Happy Monday!
I’m back to work today and then off again for a couple days, but I’m just happy to be feeling relatively healthy again! Still have some sinus congestion, but overall just feeling so much better. Also SZA dropped SOS Deluxe LANA album so I’ve been jamming to that nonstop and just enjoying the rest of 2024!
Happy new moon! 🌑
I woke up and was burning up, and not because of a fever this time. I walk out to the thermostat (that we clearly need to upgrade) and it did it’s fun thing where the batteries on it just stopped, so instead of regulating the heat, it just let it go up to 81 degrees! Can’t wait to see our next gas bill LOL.
I also had to call the vet to schedule one of our cats, because he is doing this dry heaving thing without throwing up which isn’t normal for him. Of course, he’s our problem child who has to be medicated before even going to the vet because he howls and screams like a wild animal and scares all the other animals. They can’t get him in until Monday so I am just going to try to forget about it until then. It’s honestly not fun drugging and dragging him to the vet- it’s actually pretty traumatizing for everyone with how he acts.
My other cat was throwing up this morning, but I knew it was because she got into something based on the puke. Sure enough she chewed through my husband’s bag of SunChips he left on the desk. She is obsessed with plastic and has had her fair share of expensive visits to the vet as well, so we’re just keeping an eye on her. She’s acting normal for now and honestly she likely will continue to based on past behavior- at this point I am sure she has a plastic coated stomach that is used to it.
So yeah, I’ve been awake for a whole 30 minutes and I am feeling very stressed out, but all I can do is wait for the vet (also praying they call with a cancellation for today), buy a new thermostat, and breathe.
I love that I just logged into Walmart to do a grocery pickup order and just saw how literally they have huge discounts and deals right now. Of course they do… it’s after Christmas! I’m noting this for my future- maybe some gifts are gonna be accidentally left at the north pole and come late LOL.
But anyways here’s another day in bed trying to sweat out this flu. Literally woke up in the pool of sweat- my pajamas felt like I just pulled them out of a pool. This is great, because I’m sweating out my illness, but also it makes me feel disgusting and I need to wash myself and the bedding.
I’m supposed to go back to work tomorrow, and I’m thinking I should be able to. I may tell people to just stay away from me (should be easy, I’m in the back away from people and patients), and I’ll keep a mask by if people get too close. Although the flu is hopefully gone, it feels like I may have some sort of bronchitis happening now. My husband still has a lingering cough as well, but per Google we can feel tired and have a cough for weeks after the flu! Love that for us! LOL
Overall I am glad we are in the positions we are in with work considering we already had some planned days off with the holidays. I’m glad we can still afford our bills and do grocery pickups and get what we need. I feel very blessed to have this life with my husband, and I am happy he is feeling up to working today and he’s able to do so from home!
Sending love and healing energy to all- I pray the rest of 2024 is full of peace, positivity, and love. 🤍
Writing this from my bed, because my husband has influenza A and this morning I woke up with a sore throat, body aches, and my post nasal drip trying to choke me out. I’m so very blessed to have good bosses and be in the situation we’re in. The fact that we were able to get my husband seen and diagnosed in under two hours is a blessing, and I’m just glad we’re able to rest it off and take care of ourselves.
I know this is only a couple days before Christmas, but it honestly works for us because we don’t have any Christmas plans other than stay at home! Holidays are typically pretty uneventful for us, other than the white elephant gift exchange we do with my family every January. We know that once we have children the holiday seasons will be much busier, so for now we just enjoy the peace and quiet together.
Even though I don’t feel great, I do feel very grateful🤍 Yeah, yeah, it was kinda lame, but I mean it!
Less than a week before Christmas, and although the days have felt slightly overwhelming, I feel a sense of love and peace in the air this morning.
Sending healing vibes to my husband who is not feeling 100% right now.
Sending happy birthday wishes to my friend’s children today.
Sending well wishes to my coworker whose daughter gets surgery today.
Sending healing energy to my friend who also has been battling a rough cold this past week.
Overall just sending love to all who need a little extra this season.
I get really reactive when I mess something up. It triggers the perfectionism in me- like I am not allowed to make mistakes, like all of my work was for nothing, like I’m a failure. Sometimes I feel the spiral coming and I just let it. Instead of using my tools or pausing to breathe, sometimes I just let it overtake me.
Am I too tired to use my tools, or am I punishing myself because I feel like I deserve it? I know I’m not too lazy to change and do the work, because I’ve made so much noticeable progress over the years- so is it self-sabotage? Is it just being a fucking human being with an ego? Is it hormones? Did I eat enough today? No.
Today was just annoying in and of itself, I was over all of it. Today feels like a regression, but I am now recognizing as I type this that this is part of the journey to becoming emotionally mature. Paying attention to these things that get me so bothered and actually trying to understand them.
Like I am very aware that I grew up in a reactive household. I also am aware that I had a verbally abusive father who often told me I was a dumbass, and even told me that I’d fail when I moved out on my own and I’d be crying to come back there. So failure just never feels like the option- but who is here to “punish me” when I fail? No one… so I do it. But why? Would I scream at a friend or my husband for making a simple mistake like dropping an eggshell in batter? Absolutely not! But that is 100% what sent me on a spiral this evening.
Granted again, I had a rough day as it is just getting triggered about people and their lack of work ethic, but why does that bother me? Likely, because I have been working for what feels like most of my life and always have put pride into what I do. I have also worked for shitty employers who did not appreciate my work, and I am blessed to say I don’t have that problem anymore- so that’s why I get triggered when I can see good bosses being taken advantage of. However, I can focus on myself and stay in my line and keep doing my job, and that is definitely what is best for myself and my mental health.
