I’m pretty sure grief has put me into a freeze state. There are many moments where I just sit and don’t want to do anything, and I don’t feel like moving my body until the anger hits me.
Sometimes I hate how angry/upset I get when people want to discuss politics. I know it comes from the fact that I don’t trust anything on the media/news when it comes to politics, but also because it seems to feed division and chaos.
I feel like I’d be more confident if I actually followed through on my own goals and dreams, yet I still seem to just ignore my own wants and needs. Or do I not know them?
I’m tired and want to go back to bed for the rest of the day, but instead I’ll be leaving for work here in a few minutes.
Well, it’s 5:49am on Sunday and I am typing this blog post while laying in bed. I woke up about 20-30 minutes ago to use the bathroom, and when I was trying to fall back asleep, I heard a noise from the kitchen. I walked out there and our cat Mushu decided to knock over the recycle bin like a dog (she likes eating plastic).
I walked out there & told her “no” and pushed her away from the bin and then put it all back and went back to bed. Not even five minutes later I hear the same noise again. This time I decided I needed to go empty the recycling so I brought it downstairs and I came back up and redirected her to her water bowl. She drank some and then was distracted by a box that was on the floor for her and she started playing with that, which is honestly what I was hoping for.
In the midst of trying to pet her while she was in play mode (I really need to stop doing that) I ended up getting a pretty decent scratch on my arm. I have cleaned it and put some ointment and a bandaid on it now, and honestly I’m ready to go back to sleep for a few hours. I’m going to go over to my mom’s later this morning and I’m looking forward to our walk together. It’s supposed to be sunny and beautiful today, which is perfect for mother’s day!
My husband and I went over to his parents’ house yesterday and brought over some Olive Garden for dinner! It was nice to just sit and chat about life and their business. I’m going to start helping them with their website and social media, so that will be a fun project to work on! I’m hoping this keeps me busy and excited to continue to work on my own creative projects!
Writing this from the haircut chair! I’m getting a trim today and doing a little test strand to see if we can lift out some black and maybe add some dimension! We just decided that today since I’ve been thinking about going back to a chocolate brown color, so my hair girl said to do a test so we can see!
It’s mother’s day weekend, so we’re gonna see my mother in law later today and I’ll see my mom tomorrow. I’m just happy to see that the weather is so nice and the sun is shining! My mom and I are planning to go for a walk tomorrow, so that will be nice!
I hope everyone has a wonderful mother’s day weekend!
I had an amazing weekend away with two of my best friends from high school, and today I am completely exhausted. I got back home around 7pm last night and was back to work today. I had originally took the day off, but I retracted it back because I get so stressed when I fall behind at work. Turns out I should have listened to my gut because I ended up leaving work early today.
I was feeling so exhausted and my stomach started rumbling and feeling upset; luckily I was able to get a lot done in the five hours I was there so I shouldn’t be too overwhelmed tomorrow. I knew my body would need rest after a weekend of travel, next time I’ll make sure I just keep that extra day on the books.
I’m so glad to be back home though, and cuddling with my husband was so need d after spending days away from the house. I just always feel so content and at home with him, and I feel so lucky to have the marriage that we do. This was the life I always dreamt of as a child- a home full of love and affection, rather than rage and disrespect. I am so grateful for this life and this love.
Wow, I can’t believe it’s already May! Getting closer to sunny weather and summertime! I am starting off this month with a girls trip to celebrate my friend’s 30th birthday!! I’m so excited for this month, I can just feel good vibes and energy all heading my way!
I pray that May brings peace and abundance to all of us who are seeking it.
I pray that May is full of love and happiness, and everyone is able to receive it.
I pray that May brings miracles and blessings that leave us so beyond in awe and strengthen our faith in the universe.
I pray that May shows you so many signs and synchronicities; I pray you feel how close your angels and guides are.
Good morning! I’m so happy to see the sun shining on this gorgeous day- a day of rest and resetting. Self care is on the list today- which includes a little bit of spoiling ourselves with some pedicures today. My husband and I haven’t had pedicures since November… LOL so we’re a bit overdue. I also wanted to get one before my girls trip coming up!
