self care

Morning Gratitude

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This morning I want to just lay in bed and sleep, but instead of hitting snooze I am still laying here but decided to start the day here with some good vibes and gratitude.

-I am so grateful I get to wake up next to the love of my life every morning, as it makes me feel safe, loved, and comforted.

-I am grateful to be waking up in a warm, cozy bed that is so comfortable it makes it hard to want to get out of it.

-I am grateful that I have a job where I am appreciated, I enjoy what I do, and I still have freedom to listen to headphones and work at my pace.

-I am grateful to still have both of my parents in my life, even if it may be a bit estranged with my dad, I am still blessed to have contact with both of them and I am happy I have a good relationship with my mother.

-I am grateful for this blog, as it was easy to start, it’s easy for me to post from my phone or laptop, and it’s a nice outlet for me, and also a way to inspire others.

-I am grateful to have supportive, loving friends in my life who are truly rooting for me and want the best for me. I am happy I have friends I can be my full self around.

-I am grateful to have heat in our home, as well as the AC during the summer. We are blessed that we can afford and have these luxuries.

-I am grateful for car, as she is sleek and beautiful but also very reliable and safe. I am happy we can both afford nice cars.

Overall there are so many things in this lifetime to be grateful for, and sometimes it’s important to just take a moment and think about it. Whenever I am feeling lost or overwhelmed, I have found that when I turn to the mindset of gratitude, it makes a big difference. It’s not always an easy task when emotions are running high, but like anything, it’ll just get easier with time and practice. Your life has a lot of beauty in it, take a moment to think about it.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Monday and week ahead.

Thoughts on Thots on Thoughts

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I am a big believer in karma: what you give is what you get. The energy you emit into the world is what will return back to you. What you present yourself as is what you will attract. Karma is real; it is not good or bad, it just is. It is important to be intentional with yourself and your actions.

I was called a slut-shamer in high school because of a facebook post. I can’t even remember what my post was about- likely something like “finding love isn’t easy, but being easy won’t find you love.” Looking at that now, I can see how that could offend people, however I do believe that how you present yourself will attract certain people. For be fair, growing up I was taught that boys just want to have sex with you and once they do they’ll either leave or just use you for that.

With that being said, I was never person who dressed in super revealing clothing, because I knew that would bring certain attention. No, I don’t think it’s right that girls are taught to cover up, while boys aren’t taught how to be respectful- but this is the society and reality we live in. I know 100% if I were to post pictures of myself in more revealing clothing that I’d get more likes. This is not to sound cocky, this is the reality for any woman, because sex sells and the are literal horn-dogs everywhere. However, I also know that me putting those images out there will attract the men / people who are looking for that- and that was never something I wanted.

I never wanted one-night stands or flings or to be known as the girl who was “easy,” so I didn’t present myself that way. I never wanted a man who just wanted me for my body or sex, I wanted something real. I knew I wanted a respectful man who wasn’t going to use me or my body; I wanted someone who loved me for me, because my my body will inevitably change over the years, and there will always be someone younger / hotter. I knew that if someone wanted me based on my body or based on just sex, there’s a higher chance they’d leave me for a body better than mine, or be entertaining another body.

I don’t have anything against woman / people who show off their bodies or do SW or anything like that, because that really doesn’t have any effect on my life. I will say I have seen videos of p-stars / S-workers crying online saying how it’s a lonely life, and that people only look at you as an object and not as a person- which is 100% wrong, but it’s also an unfortunate consequence when that is what is advertised. I can imagine it is hard for a man to be out with his woman and guys just keep coming up saying how they’ve seen your girl naked and watched her get her back blown out by someone else- I definitely would be uncomfortable if the roles were reversed.

In reality that is all it comes down to- what are you comfortable with? What are you looking for? Are you in alignment with the values you are seeking in a relationship? What do you consider to be faithful / loyal? Do you care about loyalty? I think the easiest question to use in any sort of relationship is: If your significant other did what you were doing, would you be comfortable with that? That will prevent many conflicts.

Now again this may be offensive and that’s not the intention, I just am an old soul and more conservative in that way than almost everyone I know and I felt the need to write through it. There definitely are people who are doing SW that have found love and have relationships, and they absolutely deserve healthy love! There are men and women who are completely okay with their significant others doing SW, and regardless, in any relationship, there just has to be open communication and understanding between each other in order to keep everyone safe, healthy and happy.

Overall, what other people do is none of your business, but what you do and how you present yourself attracts the life you’re seeking. Be intentional with the energy and frequency you emit into the world, as you get to make that choice. Live a life where you are aligned with your own values, goals and purpose.

Wednesday Wisdom

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I have been feeling so much better than I felt the first week of the year, and I am fully enjoying this time. I’m still practicing discernment in my life, I am limiting the amount of information I share with others and this even includes close friends.

