Just like that, January is over! if you didn’t start a new resolution or you fell out of the one you had, DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT IT! you’re a human, you are unlearning years worth of habits, and things take time! give yourself the same grace and love that you give to your best friends, and step into your power 💕✨
What do you complain about the most?
I’d probably say that I complain the most about people. Mainly I am used to complaining about people at work who aren’t doing their jobs, but I recognize that complaining doesn’t help. This year I am at a new job, and the difference is that I am currently just observing and making notes and bringing this to the attention of my boss so we can try to come up with better processes. I also complain about people I know, but that is something I am actively working on this year, because I know I need to take accountability.
In general, this year I am working on discernment and speaking up. Instead of whining and complaining, this year I am focusing on solutions. This also applies to relationships with friends and family- instead of b*tching about someone’s behavior, I will take note and set boundaries where I see fit. If something does not have an effect on me, then I can take steps to remove myself and ignore. If something does bother me and affects me directly, it is my responsibility to speak up.
No one will ever know I am upset or bothered if I keep shoving it away, and honestly that hurts all parties in the end. It hurts me, because I am not expressing my needs or feelings, and it hurts them because I have basically been lying or hiding how I’ve actually been feeling. It may come as a shock to people when I actually start expressing my feelings, but it’s only fair to me to finally allow myself to trust in my feelings and advocate for myself.
No more fearing confrontation. No more people-pleasing. No more manipulating and invalidating my own feelings. No more whining and complaining about things that don’t impact me. No more faking niceness to “keep the peace” or to avoid hurting other people.
I am not responsible for other people’s feelings, I am responsible for mine. I would never go out of my way to be disrespectful, but I also will no longer tolerate being disrespected. I deserve better, and I will do better.
My friend is about to drop off her kids to hang out for a while, and I have decided that this is my opportunity to be a kid today! We have candy land and lincoln logs, and we even have a classic DVD player with a variety of Disney and Pixar movies to choose from! She’s bringing over some snacks, and we have some fun records to listen to! It’s going to be a carefree, imaginative day.
Obviously I am also going to be supervising the children and making sure everyone is staying safe and well! My fiancéis also here to help which is nice, and I know time will just fly by! Kids can talk and ask questions for hours and hours so I am interested to see what is in store today LOL.
As for the week ahead, I am feeling more comfortable at work and feeling productive every day, which is great! I am excited to get in a good groove and get caught up on things and take on more tasks. I also am excited to focus more on myself and my health outside of the office, and hopefully get a nail appointment this week! We had a huge snow storm so I didn’t feel like driving to my appointment this weekend.
We are continuing to lock things in for our wedding which has me super excited. I find myself getting extra emotional when listening to love songs, and I am just so happy and grateful that I get to marry my best friend this year! I’m just going to keep focusing on that energy this year!
I had a wonderful weekend spending time with family and it was back to work today! I feel lazy today, but I also think that has to do with it just being winter and the driving this weekend.
I am giving myself grace this month as I take it slow and not force anything that isn’t willing to flow. I feel my body needs rest and care as I transition into this new job and as I wait for the sun to come back LOL.
I have been feeling so grateful for everything in my life though; although I am tired now, I am still very much excited for this year. I know this feeling is temporary and so I am just going to sit with it and let it be.
This week will be full of good news, happy feelings and consistency.
I am living intentionally; everything I do is for my highest self.
I am deserving of good health, good habits, and confidence.
I refuse to prioritize other people’s peace over my own. I am responsible for my own inner peace.
This week will bring creative ideas, confidence, and inspiration.
Life is beautiful and I am a magnet for abundance.
Love and light are present everywhere around me.
I choose to see difficult situations through the lens of love.
My empathy and sensitivities are my strengths, may they amplify my inner strength and confidence.
This weekend has been full of Christmas parties and good company, which means my social battery is now drained. Today my fiancé and I are having his brother take our engagement photos and then we are meeting up with our moms to discuss wedding/reception planning.
