Author: hermagicalthoughts

Feeling better

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I am finally starting to feel normal again. This morning I had a follow up appointment with my PCP and she prescribed omeprazole to help with my symptoms, so I’m hoping this helps as well and everything goes away.

This is going to be a productive week at work as we only have patients coming in on Friday, so we get to play catch up on claims and billing which is much needed! This office had some less than competent people up front for the past several months, so there is plenty to clean up!

It is so satisfying to get messes fixed and organize the office. I can’t wait to get everything exactly how I want it and continue to bring in new patients to the practice. For this week I am planning to get off around 3-4pm every day, so I will be working on crafting projects and exercising.

I have to continue to work on myself and I have to stop all of the self-loathing. I broke down on Saturday, because I just was feeling like I was ruining everyone’s plans and I was constantly forgetting things. After talking to my boyfriend, we came to the conclusion I have spread myself too thin with work/friends(weddings).

With my hands in too many things, I can’t be giving 100% to everything, and that makes me more upset because I have pretty high expectations of myself. I have to take a step back and think things through before I’m saying “yes!” to everyone and ask myself if it’s something I can actually handle taking on. Boundaries are important, and they only work if you enforce them.

Not having a great time

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I’m still having issues with my health; random nausea and this morning I was having random sharp cramping. I can’t remember if I said but mother nature finally made her appearance 13 days late, which was a relief in a way, but also it’s sounding like my next step might be a GI doctor.

I have a follow up appointment on Monday at 8am, but it has to be Telehealth since I’ve been vomiting (even with my negative covid test). I feel like they’re just going to tell me go to the GI doctor; honestly I do have a fear of being diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. But I do need to take care of myself, so I will listen to what the doctor says on Monday.

I’ve been having a rough mental health day/week. Today I was bawling my eyes out in the car with my boyfriend because I feel like I’m constantly ruining everyone’s plans. My best friend got married yesterday and the plan was for everyone to go to the bar after the dinner, and unfortunately I felt like garbage after dinner and a couple drinks so I went home after dinner.

I felt terrible about that and then I also ruined planed with another friend today. She was supposed to come over with a couple other people for wedding crafts, and I forgot that my boyfriend wanted to go see a car that was an hour away from home, which messed up the plans. Then we also forgot that we had an appointment at 2pm for someone to come out and measure for our windows to be replaced, but luckily we made it back in time.

The other thing was my boyfriend had an appointment to see that car at 12pm, and his brother stayed over last night and we wanted breakfast this morning. When we went to breakfast it took a little longer than normal because it was busy, and then we were late to the 12pm by almost an hour. When we got there, we were told they just sold that car five minutes prior. So then I felt even more like shit.

I just haven’t been myself and I’ve been super stressed and I feel like I’ve been holding a lot in that I just need to let out. I’m so annoyed and frustrated with myself, but my boyfriend was saying how he gets so upset when I’m so hard on myself and how he wasn’t even upset with me or anything. I just have been completely out of it lately with everything going on with my health too.

Anyways, I’m just so exhausted and I’m really needing to just push through this shit. Tomorrow is going to be sunny and 60 degrees, so I need to make sure I go on a walk. I also am going to grocery shop and get some healthy options, as I need to start treating my body better. I’m excited to spend the rest of the day just relaxing and spending time with my boyfriend. I’m ready to start feeling better and feeling more like myself.

More labs and a CT scan later

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Still no answers. I look healthy as a horse, and am very much NOT pregnant as I have already known, but there’s still no answer as to why I’ve had all of these symptoms, including vomiting everyday (yes, today as well) for the past five days.

This morning I had some spotting and a constant ache on my right side/lower back. I decided to finally listen to my friends and go to the hospital for some testing just due to all of the other symptoms I’ve had. I had a urine and blood test immediately and was taken back to a room shortly after. The Dr. came in and said she wanted to do a CT due to the pain I was having,

I was in the hospital for about four hours total; this was my first time having a CT scan and I did not like it very much. When they had to push the contrast dye into the IV I felt so nauseated I thought I was going to throw up and pass out in that machine. Luckily that was not the case, and the results came back pretty quickly showing no abnormalities.

The Dr. sent me home with some zofran for nausea and told me they’d send my blood out for a thyroid test, but other than that they had no answers. I was very upset, but I didn’t let her know that. I just cried once I left and got to the car. It’s just so frustrating not knowing what’s wrong, but not only that, I now feel like I do know the answer: it’s me. I’m so stressed and anxious that I make myself physically ill. It’s happening again, even though mentally I don’t even feel as stressed as I have been.

To be fair, I don’t know 100% if that’s the case and it could also be terrible PMS at this point, but I truly feel defeated at this point. I’m just going to rest and go to work tomorrow with my nausea medication and move on with life.

Still no answers

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I got a rapid covid test this morning just to rule it out since I still don’t know what’s wrong – $175.00 later and it’s negative! This is good but also in a way I was almost like well if it’s positive it all kinda makes sense? But I am glad I do not have covid,

At this point I am welcome any and all opinions / medical advice on what may be going on with me- I will list my symptoms below:

-fatigue that began last wedneday (falling asleep driving to work, completely exhausted and ready for bed by 8:30 every night, no motivation to do anything)

-late period by 12 days- normally I am regular, but have had multiple negative pregnancy tests including a blood hcg

-nausea & puking in the mornings (started this past wednesday)

-lower back pain (started 2-3 days ago, worsening)

-burping a lot

-diarrhea (only for one day- other days lots of movements in morning)

-random dull ache lower abdomen – not consistent cramping though

-headaches (started last night, have one today)

Again, any help is appreciated.

