growth

Early Mornings- 5am Club

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Good morning to this beautiful, dark Tuesday morning; I don’t tend to see this side of morning, but I decided over the weekend that I wanted to finally try waking up at 5am. This is something I have been thinking about doing for a while after listening to a few podcasts, and I finally decided to pull the trigger. The main argument that stood out to me was the fact that our morning routine sets us up for the day, and that if we take time to do something for ourselves in the morning, we are more likely to carry that good mood throughout the day. With my current job, my schedule is consistent, but I start at a different time every morning which has made it hard for me to set up a good morning routine. I feel that waking up at 5am is helpful, because I know that regardless of my work schedule for the day, I will have a solid hour of time by myself and that gives me the power to start the day off well.

I keep saying how I want to focus on my health and make good habits, and I am finally taking more steps to do this. Ironically I am listening to Mel Robbins’ most recent podcast episode and she is talking about manifesting, and she said instead of visualizing the end goals, we need to focus on the steps to get there… and that is what I am doing. I find it important to continue to check in with myself and what my goals are, and although I have a few different ones, my mental and physical health are at the foundation of all of them. If you think about it, how will I be able to be a good mom one day if I am physically unwell or mentally unavailable for my child(ren)? How will I ever be an author if I never make time to add writing/reading into my routine? How will I be able to pour out motivation or inspiration if I have not taken the time to fill up my cup? I am the only one who can set myself up for success, and I deserve to have happiness and success in life.

I do want to say that I already feel very happy and successful in life; I get to live with the love of my life, I have a job that I actually like, and I am working hard to unlearn my anxious tendencies in order to continue to move forward and progress in life. I feel very grateful every day for the life that I have, but that doesn’t mean we should stop making goals and thinking about our future. I will say it feels like I finally know the difference between manifesting/planning for the future versus obsessing/stressing over the future. I am finding it easier to let go of the things I cannot control, and I am working hard to stay focused on the things that bring me joy in life. I am the one who is in control of my life, and I get to choose to do what makes me happy. Sometimes it may not be easy, I mean getting up at 5am today was a little rough, but just reminding myself that this is what I want to do makes it a little bit easier. We all deserve to be happy, so make sure you take some time to check in with yourself and start doing the things that will bring you joy!

Saturday, November 5th

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Today is the day that my face will be up on a digital billboard in my town! I was lucky that the writing community I am in wanted to advertise in a major city near me, and they were generous enough to give me a billboard right in my town too so I didn’t have to go an hour and a half away to see it! It will be playing with other ads, and it is only for today! The billboard says: “What Makes You Strong? Enter our writing contest on TheUnsealed.com,” and then has my happy face on there! I am so happy that I joined this community and have been able to get some of my writing out into the public eye; this whole experience has been wild, as it has brought up things within me that I hadn’t truly realized before.

I always have had trouble celebrating myself, and I also hate being the center of attention (although apparently as a Leo I should love the spotlight), so being excited about something so public and personal felt weird to me. I know I am allowed to feel from this and I honestly do, but I realized that I have a habit of downplaying any exciting things or achievements in my life. When I graduated from community college, with a degree that I paid for with no loans or help from FAFSA, I remembered saying to my boyfriend: “Is it weird that I am not that excited? Like I don’t even want walk the stage.” He was encouraging and understood that school had been stressful and it was probably just a relief to be done, but also made sure I knew that he was super proud of me and I should be too. I did end up walking the stage, and both of our families were there to celebrate me which made me feel so loved.

While realizing that I have trouble celebrating myself, I also was connecting that to how I also have trouble truly looking at my life traumas as… well, traumas. I can honestly say that it was only within the last year or so that I truly felt validated in feeling traumatized, and it happened while listening to Gabrielle Bernstein on her “Dear Gabby” Podcast. She was talking about how everyone has trauma, and then talked about “Big T” traumas and “Little T” traumas. An example of a “Little T” trauma would be if you were standing in line to get food as a child and another classmate came over and called you fat. Even though this may not sound like a big deal, this thought can live in your brain and if you get stuck on that thought it can become all you think about and completely diminish any self-love or self-esteem that was there. But what struck me in this podcast was when she listed “having an alcoholic parent” as a “Big T” trauma… because I had two. Even though I had been going to therapy for years at this point, it still never hit me like it did in that moment. I had “Big T” trauma that I was dealing with, and I should be so proud of how far I’ve come. As I sit here and write this today, I am very proud of all of the work that I have done, and I look forward to seeing my continued progress.

