holiday

Christmas Eve 2025- Reflection

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The sun is shining through the sliding glass door across the room as I type this at my standing desk. It is Christmas eve, and although most may be wishing for a white Christmas, I am grateful that we are not getting any snow this year. This is definitely a selfish wish simply because my husband and I are taking a little mini-Christmas vacation tomorrow and we have to drive a couple hours away, so I prefer to have some clean roads for the trip!

I know sometimes weird feelings come up for me during the holidays, and this year has been a little of the same, but also a little different. Sometimes I find myself playing the comparison game: you know, wishing I had the huge family that got together with fun Christmas outfits and had kids running around screaming with joy. This year, I still do not have these things, but what is different is that I am just feeling at peace; I am feeling that I can fully lean into faith and know that I can trust in divine timing in my life, as it has all worked out better than I could have planned.

This holiday season, I have very close friends of mine who are pregnant, and another close friend who just welcomed her new baby to the family less than a month ago. I am absolutely overjoyed for all of them, especially because my pregnant friends have wanted to be pregnant for a long time! It also just gives me hope for my own future family planning, as sometimes I let fears creep in regarding that topic. I can’t lie, I have had moments where part of me is like “OMG I need to get pregnant now and start our family now!” but I quickly recognize that I am lost in comparison, and instead I just focus on leaning into the joy of how amazing this is for all of my friends!

We’re in the last month of the year, and I am feeling some weird closure around 2025 that feels weirdly final. I feel like I have learned a lot from repeated lessons this year, and one of the most often repeated lesson is that I should always just lean into faith over fear. I know that my thoughts and emotions can be a bit more extreme, so when I get stressed/anxious, I often catastrophize and get myself all worked up and it is always for no reason. In the end, things will work out how they are supposed to, and no matter what, I can always handle it. Life is chaotic and tragic and full of so many feelings, but it is also immensely beautiful and magical all at the same time.

As I go into 2026, I want to be my own best friend. I want to hype myself up the way that I hype my friends up and cheer them on. When my negative self-talk comes in and tries to make me feel stupid and ruminate in the failures, I know that it is just remnants of the traumatized me, and I just have to give myself love and grace. I do not hold anyone else to the insane, perfectionistic standards that I have created for myself, nor do I deserve to have that pressure on myself either. Being a perfectionist just breeds stress and tension, and I am letting go of this as I keep leaning into faith and divine timing.

2026 is a “1” year in numerology, which is looked at as a fresh reset- a true new beginning. I am all about signs from the universe and leaning into angel numbers, and I am leaning into that energy of new beginning and using it to boost my motivation! I am working on a creative project and I want to lean into that more in the new year, especially because I always feel so happy after I’ve made progress on it! It is also is a fun way for me to let go of perfectionism, and just focus on authenticity and joy.

It has been a while since I have made a longer post on here, and today felt like a great day to take some time to just reflect. It has been an interesting year, and I am excited that my husband and I are going to have a fun Christmas together and this will hopefully be the start of a new annual tradition! Sending love to everyone who needs a little extra this season, and I hope your holiday season brings you love and peace.

Day After Christmas

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I love that I just logged into Walmart to do a grocery pickup order and just saw how literally they have huge discounts and deals right now. Of course they do… it’s after Christmas! I’m noting this for my future- maybe some gifts are gonna be accidentally left at the north pole and come late LOL.

But anyways here’s another day in bed trying to sweat out this flu. Literally woke up in the pool of sweat- my pajamas felt like I just pulled them out of a pool. This is great, because I’m sweating out my illness, but also it makes me feel disgusting and I need to wash myself and the bedding.

I’m supposed to go back to work tomorrow, and I’m thinking I should be able to. I may tell people to just stay away from me (should be easy, I’m in the back away from people and patients), and I’ll keep a mask by if people get too close. Although the flu is hopefully gone, it feels like I may have some sort of bronchitis happening now. My husband still has a lingering cough as well, but per Google we can feel tired and have a cough for weeks after the flu! Love that for us! LOL

Overall I am glad we are in the positions we are in with work considering we already had some planned days off with the holidays. I’m glad we can still afford our bills and do grocery pickups and get what we need. I feel very blessed to have this life with my husband, and I am happy he is feeling up to working today and he’s able to do so from home!