Confused, annoyed, exhausted

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So after two full days off of work spent on phones with doctors and getting pointless labs, what I knew the labs would say were correct and they wasted my time, because I still don’t have any answers. Today I threw up more than I did the last two days, and it sucks because I went to work today and left after just a couple hours of being there.

I’m home now laying in bed, I finally ate but my stomach isn’t exactly happy right now. I am still waiting on lovely mother nature to make her appearance and it’s just stressing me out (which I’m sure is actually the entire problem).

I’m worried that I am so stressed that I made myself physically ill. The odd thing though is that I’m not anxious with work and I don’t feel like I am overly stressed! Of course work has stress, but I feel like I can let it go when it’s time to be off of work. I’m just confused and irritated and exhausted at this point.

In bed all day

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Yesterday I called into work due to throwing up in the morning and having extreme fatigue for several days prior. I always feel guilty calling in; I feel like I’m letting my team down and I’m also falling behind on a bunch of stuff! This morning I woke up and had diarrhea (TMI but I don’t care right now) and a bit of nausea again so I called my boss.

I told her what was going on and she said that I have to take care of myself. I was saying how I felt bad as the front desk girl just started last week and now I’m leaving her alone and she said that I just have to think about myself and remember if I’m not 100% then I can’t give 100% at work (which is true if I’m constantly getting up to use the bathroom).

I felt much better (mentally) after that conversation and I let my team know I won’t be in today. Then proceeded to throw up twice which was all my dinner from last night; so I guess it’s a good thing I called in. Now I’m just laying in bed and I have a water bottle beside me so I can just rest and hydrate. My eyes are heavy as I write this so I’m going to listen to my body and go back to sleep.

Going through it

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I totally missed my Sunday post; I even had Monday off but still didn’t post because I’ve just been exhausted. A lot of weird stuff has been going on with my health so that’s also annoying. Today I’m off because I threw up this morning, and I told my regional coach that I felt like maybe I could still go in but she said to take care of myself.

All morning I was on the phone with doctors and nurses and schedulers and they came to the conclusion that I should get a certain lab test so I went to the hospital earlier for that and now I just wait for a call, although I already know the result. I don’t feel like going too much into detail right now as I don’t really know what is going on.

I can say I had a breast ultrasound on Monday for a lump I found a few weeks ago, and luckily it was only a benign cyst. I was a bit worried about that as I do have a family history of breast cancer, but I am blessed to say that it was nothing worrisome. For now I will rest and wait for the phone call with this next test result.

Feeling feelings

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Been irritable lately and overthinking a lot. I had a fun weekend, but there were also parts that made me upset but I made sure to let it all go because we were celebrating a good friend for her bachelorette party.

I’ve been feeling people’s emotions and passive aggressiveness lately and it’s been draining. I also feel lack of communication is hurting a relationship right now, but I also don’t know how to address it and it’s not a good time at all. At this point it would be rude to do/say anything so I will just have to wait.

I am just tired right now and am ready to go to bed. I have to work tomorrow and honestly I am kind of excited to start off the month on a good note at work! I think my career life will be thriving soon, I just have to get through a couple months of fixing up quite a few issues.

Meh

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Yesterday was a bad mental health day. Although I was productive, I was feeling very “meh” all day and was just being very hard on myself. I am able to recognize when I am being hard on myself and when I’m overworking myself, but I can’t seem to stop it. My hardest struggle right now is the new job.

I love my new job, honestly! There’s just quite a few things that are similar to one of my previous jobs, and unfortunately it’s a bit triggering for me and my body. I’m not throwing up daily or anything like I did at the job I’m referring to, but there’s just an overwhelming amount of mistakes to fix again, and it feels like I’m drowning in it.

I find myself having difficulty sleeping again, and constantly dreaming about being at work. The good thing is that all of my coworkers and higher ups are very encouraging and are so pleased with me and they tell me daily that I’m doing a great job- and I know I am too- I just can’t help but feel like I’m never doing enough.

I feel like I mainly have this issue when I’m in leadership positions at work, because I feel like everything comes down on me (even though it’s not true because this is a team effort) and I put way to high of expectations on myself. I want to make sure no one is stressed, including myself, so I overwork myself trying to prevent anything from going wrong. The problem is, I keep walking into jobs where there is A LOT of clean up, so mainly everything is going wrong until I can fix it all.

I’m going to learn a balance; luckily my regional coach is always reminding me that they don’t want me to burn out. She told me that it’s very easy to want to work all day as there will always be stuff to do, but work/life balance is important. I just have to be better at setting myself a boundary so I stop over-working myself and stop making myself more anxious.

Lucky in love

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I love slowly waking up on Sunday mornings with you; taking what feels like hours to get out of bed and start the day. Feeling your warm hands reach out for me, then giving in to your warm embrace. That feeling of complete calmness overwhelming my body, giving me a sense of peace.

You make it so easy to be in love, and you make it seem so easy to love me. You see the beauty underneath the roughness, and you admire every part of me. It doesn’t matter the day or time, you always make sure I am aware of your love for me. I often sit and wonder how I got so fortunate to be loved by such an incredible man.

We’ve grown together over the years, making our connection stronger and stronger. Every day we laugh together, making each day more enjoyable. You kiss my cheek every night when you come to bed, and I kiss yours every morning when I leave for work. Our love is my favorite, and I am so blessed to have your love forever.