Author: hermagicalthoughts

New Moon in Taurus: A Love Letter To Myself.

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It’s been amazing to watch you grow into the woman you are today. A woman who is no longer afraid of her emotions. Once upon a time you wanted to completely rid herself of them, and with just a few months of Zoloft that goal was achieved. It didn’t take long for you to recognize how lost you were without them, without your powers.

The sensitivity you have to others and to the world around you is a gift when you learn how to use it, and it’s amazing to see you catching on. I see you allowing yourself to feel that childlike joy and also allowing yourself to feel the anger that you’ve been shoving away for too long. Far too long. See how the world has shifted now that you accept and embrace these feelings? No wonder you want to share this with the world.

You care so deeply for others, for humanity as a whole actually. You’ve seen and felt what pain and trauma does to one’s mental health and well being, which makes it easy to have empathy for those who are struggling. You know what it’s like to not be able to feel the true love and joys around you, and now that you can feel them, you want everyone else to be able to feel them too.

You used to let this empathy consume you; losing yourself in everyone else’s worries that they all endlessly dumped on you. You absorbed the anxieties they had and abandoned yourself for too long, completely losing track of what was yours and what wasn’t. You did all of this while trying to keep up a perfect appearance to literally everyone around you- never releasing your own problems or feelings, because they all had enough to worry about.

You always felt like a burden, which is why you made sure to always put everyone else’s happiness before your own. If other people were happy, then there was less likely to be any conflict, thus giving a feeling of safety. You were in survival mode for most of your childhood and early 20s, and I am proud of the transformation you have made through your healing journey.

You allow yourself to rest without shaming yourself about it; instead you now realize it is necessary to recharge your own battery. You are present in your life, making new memories and taking time to enjoy the time with loved ones. You no longer talk about yourself negatively, but instead with the same empathy and grace you’ve always given to others. You have recognized the importance of speaking up and being authentic, and you openly and kindly share your thoughts and opinions with those who you’re close to. You prioritize spending your time and energy with the right people, and you aren’t afraid to say “no.”

You have grown so much throughout the years, and I am so proud of who you are. You deserve peace and love, and you have it all around you and within you. You are a magical woman with a strong intuition, and you’re a magnet for miracles. I love you so much, and I’m so happy to finally be here with you in this beautiful and crazy world. I am here. I am home.

Magic

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It’s crazy how connected people become the longer you spend time together. Last night, my fiancé and I were sharing a long embrace when tears started forming in my eyes. I felt so safe and happy, and I couldn’t help but think of our wedding day being a few months away and how amazing it will be to marry my best friend.

As he started to pull away from the hug I held on a little longer and told him that I got emotional. He’s like “what are you thinking? talk to me.” And I am smiling so big as the years literally just fall out of my eyes and I said “I’m just thinking about our wedding and I’m just so happy.” He looked at me and asked: “is it weird that I was thinking the same thing? I was imagining how our wedding kiss is going to end up turning into a long embrace like this and how you’ll be crying and I’ll just be holding you.”

We were both envisioning the same thing, the same moment. I’ve been feeling divinely supported throughout this wedding planning process, and this was just another confirmation of our love and how this is our time. I am so thankful to have him in my life, and to have support from all around us. 🥰

Moment of Gratitude

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As I type this post, I am standing at the kitchen island typing on my laptop while sun beams in through all of the windows in the living room. One cat is basking in the sun rays, stretched out on the wood floor, while the other is entertaining herself with an empty amazon box. My fiancé is asleep in our bedroom, and our third cat is likely laying on the bed with him. I have my air pods in, listening to R&B now radio on apple music, and I am just soaking in the present moment, and thinking about the day ahead.

In less than an hour, I am meeting up with a friend to go on a walk here in town! We planned this a few weeks ago and I am so glad we have great weather for our walk! Then later my fiancé and I are headed to his parents for our monthly family dinner! We also had a game night last night at our friend’s place which was really fun, and it is just a weekend full of connection and good energy. This month my calendar is filling up, but it is all with seeing good friends and family, and I am just so grateful for this chapter in my life.

Wedding and honeymoon planning is just about done, and we are just finishing up planning for our joint bach party where we are going to celebrate with all of our friends with go-karting and food/drinks back at the house. I am just happy to be present here in my body to actually be able to enjoy all of these blessings around me. I am also grateful to my angels and guides who are protecting us and keeping only pure, supportive energy around us. I know that I can trust in the divine timing of everything in my life, and I can trust that all is exactly how it should be.

I am so thankful for this life. I feel lucky every single day knowing I have true love; the love I always needed in my life. I have a partner who is respectful and cares deeply about me, even after seeing me during my worst moments. The way he loves me and makes me feel so safe and free, I truly don’t know how I got so blessed, but I am forever grateful for him and our relationship. This is the year that we say our “I do’s,” but it was when we told each other “I love you” at the young age of 16 that we knew were going to love each other forever.

