mental health awareness

Happy December: New Moon Edition

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When it comes to new moons and full moons, I have been trying to make it a habit to do journal prompts from the Sisters Village instagram page. I find that her prompts are helpful and with her studying astrology, the prompts are on theme with what is going on in the celestial realm.

She writes down a to-do list which also often contains some sort of writing task, and her one she posted for today’s new moon said to write a gratitude list. I know I do that a lot here on my blog, but starting off the new month I think it’s a great time to sit and focus on what blessings surround us.

This December, I am grateful for:

  • My health/mental health. I can walk, talk, eat, and live life all on my own without assistance. I have access to doctors and my therapist who has especially helped me with my mental health over the past few years. I am no longer stuck in panic attacks or deep depression every day of my life, and I have learned so much about myself. This journey has only made me more curious and empathetic towards my mind and body, therefore allowing me to love myself.
  • My husband. I knew when I was 16 years old that I was going to marry my husband, and we finally tied the knot this year! Our wedding day was everything I ever dreamed of, and although the wedding was a huge highlight of our relationship, I am so thankful for the years of roots and foundation we built together. My husband was with me during some of the hardest parts of my life, and he never thought to leave or run away- instead he was my rock. He loved me for me and has always encouraged me to be my favorite version of myself- and I am that when I’m with him. I am so grateful for this love, and I pray everyone finds a healthy, strong love like this.
  • Our home. We bought our townhome over eight years ago, and I am still so happy with where we are. We have plenty of space, all of our appliances work, and we are blessed to be able to afford our mortgage and utilities. I always grew up in an apartment, and I am the only child, so I am the first person in my immediate family to purchase a home! I always wanted a home with a garage and I am lucky to say we have a two-car garage attached to our home. I am so thankful to have a warm place to sleep every night.
  • I am grateful to have such good friends, who truly love me and wish the best for me and my husband. I love friends who I can just talk to for hours, laughing a lot with no judgement. I love friends who are excited for my wins, just as much as I am excited for theirs, and overall I just enjoy the genuine love and support.

I could go on and on, but instead I’m gonna post a couple of the slides from that Sisters Village page, that way if anyone else wants to join along in some journaling/reflecting, you can!

As part of my new moon ritual, I’ll journal these other prompts in my actual writing diary today with some incense and calming music. Sending everyone so much love this holiday season, and I hope December is filled with love, miracles and joy! ✨

Friday // Full Moon

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Good morning! Today is a great day to stay grounded in your energy and intention. The full moon is here, it’s Friday, and you get to choose how you feel today.

I personally am feeling great as I type this in my warm bed. I’m gonna get ready for work here soon and after work I’m meeting up with a friend for a late lunch! I’m excited to catch up with her.

This full moon I am really leaning into faith in my angels, but also in myself. I have the ability to create the life I desire- I mean I’ve literally done that so far! I often find myself hiding behind limiting beliefs and unhealed wounds from childhood, but I am actively embracing my shadow self and working to shed light on the darker parts of me.

We’re all humans, we all have parts of us that we have been ashamed or embarrassed of, but hiding them away and trying to ignore them won’t make them go away. We have to acknowledge our pain and shame, and give ourselves patience and understanding for who we were.

Everything in your life has led you to this moment- be sure to honor it all.

Thoughts Lately

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The more we tune into our own world and meet our own needs, the more we can meet the needs of humanity.

We aren’t meant to know everything, so we’re all ignorant to shit.

Leaders aren’t going to save you- no one will except for yourself.

Helicopter parents unintentionally create anxious children who do not trust themselves or the word around them.

Are you unmotivated or do you struggle with perfectionism?

We aren’t meant to control, we’re meant to surrender to what is.

Inner peace is power.

A Kid At Heart

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What does it mean to be a kid at heart?

It means that you still believe there is magic in the world. It may not look like fairies and wizards, but it can be felt in the most precious moments. It’s recognizing that laughter really is the best medicine, and doing the things that bring true joy to your soul. Being a kid at heart just means you haven’t let the cruel parts of the world dim your light.

