life

my forever love

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for years we’ve heard the same questions over and over again: everyone was always wondering why we weren’t engaged or married after being together for so long. people will always have their views, and most of the time you’ll find that it often has to do with society. it’s funny how people complain about “society’s standards” and then simultaneously push them upon one another, when in reality, society isn’t even meant to be in your relationship- so why let it dictate your timeline?

as I’ve been healing and growing throughout my life, I’ve recognized the importance of blocking out noise. people will always have an opinion or something to say, but they are NOT in your partnership. I feel it is important to hear people out if those are people who truly love and support you, but when it comes down to it, your relationship is about you and your partner. it’s important to pay attention to who is giving you advice and who is projecting their own issues and opinions. you wouldn’t ask someone who is thrice divorced for marriage advice, just like you wouldn’t ask someone who has never purchased a home for homeowner advice- so why let that outside noise affect your relationship?

when Cameron and I started dating, we were 16 years old. we told each other we loved each other after eleven days of dating. he wrote me a letter after a couple months where he told me that he understood why people would meet and get married within six months. if we would have gotten married in a rush at that age, I can’t tell you where we would be, but I can tell you that society and others around us would have disapproved. when we were buying a home at age 21, we had people asking why were we rushing to do that, while simultaneously asking us when we would be getting married. to us, it never mattered what people told us.

we have always listened to what we wanted and needed, and I am so blessed that we have been able to grow along side each other for the past 13 years. marriage is a lifelong commitment, even though society may not see it that way any longer, but it is to us. I’m glad we spent time building our foundation and I am so excited to spend forever with my husband.

Monday Morning

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It was just 5:55 on the clock, which is the angel number for “change.” Well, in two short days I get to marry the love of my life! I’m so grateful that we may it to our destination safely, and I also already had some family arrive as well! The rest of our friends and family arrive tomorrow, and then Wednesday is the big day!

We get to spend the next few days in our lovely suite with the ocean view! Although we may already miss our cats, it will be nice to be away from work and chores for a little while and just be able to focus on each other and all the love that surrounds us. 🤍

Fulfilled

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In what ways does hard work make you feel fulfilled?

When I think of a hard day of work, I definitely feel satisfied at the end of the day if I feel like I accomplished the goals I wanted to. When I feel like I have been productive and have crossed a lot off my list, I feel fulfilled in the way that I actually followed through on my goal.

It’s a lot easier for me to be productive and goal oriented in a work environment- sometimes I wonder if it’s still feeding a part of my inner child that craves approval and praise. When it comes to my own personal life, if I have a day where I can cross a bunch of chores of the list, I definitely feel fulfilled. I feel like I have taken care of my home and I have rid myself of overwhelming piles of tasks, which is satisfying.

Since moving away from people-pleasing and perfectionism tendencies, I have since recognized that my worth is not defined by how accomplished I am in the workplace or how clean my home is. I am worthy as I am, and as I lean into self love/care, I have also realized how important rest is. Burnout isn’t fun for anyone, nor is it worth it to sacrifice your health and wellbeing all in the name of being productive. As much as I enjoy feeling fulfilled by a hard day’s work, I also enjoy resting and recharging, so that I can feel fulfilled even when I am not doing anything.

Feeling Grateful

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I’m feeling so much lighter today, and just overall grateful for life and the divine guidance and love that surrounds me and my loved ones. I’m getting married in nine days, and I cannot help but smile when I think of meeting my fiancé at the altar. Life truly is a gift, and I am so thankful.

Best Advice

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What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?

Since I’ve been on a mental health / healing journey, I have come across a lot of golden nuggets of wisdom and advice. When I read this prompt, what immediately came to mind is something that Mel Robbins has discussed on her podcast and what her next book topic is about: “Let them.”

The whole point of the “Let Them Theory” is to have a better sense of inner peace as well as control over one’s own mindset. We can do this by not taking things personally, but also by recognizing that we have no control over how someone else behaves and it is not our responsibility to control them.

Sometimes we let other people’s actions and beliefs affect our own lives, by constantly thinking about, judging or trying to “fix” them. It’s also kind of funny because we know how hard it is to change ourselves and develop new habits, yet we can get so bothered by other people not changing who they are. Instead of focusing on how someone else is living their life, just let them.

