happiness

2:22 on the clock

blog

The angel number of “alignment” is on the clock as I start this, and today I am feeling it so much. I have been at my current job since the beginning of the year, so just over 4 months, and I have been enjoying it! I still do dental billing, just at a new office and I am so amazed at how great the doctors/owners are with being transparent and appreciative. I have been told multiple times that I am doing a great job and they’re so happy with me, and this is something I never heard from other employers other than that their required yearly reviews.

Well today the doctor who I work with the most pulled me into her office today and again gave me great feedback on how I’m doing, and then she proceeded to say: “We want to give you a $2 raise.” My jaw dropped. I literally felt myself getting emotional and my body felt so light but also weird. I thanked her and told her how much I appreciate her and the other doctors being so open and supportive, and I told her that I’ve never worked anywhere like this and how grateful I am to be there.

I am just feeling so supported and loved this year. I’m blessed that I always feel that from friends and family, but to finally also have a job where I feel appreciated is honestly incredible. I work full time 40 hours a week I am at this office, and for a lot of my life those 40 hours were at incredibly toxic work environments.

I worked in places where the boss would talk shit about other employees right to you, which only has you wondering what they say about you when you’re gone. I worked where you are constantly getting more and more work dumped on you, but no compensation to go with it. I’ve also worked places where you’re told to do something but once you do it they are mad and said they never told you to do that.

I think part of me always chose to stay in these chaotic workplaces because I was used to that type of environment in my childhood. Since I no longer had those issues in my home life, part of me would still seek out toxicity so I’d just find it in abusive work environments. In reality, I want peace in and all around me, and I’m finally at a place where I can allow peace and rest to be a priority. Now that I have a job where I am not constantly on eggshells, I finally feel free enough to speak up and discuss any concerns I have without fear of retaliation.

I feel so grateful for this job, and for this life. I feel even more grateful that I am able to be present to it all.

New Moon in Taurus: A Love Letter To Myself.

blog

It’s been amazing to watch you grow into the woman you are today. A woman who is no longer afraid of her emotions. Once upon a time you wanted to completely rid herself of them, and with just a few months of Zoloft that goal was achieved. It didn’t take long for you to recognize how lost you were without them, without your powers.

The sensitivity you have to others and to the world around you is a gift when you learn how to use it, and it’s amazing to see you catching on. I see you allowing yourself to feel that childlike joy and also allowing yourself to feel the anger that you’ve been shoving away for too long. Far too long. See how the world has shifted now that you accept and embrace these feelings? No wonder you want to share this with the world.

You care so deeply for others, for humanity as a whole actually. You’ve seen and felt what pain and trauma does to one’s mental health and well being, which makes it easy to have empathy for those who are struggling. You know what it’s like to not be able to feel the true love and joys around you, and now that you can feel them, you want everyone else to be able to feel them too.

You used to let this empathy consume you; losing yourself in everyone else’s worries that they all endlessly dumped on you. You absorbed the anxieties they had and abandoned yourself for too long, completely losing track of what was yours and what wasn’t. You did all of this while trying to keep up a perfect appearance to literally everyone around you- never releasing your own problems or feelings, because they all had enough to worry about.

You always felt like a burden, which is why you made sure to always put everyone else’s happiness before your own. If other people were happy, then there was less likely to be any conflict, thus giving a feeling of safety. You were in survival mode for most of your childhood and early 20s, and I am proud of the transformation you have made through your healing journey.

You allow yourself to rest without shaming yourself about it; instead you now realize it is necessary to recharge your own battery. You are present in your life, making new memories and taking time to enjoy the time with loved ones. You no longer talk about yourself negatively, but instead with the same empathy and grace you’ve always given to others. You have recognized the importance of speaking up and being authentic, and you openly and kindly share your thoughts and opinions with those who you’re close to. You prioritize spending your time and energy with the right people, and you aren’t afraid to say “no.”

