Last night I had a few friends over for a “ghouls night!” It was so nice just chatting, painting pumpkins and watching movies! It makes me want to host more lowkey nights like that with only 3-4 people so we can all connect and just enjoy conversations and crafts!
I am finally feeling like myself again. My appetite is back, I’m feeling more happy, and I’m also finally going to be getting my tonsils and some nasal tissue removed in a couple months! I know I’ll have to deal with the recovery of that surgery, but I am honestly just excited to finally have my tonsils gone and be able to fully breathe from my nose!
I got to reconnect with a good friend yesterday and she asked me to be one of her bridesmaids- I said yes! I will be standing by her side down on a beach in Florida come April of 2026! I’m excited for her to have her dream wedding and I can’t wait to celebrate her being a bride!
Today I get to reconnect with another good friend over some coffee, so I’ll be seeing her in a couple hours! I love seeing friends and just chatting about life; it’s great having good conversations with good people!
Oh, also I got VERY excited yesterday because I found mini Bratz at Five Below!! This girl I know through one of my friends had posted some mini Bratz on her snapchat story and I was immediately like “I NEED THEM!” So she told me where to go and I found three out of the four original Bratz Dolls! I’m just missing Jade, but I’m sure I will find her soon! It really is the little things (LOL) ✨
I’m excited to enjoy this lovely Sunday and I am looking forward to a good week ahead!
Today is a sunny, relaxing day. I just spend some time writing up from “Galentine’s” cards that I’ll be mailing out to some of my friends tomorrow. I wanted to spread some extra love this year, especially to friends in far places or who I haven’t seen in a while!
I also have been feeling a lot better mentally and physically, and I finally saw an ENT who recommended that I get my tonsils removed! I have been dealing with issues for years and I am finally just going to have them completely removed and although the recovery won’t be fun, the long term result will be so worth it.
I am excited that I am feeling better and more hopeful again. I’ve found turning to my angels always is the answer, and there are times when I forget that. When I am intentional with my thoughts, I can feel the difference. Sending positive vibes to everyone this lovely Sunday!
Yesterday my fiancé and I had our joint bach/engagement party with our friends! We went go-karting and had some friends back to the house after for some drinks and yummy mini bundt cakes! Everyone who couldn’t make it had told me to take pictures and have fun, and I definitely only did one of those things!
I only got a couple photos at the racetrack, and none had me in it LOL, but I’m happy with how everything turned out. My fiancé won first place, which I honestly expected with how much racing he does in VR and with set up he has in his office. I did not place overall which was expected LOL but I had a such a fun time and I am definitely sore as hell this morning.
Part of me wishes I got more photos, but the rest of me is so happy that I was just immersed in the experience and in the conversations with all of our friends there. It was nice to see everyone and just have some laughs and good food! I am so happy we were able to organize this event for us and our friends to celebrate before we get married in October!
To say I am feeling refreshed would be an understatement. As much as my body is tired and moving slowly today, my heart and my mind feel so full. This weekend one of my best friends from high school flew in town and we had a fun-filled girls’ weekend! On Friday we visited our other high school best friend at her workplace and enjoyed delicious wine. They were hosting a new local food truck called WaffaDilla which was absolutely fantastic! Literally think waffles and quesadillas…. it was heavenly. They had a variety of mouthwatering sauces like zesty ranchero and spinach artichoke; not to mention their signature corn relish?! UGH so good! I am nowhere near a foodie blog, but they deserved the shoutout.
On Saturday I enjoyed a very special day with my closest friends and my mom as I went wedding dress shopping for the first time! When we first got there and I was looking through the showroom, I started feeling slightly overwhelmed and honestly disappointed at what options I was seeing. Everything was so glitz and glam and just overall too big and ballroom like which was not what I envisioned. Luckily we realized there were way more options in a different section and the shopping began! As I had quite a few options picked out I started feeling less overwhelmed and I let the excitement set in.
I was there with my favorite people (minus my fiancé), and I was trying on dresses for my freaking wedding day!!! One of my friends took so many photos for me on my phone and truly captured how I felt about every dress I tried on, and after trying on six different dresses, I said yes to the very first one I tried on!!! Mind you, I had favorited about nine or ten dresses before getting to the shop, and this one was not even on my list. The way that it made me feel and how it literally made every single one of us tear up, it was such an easy decision. I found the perfect veil to match and somehow got the best deal in the world and spent less than $250 total!! I feel so beyond grateful right now, and I am also just so happy that I am feeling so present in all of this.
After making that exciting purchase, me and my high school besties enjoyed a girls night out with good food, dancing, and too many shots LOL. I will say we started the evening very classy with yummy martinis in a quiet cafe bar, and it was fun to transition into the loud bars with dance floors after that. At bar close my fiancé came to pick us up, and we went home to enjoy some pizza rolls and our leftover fries and tots. Well, two out of three of us did LOL! One of us had a little bit too much fun and had to spend some time in the bathroom, but nothing we all haven’t experienced before! I was honestly surprised I didn’t throw up, but I think I saved myself by ordering water at the end when my girls were ordering more seltzers. Overall it was a fun, successful girls night full of honesty and great vibes!
