blessings

Happy Sunday / Gratitude Check

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This Sunday has been so relaxing and I have been soaking in the precious life that I live. My husband and I treated ourselves to some nice pedicures to celebrate his birthday early (he turns 30 on Wednesday)! We’ve been enjoying the cloudy day by taking it slow- soon we will be going to his parents’ home for family dinner. I just wanted to check in and list some of the things I have been grateful for recently:

-my respectful, loving husband

-our beautiful home that has everything we need

-fancy pedicures

-iced coffee

-our financial situation

-our jobs

-good music

-podcasts

-comfortable sweatpants/sweatshirts

-netflix

-genuinely supportive friends

-quality family time

Life will always present challenges, which is why it is important to take time to appreciate the good parts. Sending love and positive vibes to everyone this beautiful Sunday.

Monday Morning Blessings

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-Waking up in a warm bed next to the love of my life

-Having a reliable vehicle to get my to my job

-Having a job that I enjoy

-Being able to get ready for work and do all the things I need to do on my own

-Having good health

-Having access to clean water

-Having clean clothing to wear

There are so many things about this life to be grateful for, and it’s important to take time to recognize them.

Feeling Grateful

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I’m feeling so much lighter today, and just overall grateful for life and the divine guidance and love that surrounds me and my loved ones. I’m getting married in nine days, and I cannot help but smile when I think of meeting my fiancé at the altar. Life truly is a gift, and I am so thankful.

Stop and Just Be

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Today I went inside Dunkin’ to order coffee, because the drive thru line was insane. Once I was inside I was able to order right away and went over to the pick up area to wait for my drinks. The cold brew for my fiancé came out quickly, and then I was just waiting on my iced coffee. A line of people start forming by me as they are also awaiting their orders, and the start minutes going by. Turns out they had run out of iced coffee, so they were working on making another batch. The beeping of the machines was so loud and felt never-ending, and the staff was all moving around quickly doing each of their duties as best as they could with the circumstances.

As I was sitting there, I started thinking about the experience as a metaphor for life. Being in that restaurant, as overstimulating as it was, was really just showing me the art of patience and mastering our own minds. Whether the employees decide to get frustrated or customers decide to get angry, nothing was going to change. Yelling and being upset is not going to make the iced coffee come faster. Giving up and throwing in the towel was not going to stop the mobile orders receipts from piling up. As much as it can feel like “when it rains, it pours,” how we shift our mindset and process our emotions is key.

There is so much external sh*t in our lives that we cannot control. The more time we spend trying to control our external environment, the more we are ignoring our inner world. Instead of focusing on how long the wait is or why the staff didn’t make iced coffee “fast enough,” why not focus on the fact that you are still having your iced coffee made for you. Why not focus on the fact that you’re lucky enough to not be behind that counter with the stress of having customers scream around you for things you’re actively trying to fix. When we focus on what is within our control (aka our mindset/perspective) we can become less rigid and overwhelmed by life.

There are things in life that you truly can never prepare for. Things like becoming a parent, having a parent pass away, witnessing an unexpected tragedy- these are beyond our control, yet we still have to live with the results. Life will continue to throw challenges our way, which is why mental health and emotional wellbeing are so important. The more we understand ourselves and how we process certain things, the more we can support ourselves during the journey of life.

Being able to have a more positive perspective or being able to lean into faith and letting go allows for less tension and suffering in our minds and bodies. Worrying about things beyond our control only fuels fear and robs us of the peace and joy we can find in the present moment. I have been actively trying to be more present in my life, and I know that there is so much comfort in stepping back and getting out of survival mode.

I could have become irritable and impatient waiting for my iced coffee, and I could have even used the excuse of all of the chaos that ensued in my life over this past week, but what was that going to do for me? Encourage my misery? Allow me to stay in a victim mentality? Instead I tapped into this “life imitates art” moment and recognized the metaphor in front of me. There is peace in letting go- whether it’s letting go of expectations, outcomes, or the need to control the situations around you, you’ll find that there is a feeling of content that washes over you when you stop and just be.

9-17-24 Full Moon Lunar Eclipse

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The energy of today is to take out the trash! Release anything no longer serving you. Look at your routines, your relationships, your inner dialogue- what needs to be released so that you can feel lighter and more free?

The astrology accounts I see talk about big changes and breakthroughs coming with eclipses, and I don’t know about you, but I’ve been feeling the chaotic energy. It’s heavy, but energizing- it feels like it fuels whatever the focus is on.

