In honor of the full moon, and of myself, I’m going to journal the prompts from my favorite Instagram page here on my blog. Normally I write these down in my notebook, but honestly I’m too tired to be walk downstairs and grab it, and I figured why not just post it on here!
@sistersvillage on IG
When I bring my focus to my heart, what is it telling me?
My heart is telling me to let go:
Let go of all the pain and wounds that keep me from shining your light. Let go of the fear of disappointing others, and instead prioritize not disappointing yourself. Let go of the need to please and appease, and instead just be authentic and true to yourself.
What areas of my life are calling me to soften and surrender?
I need to soften and surrender at work. There is only so much I can do as one person, and I have been burned out before. I’m finally in a good workspace, with great owners, and they also don’t want me to burn out. I have my own job duties and it is not my responsibility to fix or manage anyone else’s duties. I have the tendency to be a fixer and I want to give solutions and help, but sometimes it’s to my own detriment. I don’t want to be stressed at work, and I have the power to stay in my lane and just focus on my own work!
Both at work and in my personal life, I’m going to keep practicing “let them” whenever I am bothered by something someone else does or says. Instead I’ll take note and give my time and energy accordingly- this year is all about being intentional and surrendering the rest to the universe.
What pain am I letting go of?
I’m letting go of the pain that came from feeling the need to be perfect. I’m letting go of the pain that came from feeling like I need approval and praise from external sources. I’m letting go of the pain that came from feeling emotionally abandoned…from feeling like a burden. I’m letting go of the pain that has hindered me from being my favorite version of myself. I’m letting go of all of the pain that holds me down, and I am setting myself free.
Mel Robbins has talked a lot about this topic: “Let them.” She even wrote a book about it that is available for preorder (which I need to order that at some point). This phrase has become so powerful, because it allows you to take your energy and time back, and it allows you to let go of control.
In reality, we can’t change anyone else; I mean, look how hard it is to make changes in your own life! Yet, even though we know we can’t make anyone else change, we may still spend time and energy being bothered by things they do that we don’t understand. We waste our own time thinking about how others should change or even thinking about how they perceive us, when we cannot control any of that at all!
No matter how mindful or nice I try to be, someone could still think I am annoying or rude. I have no control over how someone else views me, and in reality, it really isn’t my business. How we feel about ourselves is what really matters- and a lot of us carry a lot of shame and guilt that we end up projecting onto our outer world. That is why the more we heal our own wounds, the more we heal the world. If we have less assumptions and projections and we have more discussions and connections, then we recognize how similar we all are and can give each other (and ourselves) grace.
Let people think what they want about you- as long as you know and love yourself, that is what matters. Let people act the way they do; as an adult you can set boundaries and if they break those boundaries, you can decide to let go of that relationship. In other words, then it’s time for “let me.” You are in control of your own decisions and who you decide to spend your time with. When someone is not respectful of your boundaries, listen to them.
We can complain all we want about people crossing our boundaries, but if we never stand up for ourselves, that is also a choice. You get to decide how long you put up with disrespect. We also complain about other people’s choices or actions, but that is literally taking time and energy away from your own life goals. You get to decide if you want to keep thinking about and judging someone’s actions over focusing on your own dreams and ambitions.
“Let them” is powerful, and so is “let me.” This year, I am leaning more into this theory. As I approach my 30th birthday (well, it’s not until July LOL), I am reminded to take a look at how I spend my own time and start to be more intentional with it. I live a very beautiful life and I never want to take it for granted. I am grateful for the countless blessings that surround me, and I am so happy to be present to all of this.
When I initially read this, I thought “absolutely!” and then had a sudden flashback to when I thought this girl at my work was normal and she definitely was NOT. She was sort of a stalker of sorts honestly, and sometimes I still can’t help but judge myself when I literally LET HER CAT SIT MY BABIES WHEN MY HUSBAND (boyfriend at the time) AND I WENT ON VACATION. Luckily I no longer have contact with her, however I still recently was shown a picture where I discovered she named her baby boy the same name as my husband… but back to the prompt.
