anxious

Little Life Update

blog

Life has been a little hectic lately dealing with sick cats. We brought our diabetic cat to the vet to stay all day for her glucose curve, and they ended up finding a tapeworm in her stool. They told us that they come from fleas or eating mice which is even more confusing because our cats show no signs of fleas, and the one time she caught a mouse (8 years ago) she definitely brought it to me like most cats do.

She then of course didn’t feel well due to stress from vet and now taking dewormer, but we also had to stop her insulin as well. Now my other cats started throwing up this week, one of which had diarrhea, so we had to drop off stool samples from my other cats off at the vet this week and was supposed to get a call yesterday but the vet was in surgery so she didn’t call. Today we should get the results and if the other cats have worms, then we also need to treat them.

Part of me is scared we are overdosing our cat with insulin, even though the vet says we aren’t even at max dose yet, but I swear she’s been like deteriorating since her diagnosis in May. She has arthritis, which makes sense because she was holding lots of extra weight for a while, but just seeing her walk so slow and not wanting to be walking around for more than a few steps is hurting my heart.

We’re gonna have to bring her for a second opinion about the diabetes and dosage too. I just want to see if maybe there are other, more natural routes for her. She’s about to be 10 so I know she’s a senior kitty now, but I’ve had cats who lived to be 17 and I’d love to see our Mushu get there.

It’s hard having all of our babies not feel well- luckily the other two have stopped puking/having diarrhea so hopefully that stays like that. Of course, if their stool does have worms, then we will have to deworm. We will see what the vet says today and hopefully we’re on the upswing from here!

Friday Feels

blog

Today was such an incredible day. My family from Iowa came out to visit and take me and my husband out for my birthday. They also blessed us with a very generous gift, and I’m beyond grateful for them. I feel just so grateful and lucky honestly, and I am just happy to be present to it all.

My husband and I also went over to visit his family at the farmer’s market! They have a barbecue business and they’re a vendor at the market every Friday, so we decided to stop by and say hi! When we were leaving the market, another vendor selling cute jewelry caught my eye, and I ended up getting a cute evil eye bracelet, ring, and a pair of snake earrings! It was 3 for $30 and I just happened to have $30 cash in my wallet!

Tomorrow I get to see some of my good friends as we all get together to celebrate my birthday!! We’re gonna go to the local fair and I can’t wait to get a funnel cake as my birthday cake! I’m not a huge cake fan, but I loooveee me some funnel cake so honestly I’m so excited for this! I’m also just excited to see all the people who make me happy and feel loved- it’s just the best feeling.

I also get to take a mini girls trip early next week to go see Glass Animals in concert and I am looking forward to that as well! I’m just feeling so blessed and happy to be living this life. I’ve healed enough that I am actually able to feel the love around me and truly be happy, and I am so grateful for that.

Thursday AM Thoughts

blog

I saw this post that said something along the lines of “start thinking of people as energy, you’ll spend your time wiser.” There’s just no point in spending time with energy vampires, all they do is suck the light out of you.

High school never ends until you decide it does. No matter where you work or where you further your education, you’ll have people around you who still want to spread lies and drama as a form of their own entertainment. It is up to you if you’re going to feed into that energy.

Gratitude is a magical thing. I find that I am so much more present and happy when I practice daily gratitude.

Success and being “rich” looks different to everyone- get specific with yourself about your dream life. What does it look like?

Love is always the answer, and I believe that no amount of material items could replace the feeling of genuine love and connection.

Gratitude on a Saturday in June

blog

Just having a seat outside, soaking up the sun and grounding my feet in the grass. The birds have lots to say to one another this morning, and lucky for me, I just get to listen.

My husband and I are going to visit my family in Iowa this afternoon to celebrate my great grandma’s 97th birthday! I’m so grateful that we are able to see her and spend time with her, as well as the rest of the fam bam.

I feel so blessed to be present in this moment. I have an amazing husband, a beautiful home, financial stability, genuine friendships, and inner peace. We’re in good health, and our cats are for the most part as we get Mushu all regulated on her insulin. Overall we have a very good life, and I do not want to take it for granted.

Having a healthy marriage was always a dream of mine, and I’m so happy to have that with my husband. All I ever wanted was to have a home I was excited to come back to after a day away at work or running errands, and I have that. Communication and companionship are huge keys to success in marriage; this is why they always say to marry your best friend. Even when I’m stressed out or having a bad day, I know I have someone who loves me and someone I can lean on, and I know he feels the same.

I’m gonna head inside so we can get ready to go out to breakfast before our drive to see the family, but I just wanted to take a moment to be here and acknowledge how good life is. I am healthy, wealthy and happy, and I am in love with my life. I no longer feel crippling anxiety and emptiness like I did back in my early twenties, and as I approach my 30th birthday, I can’t help but be excited for this new decade ahead!

Friday 4-25-25

blog

Today was a good day! I had a good day at work, I got to see my therapist, and I watched a couple of episodes of Severance with my husband! I am excited for our weekend as we have a 30th birthday party to go to, we have pedicures booked, and we are getting eye exams/new glasses!

I’m also excited for the new moon on Sunday, which is the same day my husband and I are getting our pedicures. It’ll be a nice day to just relax and have some self care. I’m excited for my girls trip coming up soon, and I am just feeling a greater sense of self lately. I’m so grateful for this life and this beautiful Friday.