Stop and Just Be

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Today I went inside Dunkin’ to order coffee, because the drive thru line was insane. Once I was inside I was able to order right away and went over to the pick up area to wait for my drinks. The cold brew for my fiancé came out quickly, and then I was just waiting on my iced coffee. A line of people start forming by me as they are also awaiting their orders, and the start minutes going by. Turns out they had run out of iced coffee, so they were working on making another batch. The beeping of the machines was so loud and felt never-ending, and the staff was all moving around quickly doing each of their duties as best as they could with the circumstances.

As I was sitting there, I started thinking about the experience as a metaphor for life. Being in that restaurant, as overstimulating as it was, was really just showing me the art of patience and mastering our own minds. Whether the employees decide to get frustrated or customers decide to get angry, nothing was going to change. Yelling and being upset is not going to make the iced coffee come faster. Giving up and throwing in the towel was not going to stop the mobile orders receipts from piling up. As much as it can feel like “when it rains, it pours,” how we shift our mindset and process our emotions is key.

There is so much external sh*t in our lives that we cannot control. The more time we spend trying to control our external environment, the more we are ignoring our inner world. Instead of focusing on how long the wait is or why the staff didn’t make iced coffee “fast enough,” why not focus on the fact that you are still having your iced coffee made for you. Why not focus on the fact that you’re lucky enough to not be behind that counter with the stress of having customers scream around you for things you’re actively trying to fix. When we focus on what is within our control (aka our mindset/perspective) we can become less rigid and overwhelmed by life.

There are things in life that you truly can never prepare for. Things like becoming a parent, having a parent pass away, witnessing an unexpected tragedy- these are beyond our control, yet we still have to live with the results. Life will continue to throw challenges our way, which is why mental health and emotional wellbeing are so important. The more we understand ourselves and how we process certain things, the more we can support ourselves during the journey of life.

Being able to have a more positive perspective or being able to lean into faith and letting go allows for less tension and suffering in our minds and bodies. Worrying about things beyond our control only fuels fear and robs us of the peace and joy we can find in the present moment. I have been actively trying to be more present in my life, and I know that there is so much comfort in stepping back and getting out of survival mode.

I could have become irritable and impatient waiting for my iced coffee, and I could have even used the excuse of all of the chaos that ensued in my life over this past week, but what was that going to do for me? Encourage my misery? Allow me to stay in a victim mentality? Instead I tapped into this “life imitates art” moment and recognized the metaphor in front of me. There is peace in letting go- whether it’s letting go of expectations, outcomes, or the need to control the situations around you, you’ll find that there is a feeling of content that washes over you when you stop and just be.

Tears of Joy

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What brings a tear of joy to your eye?

Since this year is my wedding year, I feel like I’ve been crying more tears of joy than I have in my lifetime. From trying on the dress for the first time, to visualizing walking down the aisle and up to the altar, the tears have been flowing steadily.

I used to hate my sensitivities as how often I cried at everything, but now when I find myself getting emotional, I meet myself with love. Although it can feel exhausting when I feel pain and sadness very deeply, it is absolutely incredible when I feel joy and love at that same depth.

This year I have found myself sitting in those moments of pure joy, and just allowing the tears to flow. Then when I actually think about my growth/progress with my mental health, the tears just flow faster. I used to feel so empty and numb, feeling like nothing in life would ever be enough, and that is no longer my reality.

Crying is honestly one of my favorite things about being a human, because it is sooo relieving. I’ve had those days/weeks/months of grieving losses throughout the years, and as much as I felt like I’d never ever be able to stop, I never held them back. So what if I cried everyday for months? I wasn’t going to shame myself for how much love I had for someone.

Love is a beautiful thing, and we all deserve to be well loved… especially by ourselves. I am leaning more and more into love and this journey has brought many tears of happiness along the way. I am so proud of who I am today and how dedicated I have been to the journey. I have talked about having my emotions basically turned off with medications, and that experience has made me appreciate my feelings and sensitivities so much more.

