marriage

Friday Feels

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Happy Friday the 13th!

I know most people feel like today is superstitious and unlucky, but I am the opposite. Today I am feeling blessed, grateful, and overall full of love! The wedding is only 19 days away and I am so ready to be married to my fiancé.

I also cannot get over that we’re getting married on our 13th anniversary, and 13 has always been his lucky number. We also happen to have a new moon solar eclipse the day of our wedding! Although we won’t see the eclipse, it’s exciting to have a celestial event going on during our special day!

Everything feels like divine timing and alignment, and I am so happy to be present to it all.

8:8 Lion’s Gate Portal

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With these words, I cleanse my mind, body and soul of all negativity and limiting beliefs that are blocking me from my full potential. I call my energy back to me, purified and wrapped in abundance, allowing me to feel refreshed and recharged. This life is worth living, not just being a fearful bystander; I am deserving of a peaceful, fulfilling life.

I am so grateful for this life I have. I am marrying the love of my life: my high school sweetheart. Literally the dreams I had as a teenager are coming to fruition, and I have been living the dreams for so many years now. I am blessed that I wake up next to him every day in our comfortable bed. We are so lucky to have our home together, along with our three beautiful cats. Mushu is actually laying on me as I type this right now.

I am grateful to be in a great work environment after so many years of toxic bosses and coworkers. I actually enjoy going to work and am happy with the owners, and I feel like I am meant to be there. I am happy that I am appreciated- I was even given a surprise raise after five months of being at this office! I am just feeling so very blessed to have this job.

I am grateful to have so many good friends, and also for the fact that I still have a lot of my family around. I have clothes to wear and food in my fridge. The lights are on and the water is running, and the bills are paid. This life is beautiful and abundant- and I am forever grateful for it. I am grateful to have worked on my mental health enough to be present for these blessings around me. I am grateful to be supported and guided by my angels; by source.

Channeled Message: We are all the sun, the moon, and the stars. We are all living and breathing and ever-changing beings, all with the same energy of love within us. For some it is buried beneath trauma. For some it is buried beneath ego. For some it may feel like it does not exist, but it does. We are all love and light, and the sooner we tap into it, the better the world will be.

Friday Feels

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Today I’m off while my fiancé is at work. I’m using today to take care of my car, the groceries, and ending the afternoon with a nail appointment. Maybe I’ll finally get over my anxiety about birds swooping at me and I’ll actually take a walk in the park!

I have definitely been avoiding walks since the cicadas were all over the place, which then made the birds fly crazy all over the place… but I miss my me time just connecting with myself and nature. I know I need to get my body moving again and soak up some sunshine. I did spend a little time laying in the sun on my balcony yesterday which was much needed.

It’s so crazy to think that my fiancé and I will be husband and wife in just under three months! I’m looking forward to relaxing on our vacation together, saying our “I do’s,” and just enjoying pure, present time together away from work and regular life. We haven’t had a vacation in so long, and I just know we’re gonna have the best time.

I’ve been feeling so grateful and just going with the flow of life. Letting everything happen, making observations without attaching any feelings, and just being thankful for the genuine love around me and in my life. It’s incredible to look back and see how much both I and my fiancé have evolved over time, and that only brings me more confidence and assurance as we transition into marriage life together.

The more I move through life, the more I recognize just how important it is to follow your gut and to forget about the unavoidable, irrelevant opinions. You know you better than anyone else, which is why it is so important that we all reconnect and come home to ourselves. Constant distractions and comparisons just keep us from our own intuition, so take time to remove them and sit in the stillness with yourself.

Sit with yourself and your feelings.

Count your blessings.

Release the worries that you truly have no control over.

Be here, in the now.

Be love. Send love.

Magic

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It’s crazy how connected people become the longer you spend time together. Last night, my fiancé and I were sharing a long embrace when tears started forming in my eyes. I felt so safe and happy, and I couldn’t help but think of our wedding day being a few months away and how amazing it will be to marry my best friend.

As he started to pull away from the hug I held on a little longer and told him that I got emotional. He’s like “what are you thinking? talk to me.” And I am smiling so big as the years literally just fall out of my eyes and I said “I’m just thinking about our wedding and I’m just so happy.” He looked at me and asked: “is it weird that I was thinking the same thing? I was imagining how our wedding kiss is going to end up turning into a long embrace like this and how you’ll be crying and I’ll just be holding you.”

We were both envisioning the same thing, the same moment. I’ve been feeling divinely supported throughout this wedding planning process, and this was just another confirmation of our love and how this is our time. I am so thankful to have him in my life, and to have support from all around us. 🥰

Moment of Gratitude

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As I type this post, I am standing at the kitchen island typing on my laptop while sun beams in through all of the windows in the living room. One cat is basking in the sun rays, stretched out on the wood floor, while the other is entertaining herself with an empty amazon box. My fiancé is asleep in our bedroom, and our third cat is likely laying on the bed with him. I have my air pods in, listening to R&B now radio on apple music, and I am just soaking in the present moment, and thinking about the day ahead.

