Today was a relatively chill day. My husband had to work, while I was lucky enough to have the day off. I went over to my parent’s place this morning and spent some time with them since we did Thanksgiving dinner at my husband’s parent’s house last night. My mother was kind enough to make me breakfast, and it was nice to just relax and laugh at some HGTV.
I did a little bit of cleaning/reorganizing at home, and I decided to do a last minute grocery pickup for this evening since we are getting a winter storm early tomorrow morning. I’m glad that it’s the weekend and as much as I wanted my nails done, it’s probably best I just reschedule and stay home.
It’s been nice having peaceful days at home. Our friends have been announcing pregnancies and births of their children, and we are still in this quiet season where we can enjoy one another’s company. We do want children in the near(ish) future though, as much as sometimes I do have my fears around it. I have to remember that the Universe has its own plan, and no matter what, I can have faith that all will work out how it should.
Today was such an incredible day. My family from Iowa came out to visit and take me and my husband out for my birthday. They also blessed us with a very generous gift, and I’m beyond grateful for them. I feel just so grateful and lucky honestly, and I am just happy to be present to it all.
My husband and I also went over to visit his family at the farmer’s market! They have a barbecue business and they’re a vendor at the market every Friday, so we decided to stop by and say hi! When we were leaving the market, another vendor selling cute jewelry caught my eye, and I ended up getting a cute evil eye bracelet, ring, and a pair of snake earrings! It was 3 for $30 and I just happened to have $30 cash in my wallet!
Tomorrow I get to see some of my good friends as we all get together to celebrate my birthday!! We’re gonna go to the local fair and I can’t wait to get a funnel cake as my birthday cake! I’m not a huge cake fan, but I loooveee me some funnel cake so honestly I’m so excited for this! I’m also just excited to see all the people who make me happy and feel loved- it’s just the best feeling.
I also get to take a mini girls trip early next week to go see Glass Animals in concert and I am looking forward to that as well! I’m just feeling so blessed and happy to be living this life. I’ve healed enough that I am actually able to feel the love around me and truly be happy, and I am so grateful for that.
This weekend is busy, but it’s full of so much joy which is much needed. Yesterday was the 4th, so we went over to our friend’s house as they were hosting a BBQ. It was so nice to hang with everyone and also enjoy the bomb ass food!
Today my husband and I went to breakfast at our favorite place, and now we’re just chilling before I leave to hang with one of my other friends! I get to meet her new kitten today and we’re just gonna go with the glow and see where the day takes us! Part of me is hoping we go to the pool because it is hot and humid as hell today!
Tomorrow my husband has his go-karting league so I’m going to go watch him race! His friend who joined last time is going to race too, and this time his fiancé (also our friend) is going to join so her and I can grab a drink and watch our men do their thing!
The best part of all is my office is closed on Monday for construction so then I have a day to rest and recharge before the week! I’m just feeling so blessed and grateful to be present for the joy around me. July is feeling magical so far!
I’m pretty sure grief has put me into a freeze state. There are many moments where I just sit and don’t want to do anything, and I don’t feel like moving my body until the anger hits me.
Sometimes I hate how angry/upset I get when people want to discuss politics. I know it comes from the fact that I don’t trust anything on the media/news when it comes to politics, but also because it seems to feed division and chaos.
I feel like I’d be more confident if I actually followed through on my own goals and dreams, yet I still seem to just ignore my own wants and needs. Or do I not know them?
I’m tired and want to go back to bed for the rest of the day, but instead I’ll be leaving for work here in a few minutes.
Sounds like Friday’s are right for me! LOL! I saw this post on Instagram the other day and loved it so I thought it was appropriate to share today! This Friday I am feeling:
• grateful 🙌🏼
• grounded 🤍
• content ✨
The sun is shining, I get my nails redone today, and I get to hang with one of my good friends and her kiddos! Fridays are my early days at work so I’ll be out of here in a few hours and I’ll be all ready to start the weekend!
Went on a solo walk today and really enjoyed my time soaking in the sun and enjoying the peace. I’ve been allowing myself to enjoy this quiet time in my life, and I am just so happy that I’ve been able to feel so present.
I’m at the vet now so my cat Mushu can have her glucose checked again now that she’s been on insulin for a week, so we’re praying for good numbers. There are still more tests after this, but again I’m just grateful for the access to the vet and the fact that we can afford these visits for her.