You have grown so much throughout the years, and I am so proud of who you are. You deserve peace and love, and you have it all around you and within you. You are a magical woman with a strong intuition, and you’re a magnet for miracles. I love you so much, and I’m so happy to finally be here with you in this beautiful and crazy world. I am here. I am home.

A Surprising Gift

blog

I have been feeling very present and grateful lately, and I’m truly working on soaking it all in. I feel like everything is working in divine timing, and I am being blessed randomly by the universe around me. Just this past week I had something amazing happen!

My fiancé and I are planning to have a “Til Death Do Us Party” a couple weeks after our small destination wedding, and we had a plan to have a cute vintage phone record messages and use that as our guest book. There are companies that rent these phones, and there are also phones you can purchase that have this purpose and ability already built in, but my fiancé wanted to try to build one himself.

He is into computers/programming, and he figured he could buy an old phone and a raspberry pi computer to make the phone into our audio guestbook. We placed an order for a cute, black vintage phone and the raspberry pi, but when we opened the box, we were shocked at what came.

Inside the amazon box that literally was labeled “black vintage office phone” and was a cream colored vintage phone, with a center button that said “record your memory.” This was the exact thing that he was planning to make. He looks at his receipt and sees we definitely did not order this phone, in fact, the one we ordered was $40 and did not have this technology. I start looking up this phone we received and it is a $135 phone!

As much as I wanted a black phone, I couldn’t help but be excited about this random accident that happened! I feel like this phone was meant for us and I am just going with the flow of it all. Whether it’s my angels and guides or the universe at large, I am feeling very connected and protected at this point. I am so lucky and blessed to be living here in the present, and I don’t want to ever take this for granted.

Happy Moon Day / Monday

blog

To say I am feeling refreshed would be an understatement. As much as my body is tired and moving slowly today, my heart and my mind feel so full. This weekend one of my best friends from high school flew in town and we had a fun-filled girls’ weekend! On Friday we visited our other high school best friend at her workplace and enjoyed delicious wine. They were hosting a new local food truck called WaffaDilla which was absolutely fantastic! Literally think waffles and quesadillas…. it was heavenly. They had a variety of mouthwatering sauces like zesty ranchero and spinach artichoke; not to mention their signature corn relish?! UGH so good! I am nowhere near a foodie blog, but they deserved the shoutout.

On Saturday I enjoyed a very special day with my closest friends and my mom as I went wedding dress shopping for the first time! When we first got there and I was looking through the showroom, I started feeling slightly overwhelmed and honestly disappointed at what options I was seeing. Everything was so glitz and glam and just overall too big and ballroom like which was not what I envisioned. Luckily we realized there were way more options in a different section and the shopping began! As I had quite a few options picked out I started feeling less overwhelmed and I let the excitement set in.

I was there with my favorite people (minus my fiancé), and I was trying on dresses for my freaking wedding day!!! One of my friends took so many photos for me on my phone and truly captured how I felt about every dress I tried on, and after trying on six different dresses, I said yes to the very first one I tried on!!! Mind you, I had favorited about nine or ten dresses before getting to the shop, and this one was not even on my list. The way that it made me feel and how it literally made every single one of us tear up, it was such an easy decision. I found the perfect veil to match and somehow got the best deal in the world and spent less than $250 total!! I feel so beyond grateful right now, and I am also just so happy that I am feeling so present in all of this.

After making that exciting purchase, me and my high school besties enjoyed a girls night out with good food, dancing, and too many shots LOL. I will say we started the evening very classy with yummy martinis in a quiet cafe bar, and it was fun to transition into the loud bars with dance floors after that. At bar close my fiancé came to pick us up, and we went home to enjoy some pizza rolls and our leftover fries and tots. Well, two out of three of us did LOL! One of us had a little bit too much fun and had to spend some time in the bathroom, but nothing we all haven’t experienced before! I was honestly surprised I didn’t throw up, but I think I saved myself by ordering water at the end when my girls were ordering more seltzers. Overall it was a fun, successful girls night full of honesty and great vibes!

