tired

Early Morning

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Well, it’s 5:49am on Sunday and I am typing this blog post while laying in bed. I woke up about 20-30 minutes ago to use the bathroom, and when I was trying to fall back asleep, I heard a noise from the kitchen. I walked out there and our cat Mushu decided to knock over the recycle bin like a dog (she likes eating plastic).

I walked out there & told her “no” and pushed her away from the bin and then put it all back and went back to bed. Not even five minutes later I hear the same noise again. This time I decided I needed to go empty the recycling so I brought it downstairs and I came back up and redirected her to her water bowl. She drank some and then was distracted by a box that was on the floor for her and she started playing with that, which is honestly what I was hoping for.

In the midst of trying to pet her while she was in play mode (I really need to stop doing that) I ended up getting a pretty decent scratch on my arm. I have cleaned it and put some ointment and a bandaid on it now, and honestly I’m ready to go back to sleep for a few hours. I’m going to go over to my mom’s later this morning and I’m looking forward to our walk together. It’s supposed to be sunny and beautiful today, which is perfect for mother’s day!

My husband and I went over to his parents’ house yesterday and brought over some Olive Garden for dinner! It was nice to just sit and chat about life and their business. I’m going to start helping them with their website and social media, so that will be a fun project to work on! I’m hoping this keeps me busy and excited to continue to work on my own creative projects!

Monday At Home

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This morning I wasn’t feeling well when I woke up, so I decided to stay home from work. I’m lying in bed watching “Is It Cake?” and I know once I stop writing this, I’ll be slowly drifting back to sleep.

I am just feeling blessed to work for bosses where I don’t feel completely anxious or stressed about calling off work. I feel like almost everywhere else I’ve worked, when you called off you were treated like you’re in trouble- like having to prove that you were sick with doctor’s notes and what not. Like not every illness requires a doctor’s visit (or copay for that matter); sometimes just rest and hydration is a what you need.

I may write more later today after I take this nice nap. I hope everyone has a good Monday!

5:59am

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It’s about to be 6am, and I’m about 95% sure I will fall back asleep after I write this. I’m enjoying this moment as I lay here listening to rain ASMR on youtube while my boyfriend sleeps peacefully next to me. I just put the heating pad under my neck and shoulder as I woke up having my pain again, likely due to stress and lack of movement.

I’ve been so tired the last couple of weeks. I find myself taking naps, such as the three hour one I took yesterday. I also have just been taking it easy as I have had some random nausea and dizziness happening as well. This seems to happen every so often, and to be honest I’m pretty sure all of this happened to me the same time last year as well.

I am going to see an ENT at the end of this week as I want an overall consult. My main issue to discuss would be tonsil stones as I absolutely hate them and honestly would prefer to just have my tonsils removed. I am going to bring up the recent dizziness as well as the fact that I have had motion sickness my entire life. I want to bring up the vertigo I’ve been getting lately as I am wondering if it has to do with my inner ears.

Lately I get so discouraged about going to doctors because they just want to treat symptoms and they don’t ever want to figure out the root issue. It blows my mind that I can be someone who gets these random symptoms where basically my body acts like it’s pregnant, yet no one can tell me why or what I can do to prevent it; instead they shove nausea pills at me and tell me to rest. That’s why I haven’t even gone for these current dizzy/nausea spells… I already know how it goes.

For now I have just been resting on my own and staying hydrated. I do my best to listen to my body, and right now my body wants me to close my eyes again, so back to sleep I go.

Lowkey Weekend

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I have not seen any friends or done anything eventful this weekend and it’s exactly what I needed. I honestly have been feeling pretty tired anyways and it’s been nice getting some rest.

In the past, I would struggle to sit still and if I finally did, I’d feel guilty for not being productive; I’m happy to say that is something I definitely have made progress on. I need to take time to write more about thing I’m proud of and progress I’ve made, as well as more goals I want to work on, but right now I’m honestly too tired.

I’m gonna lay low for the rest of the day, I have a headache right now so I’m going ti hydrate and maybe take a nap LOL. I hope everyone has a good week ahead.

Weekend Note

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I didn’t feel like writing yesterday, but I did write a note in my phone trying to dissect myself this weekend, so I’ll post that below! I hope everyone has a good week ahead!

______________________________________________

why do i doubt myself?

is it hearing it from the man I was supposed to grow up admiring? is it because I became a people pleaser at the expense of my own authenticity so I don’t trust myself enough? I don’t think I’m strong enough because I’ve felt weak for so long? I feel like my brain is broken, so how could I make the right decisions? I was so sheltered & felt so stupid, but the one thing I knew was money. I knew it & I blew it- but that’s not entirely true. I re-prioritized & got used to living a certain lifestyle. I drive a nice car, I get my nails done sometimes (less often than before), and I feed my iced coffee addition. These are things that make me happy, and having a reliable car is also a must. But I feel like because I don’t save as much anymore, and I “spend money on stupid stuff,” I’m a failure, so therefore a reason to doubt myself. I often feel guilty and get mad at myself after I go spend money on nails or food, I’m like why am I wasting money? How could I keep doing this? But I feel like I’m in a test with money, and I am working to win this battle. I will win.

