health

Protect Your Energy

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Our energy is a form of currency, and it’s important to spend it intentionally. As a recovering people-pleaser, I felt out of touch and out of control of my own energy for years. I was so focused on shoving down my true feelings in order to keep other people comfortable and to avoid any conflict or confrontation. I carried shame around my emotions; I never felt like I was allowed to express my feelings, and I definitely wasn’t taught how to do so in a healthy way.

As I grew older, I noticed resentment building inside. I was feeling so angry about everything because I felt like my life wasn’t mine. I was so focused on other people and how they were able to live their lives for themselves, and I lost myself and my own wants and needs along the way. I was spending all my time and energy focusing on other peoples’ lives rather than focusing myself, and it completely drained me.

I had to start coming back into my body and paying attention to how I felt around certain people and situations. I had to start being honest with myself about what I actually wanted to spend time doing and what I was doing just to “keep the peace.” Instead of saying “yes” right away out of some feeling of obligation, I started saying “let me think about it” to give myself time to sit and listen to how my mind and body truly feel before committing to anything.

Coming back to myself has been a long journey, and I continue to fall into the ego and find old habits trying to creep back in, but now I am more aware of myself and what I need to do to protect my own energy. sometimes it’s just being selective with who I spend time with, other times it’s taking a break from people in general to recharge, and sometimes it’s talking to the universe/God/source. regardless of how it’s done, it is done with intention. ✨

Morning Gratitude

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This morning I want to just lay in bed and sleep, but instead of hitting snooze I am still laying here but decided to start the day here with some good vibes and gratitude.

-I am so grateful I get to wake up next to the love of my life every morning, as it makes me feel safe, loved, and comforted.

-I am grateful to be waking up in a warm, cozy bed that is so comfortable it makes it hard to want to get out of it.

-I am grateful that I have a job where I am appreciated, I enjoy what I do, and I still have freedom to listen to headphones and work at my pace.

-I am grateful to still have both of my parents in my life, even if it may be a bit estranged with my dad, I am still blessed to have contact with both of them and I am happy I have a good relationship with my mother.

-I am grateful for this blog, as it was easy to start, it’s easy for me to post from my phone or laptop, and it’s a nice outlet for me, and also a way to inspire others.

-I am grateful to have supportive, loving friends in my life who are truly rooting for me and want the best for me. I am happy I have friends I can be my full self around.

-I am grateful to have heat in our home, as well as the AC during the summer. We are blessed that we can afford and have these luxuries.

-I am grateful for car, as she is sleek and beautiful but also very reliable and safe. I am happy we can both afford nice cars.

Overall there are so many things in this lifetime to be grateful for, and sometimes it’s important to just take a moment and think about it. Whenever I am feeling lost or overwhelmed, I have found that when I turn to the mindset of gratitude, it makes a big difference. It’s not always an easy task when emotions are running high, but like anything, it’ll just get easier with time and practice. Your life has a lot of beauty in it, take a moment to think about it.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Monday and week ahead.

Wednesday Wisdom

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I have been feeling so much better than I felt the first week of the year, and I am fully enjoying this time. I’m still practicing discernment in my life, I am limiting the amount of information I share with others and this even includes close friends.

It is not my responsibility or even my problem if someone else is sending jealous or some negative energy my way, because I know I am protected and my energy is mine regardless; but that doesn’t mean I want to be all willy nilly with what I share.

There’s good news around me, and instead of sharing for validation or sharing to celebrate, I find that celebrating with myself and for myself is more than sufficient for me. In reality, it feels better than sharing with others. Not that my friends don’t celebrate or care, but because I can give that to myself.

I am very aware that hyper-independence is a trauma response, but it also is a strength. I know I am living in alignment with my values; I am strengthening my relationship with the universe / God, which in turn has improved my relationship with myself. I know who I can ask for help, I know I have loved ones who are truly in my corner and are rooting for me, and even though that is a small group, it is a strong, supportive, caring group.

I don’t feel the need to share all of my plans and all of my goals with people who are just waiting for me to fail, or are projecting their own self-doubt onto me. I know that I still have yet to meet members of my soul family, and I am not here to be completely shut off or turn off my empathy, but I will continue to be selective and protect myself and my dreams first.

Sunday Funday

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My friend is about to drop off her kids to hang out for a while, and I have decided that this is my opportunity to be a kid today! We have candy land and lincoln logs, and we even have a classic DVD player with a variety of Disney and Pixar movies to choose from! She’s bringing over some snacks, and we have some fun records to listen to! It’s going to be a carefree, imaginative day.