We are planning a small beach destination wedding with less than 40 of our close family and friends, and we are also doing this on our 13 dating anniversary which makes it land on a Wednesday! I have always dreamed of having an intimate ceremony near the ocean, and I am so excited to make this dream come true!
We have a bunch of ideas planned, but nothing is set in stone just yet and I am working on surrendering all that is beyond my control to the universe. I know that things don’t go as planned, and I know that is usually because something better is coming, so I am going to work hard to stay in that mindset throughout our planning process.
I’ve been in a few weddings and been to even more and more often than not the bride is always very stressed before the wedding. I am determined to focus on the joy and gratitude along this journey and eliminate any stress where I can, and I am so excited to see how everything unfolds. I want to be so present throughout this process, because this is the only wedding I plan to have and I do not want to let myself get carried away with unnecessary stress and anxiety.
This is going to be the ultimate people-pleasing test for me, because I know what I want and I know some family may have some different opinions. I will not let anyone guilt me out of my dream of getting married on our anniversary, even though it may be super inconvenient for most people. I will be strong with my boundaries and as long as my fiancé and I are communicating well and on the same page, that is what matters.
This wedding is for us to celebrate our love and set the foundation for our future life and family, it has nothing to do with anyone else. I am so grateful and excited to marry my best friend, so I am going to keep this same energy throughout the process. Here’s to a great week ahead!
I am so tired. I just woke up from a deep sleep and I need to get up and start getting ready for another day of celebration and seeing a bunch of people. Yesterday my fiancé and I went to a family birthday party and it was really nice to see everyone, and today we will go to his parents’ house for our monthly family dinner. Before that, I have a baby shower to go to for a family friend, and even though I am exhausted at this moment, I am very excited to celebrate her today! She has been through a lot to finally have this baby, and she deserves to be celebrated!
I knew getting on a screen and starting to read or write would help me wake up, and I wanted to avoid getting on social media. I went back on as of December 1st and finally posted about our engagement, and I’ve been on it pretty consistently again. Not really Facebook, but I am back on Instagram. I have honestly noticed that I feel more irritable, but it could also be PMS- I’m just trying to observe my own habits and emotions so I can see what is best for me.
I still have been very happy and grateful though, just thinking about wedding planning and all of the fun things that are coming our way. It may be a lot to plan, but I want to keep it fun and without stress or drama. I want to be fully present for all of it and keep focused on joy, being patient and calm along the way. This is a time for love and happiness, so I intend to keep that vibe!
Alright, I need to get my ass out of bed and start this day. Wishing everyone a wonderful Sunday!
Yesterday my friend and I went to a local event where they turn on all of the christmas lights in the downtown area! We got hot chocolate, I purchased a new vinyl record (Khalid: American Teen) and I showed her a couple of the shops around downtown. Although it was a little chilly, we had a great time! I always love when everyone does the countdown and then suddenly the town is bright with gorgeous, white lights!
I originally planned to drive us downtown to park, but after what felt like 30 minutes of driving around and avoiding the hundreds of people walking around I decided to call my boyfriend and asked if he could just drop us off LOL. I feel so lucky to be so close to these events sometimes, because it’s much more convenient to be dropped off than to find parking and eventually have to leave!
This weekend should be nice and chill, unlike the busy weekends ahead in December, so I’m going to soak it up and enjoy it! I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday, and I hope you get the rest you need.
Sniffles and cuddles are making up my weekend, and I’m so glad that I took tomorrow off. I’m getting over a cold so it’s nice to just relax and spend time with my love. I was feeling good enough on Friday to get lunch and go shopping with my mom, and we had a great time getting stuff for an upcoming baby shower that we’re looking forward to!
I’ve been on a social media break this month, only using snapchat as I consider it to be basically like texting, but the other day I did realize I was watching those ad-ridden snap drama videos and that’s when I realized why it is also social media and a huge distraction. I logged out of Instagram which I honestly don’t know if I have ever done, and right now I don’t even miss it. I was noticing myself fall into the pressure of posting consistent reels and trying to keep up with engagement, but in reality I don’t have any need to do that. I want to increase my joy in life, not my stress levels.
