happy

Easter Sunday

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I remember loving Easter as a kid. I’d have Easter at home with my parents and I’d look around the apartment for my eggs and basket. After that we’d always go over to my Grandparents house and my cousins were usually in town so we could all search for our eggs and baskets together.

I’m sure Easter will be fun again once I have kids of my own. Neither my boyfriend nor I are religious, but I was raised Christian and I did go to church when I was younger, but I never remember doing any Easter mass or anything. I’ll make sure my children do understand the holiday and the meaning behind it- I’m sure then they’ll start asking why there’s a big bunny involved LOL.

Today I am feeling a little restless. I think it’s because we’re supposed to go do a birthday parade for my boyfriend’s grandfather, but we don’t have a set time yet and that’s really making me anxious. I already hate that we just found out about this yesterday, but I’m even more irritable today because it’s already 11am and we still have no clue when this is happening. I’m trying to go with the flow of things but it’s just not always easy for me.

I also haven’t taken my medication yet this morning which probably has a little to do with the irritability. Now that I’m strictly on an anxiety medication (rather than with the anti-depressant), I definitely notice my short temper returning. I’m somewhat upset about it, but also I think it’s a good thing because this has always been a part of me and I need to embrace it to be able to work through it.

I will say that I notice when the dose or this one wears off; not right away, but usually I find that I’m being angry or irrational for no reason, and then I remember to take the second dose. I need to put an alarm in my phone for it because I’m used to only taking a pill in the morning, so taking another dose later is hard for me to get used to and remember.

It’s nice and sunny out so I’m gonna go on a walk while my boyfriend goes to his personal training session. My best friend is going to Facetime me after my walk so we can chat and check in with each other during this weird time- I can’t wait for us to be able to go grab a coffee and just walk through the city again. Until then, we will make the best of the current situation.

When this is over

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When this is over, people will be more friendly. Strangers will say “hello!” and engage in polite conversation, rather than just faking smiles or simply not making eye contact.

When this is over, people will reach out to their friends and loved ones more often. Family members will catch up and have meaningful discussions, without being distracted by their devices.

When this is over, people will be nicer to themselves. The constant self-doubt and loathing will disappear, and instead self-care and confidence will take over.

When this is over, people will enjoy concerts and festivals more than ever and will learn to live those moments to the fullest, rather than recording and taking pictures to post for irrelevant “likes.”

I hope that during this time people are working on themselves and improving aspects of their lives as best as they can in their situations. I hope people are self-reflecting and realizing what is truly important to them, and what makes them genuinely happy.

We never know what life will throw at us, but having good people beside us when it gets hard makes it all a bit easier. More importantly, we are the only ones who are guaranteed to be by our side the entire time, therefore it is crucial that we love and care for ourselves. ♡

Little bits of happiness.

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The sun has been shining all weekend long, and the weather has been in the 50s and 60s which has been great! Friday after work I went on a bike ride and then today I went on a walk through the park while listening to some good music. I’ve always said how being outside makes me feel so much better, and I’m grateful that I was able to experience that this weekend.

I started writing a poem the other night which made me feel happy- I haven’t really been hit with the inspiration and motivation to just stop what I’m doing and start writing in a while. There’s a lot of more time in the day today, and I’m sure my boyfriend will want to play video games so I’m going to sit down and do some writing.

I kind of want to mess around with my makeup today too, because why not? Or maybe I should declutter and reorganize a new area of the house. I mean, I guess I could do both if I really wanted to. We will see where the day takes me! I hope everyone else finds something to be happy about today. ♡

“Untitled”

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Trying not to get sucked into the negativity with everything that’s going on right now is just about impossible… but I’m really trying to practice self care during this time (which is why I’m writing this right now). I could definitely do better at eating healthy, but I am happy that I’ve been doing at-home workouts and I’ve been taking care of my skin. Working on yourself matters, and it’s important to develop healthy habits.

I’m not going to lie, I fucking hate this quarantine shit and how weird everything is right now. I miss being able to just get on the train to the city to visit one of my best friends and just being able to explore the city or go to the arcade bar or do whatever without having to worry about this insane virus. I miss being able to call up an old friend and go meet up for lunch. I just know when this is over, many people will start being more grateful for those things.

What’s even worse is the fact that so many people have lost their jobs during this pandemic, including a lot of my staff. I am lucky to be working right now, and I’m happy that my boyfriend is also working. We have a lot to be thankful for during this time, and I don’t want to take it for granted. We can continue to pay our bills, we can feed ourselves and our cats, and we get to spend more time together! In a way I feel guilty for being able to work all of my hours… but also, I have worked my ass off at this job and I’ve been the most stressed that I’ve ever been, so in a way I have earned this. Now is finally the time that I am catching up and cleaning things up at the office!

