when I’m judging others and I don’t like that feeling.

When I find myself being judgmental, I will instead start thinking about why I am grateful for that person or think of a positive way to look at them. I will also remind myself that “it is what it is, and should be,” because everything truly does happen for a reason. Does anyone else have any tips/tricks for this?

Thank You.

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I’ve been on a path of self-growth and gratitude, and it’s truly amazing how much saying “thank you” can do. I’m was reading a book called “The Magic,” which is a daily practice book- meaning you only read a few pages each morning and you follow the steps in the book. I did fall off of reading this when my mother had her stroke, and honestly I haven’t picked the book back up yet, but I have made sure to still do one of the practices daily.

Every morning I was writing down ten things that I’m grateful for, why I am grateful for them, and then said “thank you” three times after each one. After a while I got tired of writing them in my phone notes, so now I actually say them aloud in the car on my way to work. I’ve been noticing some “magic” (and/or coincidences) happening already!

For example, every day a lot of the ten things tend to be the same, but I switched it up a bit and said I was thankful for coffee. I am grateful for coffee, because it tastes good and gives me energy and just makes my day that much better; I spoke this into the universe, said “thank you, thank you, thank you,” and kept driving to work. When I got close to my destination, the line at the nearest Dunkin’ was short, and I actually had time to stop before work! So I went into work happy with my iced coffee, and then one of my coworkers shows up with another iced coffee for me! I was shocked, but boy did it make the day even better LOL!

Today I told the universe I was thankful for money, and then my boss surprised me with a $100 Visa gift card for not getting any “points” (basically penalties) against me for the past year of work. What’s even crazier is that I actually had left this job for a few months and they brought me back in when my other job didn’t work out like I thought it would, and she still rewarded me with the gift card! Again, I know these can be coincidental, but at the same time, believing in a little magic can be fun!

Using free time to remember things that we are grateful for can truly make a world of a difference in our minds. It’s all perspective and mindset; as my mom always told me “mind over matter.” I used to get so mad at that phrase when I was a kid, but wow do I appreciate it now. It’s crazy to think that there truly is a bit of magic everywhere, we are just too distracted and busy to see it. Being aware and present in the moment can really open up a whole new world within you!

I hope everyone has a magical weekend! Abs thank you for being here. ♡

Late/Tired

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It’s late, but I didn’t want to not write at all. I had a good weekend, seeing friends and enjoying time with my boyfriend. I have been watching trash tv (LOL my guilty pleasure is Are You The One on MTV), and it’s honestly been so relaxing.

I have been still practicing the art of gratitude daily and really focusing on the positive side of things, and I can tell an overall difference in my mood. It may we a weird way to describe it, but I feel lighter. Like I just feel as if I am carrying less worry and less stress, and it makes me want to continue on this path.

For now I am going to rest as I have to work early tomorrow- I hope everyone has a great week ahead!

Bummed, but Looking at the Bright side.

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Today my boyfriend and I were supposed to go to Iowa to visit my family and celebrate our Christmas together; we do a white elephant exchange every year and order Happy Joe’s Pizza and it’s always a great time! Well, this morning I went for my weekly covid test and it was unfortunately positive. I called up my Mom, who let me know that my Dad woke up with a rash (which is apparently a symptom of Omicron) and they weren’t going to Iowa either.

Needless to say I was pretty shook and upset this morning, but as I’ve been practicing, I started to look at the situation with gratitude. I am grateful that I took that test this morning, because if it wasn’t a requirement for work I wouldn’t have taken it as I am completely asymptomatic. In which case I would have unknowingly exposed my family to the virus. I’m also grateful that I feel well and that my boyfriend feels well and his at-home test was negative.

I’m also looking at this as an opportunity to do what I want/need to around the house. Today we hung up curtains that I’ve been meaning to hang for a while now. I plan to read and write more during this time at home; I want to take time to focus on self love/care.

I am proud of myself for not allowing myself to let this whole situation completely upset me. In the past, I’d be so irritable and upset for hours, if not days, over something I literally have no control over. It’s so important to count your blessings and appreciate what you have. It helps make life a lot more bearable.

Relief.

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I let my friend know that I was struggling to hear about her friends death, and honestly the conversion went so well it almost left me feeling angry with myself; instead I reminded myself that I am still growing and I can take this as a lesson and move forward. I found myself hesitating to put myself first out of fear of coming off like a selfish asshole, when in reality that’s the exact opposite of what I am trying to do.

It’s okay to be overwhelmed and it’s okay if certain things are triggering; what’s not okay is expecting people to understand when you haven’t communicated with them. I was avoiding an important conversation out of fear of confrontation, but having the conversation felt like a huge weight was lifted off of me. And now I can also take time to heal and see what boundaries work for me.