When I first logged off, I was noticing how often I would just click into the app without even thinking about it, and honestly it was several times a day! I’d see I was logged out and immediately back out, but it has made me realize how instagram / social media has become a total impulse and addition in my life. I originally didn’t want to detox from Instagram because I don’t want to miss out on my favorite podcasters and creators who are looking for topics or questions for their content, or missing out on any giveaways or announcements, but I just kept reminding myself that what is for me won’t miss me.
I’ve been on this spiritual journey, and I honestly love the positive, magical posts I typically see in my feed- but I didn’t feel like I was living to my fullest potential and focusing on my own goals because I was constantly distracting myself with other people’s lives and content. I won’t lie, I’ve found myself still distracting myself with TV and maybe a little shopping, but this is all good information for me to have. I need to start being real and honest about how I abandon my own needs and goals, and I know I’m not the only human who falls into these patterns.
I have also spent time listening to podcasts, which honestly just makes me feel like I’m learning and it gets the wheels turning when I hear different opinions and perspectives. I also started reading a couple of books, but definitely haven’t dedicated enough time to reading as I originally planned. At least now as I actually sit and check in with myself, I am able to slow down and remind myself of what I feel is truly important. I have been resting and have had a packed lunch for work every day, which has definitely made me feel better!
I told myself I’d be taking a month of social media, and at this point I am honestly thinking about taking more than that off. I want to refocus and keep coming back to myself every single day, and make sure I am prioritizing what actually makes me feel happy and fulfilled. Reading, movement, music, podcasts, conversation… I have to actively make room for these things that are helping me to reach my goals. It’s 11:11- I think that’s a sign to end on that note.
Sending love to all, and some extra to those who need it right now.
It’s 11:11am as I start this post, just after we celebrated the date 11/11 yesterday! I’ve been seeing that number a lot lately, even prior to this weekend we just had, and I see it as a good sign. A couple weeks ago I listened to an episode of the House of Herby podcast where Qveen Herby (Amy) and her cohost/husband Nick talked about the concept of happiness. Within the episode they discussed Aristotle’s levels of happiness, and it keeps popping into my head so I decided to look back into it for myself. I added sources to the bottom of this blog, but all of this information (other than my own insight/experiences) is from the articles listed at the end. Now let’s dive in!
According to Aristotle there are only four levels of happiness: Laetus, Felix, Beatitudo, Sublime Beatitudo. Laetus is happiness from material objects, Felix is Ego gratification, Beatitudo is the happiness from doing good for others and making the world a better place, and Sublime Beatitudo is ultimate, perfect happiness. I’d say it is important to note that the first two levels focus more on ego, while levels three and four focus more on soul. As human beings, we all have an ego, so make sure to give yourself grace as you reflect on these levels. I can admit fully that I definitely get happy after making purchases or getting my nails done, which is happiness you find in the Laetus phase. This level’s happiness comes from external sources and is short and fleeting. In this article from The World Counts, it mentions how people who only focus on this level of happiness often see life as shallow or without meaning, because all of your happiness comes from things/external sources. I could definitely see how that could be a problem in life. If all of my happiness came from the clothes I purchases or the dip manicures I get, I would be constantly spending money and seeking out more dopamine hits, while simultaneously creating a financial burden for myself. I’d also probably get bored of spending money on the same few items, so I may start to add in bigger purchases like vacations or designer bags. Considering this would definitely feed parts of my ego, this could technically lead into that second level of happiness: Felix.