I’m also gonna pick up some groceries today and do my best to have a more nutritious week than I have been having lately, because I know my body deserves to be healthy and full of vitamins and nutrients. This part is always harder for me, but I am going to focus on small wins and keep reminding myself why I am doing this.
New moons are time for new intentions, and since we are no longer in eclipse season, the energy is much calmer. Plant those seeds that you wish to grow, and take time to nourish them. No rushing, no pushing- just trusting in the divine timing of it all. I am focusing on my physical and mental health, as well as how I can be more grounded- both in nature and in my own positive energy.
Today was a good day! I had a good day at work, I got to see my therapist, and I watched a couple of episodes of Severance with my husband! I am excited for our weekend as we have a 30th birthday party to go to, we have pedicures booked, and we are getting eye exams/new glasses!
I’m also excited for the new moon on Sunday, which is the same day my husband and I are getting our pedicures. It’ll be a nice day to just relax and have some self care. I’m excited for my girls trip coming up soon, and I am just feeling a greater sense of self lately. I’m so grateful for this life and this beautiful Friday.
I saw my favorite Instagram page posted a couple prompts today in regards to communication, so I thought, why not answer those here on my blog? The reason for the post/prompts is because Mercury, the planet of communication, is transitioning into the sign of Aries. According to astrologers, this is a time for fierce and honest words from the heart to be unleashed unapologetically.
Here are the prompts from SistersVillage:
1. I have not started my podcast (or written my book for that matter) out of fear of hurting others…mainly family members. I know that harsh truths can be hard to hear, and the whole point of my podcast would be to tell my story as authentically and honestly as possible. It’s hard to bring up where my parents have had their faults, as I am not trying to shame them or make the whole rest of our family aware of their issues; but at the same time, I have overcome a lot in my life and I know that my journey could inspire others to keep going during hard times. There were many times in my younger years where I was lost and angry, and I often felt that I did not have role models, but instead I had people showing me the life I did not want to live. Luckily, I do not live that life anymore, but it took a lot of work and reflection to stop myself from becoming consumed in my trauma.
Okay, I have to pause for a second before I answer this next prompt because I just saw 5:55 on the clock and I am crying at the timing. 555 is the angel number for CHANGE! Talk about a synchronicity! I just feel so connected to my angels and the universe in this moment, so the pause is necessary. Call me delusional, but I’d rather get excited over numbers than sit here having anxious intrusive thoughts any day. Anyways, onto the next prompt!
2. Prompt two goes with number one: my podcast. I am holding myself back from my dreams, and have been for years now. The calling never goes away either, I basically think about it every day. I distract myself with scrolling and watching TV. I keep saying it isn’t the time or I don’t know how to start, but none of that is actually true. I am the only person in my way, and it’s about time that I stop holding myself back.
I’m calling today day three of recovery, even though technically I had the surgery done two days ago. My surgery was so early in the morning that the entire day counted as recovery (in my eyes LOL).
Today I did throw up and I think that is due to the pain medicine. The reason I didn’t have nausea the last couple days is because the hospital had put an anti-nausea patch behind my ear, so that had been helping keep the nausea away. I had to take the patch off, because it does cause dry mouth which unfortunately hinders the healing of my tonsils as I am supposed to keep the mouth relatively hydrated.
I’m hoping that since I am having some bone broth and mashed potatoes that will keep me from getting nauseous again. I will say, it’s kind of annoying because I’ve been instructed to eat ice cream/popsicles to help with the pain and swelling, but the sugar can make me nauseous.
Either way, I am surviving and working through it all. My mom came by to visit today which was nice, and my husband has been so helpful and amazing during this entire process. I am so lucky and so grateful for all of the love I have in my life.
I am home and will be in bed for the next few days, and my surgery was a success. The doctor was not lying about this pain though- it’s pretty rough. My husband is making sure I’m taking my medications on time and is bringing me everything I need (so blessed🥹😭), and I am prioritizing hydration and rest.
I was feeling emotional before surgery, because I had so many friends messaging me telling me they were praying for me and thinking of me. One even sent me an e-gift card for Smoothie King which I am looking forward to trying hopefully within the next week or so!
I just feel so lucky and grateful to have so much love and support around me. As much as I am struggling right now with the pain, I know it will all be worth it; even though currently it feels like I am swallowing shards of glass.
finding light in the dark 