I am grateful to have access to therapy, as I continue to learn about and understand myself, it makes it easier to love myself. I am also grateful for podcasters/authors like Mel Robbins and Dr. Nicole Lepera, as they give resources for self-help and share their own experiences in a meaningful way to help others grow and be their most authentic selves.

Life is a wild ride, full of every single emotion you could ever imagine, and I am prioritizing joy wherever I can. We never know when life will end for us or those around us, so take this time we have now to let your loved ones know they’re loved by you. Spend time with the friends who you can be your full self around and where you’re laughing 70%+ of the time.

We are all going to cry tears of pain and sadness in this lifetime, which is why I embrace and enjoy the tears of joy when they come. I am blessed to be here in this moment, and I am so grateful for where I am today.

Prompt:

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What profession do you admire most and why?

I’d have to say I greatly admire psychologists/therapists who genuinely care about their patients.

I admire the ones who will fight back against the system that is constantly pushing to medicate every single person immediately, and focuses on alternative options first when it is appropriate.

I admire the ones who will refer patients to other therapists if they notice that the patient is not seeming to be fully open or comfortable and could benefit from seeing a colleague of theirs.

I admire the ones who entered this profession with the goal of helping others reach their full potential, while also having the desire to improve society as a whole when it comes to mental health and wellbeing.

I admire the ones who are compassionate and and empathetic-the ones who truly care for others, rather than someone who just shows up for a paycheck.

A huge thank you to all the mental health professionals who are helping their patients have a stronger sense of compassion towards themselves, as well as helping them create a happy and healthy future.

Sunday July 28, 2024

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I have been feeling so present in my life lately, which has also been making me cry a lot LOL. I have been really in my feelings about the wedding, and I find myself visualizing us just beaming at each other at the alter and the tears just start flowing. I’ve dreamt of marrying this man for so many years, and it’s finally coming to fruition. We’re just over two months away from the special day, and I’m just soaking in this lovely time.

I also am about to go on a girls trip with a couple of my close friends from high school! We are seeing the gorgeous, witchy rap goddess herself: Qveen Herby!!! I am so stoked to see her live. I just discovered her music a couple of years ago and I just love listening to an independent artist who shares her healing transformation through her art. She’s not ashamed of who she was or is, she is just filling embracing her truest self; I feel like this concert is going to have the most immaculate energy. We’re also celebrating my birthday on this trip; I’m so excited to start off my last year in my 20s with my best friends!!

Aside from all of the upcoming events, I also recently had a great breakdown/breakthrough within myself and with another close friend of mine. Without going too much into detail, there was an event that triggered me that I could not ignore, and because I had ignored many other triggers throughout the years of our relationship, all of those memories came flooding through. Although the start of the interaction wasn’t how I exactly planned, I am positive that it was all supposed to happen this way, and I am glad that it did.

We were able to sit down in person, not once, but twice for a couple of difficult conversations. We are both people who grew up without seeing healthy conflict resolution, so we both were super anxious going into these discussions, even with our significant others joining us. There were heated moments, but no one got disrespectful or rude, which was honestly relieving and appreciated. I always have to think of worst case scenarios, so I was pleasantly surprised when this all ended on high notes.

Overall, now I feel I can have clear, authentic communication with my friend, when in reality I didn’t always feel that way before. As I’ve talked about many times in this blog, I am a recovering people-pleaser, and with that I have had to realize how much of a disservice I have been giving my friendships by not being open and honest when I’m feeling bothered by something. I swept things under the rug because it felt easier than facing conflict, especially when my mind always goes to the worst possible case scenario- but this only harmed myself and my friendships.