Grateful Friday

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I am feeling so warm and grateful this morning. As I sit in my beautiful, reliable car in the parking lot of my job that I actually enjoy coming to, I just feel like I am finally in a place where I am free. No toxicity around me, and any that comes my way is deflected by my own energy, as I repel what does not align with me. My angels and guides also protect me, and they send me my signs to make me aware. I can also feel them supporting both myself and my fiancé on our journey to our wedding day.

I am present. I am self aware. I am growing and learning, as well as unlearning the habits and behaviors that keep me in a state of stress. Authenticity is the answer, no matter what. I am my own advocate, and my inner child deserves to feel loved and safe exactly as she is. My worth is not in my production level or how much I avoid confrontation, my worth comes from my soul.

Prompt:

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Do you have a quote you live your life by or think of often?

There is a quote I read for the first time a couple years ago that I still often think of; I even have an image of it as a widget on my phone so I can see it every day. I am still unable to find who said this quote, but is as follows:

“You will inspire some, and trigger others. Both are medicine.”

As a recovering people pleaser, this quote almost felt like it gave me permission to just be. I always knew the whole “you can’t please everyone,” quote, but this one hit my soul in a different way.

Free Writing, Free Thoughts. 4-28-24

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I am proud of myself for being able to speak about my opinions while still having empathy, and I have had this ability all along. I’ve kept quiet, keeping my true thoughts to myself in times where it was actually appropriate to share them all in fear of hurting another person. Having a different opinion or thought may be offensive or triggering for some, but that is not to be feared, that is to be expected and even celebrated.

If you think about it, now you have an opportunity to learn about this new perspective that has you bothered- meaning now you can learn where this belief may stem from. If you are very set in your belief and opinion, now you get to move forward with these relationships knowing how the other person feels and you get to decide if that is something you can deal with. If I completely disagree with someone’s morals or learn something that changes my view of them, I am allowed to express my concern and/or distance myself. Just as they are allowed to do the same once they know my opinion as well!

It is not a loss when someone leaves after you are open and authentic; instead you now have more room for the real connections that you’re going to make in your life. The authentic and genuine connections only come from you being authentic and genuine. Whatever it is you’re seeking, make sure you’re embodying that in your own life. You are not required to share everything with everyone, and the more you’re open to having conversations, the more you learn to practice discernment. Not everyone is entitled to know every detail of your life, you do not need to share anything that you don’t want to.

The more time you spend with yourself, the more you learn about yourself- but the more you spend connecting with others, the more you learn from others and gain new perspectives. Balance is important. Being in tune with your gut is important. Be still, be brave, and be authentic.

Chances on 7s

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When is the last time you took a risk? How did it work out?

I’ve been leaning a lot more into signs, synchronicities and spiritual practices and I had been getting signs around 7s. I was leaning into it and happened to find some old scratch offs that my grandma gave me a while back, and the total winnings on the scratch offs equaled to $7. I knew that the next time we went to the gas station, I had to bring those.

A few more days go by and my fiancé needed to get gas before our breakfast date, so I brought along my $7 and was so excited to turn them in and play that $7. When we got there, I was informed that the $5 winning ticket I had was so old that it actually expired, but that my two $1 winners were still good.

Since I was still playing 7s, I grabbed a couple of the 7-11-21 games and got back in the car and started scratching. One won absolutely nothing, but the other one won $15! I was so shook and told my fiancé “I’m going back to get three of the lucky 7s, because they’re $5 each and I wanted one!” So of course I run my happy ass back inside and get three of those Lucky 7s and go on my way.

We decided to go to breakfast and the store first and that we’d scratch them once we got home. Once we were home we start scratching away and although none of the actual games one, there was a bonus scratch game on each card where if the two symbols in the bonus matched then you won the prize listed. I start scratching and see two symbols of grapes- they match!! I start scratching away and I see that we just won $77!

I am not a gambler as I usually lose, but this time I decided to play on the 7s and I am so happy that I did! I played $7 back in and only got a $1 winner (which I still have yet to cash in) and happily took my $70! That’s definitely the most I have ever won on a scratch off and I will always remember this story.

Falling in Love at 16

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Describe a risk you took that you do not regret.

I fell in love my junior year of high school, and I went full send. I completely opened my heart to him; I was honest about my insecurities and also expressed what I was not willing to put up with. I said “I love you too” after only 11 days of us being together, and to this day, we are still in love.

In October we will celebrate our 13th anniversary together, and on that same day we will be eloping! We moved out together at 19, bought our townhome at 21, and this year at age 29 we will finally be husband and wife.

It’s insane for me to think about how much we have gone through together, and how we literally have grown together for over a decade. Our communication skills have improved immensely over the years, which has a lot to do with my own personal work in therapy.

It’s been so fun to see how we have grown together, but also how we have grown individually. I used to be extremely codependent, which could have resulted in some horrific situations, but I was truly blessed to find such a respectful, supportive life partner.

Falling in love is a risk, and doing so at such a young age is also terrifying, especially because we barely even know ourselves as teenagers. I am so happy that I trusted my gut and allowed myself to fall so deeply in love. Together we put in work to keep our relationship thriving, and I am so blessed to have him in my life. 🫶🏼