I decided to google “what makes a good judge of character,” and according to the AI generated response, I will still go with my initial reaction, I am very observant, I listen well, I notice when people are inconsistent in their words and actions, and putting all of this together can assist in making a good judge of character. I also need to trust my intuition more, which is something I’m working on in my current life. I truly do feel that I am a good judge of character, I think my issue with the situation I described at the beginning of my post was just being too trusting too soon.
I am a very empathetic person and at points in my life it has definitely been to my detriment- this weird coworker situation being one of them. I was already friends with one of the girls in that tiny billing office (let’s call her Amanda), and had discovered that I went to high school with the other girl, so I was pretty open and friendly in the beginning with everyone in there. I also had already worked for the company before, so I had already met this other girl (let’s call her Bethany) and never knew of anyone having any problems with her.
I had started at that job in September (years ago, but I’m not trying to go into specifics), and by Halloween my friend Amanda and I were celebrating in my downtown area with Bethany and her other friend and husband, Amanda and I had our boyfriends there as well, and everyone had a relatively good time. Since Bethany actually lived in my same town (yup… super uncomfy) we had made plans to go bowling another night with our significant others. When we did, honestly everything seemed normal. The whole forming of a friendship seemed normal…until it didn’t.
We had these weird work schedules and there would be times when Bethany and I would work just the two of us for an hour or so. Suddenly this girl would just start talking about very sexual shit, like girl had zero boundaries and honestly I had no clue where this was coming from. I’m a pretty conservative person and do not discuss that type of thing with friends, let alone coworkers… in the work place! It was so uncomfortable and I felt so awkward and just would try to ignore or redirect the conversation to work.
She also started to seem to like everything I liked and it started to feel weird. I talked once about how I would sometimes hula-hoop because I wanted to learn how to do cool tricks and dances, and the next day Bethany comes into work like “I wanna learn how to hula-hoop, let’s hoop together.” I also started listening to Gabby Bernstein and then suddenly she’s like “Oh I paid for her manifesting challenge, I can print two copies if you want one!”
As I mentioned earlier on, I had let this girl watch my cats when we had gone on a vacation (this was prior to all of the weird sexual talk and copycat behavior). Since Bethany knew where I lived, she decided to show up at my house unannounced one day. I was actually out with my cousin at the time, but my husband (bf at the time) was home. Luckily, he did not answer the door and he was honestly creeped out, as was I! Like bruh, my own mother does not show up unannounced… why the fuck do you think you can? According to her, she just wanted to show me her new scooter she rode over to the house.
So then I had to have an uncomfortable conversation with her at work, which I made sure not to do in front of anyone else, that she cannot come to my house unannounced as we do not like that. She basically kinda laughed about it, which I was hoping was just a cope laugh, but I also had to tell her that we are coworkers and not friends. Like I want everything to be normal at work, but that’s it. I kinda tried to use the boss and company as reasoning like I just didn’t want the drama, because it’s uncomfortable to straight up tell someone that they are weirding you out.
I mean this is something I’m working on with the people-pleasing, because I am very much aware I am allowed to speak up when I’m uncomfortable. I am no longer prioritizing other people’s comfort over my own. I feel like many people do fawn in situations, statistically women do more, and I wish women were just taught to be more assertive as young girls. I should not have felt so weird to just call her out and let her know I’m feeling uncomfortable and do not wish to talk to her.
I did end up going to the boss and letting her know how uncomfortable I was. At this point she kept bringing me my coffee order and saying things like “I had a free coffee! The universe has your back!” which is a Gabby Bernstein book. *eye-roll HARD* Not to mention I completely skipped the part where she was bringing her AirPods into the bathroom, but leaving her phone in the office with the little “ear” device on so she could listen to all of us in the office when she wasn’t in there. Yeah, Bethany really was some sort of wacko I hope to never come across again.