Sending love and healing energy to all- I pray the rest of 2024 is full of peace, positivity, and love. 🤍

nightstand vibes

Joyful times

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On Friday one of my best friends got married in her backyard; after many months of rescheduling and re-planning her perfect day she managed to pull off an incredible wedding. It was absolutely beautiful and so intimate and it honestly made me want a backyard wedding (Plan A is still Aruba though).

This is the first wedding that I have ever stood in and it was such an honor to be part of such a special day. I was very emotional during the First Looks and the Ceremony (as were all the bridesmaids), and once they finally said their vows the pressure was lifted and the energy felt light and everyone just celebrated together.

It was so nice to have a taste of normalcy and fun- we were all drinking and dancing the night away and it all felt how it should. I will cherish this memory and continue to think positively about the future.

As November closes out I am looking forward to Christmastime and holiday cheer as I create fun gifts with my Cricut! I want to continue to get better at my craft and make fun gifts for people I love!

Easter Sunday

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I remember loving Easter as a kid. I’d have Easter at home with my parents and I’d look around the apartment for my eggs and basket. After that we’d always go over to my Grandparents house and my cousins were usually in town so we could all search for our eggs and baskets together.

I’m sure Easter will be fun again once I have kids of my own. Neither my boyfriend nor I are religious, but I was raised Christian and I did go to church when I was younger, but I never remember doing any Easter mass or anything. I’ll make sure my children do understand the holiday and the meaning behind it- I’m sure then they’ll start asking why there’s a big bunny involved LOL.

Today I am feeling a little restless. I think it’s because we’re supposed to go do a birthday parade for my boyfriend’s grandfather, but we don’t have a set time yet and that’s really making me anxious. I already hate that we just found out about this yesterday, but I’m even more irritable today because it’s already 11am and we still have no clue when this is happening. I’m trying to go with the flow of things but it’s just not always easy for me.

I also haven’t taken my medication yet this morning which probably has a little to do with the irritability. Now that I’m strictly on an anxiety medication (rather than with the anti-depressant), I definitely notice my short temper returning. I’m somewhat upset about it, but also I think it’s a good thing because this has always been a part of me and I need to embrace it to be able to work through it.

I will say that I notice when the dose or this one wears off; not right away, but usually I find that I’m being angry or irrational for no reason, and then I remember to take the second dose. I need to put an alarm in my phone for it because I’m used to only taking a pill in the morning, so taking another dose later is hard for me to get used to and remember.

It’s nice and sunny out so I’m gonna go on a walk while my boyfriend goes to his personal training session. My best friend is going to Facetime me after my walk so we can chat and check in with each other during this weird time- I can’t wait for us to be able to go grab a coffee and just walk through the city again. Until then, we will make the best of the current situation.

Merry Christmas

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I hope everyone had a wonderful day. This was my least favorite Christmas ever, and I plan to do it much different next year.

This year my parents and I decided not to do presents, which I was fine with because I need to save money and we’re all adults. My boyfriend and I also decided not to do Christmas presents because we want to invest in a new bed within the next few months. I only got gifts for one friend and her child, which was fun, but I just wish I would have done more.

I always love giving people gifts and I feel like that really helps to keep me in the Christmas spirit. I told my boyfriend that next year I would like to do gifts again, and he said that was fine.

Another thing I want to do next year is get a child or two off of a giving tree or angel tree. Or maybe donate to a local animal shelter. I feel like I should be giving more and I would feel better. I know I don’t have to wait for a certain time of year to do that, it just seems like a good time.

Well, Christmas is over so New Year’s eve is next which I’m looking forward to. I’m ready to say goodbye to 2019 and not look back. Don’t get me wrong, I had some positive changes in myself as well as my career, but overall I just feel that 2019 had a lot of sadness and stress. I just know that 2020 will be much better. ♡