They had no clue I was bothered, I built up resentment that I could easily push away, but in reality we will end up getting triggered again and then all of the things we “pushed away,” just resurface. Until we address and resolve our issues, the cycles will continue to repeat. This time around, I did not want that to continue. No matter how difficult a conversation may be, I have to stay true to myself. I deserve to feel authentic and comfortable in my life and my relationships, so it’s up to me to be honest with myself and with those I love.

I am feeling so good this season. Astrologically it makes sense considering it is now Leo season and your girl here is a Leo herself! Leo sun, and rising here, and I am finally leaning into my confidence and my authenticity. I am so proud of myself for all of the work I’ve been doing for my mental health, and I am excited to see how much I grow over this next year. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 🤍✨

Friday Feels

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Today I’m off while my fiancé is at work. I’m using today to take care of my car, the groceries, and ending the afternoon with a nail appointment. Maybe I’ll finally get over my anxiety about birds swooping at me and I’ll actually take a walk in the park!

I have definitely been avoiding walks since the cicadas were all over the place, which then made the birds fly crazy all over the place… but I miss my me time just connecting with myself and nature. I know I need to get my body moving again and soak up some sunshine. I did spend a little time laying in the sun on my balcony yesterday which was much needed.

It’s so crazy to think that my fiancé and I will be husband and wife in just under three months! I’m looking forward to relaxing on our vacation together, saying our “I do’s,” and just enjoying pure, present time together away from work and regular life. We haven’t had a vacation in so long, and I just know we’re gonna have the best time.

I’ve been feeling so grateful and just going with the flow of life. Letting everything happen, making observations without attaching any feelings, and just being thankful for the genuine love around me and in my life. It’s incredible to look back and see how much both I and my fiancé have evolved over time, and that only brings me more confidence and assurance as we transition into marriage life together.

The more I move through life, the more I recognize just how important it is to follow your gut and to forget about the unavoidable, irrelevant opinions. You know you better than anyone else, which is why it is so important that we all reconnect and come home to ourselves. Constant distractions and comparisons just keep us from our own intuition, so take time to remove them and sit in the stillness with yourself.

Sit with yourself and your feelings.

Count your blessings.

Release the worries that you truly have no control over.

Be here, in the now.

Be love. Send love.

To My Younger Self (6•23•24)

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Hey little girl,
How are you doing today?
Did you have a good day at school?
Did you go outside and play?

I hope you had your time to escape
From the anger and chaos within the walls
Of the apartment on that second floor
Where dingy carpet lines the eerily long halls

You often weren’t aware of how bad it was
Not in the younger years that is
Because you watched all your friends in their own struggles
You were more worried about her pain and his

You were good at removing yourself from the suffering
You were always able to see the good and humor in things
Sometimes that humor could be looked at as dark
But it helped get through the bitter words and stings

You were so observant and smart
Too grown up for your young age
You could sense when things were off
Even when they tried to keep you in your cage

You knew that life wasn’t normal
Even if it seemed better than others you saw
You started your plans on how you would free yourself
And looking back at your diligence, I admire in awe

You got to work as soon as you could
Working multiple jobs and saving away
You knew the environment you grew up in
Was not where you were destined to stay

You planned and you prayed 
Staying both focused and hopeful
You trusted your gut when others had doubt
And along the way, you found someone very special

A partner, a lover; someone who loved you for you
You both fell so hard and so fast
You knew deep in your heart, that he was the one
And even at such a young age, you knew it would last

You have always followed your intuition
You listened to the knowing within your soul
I am so proud and happy for you, sweet child
For you both took on and released control

You knew what was within your power
You are the reason I am here today, happy and healing
You did everything you could to build your ideal life
One full of peaceful, lovely feelings

You are so strong and resilient
Even today, you reside within my heart and bones
Together, we get to live our favorite lives
And we get to create a happy, healthy home

Thank you for your empathetic nature
Thank you for your strength and determination
Thank you for your playfulness and sensitivities
Thank you for your love and admiration

Thank you for your open mind
Thank you for your appreciation of the little things
Thank you for showing me the beautiful parts of life
Thank you for showing me what trusting myself brings