Sunday we took it easy and enjoyed a yummy breakfast out at my favorite place (you know, where the love of my life asked me to marry him), and then went to see the Bob Marley movie! Honestly, it was very good and it tugged my heartstrings nearly the whole way through. Ziggy Marley, Bob’s son, is shown before the movie stating that he was there nearly every day for filming to make sure the story was portrayed as accurately as possible, which was appreciated. After crying for two hours we just chilled the rest of the day and went out for dinner later on. She is currently on her flight home and I am just taking it easy and relaxing before getting back to work tomorrow. I wanted to sit and write about this because it is the weekends like these that will be the memories I look back on when I think about wedding planning and really just looking back at 2024.
Today is a full moon and a lunar eclipse, which is fun for witchy people like myself. According to some spiritual Instagram page (just keeping it real LOL) it says this about lunar eclipses: “Bringing final endings. Emotions are high. They make us aware of the passage of time and make us sentimental. Memories and dreams come up to the surface.” I have definitely been more emotional lately, but it also is that time of month so that definitely doesn’t help. I’ve had lots of rage, and then lots of tears, both of sadness and of happiness.
Full moons are also looked at as competed cycles and as a time to reflect and celebrate the wins and the growth we’ve experience recently. I have been so proud of how I have been communicating and being more present and aware during conversations. I have been very aware of my emotions and allowing myself to feel them and just be, rather than controlling or shaming. I have been great about adding healthier foods to my diet and still taking my ginger shots and vitamins. When it is nice out, I get outside for walks and enjoy the sunshine. I have been working on being more in tune with myself and my body, and I am excited to keep moving forward on this journey. I am so thankful for this beautiful life I live. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.
“When are you guys getting married?” “When is he gonna propose?” “What’s taking so long?”
In one way, I get it- we were together for 12 years before we got engaged, and in this society that is “not normal.” In another way, I am like fuck society and these fake timelines that we love to project onto everyone.
I personally am very happy with my fiancé and our relationship, and I was happy prior to having a ring. I also am a more private person and especially when it comes to things that I find to be very precious or intimate, so it can be easy to assume things when there aren’t a lot of details given. But we all know what happens when we make assumptions… lol.
I am happy with this timeline of my life, and I am excited to be able to tell our future children about our love story and show them how healthy, true love can look. I am happy to have this foundation built prior to jumping into marriage, as we are both so confident in our relationship and we know the best and worst parts of each other.
If we would have gotten married right at 18 or 19 before we moved out, we would have been judged for that. At the same time, we had judgment from family about us moving in together so young, and a couple years after that we even had judgment thrown at us when we decided to buy a house.
I have my own views, as does my fiancé, and considering we are the only people in our relationship, our opinions are the only relevant ones when it comes to us. In general, people are always going to have opinions, but what is important is that you stay true to your own beliefs and values, despite all of the outside noise.
I wanted to take a second to pat myself on the back. I spoke up about something that was bothering me at work and felt a huge relief once it was done. I don’t want to go too much into detail as there’s definitely elements that I am still irritated with, however I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of me. I feel like this was a big step forward in my healing and me recognizing when enough is enough and listening to my body/intuition.
After been super stressed over the past week, I was happy I had some time this weekend to spend with friends, but also with myself. This morning I was up pretty early and I decided to get caught up on the free “Take Control” training that Mel Robbins released a couple weeks ago. I finished the training and felt energized and better than I had felt all week. I even decided to use my extra time alone to do a little dumbbell arm workout and a meditation! It’s nice to remind myself how good it feels to take care of me.
As we stroll into May, I want to prioritize seeking joy in every day life, and also being true to myself. I am finally feeling like I can be more vocal, especially since I know what my intentions are. I do myself a disservice by not speaking up when I feel disrespected or uncomfortable, and I don’t deserve that anymore. Reflecting on the amount of relief I felt when I finally talked to my boss last week, it made me realize it never had to go on this long. Instead of beating myself up for that, I am just going to remember that going forward. I don’t deserve to suffer in order to keep others comfortable, my job is to keep myself safe.
This weekend has been full of fun events and seeing friends, and honestly I feel like a little kid again except the part where kids have endless amounts of energy and I am feeling wiped the fuck out LOL. On Friday it was my friend’s birthday and we all went to the roller rink and then bowling! We are all definitely nearing thirty, but with the amount of joy and laughter that came from this, you’d think we were all teenagers again. Strapping up those dirty, painful plastic blades brought me back to a place in the body where nothing mattered at all, except rolling around that rink. I got right back in the rink as if I never left! Also, when it came to bowling, I ended up playing pretty well! Honestly I normally suck when I go bowling, but I ended up getting multiple strikes! Maybe it was the good ass food that arrived, or maybe it was the overall vibe of the night, but I had a great time.