Obviously I am also going to be supervising the children and making sure everyone is staying safe and well! My fiancéis also here to help which is nice, and I know time will just fly by! Kids can talk and ask questions for hours and hours so I am interested to see what is in store today LOL.

As for the week ahead, I am feeling more comfortable at work and feeling productive every day, which is great! I am excited to get in a good groove and get caught up on things and take on more tasks. I also am excited to focus more on myself and my health outside of the office, and hopefully get a nail appointment this week! We had a huge snow storm so I didn’t feel like driving to my appointment this weekend.

We are continuing to lock things in for our wedding which has me super excited. I find myself getting extra emotional when listening to love songs, and I am just so happy and grateful that I get to marry my best friend this year! I’m just going to keep focusing on that energy this year!

1/11

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Today is January 11, aka 111! If you believe in angel numbers and all that fun witchy woo, then today is a powerful day that marks “new beginnings.” Today is also the first new moon of 2024, which is a wonderful day to set new intentions, new routines and get our booties into gear!

Mind you, if you are still feeling the heavy, exhausting energy of the new year, it is okay to just take today to slow down and pour into yourself. Give yourself grace and set time to check back in when you’re feeling like you’re in a better space energetically.

For myself, this year is an exciting one and I am looking forward to all of the love, connections, blessings and abundance that is heading my way. I am being my full self with absolutely no apologies! I am embracing my weird, bitchy, dark humor having ass self and instead of fighting the inevitable dualities in the human life, I am flowing with them.

I am advocating for myself.

I am prioritizing my peace.

I am moving with intention.

I am surrendering worries to the universe.

I am flowing, growing, and glowing.

I am taking back my power.

I am stepping into my authentic self.

I am grateful, graceful, and tasteful.

I have spent so much time focusing on my mental health and focusing on the positives, and now it’s time to enjoy all of my progress. I am dancing in the garden I grew for myself. I am singing in the rain that the universe pours into me. I am skipping through the fields of abundance that will continue to appear before me. I am breathing fresh air into my vessel, cleansing my soul from the inside out.

I am here.

I am alive.

I am free.

Thank you, angels and guides of the highest good for your divine support and protection.

Goodbye 2023

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Goodbye to unhealthy habits that aren’t helping me to reach my full potential- I am stepping into my higher self.

Goodbye to negative self-talk and shame- I am being intentional with the words I speak.

Goodbye to letting my fears and limiting beliefs hold power over my future- I am taking matters into my own hands and leaning into faith.

Goodbye to gossip and dramatic environments- I am drinking water and minding my business.

Goodbye to all of the things that are no longer serving me- I am making room for the abundance and blessings that are heading my way.

Goodbye to the people who are not supportive of my dreams and who refuse to cheer me on- I am only surrounding myself with uplifting, supportive people.

Goodbye to a wonderful year; thank you for all of the blessings and wonderful memories.

End of Year Reflections

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I know I have mentioned Mel Robbins on this blog before, as she is one of my favorite podcast hosts/authors/self-help influencers. Mel recently released a podcast episode titled: “How To Make 2024 The Best Year: 6 Questions To Ask Yourself.” I am finishing up listening to it now, and although Mel and her team are amazing and have even made a free downloadable workbook to work through, I still wanted to just answer the questions she asks here on my blog. When I started listened to the episode I was driving, so I wasn’t able to write down the questions or really think about my answers, so I plan to do that here.

Before I do, here is the link to the episode: https://www.melrobbins.com/podcasts/episode-131

Here is the link to the free workbook to go along with the episode: https://www.melrobbins.com/bestyear

According to what Mel has been saying on this episode, the workbook is more extensive than just answering each question, as she helps people truly dive deep into each one and helps guide you along the way. Mel and her family answer these questions with her family every single year, and she recommends having your phone by you to be able to look through your camera roll and calendar to truly see how these past 12 months went. The questions are as follows: What were the highlights of your year? What were the hardest aspects of this past yet? What did you learn about yourself over the past 12 months? What are the things you want to stop doing and not bring into 2024? What do you want to continue doing? What do you want to start doing?

As I am writing these down I am getting excited to actually sit down and do a deep reflection on these past 12 months. Before I do the true deep dive with the workbook and extra prompts/guidance, let’s see how much I can get from just simply answering these. I have my phone with me, so let’s roll!

