inspiration

New Moon in Taurus: A Love Letter To Myself.

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It’s been amazing to watch you grow into the woman you are today. A woman who is no longer afraid of her emotions. Once upon a time you wanted to completely rid herself of them, and with just a few months of Zoloft that goal was achieved. It didn’t take long for you to recognize how lost you were without them, without your powers.

The sensitivity you have to others and to the world around you is a gift when you learn how to use it, and it’s amazing to see you catching on. I see you allowing yourself to feel that childlike joy and also allowing yourself to feel the anger that you’ve been shoving away for too long. Far too long. See how the world has shifted now that you accept and embrace these feelings? No wonder you want to share this with the world.

You care so deeply for others, for humanity as a whole actually. You’ve seen and felt what pain and trauma does to one’s mental health and well being, which makes it easy to have empathy for those who are struggling. You know what it’s like to not be able to feel the true love and joys around you, and now that you can feel them, you want everyone else to be able to feel them too.

You used to let this empathy consume you; losing yourself in everyone else’s worries that they all endlessly dumped on you. You absorbed the anxieties they had and abandoned yourself for too long, completely losing track of what was yours and what wasn’t. You did all of this while trying to keep up a perfect appearance to literally everyone around you- never releasing your own problems or feelings, because they all had enough to worry about.

You always felt like a burden, which is why you made sure to always put everyone else’s happiness before your own. If other people were happy, then there was less likely to be any conflict, thus giving a feeling of safety. You were in survival mode for most of your childhood and early 20s, and I am proud of the transformation you have made through your healing journey.

You allow yourself to rest without shaming yourself about it; instead you now realize it is necessary to recharge your own battery. You are present in your life, making new memories and taking time to enjoy the time with loved ones. You no longer talk about yourself negatively, but instead with the same empathy and grace you’ve always given to others. You have recognized the importance of speaking up and being authentic, and you openly and kindly share your thoughts and opinions with those who you’re close to. You prioritize spending your time and energy with the right people, and you aren’t afraid to say “no.”

You have grown so much throughout the years, and I am so proud of who you are. You deserve peace and love, and you have it all around you and within you. You are a magical woman with a strong intuition, and you’re a magnet for miracles. I love you so much, and I’m so happy to finally be here with you in this beautiful and crazy world. I am here. I am home.

Here Comes The Eclipse

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All I see people posting about is the solar eclipse tomorrow on April 8. As I have been dabbling in astrology, I personally am excited for this eclipse. Eclipses are looked at as powerful times where we can harness the energy to set our intentions and truly shift our lives in the direction that we want to go. I am really trying to stay focused on the positive and keep a faith based mindset rather than fear, as of course, the other side of the Internet is all conspiracies about the end times.

The more I go through this life, the more I just believe that we do create our own reality and whatever we believe to be true will be true. I know that can’t really apply to science and math, and it may not make sense to everyone, but if two things can be true at the same time while having complete opposite meetings, then why couldn’t this be possible? Maybe this is the “end times,” but doesn’t that also mean it’s time for a new beginning?

I have not followed any religion closely, nor do I know the stories of the Bible, but there are people who follow the Bible who are noticing the timing and the path of the Eclipse. This path of darkness crosses through many religiously significant towns, such as Jonah TX, and Rapture, IN. Also, the path apparently passes through seven different towns named Nineveh, which is where Jonah had to go to urge people to repent their evil ways otherwise the town would be destroyed. To some, they believe this is the time that Jesus will come back.

I’ve also seen videos pop up on my Instagram feed talking about a solar eclipse that happened in 1811 and how huge earthquakes happened a couple months after that which caused the Earth to open up. We just had a 4.8 earthquake in New Jersey which some find to be ironic, because the solar eclipse is also on 4/8. Apparently eclipses can bring wild weather events, which we are already seeing with the wild storm in KY and also a huge 7.4 earthquake in Taiwan.

Regardless of what the eclipse can bring or what it symbolizes, I am still leaning into faith. I believe this world needs togetherness, along with and mutual understanding and empathy. I believe that the more we continue to love ourselves and let that love spill out and over onto others, the happier we will be as a species. I’m praying that we can come together and recognize how beautiful this world is, how amazing each other are, and how much goodness we can accomplish together.

Leaning into faith over fear. Thanking my angels and guides of the highest truth. Being present to the love around me. I am blessed. I am grateful. I am ready. 🤍

Early Sunday Thoughts from my Bed

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As I lie here half asleep in my comfortable, warm bed, I can’t help but feel content. I remember the days where the second my eyes were open, I was immediately up working on household chores or school work or some other task that probably didn’t actually need to be done; I wouldn’t allow myself to rest. I’d always tell myself “I just have to get it all done now so I can relax later,” but later never came. I’d just add more and more tasks, none of which contained any rest or self care.

I used to feel chronically guilty and shameful when I’d rest or spend any time (or money) on myself. I felt shame around resting because it felt like laziness. I felt shame around spending money on myself because it felt like a waste- like whatever I had just purchased was stupid or completely unnecessary. If something unexpected came up and we needed money, I’d immediately think of how much I spent on myself and feel guilty and like everything was my fault. I always felt like everything was my fault.