On Saturday a few of us from the same group went to see an interesting show: we saw America’s greatest mind-reader, Joe Diamond. I’m not going to lie, there was some shit that he did where all of us just looked at each other like “how???” It was definitely an experience and I am glad we went! Before we went I had a super productive day around the house, and I was proud of myself for taking time to be slow and present in the morning, rather than just rushing to get all of the chores done. I ended up being more efficient when I took my time, and I was in a better mood overall!
This morning I met up with my high school bff for some coffee and brunch, and we also got to go around to some cute little shops. I was excited to catch up with her and just enjoy a nice sunny morning after having these terrible winter/ice storms. Unfortunately, I believe this nice weather has contributed to the cough and sore throat that I am now experiencing. On that note, I am exhausted after this weekend and this day, and I am going to get some rest now so I can be ready for the week ahead. Wishing all of you a great week ahead, and a great March as well since February is just about over!
I woke up this morning feeling pretty rested and relieved when I remembered it is Saturday. Having Thanksgiving off and then working in the office on Friday kind of threw me off a bit, but I’m definitely glad it’s the weekend and I am grateful not to work retail. That being said, make sure you’re being kind to all of the people who are working during the holidays! And while you’re at it, be kind after the holidays are over as well!
I still find it so crazy how the brain focuses so easily on the negative, yet not the positive. I am working hard focusing on gratitude and changing my perspective to a more positive frame of mind, but as a human I also know that we should feel through our emotions and not ignore them. It’s definitely a balance, and it’s always a struggle during this wonderful time or the month, but I owe it to myself to continue working on my healing and mental health journey.
What I have been struggling with the most is letting go. As of this morning, I feel the best I have about a recent situation that has been bothering me, which makes me feel happy. I need to re-read The Four Agreements, and in the meantime I need to practice those four principles: be impeccable with my word, don’t make assumptions, don’t take anything personally, and do my best.
Truly what anyone thinks about me doesn’t matter, because I know what I think of me. Although I have times where I talk myself into feeling bad about myself, I also know that I am a human who is ever-evolving and changing. It’s okay to let go of those who no longer serve your growth and journey, or even just having some distance. It’s definitely hard when you have love for someone, yet now you can see red flags and it’s impossible to unsee.
I understand two things can be true at once: someone can be jealous of you and proud of you, but what if the jealousy outweighs the love? It’s not their fault as they have their own insecurities, but at the same time, they’re the only one who can work through those feelings. It is not my job to fix anyone, it is my job to heal myself and work on being the person I want to be in life. It is important to meet people where they are, and at the same time, sometimes it’s okay to leave them there.
I have to remember that I will not always please everybody, and I will hurt people and their feelings in setting boundaries. It is not in my control how others react or live their lives, but how I live mine and how I act is in my control. I no longer wish to interact with those who aren’t truly happy for me, and although I will continue to be nice, I will be putting myself first, because I deserve it.
I wanted to make a post today, because I love the date and I also was able to reconnect with a good friend of mine today! She and I grew up together in the apartment complex that she is currently living in with her husband and sister! It was honestly kind of crazy to go walk through the courtyard where we once rode our bikes, and then over to a huge patch of grass that was once a the pool where I learned how to swim.
In a way it was kind of like a part of our childhood was completely gone, yet there we stood, reminiscing about it all. Honestly it was so nice being able to catch up and talk as if we never stopped, which I already knew would happen. We laughed so much and we just talked about our lives; it’s just amazing how much we’ve grown from those elementary school days. Now we’re adults who work and pay bills and live with our other halves…little me would be so proud of us.
I am honestly excited for tomorrow as I feel it’ll be a productive, yet relaxing day for myself and my boyfriend. I am excited to enjoy breakfast together and then afterwards I’m gonna get my nails redone since I still have my (now super outgrown) spooky nails. I have to get groceries afterwards, but I’m just doing a pickup, because I don’t need that stress in my life tomorrow LOL. I also am hoping to declutter a bit and put up our Christmas decorations! As some meme on the internet said: “you can still enjoy your turkey while looking at a Christmas tree.”
I also don’t care about turkey and Thanksgiving really isn’t my favorite holiday. I have said that before and I thought about doing a “Friends-giving,” but also kind of don’t feel like planning that. I do however want to have a Christmas party this year, I should probably let people know about that soon… another thing to do tomorrow!
I am happy to be feeling more present and self-aware lately, and I am feeling relief from going to the chiropractor as well. I no longer am having that feeling of tightness in my chest, and the neck/shoulder pain is getting better as well. I know I have a lot of work to do, but I am happy with my progress thus far and I am excited to keep moving forward with my healing journey, both mentally and physically.
From Dark to Light 