It is not my responsibility or even my problem if someone else is sending jealous or some negative energy my way, because I know I am protected and my energy is mine regardless; but that doesn’t mean I want to be all willy nilly with what I share.

There’s good news around me, and instead of sharing for validation or sharing to celebrate, I find that celebrating with myself and for myself is more than sufficient for me. In reality, it feels better than sharing with others. Not that my friends don’t celebrate or care, but because I can give that to myself.

I am very aware that hyper-independence is a trauma response, but it also is a strength. I know I am living in alignment with my values; I am strengthening my relationship with the universe / God, which in turn has improved my relationship with myself. I know who I can ask for help, I know I have loved ones who are truly in my corner and are rooting for me, and even though that is a small group, it is a strong, supportive, caring group.

I don’t feel the need to share all of my plans and all of my goals with people who are just waiting for me to fail, or are projecting their own self-doubt onto me. I know that I still have yet to meet members of my soul family, and I am not here to be completely shut off or turn off my empathy, but I will continue to be selective and protect myself and my dreams first.

Sunday Funday

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My friend is about to drop off her kids to hang out for a while, and I have decided that this is my opportunity to be a kid today! We have candy land and lincoln logs, and we even have a classic DVD player with a variety of Disney and Pixar movies to choose from! She’s bringing over some snacks, and we have some fun records to listen to! It’s going to be a carefree, imaginative day.

Obviously I am also going to be supervising the children and making sure everyone is staying safe and well! My fiancéis also here to help which is nice, and I know time will just fly by! Kids can talk and ask questions for hours and hours so I am interested to see what is in store today LOL.

As for the week ahead, I am feeling more comfortable at work and feeling productive every day, which is great! I am excited to get in a good groove and get caught up on things and take on more tasks. I also am excited to focus more on myself and my health outside of the office, and hopefully get a nail appointment this week! We had a huge snow storm so I didn’t feel like driving to my appointment this weekend.

We are continuing to lock things in for our wedding which has me super excited. I find myself getting extra emotional when listening to love songs, and I am just so happy and grateful that I get to marry my best friend this year! I’m just going to keep focusing on that energy this year!

1/11

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Today is January 11, aka 111! If you believe in angel numbers and all that fun witchy woo, then today is a powerful day that marks “new beginnings.” Today is also the first new moon of 2024, which is a wonderful day to set new intentions, new routines and get our booties into gear!

Mind you, if you are still feeling the heavy, exhausting energy of the new year, it is okay to just take today to slow down and pour into yourself. Give yourself grace and set time to check back in when you’re feeling like you’re in a better space energetically.

For myself, this year is an exciting one and I am looking forward to all of the love, connections, blessings and abundance that is heading my way. I am being my full self with absolutely no apologies! I am embracing my weird, bitchy, dark humor having ass self and instead of fighting the inevitable dualities in the human life, I am flowing with them.

I am advocating for myself.

I am prioritizing my peace.

I am moving with intention.

I am surrendering worries to the universe.

I am flowing, growing, and glowing.

I am taking back my power.

I am stepping into my authentic self.

I am grateful, graceful, and tasteful.

I have spent so much time focusing on my mental health and focusing on the positives, and now it’s time to enjoy all of my progress. I am dancing in the garden I grew for myself. I am singing in the rain that the universe pours into me. I am skipping through the fields of abundance that will continue to appear before me. I am breathing fresh air into my vessel, cleansing my soul from the inside out.

I am here.

I am alive.

I am free.

Thank you, angels and guides of the highest good for your divine support and protection.

Ready, Set, Grow

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I just read a post/quote and it just stopped me in my tracks. Cory Allen made a post that said “When wondering if a relationship is good for you, ask yourself: ‘would I be OK being more like them?’ Then you’ll have your answer.

Applying that to my current relationship with my fiancé, absolutely there was no doubt in my mind that I’d 100% be okay being more like him, but when I started thinking about a couple friendships I realized I may need to start being more honest with myself.

I am not like most of my friends, and I do feel like that is good to have balance and as someone who is empathic, it’s easy for me to understand why people do what they do. I don’t agree with everything that my friends do, but I also know how to set my own boundaries and not participate in things that do not align with my values- which is also probably fine and a reason I could keep all of my friends.

I struggle though when I notice certain red flags, and I don’t always know if I should bring them up or not. I guess it all goes back to how I am feeling and if whatever they are doing directly impacts me. In reality, what someone thinks about me really isn’t my business, but I also need to know that intentions are pure.

Someone who is indecisive and wishy-washy makes me hesitant, as I don’t know if they even know their own intentions. But at the same time, is that even my business? Do I really need to focus on that or overthink it?

