Lucky in love

I love slowly waking up on Sunday mornings with you; taking what feels like hours to get out of bed and start the day. Feeling your warm hands reach out for me, then giving in to your warm embrace. That feeling of complete calmness overwhelming my body, giving me a sense of peace.

You make it so easy to be in love, and you make it seem so easy to love me. You see the beauty underneath the roughness, and you admire every part of me. It doesn’t matter the day or time, you always make sure I am aware of your love for me. I often sit and wonder how I got so fortunate to be loved by such an incredible man.

We’ve grown together over the years, making our connection stronger and stronger. Every day we laugh together, making each day more enjoyable. You kiss my cheek every night when you come to bed, and I kiss yours every morning when I leave for work. Our love is my favorite, and I am so blessed to have your love forever.

I need to write more

I’m thinking about writing more in my blog. I don’t want to jump into daily writing right away, but even though overall I’m more busy with my job and life right now, I feel like writing daily could actually help me- reflecting on the day and focusing on positivity can really only benefit you, right?

I haven’t been writing any poetry, and when I say that I get upset with myself as that’s something I used to do often, and I was also proud of my work. Maybe I have a fear that I’ve lost my “touch” when it comes to poetry, or maybe even my emotions in a way. Writing poetry helped me a lot when I was younger and dealing with my childhood trauma, and once I finally was able to escape I feel like I just stopped writing.

I feel like my poetry used to be more “dark,” and I loved it that way, I just feel like I’ve been in such a better place now that I don’t want to go back and try to feel those emotions, just in order to write. I guess I should just start dabbling in some positive/inspirational poetry since that’s what people really need right now anyways!

If anyone reading this has any suggestions as to writing more in blogs, writing poetry, or just wants to share your thoughts, I am open to any and all suggestions! I hope you all enjoy your upcoming week.

Quick Monday

It’s my last Monday at my current job! This is bittersweet as I love my coworkers and I also have really enjoyed this job, I just miss having more responsibilities (and more money of course)! I start training at the new job this Thursday, and literally they told me I can do my compliance training at home which is so nice!

I have nothing but good feelings about this new job; I think this is the first time I’ve truly felt confident going into a job. Of course we all have normal anxieties around it as I have a whole new system to learn, but I know I’ll grasp it quickly.

I have this thing when I start new jobs, I want to try to start a new life habit, and I really need to incorporate working out into my life, so I need to work up a schedule for myself for once I am more settled with my regular hours. I will have to work on that later today. For now, off to work!

Stressed, but blessed

On Thursday night I hit a patch of icy snow in my car which caused it to veer out of control and my tire went off the road and the control arm snapped. Luckily no airbags deployed and I was the only one involved and I am not injured. My car, however, has over $7000 of damage (thank goodness for insurance).

Today my cat woke my boyfriend and I up and he was acting weird, and he had thrown up twice. I ended up taking him into the vet because last time I thought something was wrong it escalated fast and he had high kidney counts and a urinary blockage. This time around his PH levels in his urine are high, but kidney levels are normal. He does have a urinary blockage again, but he’s doing better and we will just have him on a prescription diet the rest of his life. We will be able to bring him home tomorrow if all goes as planned.

So far this year has taken an interesting turn, but I am truly blessed that everyone is okay. Of course my pockets are hurting a bit (the vet bill is over $1000), but money is just money, and there are more important things to stress about. Luckily, I will be starting my new job soon and will be making more money so I can pay off my credit card again ASAP.

I’m trying to keep positive spirits with everything being thrown my way, but I do have my moments where it’s all a bit overwhelming. I just remind myself that we’re all human, I am allowed to feel that way.

Manifesting money.

Every astrology page that I follow on twitter has been saying that Leo/Leo rising (me and me LOL) are going to come into some money early on this week, and I have a job interview tomorrow! Whether or not you believe in astrology, you may believe in the law of attraction; I am using that power to manifest money into my life.

I feel like people forget how powerful the mind is, and honestly I have been learning more about the stars and I feel like it’s beneficial because it makes me believe that these good things will happen to me- not only that, but it helps me to ask questions and analyze situations in my life, and practicing self-reflection is needed in order to progress.

In addition to the possible new job, I’ve been selling items that I’ve been making with my Cricut which is a fun little side hustle right now! I don’t expect to make tons and tons of money from that right now, as I’m still really just learning about things to make. But it definitely is fun! I hope everyone is having a nice Sunday.

Feeling good (accidental late draft post)

I have a job interview coming up Monday morning for a manager position at a dental office. I have experience and am very hopeful about this opportunity; they told me via email that they are impressed with my experience which is a good sign, right?!

Also what’s good is at my current job we hit all our numbers for last month so we ended up getting a nice bonus this month, which I used part of to order my Easy Press so I can start making shirts/sweatshirts with my Cricut. I also treated myself to a manicure today so that felt great!

One of my old coworkers is coming over to buy a shaker bottle from me! I bought some cute ones from Walmart and used my Cricut and permanent vinyl to add the phrase “Gym & Tonic” and people love them! (I’ll add the photo to this blog post). I’m thinking of more ideas for projects with Valentine’s day coming up!