The more I observed Bethany, the more I recognized how all her value came from external validation and attention. She needed everyone else to like her. She made every situation somehow about her, and she’d always make herself the victim. Complete covert narcissist. Literally we had a girl working with us for several months, and during her time there, she had announced that she was pregnant. We were all so excited for her, except for Bethany.
Bethany wanted a baby of her own, and it was not happening for her at that time. Side note: honestly, even though she is not my favorite person, I was so happy for her when I was told that she was pregnant and when she had her baby a couple months ago. I have her blocked on everything so I wouldn’t have known without someone else telling me, and now I kind of wish I didn’t know, because I will forever be weirded out that her baby and my husband have the same name. Especially because she met my husband and also seemed to be oddly obsessed with him too in my opinion.
Okay I got off on a tangent for a second (and this entire prompt that turned into a whole ass story LOL), but Bethany was upset that our other coworker was pregnant. She literally said to me once “I think she’s rubbing in my face” and I said “I think she’s just excited to have a baby girl and a baby she will have all the time” (because she already had a boy and was actively fighting for full custody with her ex).
Our pregnant coworker ended up quitting a couple months before her due date, and in August we got the devastating news that she had actually passed away during childbirth. We were all very shocked and shook up by this incident, but I was also very shocked at what Bethany had to say.
She said, within literally minutes of learning this news, “this really hits home for me dealing with my infertility” ……. WHAT?! First of all, way to make HER FUCKING DEATH ABOUT YOU!! But also, our late coworker didn’t have any “infertility” issues, her death was a rare accident and she was full-term in her pregnancy. Literally what the fuck are you talking about? I was completely confused as to what was coming out of her mouth and was appalled that someone could make this horrific tragedy about themselves.
Once I was truly observing Bethany, I wanted nothing to do with her. We were not aligned in anything, no matter how much she would try to convince me that we were. I have learned a valuable lesson to allow myself time to observe and listen before diving into trust and closeness. I don’t think I’ll let anyone new ever watch my cats again, or know where I reside, and I will be more vocal when I am uncomfortable, because if you have no problem making me uncomfortable, then I have no problem returning the favor. Life is all about lessons, and typically the hardest situations allow for the most growth.
When my husband and I are both feeling healthy and we don’t have any set plans for an entire weekend, that makes me happy. I love not feeling rushed or like I’m restricted to any schedule, and I enjoy the peace of it all- even if some find that peace to be boring.
I think it has a lot to do with the fact that my nervous system was so dysregulated for so long, and I used to be extremely uncomfortable when it was time to be calm.
I’d never allow myself to relax, I looked at rest as a privilege rather than a necessity, and I just constantly burned myself out with never-ending to-do lists. Now that I have recognized the importance of rest and I have become more regulated, I absolutely love “boring” weekends.
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love connecting and conversing with good friends as well. I find that Face-timing or spending times with friends fills my heart with love and typically boosts my energy-there’s just something about a weekend at home with my life-partner that allows for a full re-charge, and just keeps my heart so full.
I get really reactive when I mess something up. It triggers the perfectionism in me- like I am not allowed to make mistakes, like all of my work was for nothing, like I’m a failure. Sometimes I feel the spiral coming and I just let it. Instead of using my tools or pausing to breathe, sometimes I just let it overtake me.
Am I too tired to use my tools, or am I punishing myself because I feel like I deserve it? I know I’m not too lazy to change and do the work, because I’ve made so much noticeable progress over the years- so is it self-sabotage? Is it just being a fucking human being with an ego? Is it hormones? Did I eat enough today? No.
Today was just annoying in and of itself, I was over all of it. Today feels like a regression, but I am now recognizing as I type this that this is part of the journey to becoming emotionally mature. Paying attention to these things that get me so bothered and actually trying to understand them.