My job is to set boundaries, advocate for myself when needed, and to take care of my own needs. I definitely have good friends and good connections, but I’m also one of those people who is very independent and prefer to keep certain things to myself. I guess as the year goes on I will just continue to listen to my gut and speak up, even if it may trigger certain things, because that is where the real growth is.

Sitting with it.

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I had a wonderful weekend spending time with family and it was back to work today! I feel lazy today, but I also think that has to do with it just being winter and the driving this weekend.

I am giving myself grace this month as I take it slow and not force anything that isn’t willing to flow. I feel my body needs rest and care as I transition into this new job and as I wait for the sun to come back LOL.

I have been feeling so grateful for everything in my life though; although I am tired now, I am still very much excited for this year. I know this feeling is temporary and so I am just going to sit with it and let it be.

End of Year Reflections

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I know I have mentioned Mel Robbins on this blog before, as she is one of my favorite podcast hosts/authors/self-help influencers. Mel recently released a podcast episode titled: “How To Make 2024 The Best Year: 6 Questions To Ask Yourself.” I am finishing up listening to it now, and although Mel and her team are amazing and have even made a free downloadable workbook to work through, I still wanted to just answer the questions she asks here on my blog. When I started listened to the episode I was driving, so I wasn’t able to write down the questions or really think about my answers, so I plan to do that here.

Before I do, here is the link to the episode: https://www.melrobbins.com/podcasts/episode-131

Here is the link to the free workbook to go along with the episode: https://www.melrobbins.com/bestyear

According to what Mel has been saying on this episode, the workbook is more extensive than just answering each question, as she helps people truly dive deep into each one and helps guide you along the way. Mel and her family answer these questions with her family every single year, and she recommends having your phone by you to be able to look through your camera roll and calendar to truly see how these past 12 months went. The questions are as follows: What were the highlights of your year? What were the hardest aspects of this past yet? What did you learn about yourself over the past 12 months? What are the things you want to stop doing and not bring into 2024? What do you want to continue doing? What do you want to start doing?

As I am writing these down I am getting excited to actually sit down and do a deep reflection on these past 12 months. Before I do the true deep dive with the workbook and extra prompts/guidance, let’s see how much I can get from just simply answering these. I have my phone with me, so let’s roll!

1. What were the highlights of your year?

Without even looking at my phone, our engagement comes to mind as the top highlight of 2023! My love asked me to marry him and it’s crazy to think that before the end of 2024, I will be able to call him my husband! We also celebrated 12 years together this year and finally got to eat at this nice super club that we had tried to go to before. This was also the year that I became a published author! I have two different poems of mine published in books, and this leads me into another highlight memory when my aunt and grandmother brought copies of the books to our annual girl’s retreat and asked me to sign them. It’s great to know I have family that supports me, along with my friends. I also was invited to be on a podcast that a mutual friend started earlier in the year, and I felt so happy doing the episode! Scrolling through my camera roll I see videos of me rollerblading at my friend’s birthday party back in February, which was the first time I had done that in several years. This even inspired me to have my own birthday party start at the roller rink later on in the year. My 28th birthday party was definitely a highlight from this year; it was so fun to be able to rollerblade with everyone and then end the night at our place just enjoying some drinks and food! Before my birthday I was blessed with the time to be able to travel to MN to meet up with one of my best friends for a Bryce Vine concert, and we even got to go to the mall of America! Which of course this reminds me that I also got to see Masego in concert this year which was a huge highlight! Standing up on the VIP floor with a private bar and good friends was truly an unforgettable experience. From celebrating birthdays with karaoke, to game nights where I actually won poker, to family trips and long overdue baby showers, this year has been full of celebrations and good company. I also recently accepted a new job offer and put in my notice at the place I have been at for the last two years, and I am looking forward to new beginnings!

2. What were the hardest aspects of this past yet?

I’d say one of the hardest aspects was navigating emotions and trying not to take on other people’s stress. I’ve had close friends go through terrible loss and it’s hard when I cannot take away their pain and I feel like I don’t know how to support them. Another hard aspect is feeling like I cannot stay consistent with health or wellness goals. I have been trying to be observant without judging myself, which I feel I have been, but I am still not working out or cooking as consistently as I’d want. I go through phases but it doesn’t stick so that gets discouraging. I also had immense back pain several times that prevented me from being able to bend over and I could barely walk. I had to miss work because of it, I was going to the chiropractor, then immediate care, and then ending with physical therapy. This year got another ultrasound as I thought I had a cyst or endometriosis, but I am happy to report all was normal! One of the worst parts of this year was when I witnessed a horrific accident involving the death of someone’s dog; that was something that shook me for a little bit. I was also honestly upset that Angus Cloud passed away this year, even though I obviously didn’t know him personally, I loved his character on Euphoria.