How’s everyone’s weekend going?

Late night post

Changes may be coming, which is quite fitting for a new year. I had a phone interview for a new job last week and am going to be setting up an in person interview sometime this week! It would be for more pay and more responsibilities, and I am feeling very hopeful. The woman who interviewed me on the phone told me she was impressed with my experience, so we will see!

I’ve been having fun crafting still! I slowed down a bit since the holidays just ended, but I already have ideas ready for some (near) future projects! I’ve had some supportive friends order from me, and it honestly is such a nice feeling. I appreciate all of my friends and family, and their support of my crafting page.

I haven’t really come up with a “new years resolution,” but I am working on patience and finding inner peace. I am learning how to focus on the positive and be kinder to myself, which in turn should help me be kinder to others; not that I am mean to others, I just find myself judging others more than I’d like to admit.

Self-reflection is important if you want to improve and progress in life, but sometimes it can be a hard pill to swallow.

Proud

Yesterday I was able to talk my way through an issue of mine which made me feel proud. I was actually reflecting on my attitude from Friday and earlier that morning when I realized how quickly certain symptoms come back when I forget to take my medication (I realized I forgot it Friday and then Saturday morning so I took it right after I had this realization).

When I don’t take my medication, I quickly go back to being very irritable which is my main symptoms of anxiety. I get easily overwhelmed and I start re-prioritizing without sound thinking which in turn overwhelms me more.

Long story short, the sink had dishes, the garbage in the kitchen was full, and I had laundry to do. Mind you, it’s like 10am and I don’t have any other plans for the day, so it wasn’t a big deal, but to me without medication, it’s a HUGE deal! I always have this problem where if there’s something I have control over and I don’t control it I start having negative self talk and everything feels like the end of the world.

Later on I started talking to my boyfriend about it because I kept saying how I wanted to find the root issue as to why I am this way, and all I could remember is that I always had to finish my homework before I could go outside. Now that may not sound like a big thing, and it teaches kids priorities and responsibilities when you have them finish school work before they can play with their friends, but my mind got stuck in that pattern.

In my unmedicated mind, I have to do the dishes/laundry/garbage right away before I can move on and do anything else because those are things that HAVE to be done; but would it really make a difference if I did it two hours later? or six hours later? Or broke up the tasks? No, it really wouldn’t. Lucky for me, I was able to realize this.

As a child, I wasn’t given the option to do homework later after dinner or after playing outside, so I had no way to know if doing it at another time would affect my grades or really anything. For as long as I can remember, anytime I change up a routine I get super anxious and I’m just on edge because I have no idea really what to expect. I like having routine and knowing my tasks and following them because that means (to me) that everything will likely be safe and sound.

I know this is all a minuscule issue compared to many others associated with anxiety disorder, but for me to make this connection/realization and be able to actually take a second and think “why do I feel like this?” is something to be proud of! When in an anxious state of mind it is hard to pause and rationalize, but it is so important to do- even if it is minutes, hours or even days later.

The only way to move forward is to address the triggers from the past, face them, and keep walking.

Random afternoon post

Just chilling in my car on my lunch break since none of us can eat in the break room (too many people without masks), and reflecting on the fact that every Thursday I am supposed to leave at 5 and always end up staying until 5:30-6pm due to how busy we are… unfortunately I don’t think today will be much different.

The good thing is I’m off tomorrow and am dropping off a surprise pre-christmas gift to my best friend and her son, so I’m excited about that! Also a good friend of mine is going to come visit and I get to give her the gift I made for her! It’s a cute Margarita glass with a mini margarita for her!

I’m loving the Christmas season this time around as I’ve said before, but I am genuinely happy being able to make all these gifts for people and it’s so fun! I can’t wait to see everyone’s reactions to their presents. I’ve attached the margarita photo to this post- let me know what you think!

I want to be off of my meds.

Lately I’ve been feeling good, which I’m sure has a lot to do with my medication. I’ve been on a low dose of Cymbalta for about 5 months or so now, and it has been the best anxiety medication I’ve tried. I only take 20mg daily, but I’m also very sensitive to medications so it has made a whole world of a difference.

The last weekend I had a somewhat irrational thought and was like “let’s see what it’s like if I don’t take my medication today,” and by the end of the day I was sobbing uncontrollably. To be fair, it probably wouldn’t have been that bad, but it was that time of the month, so I was I already more emotional than normal. Not really the greatest time to experiment with coming off my anxiety medication, my bad LOL.

My boyfriend helped me to calm down and made me realize that most of what I was experiencing likely had to do with my hormones, but I still know that the medication had something to do with it. The thing is though, my goal is to be off of my medication by February, and absolute latest would be by July. I haven’t been going to therapy but I haven’t really felt the need to either. I have been reading about empaths and highly sensitive people which has helped me to understand more about myself and be able to apply that to every day life.

I have also been very motivated in regards to making crafts/gifts for my friends and family! I am loving Christmas season this time around which is a great improvement from last year. I love that I got my Cricut and I am always using it. Of course or sucks when I make mistakes, but then I learn! Overall I have been feeling good, especially for it being winter. I am happy with the change I’ve seen in myself comparing how I was this time last year.