The other thing about eclipses is to release expectations, but also expect the unexpected. Remember all is happening for you, and the universe has a plan that you may not understand in this moment, but this is all important for your transformation.

I’m releasing the need to control. I’m releasing negative thoughts and resentment. I am releasing the negative beliefs that linger in the depths of my mind. I am releasing the tension that resides in my shoulders and jaw, as well as the tension in the rest of my body. I am releasing the need to have any external approval or validation. I am releasing any negative judgements towards myself and others. I am releasing all that does not serve my highest self.

Sending love to all and here’s to everyone having a positively transformative eclipse season!

Dream Home

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What does your ideal home look like?

My ideal home is likely a light brick or maybe just a light grey house with a black garage and black shutters. Ideally we have a nice, covered porch that I could enjoy sitting on no matter the weather. I see a three-car garage with a big driveway, as well as a decent sized front yard, however it doesn’t compare to the large back yard.

As much as I think I’d love a fenced in porch, I also have this dream of having so much land in between me and my neighbors that it just wouldn’t be necessary. We would also have a nice deck with a hot tub and some nice patio hammock chairs. We’d have a fire pit out in the yard with plenty of seating around it for fun nights with family and friends. I also would have a dedicated area for gardening and leave room for the chicken coup I hope to have one day!

Inside our home, it is freshly painted a light grey color for the main living spaces, and lined with that cool brown wood flooring throughout the house, with the occasional huge area rugs placed in living room, bedrooms and basement. I picture the living room, the kitchen, dining area, and a separate reading room/office all on the main floor, along with a half bathroom. I also see a mud room/laundry room duo which will be nicely organized.

We have an open concept kitchen with black appliances and accents that beautifully complement the white colored cabinet, and we finally have a fridge where we can get ice and water on the door. We have a separate dining area with room to seat 10-12 people, incase we ever feel like hosting for the holidays. In this room we have a nice window to see outside, so we can appreciate the view.

Upstairs we have a loft, which is set up to be a fun, chill area. We have a mounted TV and a comfy sectional with our games and movies organized on shelves. Ideally we also have a window up here that will open up so we can enjoy listening to the outside world.

Also upstairs we have a master bedroom with bathroom, two smaller bedrooms, and a separate bathroom with a tub and shower combo. Ideally the bedrooms will be for each of our two future children, and they will hand to share that common bathroom. As for our master bedroom, we would have a ginormous walk in closet with built in drawers and extra organization.

The master bathroom would have a large jet tub and an even larger shower with two shower heads on opposite sides of each other. We’d have shelving built into the shower for our soaps/shampoos and we would also have the ability to sit so it’s easier to shave my legs LOL. We would have his and hers sinks with plenty of storage underneath, and a nice linen closet for all of our towels and extra shower supplies.

As far as the basement, it would definitely be finished. Ideally it could serve as a wellness area, focused on fitness and meditation. I’d love to have a wall that is all mirrors and we could have an epoxy floor which we would also do in our garage. We would also have storage area down there with an extra fridge and ideally another half bathroom.

For now, we are grateful to be in our lovely townhome. It suits us well for this life we are living, and as fun as it is to dream about our ideal home, I have to acknowledge that right now we are living one of the very dreams I had as a young girl. I live with a respectful, caring man who loves me for me, and I get to marry him in exactly one month!!! Just as this dream is coming to fruition, I know that our ideal home is out there waiting for us, and it will be ready when we are. Until then, I am grateful for this wonderful life, and I am so happy that I am present to enjoy it.

Welcome September

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✨ w e l c o m e S e p t e m b e r ✨

may your September bring you peace, love and abundance. may you feel lighter and warmer as we enter into the fall season. may all of your worries fade away, and may you make room for the incredible opportunities that await you. may September treat you better than you expect it to. 🤍

Moment of Gratitude

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As I type this post, I am standing at the kitchen island typing on my laptop while sun beams in through all of the windows in the living room. One cat is basking in the sun rays, stretched out on the wood floor, while the other is entertaining herself with an empty amazon box. My fiancé is asleep in our bedroom, and our third cat is likely laying on the bed with him. I have my air pods in, listening to R&B now radio on apple music, and I am just soaking in the present moment, and thinking about the day ahead.

In less than an hour, I am meeting up with a friend to go on a walk here in town! We planned this a few weeks ago and I am so glad we have great weather for our walk! Then later my fiancé and I are headed to his parents for our monthly family dinner! We also had a game night last night at our friend’s place which was really fun, and it is just a weekend full of connection and good energy. This month my calendar is filling up, but it is all with seeing good friends and family, and I am just so grateful for this chapter in my life.

