Celebrate Yourself

Today is Friday and I am so excited for the weekend! My boyfriend and I are attending a friend’s wedding tomorrow, but other than that I am free to relax and take some time for myself. After how busy last weekend was for me, I am happy to be able to slow it down a bit while still having the opportunity to see friends and have a good time!

I was doing a bit of reflecting yesterday and I am honestly so proud of how far I have come on my mental health journey; I was thinking about how I was when I first moved out with my boyfriend and it truly feels like night and day. I still have plenty of work to do, but now it doesn’t feel so daunting and impossible!

When I first removed myself from an environment of constant chaos and unpredictability, my body didn’t even know how to handle the calm, peaceful life I was entering. My nervous system was stuck in a state of turmoil and I always felt like my mind was racing and I was running with it! I could never sit still and relax, instead I’d hyper focus on tasks that “needed to be completed,” and I’d feel out of control if I ever took a minute to breathe.

I still have days where it’s hard for me to sit down and unwind, but now my boyfriend and I both have learned how to handle it better. For example, earlier in the week was rough for me- I was starting my period and this time around my hormones felt super out of whack and I was feeling depressed. I honestly haven’t felt that low in quite a while, but instead of giving into that feeling, I was able to remind myself that this is temporary and has a lot to do with my cycle. I didn’t sit and think that I was going to be depressed forever, and I didn’t give myself a hard time for it.

I had told my boyfriend that I was going on a walk, which he encouraged, but I kept stalling and saying that I had things to do around the house and he could tell I was feeling anxious and overwhelmed. He looked at me and said “you need to go on your walk, and only think about your walk while you’re on your walk.” He was right, and I knew that already but just hearing it from him and out loud was something that I needed. I ended up going on my walk and I felt so much better when I came home. I cleaned up what I needed to, I showered, and then he helped me cut up veggies for the big salad I was making for the week.

It’s incredible how much of an impact that walk had on me, and I understand why everything I read and listen to about mental health says it is important to move your body every day. For me, just walking for 30-40 minutes made life feel so much more bearable, and it was nice to take some time to myself.

I feel so very blessed every day to have a wonderful man by my side who has grown with me over the years, who has learned how I operate and how to help me when I am struggling, and who loves me every step of the way. I used to feel like my brain was on fire and I was such a raging b*tch to him even when I didn’t want to be, and I knew he didn’t deserve it which made me hate myself/my brain quite a bit.

Lucky for me, he always saw the real me underneath all of the anxiety; and now I can finally see me as well. I am forgiving myself for past mistakes as I now understand why I was the way I was, and my goal is to continue healing and keeping this relationship strong, as I know we will have a solid foundation for our future together and our future as parents. That is still a couple years down the road, but that just gives me more time to work on myself!

Make sure you take time to look at who you were five years ago and then look where you are today; we all love to hate on ourselves and feel like we aren’t moving forward, but it’s a much nicer habit to celebrate yourself! Look at how you handle certain situations compared to how your past self would! Give yourself credit where it is due, and make a plan for the things you still want to work on. You deserve a happy life!

Dear Universe, Thank you.

Every day I feel so blessed with the life that I have. I have a happy, healthy relationship with the love of my life, we have our beautiful home together with our cats, and we both have jobs that we don’t hate that allow us to live the lives we do. If you asked me ten years ago what I wanted in life, I would have said “To still be living happily with my boyfriend and be financially stable;” seventeen-year-old me would be so proud!

As I grow older I am learning more and more about myself. I am working on prioritizing what makes me happy and focusing on what I want and need in my life. I am blessed to have genuine friendships and still have good relationships with family members, and I am also lucky to be developing this healthier relationship with myself. I have definitely come a long way from where I used to be, but sometimes I feel like I struggle with trusting myself and my intuition.

In my house growing up, there were many times where I felt as if I was being accused of things that I had never done, and I also was often told that I had no voice because I was the child. I had a lot of rage and confusion building inside me throughout my younger years, but I also feel like in a way I did always have some sense of clarity: I knew what I didn’t want in my future relationships, and I knew that I would raise my children differently.

I know my parents did the best they could with what they knew, but at the time I didn’t think of it that way. I just knew that I didn’t want to be like them. In a way, I guess maybe I have been able to trust myself and intuition, but I often cloud my own judgment with overthinking and anxiety. When I think about why I am that way, I assume it would be because I grew up in a chaotic, unpredictable environment, therefore I try to prepare for all worst-case scenarios (which actually just makes my anxiety worse)! In reality, what I need to do is let go of what I cannot control.

I have seen my improvement throughout the years, and I am so proud of how far I’ve come. I find it easier to recognize when I’m worried about something beyond my control, and I remind myself of what I can control… my mindset! Worrying never helps the situation, it truly only worsens it, so why would I continue to do that? Instead I can recognize it and remind myself that everything happens for a reason, and I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

It’s easy to go into the horrific “what-ifs” about failure and chaos, but how about we switch that and ask “what if it all works out?” Instead of limiting ourselves with the belief that everything will be scary and horrible, what if we think about how we can learn and grow from any difficult situation? I know that there are so many things beyond my control, so what if I decided to just let it all go? I was so tired of stressing over everything in my life and feeling like the weight of the world was on top of me, so I decided to put it down!