I hope people start staying home so we can get though this virus and flatten the curve and go back to normalcy. Remember that we are all in this together, and there are many people that are struggling right now. I have friends who have had to postpone their weddings. A family member of mine just went into labor at 28 weeks and gave birth to an almost 3lb baby girl, and as if that isn’t scary enough, we’re in the middle of a pandemic! No matter what you’re going through, we just remember we are all living through this coronavirus outbreak together.

People are dying from this virus, and what’s terrifying is that people can not have symptoms and can just be spreading it everywhere without knowing. Social distancing signs areeverywhere, and it surprises me how people act in grocery stores towards each other now (personally, I love social distancing 6+ft apart and think we should always do this); everyone acts like they are scared of the other people.

I will say, it is nice when you make eye contact with someone and they just smile, even in the midst of all this shit, they still gave the effort to smile at a stranger- return the smile and go on and share one with someone else. The little things matter and you never know how you can help someone without even knowing it. It’s kind of a dark time, so let’s try to brighten it up a little bit.

Stuck inside

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Well, so much for this being my time to travel! Being inside isn’t exactly my favorite thing, but I’ve been trying to be productive! This morning I did a workout downstairs in my woman cave, and I did a load of towels and have just been slowing organizing the house. I mean if I’m here and have nothing else to do, I might as well clean up and be productive!

I am happy to see that there are still people being positive during these times, because I feel like we need that more than ever. One of my friends decided to pick up some rocks and bricks around her neighborhood and paint them and then put them back out around the community! It’s something small, but it could make someone’s day who’s just on a walk.

Another great thing is that one of my good friends who has been struggling to get pregnant just announced that her and her husband are having a baby in October! I am so happy for them; they’re just such great people and I just know they will be amazing parents. They deserve the absolute best, and amongst all the shit that’s going on the in world, they are defying odds and making miracles happen.

Feel free to share any good news stories or something you’re proud of. Let’s remember that we are all in this together and there’s no point in being negative and upset when we have no control over what is happening.

Perks

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I’m trying to teach my brain to focus on the positive aspects of my job and not the negative/stressful parts. I know that anywhere I work will have its share of stress and shit to deal with, in which case I should be focusing on the benefits I receive from doing this job.

I don’t think I’ve really dove into what I do for work, but I manage a dental practice (two offices). I used to work in dental about five years ago and am very familiar with the healthcare field since I was just at a dermatology practice for almost three years. I definitely add value to this office and everyone I work with makes sure to tell me, which I appreciate.

The reason it’s so stressful is because the doctor I am working for hasn’t had an office manager for the past ten years, and on top of that all of the front desk staff wasn’t calling on insurance claims, getting patients insurance information, demographic information… you know, all the common sense stuff that you get in a healthcare practice! Needless to say, I walked into a literal clusterfuck.

As those of you have read in previous posts, I am very hard on myself. In the beginning of this job I kept telling myself that after a year the office would be running smoothly and it would be a walk in the park… well I was VERY wrong and of course am upset with myself about it. What I fail to acknowledge is the fact that I had basically zero training at this job, there were about seven people who came and went within my first six months of working there, we see upwards of 25+ patients a day and also the phones don’t stop ringing.

I am the person who checks patients in and out, answers the phones, schedules patients, calls on claims, sends out claims, sends dental records, coordinates referring patients to specialists, billing, etc. I do it all. This is why I’m so overwhelmed, but it’s also why the office isn’t where I want it to be at this point. I am doing too much and there’s barely any time to breathe, let alone fix the past four years of chaos that went on in the office.

Alright I realize I said I was going to talk about the perks and focus on the positives, but I feel like I need to explain the work load and why I have trouble remembering the good things. Something that the doctor I work for did for us last week was she paid for us to have a private pilates lesson; not only that but after the session she signed us up for another one for the end of this week! She wanted to get back into pilates and she thought we could all use a nice stress relief, and it’s great to work for someone who genuinely cares about their employees.

Another great thing is she has a house in Hawaii, and she lets her employees go stay there for free! Well we obviously pay for the airfare, but we have a house to stay in! My boyfriend and I will be taking advantage of that in October. I can also basically take off whenever I want to as long as I give enough notice! I get paid well, I’m not salary so I still get paid overtime, and for Christmas she gave me $400 in AMEX gift cards.

Overall, there are definitely great benefits from being at this job. I have no plans to leave, I know I can get this office where it needs to be. I just need to remind myself that good things take time, and I am doing my best. I feel like reminding myself of the good will keep me motivated and more positive. ♡