Sunday we took it easy and enjoyed a yummy breakfast out at my favorite place (you know, where the love of my life asked me to marry him), and then went to see the Bob Marley movie! Honestly, it was very good and it tugged my heartstrings nearly the whole way through. Ziggy Marley, Bob’s son, is shown before the movie stating that he was there nearly every day for filming to make sure the story was portrayed as accurately as possible, which was appreciated. After crying for two hours we just chilled the rest of the day and went out for dinner later on. She is currently on her flight home and I am just taking it easy and relaxing before getting back to work tomorrow. I wanted to sit and write about this because it is the weekends like these that will be the memories I look back on when I think about wedding planning and really just looking back at 2024.

Today is a full moon and a lunar eclipse, which is fun for witchy people like myself. According to some spiritual Instagram page (just keeping it real LOL) it says this about lunar eclipses: “Bringing final endings. Emotions are high. They make us aware of the passage of time and make us sentimental. Memories and dreams come up to the surface.” I have definitely been more emotional lately, but it also is that time of month so that definitely doesn’t help. I’ve had lots of rage, and then lots of tears, both of sadness and of happiness.

Full moons are also looked at as competed cycles and as a time to reflect and celebrate the wins and the growth we’ve experience recently. I have been so proud of how I have been communicating and being more present and aware during conversations. I have been very aware of my emotions and allowing myself to feel them and just be, rather than controlling or shaming. I have been great about adding healthier foods to my diet and still taking my ginger shots and vitamins. When it is nice out, I get outside for walks and enjoy the sunshine. I have been working on being more in tune with myself and my body, and I am excited to keep moving forward on this journey. I am so thankful for this beautiful life I live. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

New Moon Intentions

blog

Focus on the joy, and seek more of it.

See through a lens of love, and accept more of it.

Speak with honesty and kindness, and practice discernment.

Give time and effort to what fuels me and my future, and release the habits that are holding me back.

Be present.

Be mindful.

Be intentional.

Just be.

Autobiography Opening Sentence:

blog

You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence?

“As an only child who was raised by functioning alcoholics, Jena was destined to be a healer.”

LOL not gonna lie, writing that sentence weirdly made me more motivated to pursue certain projects that I’ve been avoiding.

Thank you.

My heart is full

blog

I had such a wonderful weekend hanging out with great people and just having fun! On saturday I celebrated one of my best friends’ birthdays and we went roller blading and then made cute cocktails and played a hilarious game back at her place. Today I hung out with one of my other best friends and we had a successful shopping day after enjoying some delicious coffee and matcha early this afternoon!

Now I get to relax and spend time with the love of my life before I get some rest. I am looking forward to this week ahead, focusing more on my health and taking another social media break. I am excited to get focused again and see how much I can do! I am so grateful for this life and for all of the people in it. I am looking forward to a great week ahead!

Mini Post

blog

I feel like haven’t really sat down and wrote a post in a while. I know I’ve been answering some of the prompts and making little posts here and there, but I’ll have to do a larger post soon. I have been enjoying life, just focusing on all of the little things and making time for people I love. I got to go roller blading with my friend and her daughter yesterday which was super fun! And on Saturday I got to have lunch with my mom, grandma and aunts! I’m just feeling so blessed and happy lately, and I want to soak it all up!

Gratitude Check

blog

I am feeling so grateful and surrounded by love this season. I just sent out our save the dates today and am having lunch with my family this weekend! I also just had a good weekend with good friends and I am so happy to be present for all of the good things in my life.

I am grateful for our home and the fact that we have electricity, food and water. I am grateful for my body that breathes for me, pumps blood for me, and continuously regenerates my cells without me having to think about it. I am grateful to have a supportive, respectful fiancé who truly knows me and loves me for me. I am grateful for Dunkin’s iced coffee, although I definitely am addicted LOL! I am grateful for my job and for our financial situation, and overall I am grateful for this life!

Thank you to my angels and guides of the highest good and truth for protecting and supporting me along this lovely journey.