1. What were the highlights of your year?

Without even looking at my phone, our engagement comes to mind as the top highlight of 2023! My love asked me to marry him and it’s crazy to think that before the end of 2024, I will be able to call him my husband! We also celebrated 12 years together this year and finally got to eat at this nice super club that we had tried to go to before. This was also the year that I became a published author! I have two different poems of mine published in books, and this leads me into another highlight memory when my aunt and grandmother brought copies of the books to our annual girl’s retreat and asked me to sign them. It’s great to know I have family that supports me, along with my friends. I also was invited to be on a podcast that a mutual friend started earlier in the year, and I felt so happy doing the episode! Scrolling through my camera roll I see videos of me rollerblading at my friend’s birthday party back in February, which was the first time I had done that in several years. This even inspired me to have my own birthday party start at the roller rink later on in the year. My 28th birthday party was definitely a highlight from this year; it was so fun to be able to rollerblade with everyone and then end the night at our place just enjoying some drinks and food! Before my birthday I was blessed with the time to be able to travel to MN to meet up with one of my best friends for a Bryce Vine concert, and we even got to go to the mall of America! Which of course this reminds me that I also got to see Masego in concert this year which was a huge highlight! Standing up on the VIP floor with a private bar and good friends was truly an unforgettable experience. From celebrating birthdays with karaoke, to game nights where I actually won poker, to family trips and long overdue baby showers, this year has been full of celebrations and good company. I also recently accepted a new job offer and put in my notice at the place I have been at for the last two years, and I am looking forward to new beginnings!

2. What were the hardest aspects of this past yet?

I’d say one of the hardest aspects was navigating emotions and trying not to take on other people’s stress. I’ve had close friends go through terrible loss and it’s hard when I cannot take away their pain and I feel like I don’t know how to support them. Another hard aspect is feeling like I cannot stay consistent with health or wellness goals. I have been trying to be observant without judging myself, which I feel I have been, but I am still not working out or cooking as consistently as I’d want. I go through phases but it doesn’t stick so that gets discouraging. I also had immense back pain several times that prevented me from being able to bend over and I could barely walk. I had to miss work because of it, I was going to the chiropractor, then immediate care, and then ending with physical therapy. This year got another ultrasound as I thought I had a cyst or endometriosis, but I am happy to report all was normal! One of the worst parts of this year was when I witnessed a horrific accident involving the death of someone’s dog; that was something that shook me for a little bit. I was also honestly upset that Angus Cloud passed away this year, even though I obviously didn’t know him personally, I loved his character on Euphoria.

3. What did you learn about yourself over the past 12 months?

I’ve learned that I am much happier when I am being intentional and focusing on gratitude. I learned that I still struggle with how to let go of other people’s problems, but I am getting better with my communication. I still avoid conflict and times and avoid speaking up, but I am learning and growing. I learned that I am more confident than I used to think, and my empathy and observant behavior can be honed and used for good. I learned that it is always better to trust your gut and stay quiet about certain things with certain people, as not everyone has the best intentions or wishes for you. I learned that how people talk to you/treat you has a lot more to do with them than it does with you- it’s best not to take anything personal or make assumptions. I’ve learned that it’s best to stay out of gossip and drama if you want a more stress-free life. I’ve learned to trust my gut about certain feelings, because it turns out that I know more than I think. I also learned that I do have a relationship with the universe that thrives the more effort I put in, and it gives a sense of peace.

4. What are the things you want to stop doing and not bring into 2024?

Doubting myself. Talking myself out of trying things. Participating in low-vibe conversations: gossip, drama, etc. Putting off my dreams and losing site of my priorities. Caring about what other people think and keeping quiet about things I am passionate about. Dimming my light. Feeling guilty for choosing me. Downplaying my own traumas. I want to stop eating so much fast food and inflammatory foods.

5. What do you want to continue doing?

Looking at life through a lens of love and positivity. Looking for how to learn from situations and hard times, rather than letting them consume me. Focusing on being present, taking social media breaks (I loved the one I took this year), and seeking joy. I want to continue blogging and journaling. I want to continue strengthening my faith in the universe and letting go of what no longer serves me.