Back to the whole thing where I feel like I’m stupid when I fuck up- I am very much aware that I hold myself to insane standards that I don’t expect from anyone else… I just struggle to let it go. I struggle because I feel that my high standards are what got me to where I am today. Moving out at 19, buying a house at 21, working upwards in my career, having a stable relationship- weren’t my high standards for myself the reason I could do all of this?
When I actually think about that… no they aren’t. Me being me and being able to reach out for help and use resources is the reason I’m able to do the things I do. Holding myself to insane expectations only allows me to feel rigid and anxious when things aren’t going right- but failure is just an opportunity to learn and pivot.
Failure is an inevitable thing in life- I hear it in so many self-help podcast interviews with successful people. They always say that failure is basically step one- we all have to fail to be able to learn and grow for the next experience. Today I learned that I will always crack eggs in a separate container before mixing them in batter so it is easier to remove the shell. I wouldn’t have learned that without dropping the shells in.
The best part of all of this stupid eggshell story is that I got the eggshells out of the batter eventually anyways! So I had an entire spiral of negativity for no reason; but also since I believe that everything happens for a reason- I guess this was it. I honestly am proud of myself that I even took time to sit and journal myself out of the triggered state.
I really do want to stop punishing myself and holding myself to such high standards, and now I can refer back to this post where I literally show myself how doing those things aren’t necessary or helpful at all. This one thing won’t fix it all, this will be a repetitive process until I build a strong habit, and I am very much willing to do the work. Guess I’ll start with giving myself grace and celebrating this little win of slowing down and dissecting my thoughts with curiosity.
This morning I wasn’t feeling well when I woke up, so I decided to stay home from work. I’m lying in bed watching “Is It Cake?” and I know once I stop writing this, I’ll be slowly drifting back to sleep.
I am just feeling blessed to work for bosses where I don’t feel completely anxious or stressed about calling off work. I feel like almost everywhere else I’ve worked, when you called off you were treated like you’re in trouble- like having to prove that you were sick with doctor’s notes and what not. Like not every illness requires a doctor’s visit (or copay for that matter); sometimes just rest and hydration is a what you need.
I may write more later today after I take this nice nap. I hope everyone has a good Monday!
Message:
Your angels are supporting you-trust in those gut feelings. Be present to the signs around you and focus on your intentions for this month and for the upcoming year. Luck and abundance is all around you- get still and be present to it all.
It’s the second to last day of November, which means the end of the year is upon us. It also means it’s now officially Christmas, so don’t mind me obsessing over lights and other cute decorations for the rest of the winter season LOL. As we come to a close on 2024, I can’t help but feel so grateful and emotional looking back at this incredible year!
This year was all about our wedding, which makes sense considering my husband proposed a year and four days ago. In March, I went dress shopping with my mom and close friends and I was lucky enough to find my wedding dress! Not only was it the first dress I tried on, but it was also on clearance for $90! I remember I had a night out with a couple of my high school besties that night too, and it was just such a great time!
In July, me and those same two friends went to Minneapolis to see Qveen Herby live in concert! This was one of my dream concerts and I got to see her with my best friends on the day before my birthday!!! Then on my birthday we all went shopping at the Mall of America and just had so much fun! That experience also offered opportunities for me to reflect and grow, and I am so thankful to have these memories.
At the end of September, my now husband and I flew down to Florida to start our wedding trip!! We were able to spend a few days in Pensacola Beach just chilling with my family and then we had his family and our friends trickle in before the actual wedding day. I’m honestly so glad we had a pre-vacation prior to our wedding- highly recommend this! Then at sunset on 10/2/2024, we said our “I do’s” and celebrated our marriage with all of our closest loved ones. We celebrated with a nice dinner afterwards and enjoyed a fun night!
After the wedding we went over to Orlando and enjoyed Harry Potter World before we left in a hurry due to hurricane Milton, and honestly we were so happy to come home and just be with our fur babies in our own bed. We had our Til Death Do Us Party a couple weeks after we got back, and since then we’ve just been enjoying the quiet after all the busyness.
We were invited to our friends’ home yesterday for Thanksgiving, and we enjoyed a delicious meal with them and their kids- this was honestly my favorite Thanksgiving so far! I never enjoyed the holiday as a kid because I don’t like any of the classic Thanksgiving food, but honestly this year I tried the ham my friend made and it was good! She did a great job and I was happy to see other side options rather than the stuffing and green bean casserole I usually avoid.
I know I only listed a few core events of this year, but these few events have made 2024 one of, if not the best year of my life. I also knew it would be, mainly because we were getting married, but it’s still so great that I had so much time with great friends and family this year. My heart and soul are just feeling so full, and I’m excited to see what the rest of the year brings.
There’s still a whole month left of memories to make, and now that it’s Christmastime, it’s the most wonderful time of the year!!🎄♥️✨
Good morning! Today is a great day to stay grounded in your energy and intention. The full moon is here, it’s Friday, and you get to choose how you feel today.
I personally am feeling great as I type this in my warm bed. I’m gonna get ready for work here soon and after work I’m meeting up with a friend for a late lunch! I’m excited to catch up with her.
This full moon I am really leaning into faith in my angels, but also in myself. I have the ability to create the life I desire- I mean I’ve literally done that so far! I often find myself hiding behind limiting beliefs and unhealed wounds from childhood, but I am actively embracing my shadow self and working to shed light on the darker parts of me.
We’re all humans, we all have parts of us that we have been ashamed or embarrassed of, but hiding them away and trying to ignore them won’t make them go away. We have to acknowledge our pain and shame, and give ourselves patience and understanding for who we were.
Everything in your life has led you to this moment- be sure to honor it all.
finding light in the dark 