I’m not going to lie, I still have rough days (I mean, I am human), but I find it easier to let go of my anxiety. I will be working on that re-wiring in my brain forever, and in addition to that I am currently working on listening to my gut instincts and learning to trust myself fully. I think my first big step in this journey was starting to say “no” to things that I didn’t want to do. I try to make it a habit to give myself time before I commit to any events, such as saying “Let me get back to you,” rather than blurting out “yes” as the seasoned people-pleaser I was. I’d say “yes” in an attempt to make others happy/not disappoint others, but sometimes it was at my own expense.

After realizing that the stress from those situations was hurting my physical health, I decided that my time is my time, and I knew I had to set that boundary. I want to spend my life doing the things that I love and that I feel aligned with. Your life isn’t truly yours if you are living it for everyone else. I think it’s important to check in with ourselves and reflect on what it is we truly need in life to be happy. I don’t think there are many (if any) people who would say they didn’t want to live a happy life, and I truly believe we all deserve happiness!

Another Year Done

Yesterday was my birthday, and I’ve decided to use that as my own personal “New Year” in a way. I wouldn’t say I am making any resolutions, but mainly just setting intentions. All of 2022 I have been trying to focus on self-love, and I plan to continue this journey, but it’s always good to come back to the drawing board and look at our priorities to see if they are the same or if we need to add/remove anything from the list.

I haven’t necessarily had a structured path along this journey, and that has been actually working well! Considering that I was a control freak and always have anxiety when plans change, I am pleasantly surprised by myself. What I’ve done is made sure that when I find myself with free time (or when I realize I’ve been scrolling on instagram for too long), I’ll ask internally “what do I want to do for myself?”

Now sometimes we have our guilty pleasures, such as watching reality TV or continuing to scroll through reels, but what about the things that make you feel good about yourself afterwards? I know that after I read a book, or even part of a book, I always feel good afterwards! I have taken time to give myself more knowledge and insight, and now I can use that information to keep growing.

I also always feel better after taking a walk outside. I often am also listening to some sort of inspirational podcast; currently I love listening to Jay Shetty and Gabrielle Bernstein, and I feel like I have learned so much simply listening to their shows. I find myself happier after I take time to sit and write, whether it’s in my physical journal, a long caption on an instagram reel, or a blog post!

Something I have been wanting to get into is meditation. This is something I somewhat attempted in the past, but I always felt like I had a racing mind and at the time it made me feel more anxious. After learning more about meditation, I’ve learned that it’s different for everyone and really anyone can do it- you just have to focus on your breath. This morning I did a 10-minute guided meditation from The Rising Circle’s Youtube channel, and I felt so relaxed afterwards! I want to try more guided meditations first and hopefully will be able to ease into my own personal meditation.

I know I always feel better after a good workout as well, I mean who doesn’t? I don’t necessarily want to push myself as I know I still have an obsessive/addictive personality, so I am trying to add at-home workouts into my routine. I am trying to find a healthy balance in my life, while not neglecting my physical health. When I was going to the gym, I was super hard on myself mentally if I ever missed a work out. I don’t want to be discouraging myself and being unhealthy about my goals and habits, so this is an area I am still working on.

As I get older I also want to take care of my health more, and I want to do this from the inside. I need to start eating at home more, and I recently downloaded an app my friend told me about that helps give meal suggestions. I signed up and chose a gradual change as I don’t want to overwhelm myself, and I’d rather be realistic than try to over-perform/achieve as is in my nature. Quick fixes don’t work, so I plan to take the slow approach.

Overall, I am staying focused on my goals and what is important to me. I want to continue to work on my health and mental health, as I deserve that. I also know I am a better girlfriend, friend and family me never when I am taking care of myself and setting boundaries, and I believe everyone I love deserves the best version of me.

Giving Grace

I did so well about starting my morning routine on Monday, but I haven’t been getting to bed early enough and that made it harder yesterday and today. Today I am up earlier than I was yesterday and I am here writing in my blog, so I count that as a victory!

Normally I am super hard on myself, but I am actively working on trying to give myself more grace and be the friend to me that I am to others. I have no problem reminding friends that we’re all human and it’s okay to deviate from plans or make mistakes, as long as we learn and grow, so why wouldn’t I deserve that same treatment?

Do I wish I would have stayed more consistent this week? Of course! But does that mean I should give up completely and call it a failure? Absolutely not! All I can try to do is be better than I was yesterday, and remind myself that I am doing this as a benefit to myself.

The goal tonight is to be off my phone by 9pm and asleep by 10pm, that way I can get my eight hours of sleep; this will make it easier for me to get up in the morning. I was normally in bed around 10pm for a while, but I think having Covid and sleeping all throughout the day kinda messed the schedule up.