Some Stress

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Well today was an interesting day to say the least, however I want to start off this post with saying how grateful I am to have such a wonderful man in my life who knows how to help me when I’m having anxiety. I am also blessed that he’s so calm and knows how to fix things (or can learn quickly from youtube), and that we are able to afford to fix things when they break.

This morning our hot water tank went out, so we had to purchase one of those and are going to be installing that here shortly. I did originally start to get upset and irritable because I started having money fears as I usually do. I had no clue how much it would be to fix and I started feeling my brain start spiraling down into how we will just always have more and more expenses coming up.

Luckily I was able to calm down when my boyfriend said he wasn’t worried about it, and I was able to remind myself that we can only take it day by day, and today we need to solve this issue. We were happy to find out that the water tank was on the lower end of the price scale, and if we can install it then we don’t have that expense of labor to pay! We are lucky to live in a time where we have access to instant information at our fingertips.

I was still able to see my mom today for Mother’s Day, which was nice. We were able to go for a walk and I helped her by going with her to the grocery store. Unfortunately she is drinking more alcohol again which of course was not what I wanted to hear, but it is what it is and unfortunately there’s not much I can do. It’s her life, she will do what she wants and I cannot take on any responsibility or feelings of guilt for that. All so can do is wish her well and be grateful for our current time together.

She also shared some other not-so-great family updates with me, so I’d say today was filled with a lot of negative emotion and energy. I have been reminding myself of what I can control and also reminding myself that spending time on negative energy and spending time worrying will not improve my current situation. However, focusing on gratitude and what I can control will help me.

It’s helpful that I feel like I am able to slow down my thoughts now and truly calm down before having outbursts of anger; I can tell I still have work to do, but it’s much more bearable now. I am grateful for the progress I’ve been able to make with my mental health, and I know I can only get better from here!

Late/Tired

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It’s late, but I didn’t want to not write at all. I had a good weekend, seeing friends and enjoying time with my boyfriend. I have been watching trash tv (LOL my guilty pleasure is Are You The One on MTV), and it’s honestly been so relaxing.

I have been still practicing the art of gratitude daily and really focusing on the positive side of things, and I can tell an overall difference in my mood. It may we a weird way to describe it, but I feel lighter. Like I just feel as if I am carrying less worry and less stress, and it makes me want to continue on this path.

For now I am going to rest as I have to work early tomorrow- I hope everyone has a great week ahead!

Sick

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Well I’ve been sick since about Thursday. I’ve had multiple negative covid tests (mainly for work as I didn’t really think I had it). Every year when the weather changes I get bad post-nasal drip which turns into a sore throat, then a cough and into a sinus infection! Honestly it’s terrible, and I’m just trying to rest and drink plenty of fluids and take vitamins.

I don’t have insurance right now due to my job transition, so I don’t plan on going to the doctor for this. I’m hoping I’ll start feeling better soon, as I’m not trying to get sent home from work or told to get a doctor’s note. My insurance should be active in a couple of weeks, so of course all of this was bound to happen right now. I am blessed that it isn’t covid though, and I’m happy that I have had this weekend to rest and hydrate.

I was able to get a little bit of crafting done for my next shop drop on October 15th, which makes me feel good since I’ve been pretty tired. I had planned to go to the dollar tree and michael’s today, but I honestly don’t want to go into any stores right now. I know it’s not covid and I’ll have a mask on, but I know I’ll still feel all self-conscious if I cough or something and don’t want everyone freaking out. I’m also exhausted so I really don’t feel like going out.

If anyone has any tips for natural or over-the-counter remedies that have worked for them for cough/sinus infection I am all ears! I hope everyone else is well.

Full Moon Monday

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Wow was today a crazy ass day! Don’t get me wrong, I’m still liking this new job, but there’s definitely stress when there’s a coworker out sick when you’re still somewhat training (I know what I’m doing, I just have to keep practicing to get faster at it). I do like having my 40 hours a week, and honestly the job is so easy! I’m exhausted after today, but I knew I needed to post since I didn’t write yesterday.

Honestly, I had a really good week last week; I met up with a lot of friends that I haven’t seen in while and it was so nice catching up with people! The reason I got to connect with so many friends is because of my first small shop drop I did on 9/10! I was so happy to see so many friends supporting me; it honestly gave me a better appreciation for what I’m doing with my crafting.

I started a new book this evening titled “I’m a Therapist and My Patient is Going to be the Next School Shooter.” The book contains six patient files, and so far I have read two of them! So far it’s a super quick read and I’m excited to read the next one! On that note, I’m gonna end this post now and the goal is to post again on Sunday! Hope everyone has a great week!