Felix focuses on ego gratification, where one’s happiness comes from appearing to be “better” or more admired than others. Sometimes when we are proud of a purchase or are excited about a nice vacation, we like to post pictures to our social media accounts for everyone to see. This isn’t necessarily “good” or “bad,” but it does produce some sort of result. One may feel more happy when they notice they are getting a lot of likes or views on their post, and they may feel supported or validated from these external opinions. This again isn’t “good” or “bad,” but for some, this dopamine hit can start to create an addictive pattern where they may start to seek this external validation more often, which in turn does feed the ego. According to a 2023 article from Forbes, when humans achieve a short-term goal and feel a sense of accomplishment, that is when we experience Felix. This happiness can come from a promotion, raise or some sort of recognition/praise, and this can be beneficial to the human experience. I personally see this as a good thing, as I have received raises and promotions in my lifetime, and experiencing those achievements makes me feel even more motivated to work harder and keep moving forward. In my personal life, having reached certain goals with my mental and emotional health, it makes me eager to learn more and I personally wish to help others grow and see their own potential for creating more happiness. This type of mindset of helping others to succeed leads into level three: Beatitudo.
Beatitudo starts the shift from ego to soul, as this level focuses on the happiness from helping others and making the world a better place to be. This level is about moving away from doing things just for yourself, and making intention decisions and actions that benefit those around you. It is important to note that people can get lost in this level and forget the importance of still tending to one’s own needs. According to this post from cbttherapies.org.uk it is important that we do not define ourselves as unworthy if we don’t always give love. We are still human beings with egos, emotions, flaws, and we are not meant to be perfect. It is essential to one’s own health that we are still tending to our own happiness and making sure we are at our best in order to have the capacity to act in service of love. This level is based on the desire humans have for compassion, connection and meaning, and this level leads to more lasting happiness and it feels deeper than levels one and two. I have a goal to help others, but am still finding the balance so I do not lose myself in other people’s emotions and lives. I always have been a sensitive person and I often feel I physically take on other people’s worries and pain, so it is important that I do not drain myself or lose myself in the process of helping others, as that will ultimately defeat the purpose. I have to be at my best to give my best, I have to be in a state of love to spread love- it is important that you take care of your own needs first.
Level four, a.k.a Sublime Beatitudo is a level that most would see as being in a spiritual realm. This happiness is akin to enlightenment or transcendent, and psychologists label this desire for ultimate happiness as a call for connection to source. This level seems impossible to achieve, but in reality this level has no definitive answer, as each human has to discover their own purpose in this lifetime. Some will fulfill this desire through religion or spirituality, while others through art or science… the choice is up to you and what you feel called to do. Just as level three is basically leaning into “love,” I’d say level four is also “love,” but actively and consistently showing love to all others and one’s self. I’d say this is when we release the ego and start to fulfil our soul’s purpose and desires for the greater good. In this state, and I’d even say in level three, one does not feel “better” than another person, one sees themselves in everyone. We are all humans, and we are all mirrors of each other. The good you can see in others is within your own soul. The ugly you see in others is often something you can see within your own ego. Living in a state of grey, recognizing that it is not just all black and white, this is where (I believe) true peace is achieved. Not being attached to fears, but being free from the pressures that the ego feels.
Overall, happiness is an emotion that us humans are lucky to feel. Sometimes happiness can be short and fleeting, but in other regards it can be lasting and satisfying. I do ultimately feel like the choice is up to us, but I also feel like many people are stuck in survival mode and dealing with unhealed trauma that can hinder their mental processes in different ways. Becoming self-aware and having knowledge about your own brain and how it works can open doors to new perspectives and ways of thinking, and doing so from a place of love and compassion is absolutely crucial. The ego is delicate and often can feel threatened when confronted with the fact that it may be toxic in some ways, but in reality all humans have toxic traits. The only way we can deal with them is actually sitting and reflecting on our own responses and habits, rather than avoiding them. Becoming self-aware has helped me tremendously in my growth and my healing journey, even if some stuff wasn’t easy to hear. I believe that in order to achieve perfect, absolute happiness, we need to fully lean into love and the desire for overall peace. It is crazy to see how Aristotle’s ancient philosophy applies to the modern world, and overall interesting how he looked at humans and their happiness on this four-level scale. Thank you to House of Herby for mentioning this scale, and thank you to the below articles/sources for providing me with more information/insight on the topic. Wishing everyone a happy Sunday, make it as happy as you want it to be!
Sources:
https://www.theworldcounts.com/purpose/four-levels-of-happiness.
finding light in the dark 