I can say that as I am continuing this healing journey, I have moments of grieving where I feel so sad and distraught about the fact that I have been so distant from my own feelings and presence. But in those same moments, I am very present in those feelings, which makes me feel almost happy in a way, because that means I am here now. What I mean is that I am present with those hard emotions and I am feeling them all the way through, and that in and of itself is being present. I still struggle with celebrating myself, but I find when I am writing, it tends to come through me. There is that confident, higher self that is within me and she is working hard to break through. Together we are un-learning bad habits, re-wiring old thoughts, and immersing ourselves in podcasts and books about healing and mental health. I am the one who is writing my blog posts, I am the one who is going to therapy, I am the one who is doing all of this hard work, and I am doing it for me. I deserve to feel the love for myself that others can so effortlessly give to me, and I deserve all of the happy things that are in my life.

clouds ☁️

Short Sunday Post

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I have been doing a lot of reflecting on both myself and my friendships. I am so blessed to have so many close friends who are all so different from one another, and I too am still able to be myself with all of them.

As I grow older and move away from my people-pleasing tendencies, I am trying to be more mindful of how I listen to others as well as how I speak to them. I am coming to a point in my life where I find boundaries and honesty to be super important, and I am making sure that I speak my truth while being mindful of the other person’s emotions.

I used to silence myself and avoid saying anything that I felt could be confrontational or anything that could come off offensive, but as I grow up I am realizing that you’ll never be able to please everyone, but it is important that you’re always true to yourself. What matters is the intention behind your words and actions, and that you’re proud of your own choices/decisions.

I know that I am the only one who is guaranteed to be with me up until my dying day, so it is important that I honor myself and speak my truth while I’m here breathing. I know my intentions and goals, and if I continue to keep quiet, then I’ll never reach any goals.

Looking In

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I’ve been slacking on the writing again. I guess not technically because I have written a few small poems as I recently started a new, anonymous instagram account. My period was super late this month so I was feeling not the greatest and felt so tired, but now I’m on the upswing! I took a few of the photos I posted on this blog and wrote poems over them, which is something I always had wanted to do, so I am excited to be trying that out.

I am working hard on talking to myself and thinking through feelings. I have been having issues with someone in my life that I unfortunately cannot avoid currently, and I am trying my best to not give that person my energy, but I keep finding myself so bothered.

I try to remind myself that we are all humans who have our own issues and traumas, and it’s not up to me to determine how someone should act or treat others, all I can do is focus on how I treat others and how I react. I don’t want anyone to ruin my good mood or healing, so I won’t let them! I will continue to pinpoint my trigger and work through it internally and hopefully I will be able to tolerate this person more over time.

I hope everyone has a good upcoming weekend!

Being Intentional

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Today is back to work after enjoying a long weekend, and I am looking forward to the week ahead! I definitely feel tired today, but I know that once I come home I can relax and do what I want to do with my time. I got to see my parents as well as a couple friends during my time off, and I am planning to see another friend during the week, and I am going to visit someone else this upcoming Sunday!

I know I didn’t really write about it here, but mid August I found out that one of my previous coworkers passed away during childbirth. Death is always hardest for me, and I always find myself questioning so many things and my anxiety always spikes. This time around I really tried to dig into my emotions and lay low, and even though her and I were not close or friends by any means, it still affected me.

I was feeling guilty for being sad, mainly because she wasn’t always my favorite person, but at the same time I would never wish death upon anyone and I couldn’t stop thinking about her family and children she was leaving behind. It kept reminding me that death truly is the only guarantee in life, and the only thing we can really do about that is be intentional with our time.