Like I am very aware that I grew up in a reactive household. I also am aware that I had a verbally abusive father who often told me I was a dumbass, and even told me that I’d fail when I moved out on my own and I’d be crying to come back there. So failure just never feels like the option- but who is here to “punish me” when I fail? No one… so I do it. But why? Would I scream at a friend or my husband for making a simple mistake like dropping an eggshell in batter? Absolutely not! But that is 100% what sent me on a spiral this evening.
Granted again, I had a rough day as it is just getting triggered about people and their lack of work ethic, but why does that bother me? Likely, because I have been working for what feels like most of my life and always have put pride into what I do. I have also worked for shitty employers who did not appreciate my work, and I am blessed to say I don’t have that problem anymore- so that’s why I get triggered when I can see good bosses being taken advantage of. However, I can focus on myself and stay in my line and keep doing my job, and that is definitely what is best for myself and my mental health.
Back to the whole thing where I feel like I’m stupid when I fuck up- I am very much aware that I hold myself to insane standards that I don’t expect from anyone else… I just struggle to let it go. I struggle because I feel that my high standards are what got me to where I am today. Moving out at 19, buying a house at 21, working upwards in my career, having a stable relationship- weren’t my high standards for myself the reason I could do all of this?
When I actually think about that… no they aren’t. Me being me and being able to reach out for help and use resources is the reason I’m able to do the things I do. Holding myself to insane expectations only allows me to feel rigid and anxious when things aren’t going right- but failure is just an opportunity to learn and pivot.
Failure is an inevitable thing in life- I hear it in so many self-help podcast interviews with successful people. They always say that failure is basically step one- we all have to fail to be able to learn and grow for the next experience. Today I learned that I will always crack eggs in a separate container before mixing them in batter so it is easier to remove the shell. I wouldn’t have learned that without dropping the shells in.
The best part of all of this stupid eggshell story is that I got the eggshells out of the batter eventually anyways! So I had an entire spiral of negativity for no reason; but also since I believe that everything happens for a reason- I guess this was it. I honestly am proud of myself that I even took time to sit and journal myself out of the triggered state.
I really do want to stop punishing myself and holding myself to such high standards, and now I can refer back to this post where I literally show myself how doing those things aren’t necessary or helpful at all. This one thing won’t fix it all, this will be a repetitive process until I build a strong habit, and I am very much willing to do the work. Guess I’ll start with giving myself grace and celebrating this little win of slowing down and dissecting my thoughts with curiosity.
I decided to take December off of social media, so I deleted Instagram off of my phone. I already had Facebook deleted as I barely go on there, but I did go on once I had our wedding photos and that’s when I found myself back in a cycle of constantly checking on my posts.
Yesterday my phone widget told me that the full moon was arriving today, so I had decided to re-download Instagram for the purpose of going to a specific astrology Instagram page I follow (Sisters Village- I know I’ve mentioned them before) for the full moons tasks/prompts. Luckily it was easy to just go on and get off- literally I just logged in, got my screenshots of her page, and re-deleted the app.
Below is the checklist she posted for the full moon, and as you’ll see, I was already checking #2 off the list! I love when things like this happen, because it feels like a sign that I am in alignment. I’ve been trying to be very mindful and present these past few weeks, and I have been feeling good mentally, and I want to keep up with this especially during this winter season.
Ironically enough, when I went to screenshot her post, I had just finished cleaning the bathroom, which included decluttering the linen closet and getting rid of old towels. I recently had decluttered our kitchen and downstairs closet as well, and honestly it feels so good to just get rid of things that we don’t use. So now I just have to work on bullet points 3 and 4!
I did recently get to connect with my family in Iowa since I took a trip out there last weekend to see Wicked with my Grandma! I’ve been kind of connecting more with myself than with friends though, but it is purposeful for this short period of time. I take a while to recharge and get back in tune with myself, and since this entire year was so busy with friends and family with the whole wedding happening, I’m really enjoying this quiet time with just myself and my husband.