Honesty

blog

I didn’t record my podcast episode, and I am giving myself grace about it. I will record soon, and I know this is just my brain getting into survival mode and putting me in a freeze state. I am feeling my way through it and I see exactly where all this fear is stemming from.

As a child my father would often tell me that I had no voice. He’d remind me that I had zero power or control in the home, because I was just the child. Also, being a child of alcoholics, I kept that part of my life a secret from everyone outside of the house (except for a couple close friends as I got older). I was always keeping quiet as a way to be safe, so my brain automatically shut down when I went to start recording my podcast episode.

I am working through this feeling, reminding myself that I am allowed to have a voice. All I have to do is speak the truth and remember my intentions. People will judge regardless, and that is not my business or my problem. I know my intentions and I know who I am- that is all that matters. I am not putting a harsh timeline on this, but I am determined to start recording this year!

Moment of Gratitude

blog

I am finally feeling like myself again. My appetite is back, I’m feeling more happy, and I’m also finally going to be getting my tonsils and some nasal tissue removed in a couple months! I know I’ll have to deal with the recovery of that surgery, but I am honestly just excited to finally have my tonsils gone and be able to fully breathe from my nose!

I got to reconnect with a good friend yesterday and she asked me to be one of her bridesmaids- I said yes! I will be standing by her side down on a beach in Florida come April of 2026! I’m excited for her to have her dream wedding and I can’t wait to celebrate her being a bride!

Today I get to reconnect with another good friend over some coffee, so I’ll be seeing her in a couple hours! I love seeing friends and just chatting about life; it’s great having good conversations with good people!

Oh, also I got VERY excited yesterday because I found mini Bratz at Five Below!! This girl I know through one of my friends had posted some mini Bratz on her snapchat story and I was immediately like “I NEED THEM!” So she told me where to go and I found three out of the four original Bratz Dolls! I’m just missing Jade, but I’m sure I will find her soon! It really is the little things (LOL) ✨

I’m excited to enjoy this lovely Sunday and I am looking forward to a good week ahead!

mini bratz

Weekend Thoughts and Affirmations

blog

I have been on a social media break since the beginning of December. One of the accounts I really liked on Instagram has an email signup where they send daily affirmations, so I had signed up over a year ago and I continue to get them. Todays affirmation from Moon Omens was as follows:

“I trust that what is meant

for me is on its way. I am in

alignment with my life path.

I embrace the unknown.

I choose love over fear.”

I definitely needed this today, as I have just been in a little funk with this winter season. I also have been dealing with different health conditions like flu, uti and possible tonsillitis. We also had to take one of our cats to the vet yesterday, so today we will get results from her blood and urine. I’ve just been feeling a bit overwhelmed and when I read this I resonated with it. I figured I also can take this and put my own personal twist on it:

I trust that what is meant for me is on its way; I am allowed to release all of my worries and let go of control.

I am in alignment with my life path, even when I am not feeling 100% myself, I can trust this is all happening for me and a higher plan.

I embrace the unknown, and lean in with curiosity. This had me immediately think of another other quote I stumbled upon recently that says “The only true wisdom is knowing you know nothing.” I am allowed to dive into the unknown and let go of the need to appear smart or perfect.

I choose love over fear. I think we’ve all heard the phrase “the only thing to fear is fear itself,” and that is because if you let it, fear can completely take you over. I’d much prefer to live a life where I see through a lens of love and compassion rather than fear and hatred.

I’m using this weekend as a reset. I want to get back in a good headspace and focus on my goals- I am honestly very excited for it. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! Sending extra love and positive vibes to everyone!

Feels

blog

Been waking up a little anxious these past few days. Today is a new moon with new intentions to be set, and I’m excited to have plans with a friend after work today. I need some good conversation with someone else who is going through their own healing journey.

I know this anxiety will pass and it’s all stemming from something that happened Monday morning when I was driving to work. I had to call 911 because some man was aggressively tailgating me, and when I signaled to move off the road to let him go, he stopped his car next to me, forcing me to go back in front of him so he could continue to intimidate me and ride so close to me.

While on the call with 911 he finally swerved around me, nearly causing a head on collision with another car, and I was able to give them the license plate. They told me they were getting someone to pull him over, but I didn’t see it happen. I guess I could call for a follow up to see, but maybe that would make me more anxious if I know he’s just still out there driving my same route to work. Luckily I am fine, and I did the right thing, but my body is definitely still recovering from the stress. I just have to give it time and keep breathing and helping my nervous system.

Good morning, Wednesday

blog

It’s honestly incredible how much someone else’s energy can change ours. I woke up with a bit of anxiety, and as soon as I reached over to lay my hand on my sleeping fiancés back, it all washed away. I immediately felt relaxed and safe, as it reminded me that I am only right here in bed at this moment, next to the love of my life. Becoming grounded in the present moment often gives a sense of ease, as my intrusive thoughts tend to be about the future and losing the people I love the most. I know our time here is finite, so I use those thoughts to remind me to truly enjoy the here and now, and wrap myself in gratitude for what is. I am grateful for this life, and this love. Thank you.