I ordered a couple more books off amazon today. After reading “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success,” I feel the need to dive more into learning about being aware and present, as well as the law of attraction. I have always believed in and been interested in Karma, but I never focused so much on what I was giving to the universe each day. I am excited to go on this inward, spiritual journey and learn more about myself.

Yesterday was the first time in several months, if not a year, that I had inspiration to write a poem. I sat down and wrote the first two lines that I had sitting in my head, and the rest just seemed to pour right out of me. Although it’s probably not my best work (I’ll have to go back and re-read it), I am just happy that I had that sudden feeling to write!

I’m excited for the week ahead, and excited to see my best friend this upcoming weekend for us to finally celebrate our Christmas together LOL. I hope everyone has a great week!

Appreciate.

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I always make sure that the ones closest to me are appreciated. My boyfriend is the person who does the most for me, and I tell him every day how much I appreciate him and make sure he feels loved. We’ve been together since we were 16, and I’m 26 now. We always make sure we are supporting one another and caring for one another. I am grateful everyday that I have him in my life, and I make him a top priority as this benefits both of us in our life together.

As we grow older, we tend to grow away from people. I see myself growing away from friendships; I am seeing which friendships are healthy and which ones aren’t. I go through a battle in my head where I debate bringing up my observations to friends in fear of offending them, but at the same time, I feel like a bad friend if I am observing a friend display some unhealthy behaviors and I never bring it to their attention.

I also know I am not a doctor or expert on mental health, but there are truly some things that are just obvious. People also love to share their lives on the internet so more people can observe these behaviors. I honestly truly feel that everyone can benefit from therapy, and especially when you have a known mental illness and/or diagnosis. I mean, why wouldn’t you want to work on yourself so you can have a better life for yourself?

As I’ve stated in previous posts, I understand that therapy isn’t something everyone can afford, but there are things we can do on our own that can help make our daily lives better. One of those things is practicing gratitude: focus on what you have and appreciate your blessings! You tend to forget how good you have it when you don’t take the time to acknowledge and appreciate.

Another good way to take care of yourself is to take social media breaks; I saw that Lush Cosmetics recently deleted all social media platforms in lieu of information that came out about how terrible instagram is for young teens’ mental health. The constant comparing yourself to others, seeing how others are “better” or “prettier” is a sure way to feel unsatisfied in your current life.

I am glad that I have been able to go to therapy and learn to practice better habits in my life. I am so blessed to have a wonderful man in my life, supportive friends/family, and my three beautiful kitties! My boyfriend and I are blessed to have good jobs, a spacious townhome, and reliable cars that we enjoy. Of course we all have struggles and tough times that come about, but it’s so important to count your blessings whenever you can.

Been Busy.

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I almost forgot to write again today! I’ve been slacking on the Sunday posting the last couple of weeks, I’ve just been enjoying time with my boyfriend and my friends! On Friday I hung out with one of my best friend’s house and we went out to Rookies for a drink and some appetizers; I stayed over at her place so that I could watch her son in the morning while she went to an appointment! It was nice spending time with them and being reminded how imaginative children’s minds are.

This week I am starting work an hour early every day so I can make up hours for my doctors appointment this upcoming Friday. They could only schedule me in the middle of the day on weekdays, so I had to make it work. My boyfriend happens to be off on Friday, so he will be attending my breast ultrasound with me! I’m expecting a quick “yup, your cyst grew, just keep your surgeon appointment for December,” and then we can leave and get smoothies LOL.

On Saturday I get to see one of my good friends and I’m super excited! We’re gonna grab some coffee from this cute little chocolate cafe in my neighborhood, and just chill at my place! I’m happy to stay in; it’s always nice to relax and just chat with good company. The following weekend my cousin and his girlfriend will be visiting which I’m looking forward to as well!

It’s been a pretty busy November, I’m hoping things can slow down a bit next month! I’m going to be mindful about scheduling so that I don’t feel too overwhelmed with plans. I already know there are a couple of toddlers’ birthday parties coming up next month, so maybe I won’t schedule anything else!

Back and Better!

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We’re so happy to be home after our short little getaway! My boyfriend and I had 3-night-stay in Myrtle Beach over the past weekend, and it was quite a relaxing time! I was happy to have a balcony with an ocean view; being able to listen to the waves whenever I wanted was a wonderful pastime.

Honestly, at one point while just sitting in solitude on the deck, I began to tear up; I always feel so at peace when I’m near the water. It is a goal of mine to one day live near the ocean, or at least a large body of water in which I could paddle board or kayak. I don’t know…it’s just something about being on the water that gives me a feeling of serenity.

Although we somehow brought our cold, windy weather with us to North Carolina, we still very much enjoyed our time together. It was fun checking out local restaurants and just chilling in the hotel hot tub outside. I will say, the couples massage with the jacuzzi sea salt soak was definitely the highlight of the trip! The Swedish massage was much needed, but wow did it hurt at certain points!