I do want to connect with friends soon, and I have plans these next couple weekends to have fun, creative times with friends, but until then I’m gonna enjoy this weekend of peace and reconnecting with myself during this full moon. Below are the prompts that also came from that Instagram page, incase anyone else wants to join in with this time of reconnecting. Sending love to everyone this Sunday!
It’s the second to last day of November, which means the end of the year is upon us. It also means it’s now officially Christmas, so don’t mind me obsessing over lights and other cute decorations for the rest of the winter season LOL. As we come to a close on 2024, I can’t help but feel so grateful and emotional looking back at this incredible year!
This year was all about our wedding, which makes sense considering my husband proposed a year and four days ago. In March, I went dress shopping with my mom and close friends and I was lucky enough to find my wedding dress! Not only was it the first dress I tried on, but it was also on clearance for $90! I remember I had a night out with a couple of my high school besties that night too, and it was just such a great time!
In July, me and those same two friends went to Minneapolis to see Qveen Herby live in concert! This was one of my dream concerts and I got to see her with my best friends on the day before my birthday!!! Then on my birthday we all went shopping at the Mall of America and just had so much fun! That experience also offered opportunities for me to reflect and grow, and I am so thankful to have these memories.
At the end of September, my now husband and I flew down to Florida to start our wedding trip!! We were able to spend a few days in Pensacola Beach just chilling with my family and then we had his family and our friends trickle in before the actual wedding day. I’m honestly so glad we had a pre-vacation prior to our wedding- highly recommend this! Then at sunset on 10/2/2024, we said our “I do’s” and celebrated our marriage with all of our closest loved ones. We celebrated with a nice dinner afterwards and enjoyed a fun night!
After the wedding we went over to Orlando and enjoyed Harry Potter World before we left in a hurry due to hurricane Milton, and honestly we were so happy to come home and just be with our fur babies in our own bed. We had our Til Death Do Us Party a couple weeks after we got back, and since then we’ve just been enjoying the quiet after all the busyness.
We were invited to our friends’ home yesterday for Thanksgiving, and we enjoyed a delicious meal with them and their kids- this was honestly my favorite Thanksgiving so far! I never enjoyed the holiday as a kid because I don’t like any of the classic Thanksgiving food, but honestly this year I tried the ham my friend made and it was good! She did a great job and I was happy to see other side options rather than the stuffing and green bean casserole I usually avoid.
I know I only listed a few core events of this year, but these few events have made 2024 one of, if not the best year of my life. I also knew it would be, mainly because we were getting married, but it’s still so great that I had so much time with great friends and family this year. My heart and soul are just feeling so full, and I’m excited to see what the rest of the year brings.
There’s still a whole month left of memories to make, and now that it’s Christmastime, it’s the most wonderful time of the year!!🎄♥️✨
said yes to the dress!qveen @ the fillmorehello 29!the night before the weddingbest day ever ♡rainy hogwartsthe dragondrunk in lovedisposable cameras ftwmy friend’s fire ass thanksgiving dinneryummy mini cheesecake
Good morning! Today is a great day to stay grounded in your energy and intention. The full moon is here, it’s Friday, and you get to choose how you feel today.
I personally am feeling great as I type this in my warm bed. I’m gonna get ready for work here soon and after work I’m meeting up with a friend for a late lunch! I’m excited to catch up with her.
This full moon I am really leaning into faith in my angels, but also in myself. I have the ability to create the life I desire- I mean I’ve literally done that so far! I often find myself hiding behind limiting beliefs and unhealed wounds from childhood, but I am actively embracing my shadow self and working to shed light on the darker parts of me.
We’re all humans, we all have parts of us that we have been ashamed or embarrassed of, but hiding them away and trying to ignore them won’t make them go away. We have to acknowledge our pain and shame, and give ourselves patience and understanding for who we were.
Everything in your life has led you to this moment- be sure to honor it all.
From Dark to Light 