Stop and Just Be

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Today I went inside Dunkin’ to order coffee, because the drive thru line was insane. Once I was inside I was able to order right away and went over to the pick up area to wait for my drinks. The cold brew for my fiancé came out quickly, and then I was just waiting on my iced coffee. A line of people start forming by me as they are also awaiting their orders, and the start minutes going by. Turns out they had run out of iced coffee, so they were working on making another batch. The beeping of the machines was so loud and felt never-ending, and the staff was all moving around quickly doing each of their duties as best as they could with the circumstances.

As I was sitting there, I started thinking about the experience as a metaphor for life. Being in that restaurant, as overstimulating as it was, was really just showing me the art of patience and mastering our own minds. Whether the employees decide to get frustrated or customers decide to get angry, nothing was going to change. Yelling and being upset is not going to make the iced coffee come faster. Giving up and throwing in the towel was not going to stop the mobile orders receipts from piling up. As much as it can feel like “when it rains, it pours,” how we shift our mindset and process our emotions is key.

There is so much external sh*t in our lives that we cannot control. The more time we spend trying to control our external environment, the more we are ignoring our inner world. Instead of focusing on how long the wait is or why the staff didn’t make iced coffee “fast enough,” why not focus on the fact that you are still having your iced coffee made for you. Why not focus on the fact that you’re lucky enough to not be behind that counter with the stress of having customers scream around you for things you’re actively trying to fix. When we focus on what is within our control (aka our mindset/perspective) we can become less rigid and overwhelmed by life.

There are things in life that you truly can never prepare for. Things like becoming a parent, having a parent pass away, witnessing an unexpected tragedy- these are beyond our control, yet we still have to live with the results. Life will continue to throw challenges our way, which is why mental health and emotional wellbeing are so important. The more we understand ourselves and how we process certain things, the more we can support ourselves during the journey of life.

Being able to have a more positive perspective or being able to lean into faith and letting go allows for less tension and suffering in our minds and bodies. Worrying about things beyond our control only fuels fear and robs us of the peace and joy we can find in the present moment. I have been actively trying to be more present in my life, and I know that there is so much comfort in stepping back and getting out of survival mode.

I could have become irritable and impatient waiting for my iced coffee, and I could have even used the excuse of all of the chaos that ensued in my life over this past week, but what was that going to do for me? Encourage my misery? Allow me to stay in a victim mentality? Instead I tapped into this “life imitates art” moment and recognized the metaphor in front of me. There is peace in letting go- whether it’s letting go of expectations, outcomes, or the need to control the situations around you, you’ll find that there is a feeling of content that washes over you when you stop and just be.

If I had to give up a word

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If you had to give up one word that you use regularly, what would it be?

It would probably be a swear word since I definitely find myself using those too often. As much as I’d love to give up the “F” word, I find it so versatile LOL 😂

Actually, scratch that- I’d give up the word “should,” because it is annoying. “I should be doing xyz,” or “it should be done this way,” or really any time we use should, who is to say that we “should” or “should not.” I feel like it gets used a lot in a shaming way for me, like “I should have gone to the gym” or “I should be doing laundry,” but really I could shift that to a more positive framing. I’ve read/heard about changing it to “I have the opportunity to go to the gym,” or “I get to do laundry in my own house,” and kinda shifting the mindset. So yeah, I guess I’d get rid of “should.”

Welcome September

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✨ w e l c o m e S e p t e m b e r ✨

may your September bring you peace, love and abundance. may you feel lighter and warmer as we enter into the fall season. may all of your worries fade away, and may you make room for the incredible opportunities that await you. may September treat you better than you expect it to. 🤍

Prompt:

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What profession do you admire most and why?

I’d have to say I greatly admire psychologists/therapists who genuinely care about their patients.

I admire the ones who will fight back against the system that is constantly pushing to medicate every single person immediately, and focuses on alternative options first when it is appropriate.

I admire the ones who will refer patients to other therapists if they notice that the patient is not seeming to be fully open or comfortable and could benefit from seeing a colleague of theirs.

I admire the ones who entered this profession with the goal of helping others reach their full potential, while also having the desire to improve society as a whole when it comes to mental health and wellbeing.

I admire the ones who are compassionate and and empathetic-the ones who truly care for others, rather than someone who just shows up for a paycheck.

A huge thank you to all the mental health professionals who are helping their patients have a stronger sense of compassion towards themselves, as well as helping them create a happy and healthy future.