I now live a life where I have unlearned some unhealthy patterns and I have released such shameful, guilty feelings for the most part. As a human, sometimes I will get triggered again, but it’s easier to acknowledge and give myself grace as I am aware of where these issues stem from. I feel so blessed to be able to just lay in bed next to the love of my life and relax for hours and not feel an ounce of guilt. Tasks will get done, life will go on, and it’s important to think about which memories are the ones I’ll want to bask in when I’m an old lady.

I’ll never regret cuddles with my fiancé or with my cats. I won’t regret the iced coffees or trips to cute downtown areas. I won’t regret the times I spent writing or being creative. I won’t regret taking the time to count my blessings. I won’t regret nice phone calls with friends. I won’t regret the fact that I decided to focus on my mental health and my own well-being, as it has allowed me to be more present in my life and truly soak in the love that surrounds me. More importantly, it allows me give that love to myself.

Autobiography Opening Sentence:

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You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence?

“As an only child who was raised by functioning alcoholics, Jena was destined to be a healer.”

LOL not gonna lie, writing that sentence weirdly made me more motivated to pursue certain projects that I’ve been avoiding.

Thank you.

Good Morning, Monday!

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My intentions for this week are to stay grounded in my own happiness and peaceful energy. I plan to focus on all of the love in my life and start getting back into my health goals: less eating out and more movement!

I’ve been struggling with some neck/shoulder pain that has traveled to the arm, and so I need to make sure I am focusing on getting my body back to optimal health and preferably minimal pain. I went to the chiropractor for this pain before (back before it was this bad) and they relieved me of my pain there, but then I started struggling with the lower back pain.

When I started PT for my lower back and started getting that feeling back to normal, I could feel the twinge in my shoulder coming back, but when I’d make little comments and PT they weren’t addressed. Now, I know I could have spoke up and advocated more for myself, but I didn’t and since then my insurance has changed so I think it’s time I get back for a fresh start. I can’t see my primary care until the end of the month, so for now I will be seeing what stretches and exercises help me in the meantime.

Now it’s time to start the work day! I hope everyone has an amazing week ahead!

My heart is full

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I had such a wonderful weekend hanging out with great people and just having fun! On saturday I celebrated one of my best friends’ birthdays and we went roller blading and then made cute cocktails and played a hilarious game back at her place. Today I hung out with one of my other best friends and we had a successful shopping day after enjoying some delicious coffee and matcha early this afternoon!

Now I get to relax and spend time with the love of my life before I get some rest. I am looking forward to this week ahead, focusing more on my health and taking another social media break. I am excited to get focused again and see how much I can do! I am so grateful for this life and for all of the people in it. I am looking forward to a great week ahead!

Wednesday Wisdom

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Just like that, January is over! if you didn’t start a new resolution or you fell out of the one you had, DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT IT! you’re a human, you are unlearning years worth of habits, and things take time! give yourself the same grace and love that you give to your best friends, and step into your power 💕✨

Bloguary Prompt

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What do you complain about the most?

I’d probably say that I complain the most about people. Mainly I am used to complaining about people at work who aren’t doing their jobs, but I recognize that complaining doesn’t help. This year I am at a new job, and the difference is that I am currently just observing and making notes and bringing this to the attention of my boss so we can try to come up with better processes. I also complain about people I know, but that is something I am actively working on this year, because I know I need to take accountability.

In general, this year I am working on discernment and speaking up. Instead of whining and complaining, this year I am focusing on solutions. This also applies to relationships with friends and family- instead of b*tching about someone’s behavior, I will take note and set boundaries where I see fit. If something does not have an effect on me, then I can take steps to remove myself and ignore. If something does bother me and affects me directly, it is my responsibility to speak up.

No one will ever know I am upset or bothered if I keep shoving it away, and honestly that hurts all parties in the end. It hurts me, because I am not expressing my needs or feelings, and it hurts them because I have basically been lying or hiding how I’ve actually been feeling. It may come as a shock to people when I actually start expressing my feelings, but it’s only fair to me to finally allow myself to trust in my feelings and advocate for myself.

No more fearing confrontation. No more people-pleasing. No more manipulating and invalidating my own feelings. No more whining and complaining about things that don’t impact me. No more faking niceness to “keep the peace” or to avoid hurting other people.

I am not responsible for other people’s feelings, I am responsible for mine. I would never go out of my way to be disrespectful, but I also will no longer tolerate being disrespected. I deserve better, and I will do better.

Goodbye 2023

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Goodbye to unhealthy habits that aren’t helping me to reach my full potential- I am stepping into my higher self.

Goodbye to negative self-talk and shame- I am being intentional with the words I speak.

Goodbye to letting my fears and limiting beliefs hold power over my future- I am taking matters into my own hands and leaning into faith.

Goodbye to gossip and dramatic environments- I am drinking water and minding my business.

Goodbye to all of the things that are no longer serving me- I am making room for the abundance and blessings that are heading my way.

Goodbye to the people who are not supportive of my dreams and who refuse to cheer me on- I am only surrounding myself with uplifting, supportive people.

Goodbye to a wonderful year; thank you for all of the blessings and wonderful memories.