It was nice to get away for the weekend to celebrate my boyfriend’s 27th birthday together and just disconnect for a while. This trip made me want to travel more, but honestly even just finding small towns and places in my state within a few hours driving distance sounds fun and within budget! Of course now it’s getting colder out and winter is right around the corner, but I can start my research on areas to check out! Not to mention, find some local holiday events!

We got back home yesterday, and today was overall a productive day. I grocery shopped, donated some clothes to Goodwill, and got some services done for my car! I’m also excited to continue the gym routine and set some fitness goals! Well, it is back to work for me tomorrow morning; I hope everyone is having a great week so far and has a great week ahead!

Ready for the weekend, and it’s only Monday.

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This week, my weekend starts on Thursday as my boyfriend and I go on “baecation!” (yes, I know I’m lame lol). The last time we had a vacation together (just us two) was 2016, so you can say it’s a bit overdue. I’m so excited to just get away for the weekend, relax and spend time with my love. We always have the best time together, and I found out there is a P.F. Chang’s where we’re going (aka my obsession) so now I’m even more excited!

The only plan we have right now is a couples massage on the day we arrive, setting the relaxing vibe for the weekend! We’re just going to go with the flow and enjoy our time together away from the realities of work and responsibilities. It’s always nice to disconnect from the world and reconnect with each other without distractions.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my OB, we’re going to talk about my breast cyst (although I already have an appt with the surgeon next month), and I want to hopefully discuss symptoms of PCOS and/or discuss how to test fertility. I’m also having irregular periods lately; currently I’m four days late, but I had a negative pregnancy test today. I feel like I’m probably going to get my period tomorrow, which kinda sucks as I will have to deal with that on vacation.

I just have two more days to work this week, I can get through it! I was absolutely exhausted today; it’s the first of the month so we had to do a lot of statements and re-verifying insurance, so it was just a lot of tedious repetition. I honestly really enjoy this job; I never bring work home with me, and that’s something I’ve really needed as I need to make it a point to focus on self care, and when I’m mentally exhausted and depressed, it’s much harder to do.

My boyfriend and I have been going to the gym on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s, and then we typically pick a weekend day to go as well (however I partied a little too hard for Halloween so I had a lazy Sunday and did NOT want to go this weekend).

It’s been nice getting into a routine and getting more comfortable in the gym! I need to set some reasonable goals and start aiming for them, maybe we can do that while we’re on vacation! Can’t wait for Thursday! I hope everyone has a great week!

Realization

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After stepping back and deleting platforms, I am falling out of my addiction to social media. I have felt overall more happy and less anxious, but I’m also now seeing how terrible social media can be for people/mental health. The constant comparison to others, posting to seek validation from people who don’t really care, focusing so much on professional photos and angles to appear in a certain way… where did our priorities go?

Why do we feel the need to share photos of our dinners, our families, our vacations, etc. with random people from high school/college/previous jobs who we wouldn’t even invite out to coffee? Why do we care so much about posting our personal lives on the internet to be on there forever? Is this actually fun, or are their issues that we have within ourselves that need to be addressed?

Technically, if we are truly happy with our life, we would not feel the need to share our accomplishments or fun moments with anyone and everyone who will hear about it. It may be fun to hear from some old friends who are happy for you, but at the same time, what are you truly seeking? And why can’t you find that happiness within yourself and your current life? Those are the questions we should be seeking.

On the flip side, we have also seen the bad sides of social media that hurt our futures. We have seen what happens when people go back and dig up old posts/pictures back to the surface, and sometimes things get taken out of context. Anyone can pull up anything that was posted years ago and get someone “cancelled.” Sometimes words or pictures can be perceived in a different way than what was intended (especially now when everyone thinks the world should tip-toe around them), but that’s the risk you take when you post.

I have this feeling that as the world of cyber-bullying continues to grow, kids are going to start using each other’s parents’ posts as ways to bully each other. Can you imagine having to sit down with your child and talk to them about bullying and they look at you and say “my friend Billy said that he has pictures from your only fans.” LOL, I mean it may seem far fetched due to “age content,” but look how many kids sign up for 13+ facebook at 11, or play video games meant for 17 and older!

If parents aren’t paying attention, or aren’t really tech savvy themselves, children can really do whatever they want! I had friends in middle school on MySpace/Facebook behind their parents’ backs and were able to keep it secret for months, if not years! Now just imagine these kids pulling up each other’s parents’ instagrams/youtube/tiktoks to embarrass each other… are you going to be okay with them looking at your previous posts and videos? Are you thinking about how your kids are going to perceive your posts later on?

What you post on the internet is there to stay forever; filters are easy to remove, content is easy to manipulate, and there are also a lot of smart, evil people who are great at hacking and sharing information that you never thought would be “public.” Just keep in mind what you’re posting, and honestly why you’re posting it! This is not only for yourself, but for your children and their futures.