Wedding and honeymoon planning is just about done, and we are just finishing up planning for our joint bach party where we are going to celebrate with all of our friends with go-karting and food/drinks back at the house. I am just happy to be present here in my body to actually be able to enjoy all of these blessings around me. I am also grateful to my angels and guides who are protecting us and keeping only pure, supportive energy around us. I know that I can trust in the divine timing of everything in my life, and I can trust that all is exactly how it should be.

I am so thankful for this life. I feel lucky every single day knowing I have true love; the love I always needed in my life. I have a partner who is respectful and cares deeply about me, even after seeing me during my worst moments. The way he loves me and makes me feel so safe and free, I truly don’t know how I got so blessed, but I am forever grateful for him and our relationship. This is the year that we say our “I do’s,” but it was when we told each other “I love you” at the young age of 16 that we knew were going to love each other forever.

Celebrating Growth

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I am taking this time to actually practice what I preach, as I feel like I have been out of my element for a bit. I am going to take this blog post as time to acknowledge my growth and progress, as a way to remind myself that I have not regressed, and healing is not linear. What is important is that I continue to come back to myself, and so I am.

I used to never allow myself to rest. I remember I’d wake up on Sunday mornings and immediately hop out of bed and start doing chores. Whether that was washing/putting away dishes, or taking out garbage, or reorganizing the closet… no matter how many tasks I scratched off the list, I always made more for myself. I would not allow myself the luxury of lying down next to the love of my life and just enjoying his warm embrace for a few minutes. I wouldn’t allow myself to have time to think about my intention for the day, or take time to do something for myself, because I always said that I would relax or reward myself after the (never-ending) chores were done.

Now I have a better mindset about relaxing and self care, and I allow myself to do something for myself prior to starting any to-do lists there may be. I understand the importance of setting yourself up for the day and taking time for yourself right in the morning, as I have heard in a podcast before: it’s like putting on your armor for the day. When you don’t start your morning off right, the day can easily get out of control, and it can feel more overwhelming. Although I do not have a set morning routine, I find that on the days that I do wake up early enough to stretch or even do a 5-10 minute meditation, I just feel calmer throughout the day. On my weekends when I can cuddle with my love for a bit, I now look forward to and enjoy those moments. Whether its taking time to read a chapter of a good book, having a cup of coffee or tea in silence, or taking a walk around the neighborhood, taking time to participate in self care is important. I am happy to say that this is the new mindset I live by, and I am glad I recognized that self care isn’t selfish, it is necessary.

I often remember feeling trapped in the endless chaos in my brain. I felt like I was constantly in a battle with what I previously called “rational me” and “irrational me,” and I could never feel at peace or confident in any of my decisions or emotions. I was keeping myself busy with working full time, doing school part time, and constantly over-extending myself in my social life in order to avoid my own issues and try to keep up with my dysregulated nervous system. I also remember feeling very insecure in my relationship; I felt like I was a burden who was always crying and worrying about “what ifs,” I assumed I was awful to be around because it sure felt awful in my head. I felt stupid, confused, full of rage and I didn’t even understand why I felt these things, but now I do.

Now that I have gone through years of trying different anxiety medications, working with a couple different therapists, and dedicating myself to reading and listening to self-help material, I have a much better understanding of my brain and why I am the way that I am. Being able to understand that the environment I grew up in while my brain was developing had a large impact on my reasoning, coping skills, and habits has allowed me to have more compassion towards myself, rather than continuing with the self-loathing and negative self-talk. I am able to make mistakes without scolding myself or calling myself stupid. I am able to recognize that my thoughts are not me, I can choose which ones I want to connect with and I can release the ones that are not serving me. I also am able to recognize when I am in a state of anxiety, and I have breathing exercises and grounding exercises that allow me to bring myself back to the present, and calm my mind and body.

I still have a lot of work to do, and I am comfortable with the fact that healing isn’t linear, but it is forever. Life will continue to bring new blessings, as well as challenges, but the more I know myself and how I respond to certain triggers and events, I can continue to learn how to better handle stressful situations. There is freedom in the awareness, as hard as it can be to see at first. Seeing the toxic habits, acknowledging the choices that hinder growth, once you can see how you’re holding yourself back, you can set yourself free. I know I silence myself out of fear of disappointing and hurting others, and I still have to work on more self-love and self-trust. I need to dedicate myself to healthier habits and pay attention to what makes me feel whole, and continue to show up for myself and my dreams. This blog is part of it all, so I guess I can celebrate that. ♡