My husband has a fun couple of days happening this weekend! He is playing AirSoft with some friends this morning, and tomorrow he has his second race in his go-karting league. I’m going to his race tomorrow since I was out of town for his first one, and I plan to go to all of them for the rest of the season! I’m excited that he’s doing something for himself and finally doing something with racing.
My dance class starts back up in a couple weeks, so I’ll be back to that weekly for the summer! I am excited to get back into it and keep moving my body in my fun way! I am hoping to keep working on being loose and flexible when I’m dancing, rather than ridged and stiff. I just want to be in my body and in the moment, and dancing helps to ground me there.
I gotta run to the grocery store and get ready for the week ahead! I want to have ginger shots ready and lunches for my husband and I. I also want to have a couple ideas for dinners during the week so I don’t feel the need to think about it after working all day. I am ending May on a high note, and I’m so excited to see what joy and abundance June brings!
This new moon, I’m setting the intention of being less in the mindset of “all or nothing.” This comes into play a lot in my life whenever I am trying to reach a new goal or start a new project, and I know it stems from the perfectionism. This mindset has hurt me in the past when it comes to dieting, as well as healing and even starting my podcast.
When I was doing the Ketogenic diet to lose weight years ago, I was all the way in. I ate all the protein I needed, I made sure to never go over 20 net carbs a day, and when I did, I punished myself for it. I’d mentally beat the shit out of myself for going over as if that would change my entire progress. Even if it did, which it did not, I never deserved to treat myself the way I did. That was way more unhealthy than if I had eaten 20 more carbs!
When it comes to my healing journey, along the way I have found that there is so much to heal from, and I was starting to look at myself as this never-ending project. I was just a human full of issues and problems that would never be fully solved, so I either had to try harder or give up entirely- that is literally NOT the solution. I can be aware and mindful in my life, and the only way to truly grow and evolve is to keep living and just keep checking back in with yourself. I am not a project that needs consistent tweaking and fixing- I am an evolving human.
As far as the podcast that I’ve started behind the scenes, I find myself completely delaying and avoiding it, because I care a lot about it. I know that I want it to be good, but I also am actively fighting against my perfectionism while recording, because I already decided to not edit ANY of it. I ultimately decided that because I know that I will edit and edit and edit until there is nothing left, when my real intention with this podcast is to be raw and real. I can be raw and real at anytime, so I can truly record at anytime- but I get on the mindset of “all or nothing.”
I’m not pouring all of my effort and trying to make this the best (which also applies to everything in my life) my mind then goes: “well, then I shouldn’t do anything at all”- but that is my anxiety and perfectionism taking over. I know in my heart and soul that the black and white thinking is not how we’re meant to be in this world; it’s truly all gray. We’re allowed to be creative and flexible- in fact, it’s encouraged over being rigid.
I am releasing these rigid thoughts and feelings, and I am tuning into the creative flow of life. I welcome all love, abundance, and happiness to flow into my life, and may I be present enough to feel it all. Thank you, thank you, thank you! ✨
Well, it’s 5:49am on Sunday and I am typing this blog post while laying in bed. I woke up about 20-30 minutes ago to use the bathroom, and when I was trying to fall back asleep, I heard a noise from the kitchen. I walked out there and our cat Mushu decided to knock over the recycle bin like a dog (she likes eating plastic).
I walked out there & told her “no” and pushed her away from the bin and then put it all back and went back to bed. Not even five minutes later I hear the same noise again. This time I decided I needed to go empty the recycling so I brought it downstairs and I came back up and redirected her to her water bowl. She drank some and then was distracted by a box that was on the floor for her and she started playing with that, which is honestly what I was hoping for.
In the midst of trying to pet her while she was in play mode (I really need to stop doing that) I ended up getting a pretty decent scratch on my arm. I have cleaned it and put some ointment and a bandaid on it now, and honestly I’m ready to go back to sleep for a few hours. I’m going to go over to my mom’s later this morning and I’m looking forward to our walk together. It’s supposed to be sunny and beautiful today, which is perfect for mother’s day!
My husband and I went over to his parents’ house yesterday and brought over some Olive Garden for dinner! It was nice to just sit and chat about life and their business. I’m going to start helping them with their website and social media, so that will be a fun project to work on! I’m hoping this keeps me busy and excited to continue to work on my own creative projects!
From Dark to Light 