In less than an hour, I am meeting up with a friend to go on a walk here in town! We planned this a few weeks ago and I am so glad we have great weather for our walk! Then later my fiancé and I are headed to his parents for our monthly family dinner! We also had a game night last night at our friend’s place which was really fun, and it is just a weekend full of connection and good energy. This month my calendar is filling up, but it is all with seeing good friends and family, and I am just so grateful for this chapter in my life.

Wedding and honeymoon planning is just about done, and we are just finishing up planning for our joint bach party where we are going to celebrate with all of our friends with go-karting and food/drinks back at the house. I am just happy to be present here in my body to actually be able to enjoy all of these blessings around me. I am also grateful to my angels and guides who are protecting us and keeping only pure, supportive energy around us. I know that I can trust in the divine timing of everything in my life, and I can trust that all is exactly how it should be.

I am so thankful for this life. I feel lucky every single day knowing I have true love; the love I always needed in my life. I have a partner who is respectful and cares deeply about me, even after seeing me during my worst moments. The way he loves me and makes me feel so safe and free, I truly don’t know how I got so blessed, but I am forever grateful for him and our relationship. This is the year that we say our “I do’s,” but it was when we told each other “I love you” at the young age of 16 that we knew were going to love each other forever.

Falling in Love at 16

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Describe a risk you took that you do not regret.

I fell in love my junior year of high school, and I went full send. I completely opened my heart to him; I was honest about my insecurities and also expressed what I was not willing to put up with. I said “I love you too” after only 11 days of us being together, and to this day, we are still in love.

In October we will celebrate our 13th anniversary together, and on that same day we will be eloping! We moved out together at 19, bought our townhome at 21, and this year at age 29 we will finally be husband and wife.

It’s insane for me to think about how much we have gone through together, and how we literally have grown together for over a decade. Our communication skills have improved immensely over the years, which has a lot to do with my own personal work in therapy.

It’s been so fun to see how we have grown together, but also how we have grown individually. I used to be extremely codependent, which could have resulted in some horrific situations, but I was truly blessed to find such a respectful, supportive life partner.

Falling in love is a risk, and doing so at such a young age is also terrifying, especially because we barely even know ourselves as teenagers. I am so happy that I trusted my gut and allowed myself to fall so deeply in love. Together we put in work to keep our relationship thriving, and I am so blessed to have him in my life. 🫶🏼

I hated getting asked this:

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What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.

“When are you guys getting married?” “When is he gonna propose?” “What’s taking so long?”

In one way, I get it- we were together for 12 years before we got engaged, and in this society that is “not normal.” In another way, I am like fuck society and these fake timelines that we love to project onto everyone.

I personally am very happy with my fiancé and our relationship, and I was happy prior to having a ring. I also am a more private person and especially when it comes to things that I find to be very precious or intimate, so it can be easy to assume things when there aren’t a lot of details given. But we all know what happens when we make assumptions… lol.

I am happy with this timeline of my life, and I am excited to be able to tell our future children about our love story and show them how healthy, true love can look. I am happy to have this foundation built prior to jumping into marriage, as we are both so confident in our relationship and we know the best and worst parts of each other.

If we would have gotten married right at 18 or 19 before we moved out, we would have been judged for that. At the same time, we had judgment from family about us moving in together so young, and a couple years after that we even had judgment thrown at us when we decided to buy a house.

I have my own views, as does my fiancé, and considering we are the only people in our relationship, our opinions are the only relevant ones when it comes to us. In general, people are always going to have opinions, but what is important is that you stay true to your own beliefs and values, despite all of the outside noise.

Busy and Blessed

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This weekend has been full of Christmas parties and good company, which means my social battery is now drained. Today my fiancé and I are having his brother take our engagement photos and then we are meeting up with our moms to discuss wedding/reception planning.

We are planning a small beach destination wedding with less than 40 of our close family and friends, and we are also doing this on our 13 dating anniversary which makes it land on a Wednesday! I have always dreamed of having an intimate ceremony near the ocean, and I am so excited to make this dream come true!

We have a bunch of ideas planned, but nothing is set in stone just yet and I am working on surrendering all that is beyond my control to the universe. I know that things don’t go as planned, and I know that is usually because something better is coming, so I am going to work hard to stay in that mindset throughout our planning process.

I’ve been in a few weddings and been to even more and more often than not the bride is always very stressed before the wedding. I am determined to focus on the joy and gratitude along this journey and eliminate any stress where I can, and I am so excited to see how everything unfolds. I want to be so present throughout this process, because this is the only wedding I plan to have and I do not want to let myself get carried away with unnecessary stress and anxiety.