6. What do you want to start doing?

I want to start consistently working out and cooking. I want to start my podcast and continue working on my book, but in a consistent way. I want to start saying yes to new things that interest me. I want to go rollerblading more. I want to have a good routine that allows me to truly dive into my self care and leaves me feeling fresh and fulfilled. I want to practice self-discipline and I want to only do nice things for people who treat me with respect. I want to live intentionally every single day, and enjoy the life that I have. I want to let go of any shame or guilt that resides within me, and let it be free, so that I can be free as well. I want to live my best life.

Wow, after going through all of those questions I feel like I’ve learned so much. I still want to go through the workbook as well so I will plan to do that before the end of the year! In the meantime, I am ready to relax and enjoy this time off with my fiancé. I am excited to close the chapter on this current job and move onto bigger and better things. I am ready to get a routine in place and finally start focusing on my health and my happiness. 2023 allowed me to slow down, observe and reflect on who I really am; 2024 is the year that I reclaim my power and completely immerse myself in it – for the good of all. Thank you<3

Busy and Blessed

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This weekend has been full of Christmas parties and good company, which means my social battery is now drained. Today my fiancé and I are having his brother take our engagement photos and then we are meeting up with our moms to discuss wedding/reception planning.

We are planning a small beach destination wedding with less than 40 of our close family and friends, and we are also doing this on our 13 dating anniversary which makes it land on a Wednesday! I have always dreamed of having an intimate ceremony near the ocean, and I am so excited to make this dream come true!

We have a bunch of ideas planned, but nothing is set in stone just yet and I am working on surrendering all that is beyond my control to the universe. I know that things don’t go as planned, and I know that is usually because something better is coming, so I am going to work hard to stay in that mindset throughout our planning process.

I’ve been in a few weddings and been to even more and more often than not the bride is always very stressed before the wedding. I am determined to focus on the joy and gratitude along this journey and eliminate any stress where I can, and I am so excited to see how everything unfolds. I want to be so present throughout this process, because this is the only wedding I plan to have and I do not want to let myself get carried away with unnecessary stress and anxiety.

This is going to be the ultimate people-pleasing test for me, because I know what I want and I know some family may have some different opinions. I will not let anyone guilt me out of my dream of getting married on our anniversary, even though it may be super inconvenient for most people. I will be strong with my boundaries and as long as my fiancé and I are communicating well and on the same page, that is what matters.

This wedding is for us to celebrate our love and set the foundation for our future life and family, it has nothing to do with anyone else. I am so grateful and excited to marry my best friend, so I am going to keep this same energy throughout the process. Here’s to a great week ahead!

Morning Thoughts

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I am so tired. I just woke up from a deep sleep and I need to get up and start getting ready for another day of celebration and seeing a bunch of people. Yesterday my fiancé and I went to a family birthday party and it was really nice to see everyone, and today we will go to his parents’ house for our monthly family dinner. Before that, I have a baby shower to go to for a family friend, and even though I am exhausted at this moment, I am very excited to celebrate her today! She has been through a lot to finally have this baby, and she deserves to be celebrated!

I knew getting on a screen and starting to read or write would help me wake up, and I wanted to avoid getting on social media. I went back on as of December 1st and finally posted about our engagement, and I’ve been on it pretty consistently again. Not really Facebook, but I am back on Instagram. I have honestly noticed that I feel more irritable, but it could also be PMS- I’m just trying to observe my own habits and emotions so I can see what is best for me.

I still have been very happy and grateful though, just thinking about wedding planning and all of the fun things that are coming our way. It may be a lot to plan, but I want to keep it fun and without stress or drama. I want to be fully present for all of it and keep focused on joy, being patient and calm along the way. This is a time for love and happiness, so I intend to keep that vibe!

Alright, I need to get my ass out of bed and start this day. Wishing everyone a wonderful Sunday!

Chill Weekend

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Yesterday my friend and I went to a local event where they turn on all of the christmas lights in the downtown area! We got hot chocolate, I purchased a new vinyl record (Khalid: American Teen) and I showed her a couple of the shops around downtown. Although it was a little chilly, we had a great time! I always love when everyone does the countdown and then suddenly the town is bright with gorgeous, white lights!

I originally planned to drive us downtown to park, but after what felt like 30 minutes of driving around and avoiding the hundreds of people walking around I decided to call my boyfriend and asked if he could just drop us off LOL. I feel so lucky to be so close to these events sometimes, because it’s much more convenient to be dropped off than to find parking and eventually have to leave!

This weekend should be nice and chill, unlike the busy weekends ahead in December, so I’m going to soak it up and enjoy it! I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday, and I hope you get the rest you need.