We can do our best to spend time with the people we love, so I am trying to make a more conscious effort to at least message friends more, if not see them in person. It’s also important that I do what I want in life, because I have no idea when I will pass on! When you think about it, we should truly be living like every day is our last. I mean I wouldn’t recommend taking out thousands of dollars of loans to go on an extended vacation in Greece (as tempting as that sounds), but if you always say you want to do more of something, start doing that thing!

For me, I always say I want to read more and write more, and this year I have been doing much more of those two things, but I can still do more! If I plan to fulfill my dream of writing a book, those are both things I should be investing my time into. I also say I want to be more mindful about my eating and overall health, so it is time that I start paying more attention to that.

Small, daily habits are what truly matter, and it’s important that you schedule some time for yourself. Whether it’s five or ten minutes to meditate, twenty minutes to read, or thirty for a workout, all of that time adds up over your life. Imagine how many days/weeks of our lives we have spent scrolling through online content, watching endless TikToks and reels- is any of that truly important? For some, that answer is yes, and that’s okay! For others, they are annoyed with how much time they spend on social media.

Everyone has different interests, but what matters is that you do what is important to you, and you live life intentionally for yourself. If you are constantly living for others, it becomes easy to lose yourself and go down a path you didn’t necessarily want. Life is always too short, so take some time to check in with yourself and start doing more of what you want to do!

New Week, New Start

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I decided to try out a new morning routine today. I am sitting at my kitchen table with a cup of coffee, water and my notebook. I wrote a bit in my journal, and now I am typing this on my phone as I left my laptop in the other room where my boyfriend is sleeping, and I figure this will be a relatively short post anyways as it’s about time for my stretching/workout!

I kept saying I wanted to start a new morning routine, but last week every time my alarm went off I just felt like I needed more sleep and hit that snooze button. I was also recovering from covid so I wanted to give my body the rest it needed. Now that I am finally feeling myself again, I made sure to push through the urge to snooze and got my ass up. I am not married to this set routine, but I have to start experimenting to see what works best for me!

I can already feel that this is going to be a good week! I am excited for what is to come, and to see how I feel after implementing this new plan! My intentions for the week are to stay focused on my current goals and stay positive! I hope everyone has a great week ahead!

morning views.

Another day, Another post

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Today was my second Wednesday off after starting my new schedule! I got breakfast with a good friend for her birthday this morning, and once I was home I did some dishes and laundry. I made sure to get my groceries yesterday after work instead of today, so I had the whole day free to do whatever!

I listened to a few podcasts, went on a walk, and even was able to join Gabrielle Bernstein’s zoom call where she recorded an episode of “Dear Gabby!” I honestly almost chickened out, but I was so glad I didn’t! There were about 80 participants in the meeting, all of us could chat and we remained muted unless we were picked to ask her a question!

It was nice listening to other people and remembering that we are all truly so similar; imagine what we could accomplish if we’d just take the time to listen and have real conversations with others. I honestly even cried listening to her speak and answer questions, and again it was just happy tears feeling like I was where I was supposed to be!

Over the weekend I picked up a couple of Gabby’s books, one of which my mom was nice enough to get for me as an early birthday gift! We had gone out for breakfast together and went to the bookstore afterwards, and that’s where I picked up “Judgement Detox,” and then I found “Happy Days.” I was originally looking for “Happy Days,” so when I finally found it my mom said that would be my gift from her and my dad for my birthday, and I am so grateful!

I haven’t started them yet, as I am already currently reading two books, but I am ready to dedicate time to reading more again so I can move onto her books next! I have been feeling good lately and plan to keep it that way; I had to mute some accounts on instagram just to escape from some of the negativity and drama, and honestly I am proud of myself for setting that boundary.

For a while now I haven’t followed any news or radio shows, because I am tired of consuming tragedy after tragedy and feeling like everything I see is horrible. I’d rather feed my brain with positivity, growth, and happiness. I prefer to not be ignorant to the current events, but I can also seek information out on my own and try to find unbiased sources, rather than believing everything that people share on social media.