3. What did you learn about yourself over the past 12 months?

I’ve learned that I am much happier when I am being intentional and focusing on gratitude. I learned that I still struggle with how to let go of other people’s problems, but I am getting better with my communication. I still avoid conflict and times and avoid speaking up, but I am learning and growing. I learned that I am more confident than I used to think, and my empathy and observant behavior can be honed and used for good. I learned that it is always better to trust your gut and stay quiet about certain things with certain people, as not everyone has the best intentions or wishes for you. I learned that how people talk to you/treat you has a lot more to do with them than it does with you- it’s best not to take anything personal or make assumptions. I’ve learned that it’s best to stay out of gossip and drama if you want a more stress-free life. I’ve learned to trust my gut about certain feelings, because it turns out that I know more than I think. I also learned that I do have a relationship with the universe that thrives the more effort I put in, and it gives a sense of peace.

4. What are the things you want to stop doing and not bring into 2024?

Doubting myself. Talking myself out of trying things. Participating in low-vibe conversations: gossip, drama, etc. Putting off my dreams and losing site of my priorities. Caring about what other people think and keeping quiet about things I am passionate about. Dimming my light. Feeling guilty for choosing me. Downplaying my own traumas. I want to stop eating so much fast food and inflammatory foods.

5. What do you want to continue doing?

Looking at life through a lens of love and positivity. Looking for how to learn from situations and hard times, rather than letting them consume me. Focusing on being present, taking social media breaks (I loved the one I took this year), and seeking joy. I want to continue blogging and journaling. I want to continue strengthening my faith in the universe and letting go of what no longer serves me.

6. What do you want to start doing?

I want to start consistently working out and cooking. I want to start my podcast and continue working on my book, but in a consistent way. I want to start saying yes to new things that interest me. I want to go rollerblading more. I want to have a good routine that allows me to truly dive into my self care and leaves me feeling fresh and fulfilled. I want to practice self-discipline and I want to only do nice things for people who treat me with respect. I want to live intentionally every single day, and enjoy the life that I have. I want to let go of any shame or guilt that resides within me, and let it be free, so that I can be free as well. I want to live my best life.

Wow, after going through all of those questions I feel like I’ve learned so much. I still want to go through the workbook as well so I will plan to do that before the end of the year! In the meantime, I am ready to relax and enjoy this time off with my fiancé. I am excited to close the chapter on this current job and move onto bigger and better things. I am ready to get a routine in place and finally start focusing on my health and my happiness. 2023 allowed me to slow down, observe and reflect on who I really am; 2024 is the year that I reclaim my power and completely immerse myself in it – for the good of all. Thank you<3

Winter Solstice

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Today I honor the darkness and shadows within me.

To the exiled parts of me that still remain in hidden corners, feeling guilty and shameful and too scared to show themselves, please know you are loved, and you are worthy of it. May any shame and guilty feelings wash off of you, and may you find yourself feeling safe and secure.

To the anxious me that over plans, overthinks, and worries about every possible outcome, thank you for trying to protect me. I know you are attempting to predict all scenarios in order to prepare and be ready, but I’ve got this now. I know that worrying is only taking away from the present moment, and in order to live fully I need to be aware and actively participating in my life. There is no need to stress, as I am exactly where I am supposed to be, and everything happens for a reason.

To the part of me that has remained shamefully angry throughout the years, it is time to embrace that emotion. Anger is here to show me what is important, and shoving it away has only allowed me to shy away from expressing my own opinions and feelings, which only hurts me in the end. Expressing anger is not bad, it’s actually necessary to do so in a healthy way. I am my own person with my own opinions, and I will no longer choose silence to keep other people comfortable.

To all of the parts of me that have stayed quiet and who are trying their best to protect me, I appreciate your efforts. Thank you for being here with me throughout the years and working to keep me safe and on the right path. I am grateful for the lessons you’ve taught me, and although you will stay here with me forever, I am now allowing you all to relax while I take the reins.

I am a strong, capable, empathetic woman who can navigate through life, and I am choosing to do so with the mindset of love, acceptance and gratitude. Welcome, winter solstice.

New Week Affirmations

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This week will be full of good news, happy feelings and consistency.

I am living intentionally; everything I do is for my highest self.

I am deserving of good health, good habits, and confidence.

I refuse to prioritize other people’s peace over my own. I am responsible for my own inner peace.

This week will bring creative ideas, confidence, and inspiration.

Life is beautiful and I am a magnet for abundance.

Love and light are present everywhere around me.

I choose to see difficult situations through the lens of love.

My empathy and sensitivities are my strengths, may they amplify my inner strength and confidence.