This is going to be the ultimate people-pleasing test for me, because I know what I want and I know some family may have some different opinions. I will not let anyone guilt me out of my dream of getting married on our anniversary, even though it may be super inconvenient for most people. I will be strong with my boundaries and as long as my fiancé and I are communicating well and on the same page, that is what matters.

This wedding is for us to celebrate our love and set the foundation for our future life and family, it has nothing to do with anyone else. I am so grateful and excited to marry my best friend, so I am going to keep this same energy throughout the process. Here’s to a great week ahead!

Wedding Weekend.

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This weekend was interesting to say the least. My boyfriend and I were in our good friends’ wedding and it was stressful as fuck. Don’t get me wrong, we love them so much and are so happy for them, but it was so much work and so exhausting.

After having to get up at 6:45am and working until 1:00pm, my boyfriend and I drove to the rehearsal dinner on Friday, and we were all supposed to start at 6:00pm, but the main people needed were running late to this got delayed to 7:15pm. That unfortunately kind of set the tone for the rest of the events to come.

With starting late, the actual dinner part of the “rehearsal dinner” didn’t happen. Instead we all went back to the hotel to set up for the wedding. The bride and groom ordered us all pizzas and we got to work- setting up tables, blowing up balloons, decorating the reception area, and so on.

My boyfriend and I were so tired, and especially me because on Thursday night I went over to the bride’s house to help her and her MOH with last minute wedding crafting and then I had to retwist my boyfriend’s hair so I didn’t go to bed until about 1am. I’m sure running on 5 hours of sleep and then the schedule running behind really added into my stress levels.

We ended up going to bed around 11, while others stayed back to continue helping. The coordinator had already left so they were just finishing up the balloon arch, but I still felt bad leaving. However, when I spoke to the bride she said that she was up doing stuff until 3:00am! Then I felt even worse, but also we had to be at her hotel (different one than we were staying at/where the reception was) at 8:00am to start getting ready.

Once everyone was there and getting ready things were pretty smooth sailing when it came to timing, but then shit started hitting the fan. I honestly don’t want to go into details, but the poor planning and feeling everyone stress levels for HOURS was so draining. I started having a panic attack on the trolley where the whole bridal party was minus the bride), but was able to stop crying and calm myself down. I was also lucky enough to have my boyfriend with me, which helped tremendously.

After her horse-drawn carriage entrance, and the live butterfly release, we took 8 million photos and were late for the grand march and delayed the whole reception by 45 minutes. Once we were there I was just so happy for all of this stress and timeline shit to be over. I was so triggered because I hate running late and I hate when things don’t go as planned and everyone else was feeling stressed and angry, and I could just feel everyone’s negative energy.

So now that we were finally where the open bar was, I was just so happy to finally get food and drinks. My boyfriend and I loved the greek buffet food, and we really enjoyed drinking and dancing the night away with each other. He really doesn’t like big events or being around people, but we truly had a wonderful time together once all the stress was gone (other than having to help clean up everything at the end of the night).

I truly hope the bride and groom didn’t feel all of this stress, but I know for sure the bride was stressed a few times. I can say they will have great pictures from the wedding, but this whole thing really reinforced my thought that big weddings are really about trying to impress other people and I think people get lost in it.

I’ve never wanted a big wedding, and my boyfriend agrees. We decided years ago that we will have an elopement ceremony once that time comes. When we went to Aruba in 2019, we decided that we want to get married there! We’ve been ring shopping in the last couple months, and last night when we did our video message to the newlyweds he said that our time was coming soon (to be fair I caught the bouquet)!

We are coming up on our ten year anniversary in October, but we’ve been together since we were 16, so we’re still young! I’m okay not being married right now, but I mean we’re basically married already. We have been living together for seven years, we bought a house together, and we take care of our cats together lol! I get so happy when I see my friends getting married and having kids, but I’m also so happy that we still have those things to look forward to. Weddings always make me emotional, and I’m so happy that I have such a great life partner.

Lucky in love

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I love slowly waking up on Sunday mornings with you; taking what feels like hours to get out of bed and start the day. Feeling your warm hands reach out for me, then giving in to your warm embrace. That feeling of complete calmness overwhelming my body, giving me a sense of peace.

You make it so easy to be in love, and you make it seem so easy to love me. You see the beauty underneath the roughness, and you admire every part of me. It doesn’t matter the day or time, you always make sure I am aware of your love for me. I often sit and wonder how I got so fortunate to be loved by such an incredible man.

We’ve grown together over the years, making our connection stronger and stronger. Every day we laugh together, making each day more enjoyable. You kiss my cheek every night when you come to bed, and I kiss yours every morning when I leave for work. Our love is my favorite, and I am so blessed to have your love forever.