Social media definitely has major impacts on mental health (just google it), which is why I do my best to keep everything on my page positive and I like/save positive posts to help the algorithm share more of those things to my feed. We choose what we consume on a daily basis, make sure you pay attention to what you feed your brain.

Self-Care Sunday

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I posted this photo on Instagram this morning and decided to share it here as well!

“self care means dedicating time to do the things that you love for yourself. self care means resting when your brain/body tells you that you need it. self care is deepening your awareness of your emotions and triggers, so you can be more in control of your own mindset. so many people will say they don’t have time for themselves, but this time is necessary. everyone deserves to be their best selves, not only for yourself, but for everyone around you. your partner deserves you at your best, your children deserve you at your best, and you deserve to feel you best. dedicate that time for yourself, because self care is NOT selfish, it is a necessity.”

Check in/Reflection

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How am I feeling? I’ve been having some obnoxious PMS the past few days; the on and off nausea is what’s bothering me the most. I’ve been so irritable and emotional and my period is supposedly coming in a few days, so I’m hoping that all of this goes away. I was going to go out to the bars last night with some friends, but decided to stay in since drinking would definitely not help my nausea. I also have just been feeling like I want to be alone lately; I need to do some self-reflection.

I recently was thinking about how I wasn’t always the nicest person as a kid, and I still find myself being judgmental of others. I was super critical of myself when I was younger, and that also made me critical of those around me. As I’ve grown older and been on my self-love journey over the last couple of years, I’m realizing that when I am being judgmental of someone else, it’s because I am seeing something of myself in them.

Often times how we feel about others is a reflection of how we’re feeling about ourselves. For example, money is a huge trigger for me/my anxiety. A lot of my sense of worth and control is revolved around money, which is another thing I am working on. If I find myself being judgmental of how someone is spending their money, it’s because I have an issue/insecurity about myself and my money habits. What someone else does with their life is none of my business, I can only control myself and my mindset.

I also know that I am a very empathetic and understanding person; I can very easily put myself in someone else’s shoes and get an understanding of why they make the choices they do. It’s also helpful to realize that most people do have unresolved traumas and are the way they are because of that. We couldn’t control our childhood or how we were parented, but today we can control how we parent ourselves.

Diving into what we truly need and finding out how we can give that to ourselves is extremely important. I need loving, healthy relationships, whether with my boyfriend or with friends or family; I can no longer tolerate those who do not respect myself or my boundaries. I get to choose who I spend time with and who is in my life.

I need to feel healthy, and how I do that is try to get my body moving every day, even if it’s just a bit of stretching. I try to balance making sure I get my veggies and fruits in everyday, as well as protein, but I could definitely be better at that. That is something I can try to spend more time/effort on so I feel that I’m living true to my values.

I need to feel knowledgeable, and I have been listening to podcasts more recently as well as reading! I was on a good streak for reading but kind of slowed down within the lag couple months. If I dedicate time to get back into reading, I will feel more fulfilled as I know one of my goals is to write a book one day, and this will definitely be helpful in getting me there. The more books I read, the more knowledge I’ll have and be able to apply to my life and maybe even my first book!

I enjoy experiences, but I also like to do so on a budget. I could look into more local free events and see if friends want to attend, or maybe even just go alone. An experience can really be anything; going to a farmers market, checking out the local library, walking on a new trail… there are truly endless options. Something I could do is set a goal to do at least one new experience a month, and if I want to increase frequency, I can!

I want to heal my traumas and learn how to manage stress and my emotions. I still see my therapist every once in a while, and I make it a point to listen to healing podcasts and follow self-love accounts on instagram, but I know there is more I can do. Writing this blog post is something that is so important, because it is allowing me to talk to myself and figure out my true wants/needs.

I think we all have an idea of what we want, but when we look deeper we find that we aren’t really living a lifestyle that is in alignment with our desires. I want to live a life that is in alignment with my values, and I feel like I am already doing this! However, I also feel that I can dedicate more time to myself and my desires, and I deserve that. We all deserve to live our best lives as our best selves!