A lot is going on around me lately that could be stress inducing, but I am doing my best to remember that I can only control my mindset and my reactions. Everything happens for a reason, and when things don’t work out, it’s usually because something better is on the horizon! All will happen as it should.

New Week, New Start

I decided to try out a new morning routine today. I am sitting at my kitchen table with a cup of coffee, water and my notebook. I wrote a bit in my journal, and now I am typing this on my phone as I left my laptop in the other room where my boyfriend is sleeping, and I figure this will be a relatively short post anyways as it’s about time for my stretching/workout!

I kept saying I wanted to start a new morning routine, but last week every time my alarm went off I just felt like I needed more sleep and hit that snooze button. I was also recovering from covid so I wanted to give my body the rest it needed. Now that I am finally feeling myself again, I made sure to push through the urge to snooze and got my ass up. I am not married to this set routine, but I have to start experimenting to see what works best for me!

I can already feel that this is going to be a good week! I am excited for what is to come, and to see how I feel after implementing this new plan! My intentions for the week are to stay focused on my current goals and stay positive! I hope everyone has a great week ahead!

morning views.

Leo Season

I go back and forth between dabbling in the idea of astrology and horoscopes; it can be really fun looking for insight, even if the messages are vague and couple apply to many other people. Since I am a Leo and my birthday is in less than two weeks, I am deciding to be extra this month and celebrate myself during this season!

In reality I have been growing more confidence in myself and my choices, and I’m using this time to really explore this part of me and see where I can go! I know I love writing, so I am trying to write more! I also enjoy reading and podcasts, so I have also been making sure to take more time for those activities. I also decided that if I want to go swimming or roller blading and no one wants to go, I’m just going to do it anyways!

For the longest time I wouldn’t do things alone, mainly out of paranoia as I grew up in a home with helicopter parents and a mom who was obsessed with “The First 48” and “Nancy Grace,” but I also would worry about what others around me were thinking. But just as I don’t care what others around me are doing with their lives, they don’t care about mine! Strangers watching an almost 27-year-old roller blading alone at a rink may think I am being a child or may make an initial judgment, but who cares?

Well, apparently I did for the longest time, but I am realizing now that if you are living your life for other people, your life is not yours. We have to focus on what makes us happy. We have to focus on what our needs are. We have to focus on what our inner child needs from us, whether it’s speaking to or doing activities that bring healing and joy. Do what feels innately right for you, because you deserve it! And per some of the astrology stuff I have read, now is the season for everyone to do this! Leo season just started yesterday (7/22), so it is just getting started!

Another day, Another post

Today was my second Wednesday off after starting my new schedule! I got breakfast with a good friend for her birthday this morning, and once I was home I did some dishes and laundry. I made sure to get my groceries yesterday after work instead of today, so I had the whole day free to do whatever!

I listened to a few podcasts, went on a walk, and even was able to join Gabrielle Bernstein’s zoom call where she recorded an episode of “Dear Gabby!” I honestly almost chickened out, but I was so glad I didn’t! There were about 80 participants in the meeting, all of us could chat and we remained muted unless we were picked to ask her a question!

It was nice listening to other people and remembering that we are all truly so similar; imagine what we could accomplish if we’d just take the time to listen and have real conversations with others. I honestly even cried listening to her speak and answer questions, and again it was just happy tears feeling like I was where I was supposed to be!

Over the weekend I picked up a couple of Gabby’s books, one of which my mom was nice enough to get for me as an early birthday gift! We had gone out for breakfast together and went to the bookstore afterwards, and that’s where I picked up “Judgement Detox,” and then I found “Happy Days.” I was originally looking for “Happy Days,” so when I finally found it my mom said that would be my gift from her and my dad for my birthday, and I am so grateful!

I haven’t started them yet, as I am already currently reading two books, but I am ready to dedicate time to reading more again so I can move onto her books next! I have been feeling good lately and plan to keep it that way; I had to mute some accounts on instagram just to escape from some of the negativity and drama, and honestly I am proud of myself for setting that boundary.

For a while now I haven’t followed any news or radio shows, because I am tired of consuming tragedy after tragedy and feeling like everything I see is horrible. I’d rather feed my brain with positivity, growth, and happiness. I prefer to not be ignorant to the current events, but I can also seek information out on my own and try to find unbiased sources, rather than believing everything that people share on social media.

Social media definitely has major impacts on mental health (just google it), which is why I do my best to keep everything on my page positive and I like/save positive posts to help the algorithm share more of those things to my feed. We choose what we consume on a daily basis, make sure you pay attention to what you feed your brain.

Self-Care Sunday

I posted this photo on Instagram this morning and decided to share it here as well!

“self care means dedicating time to do the things that you love for yourself. self care means resting when your brain/body tells you that you need it. self care is deepening your awareness of your emotions and triggers, so you can be more in control of your own mindset. so many people will say they don’t have time for themselves, but this time is necessary. everyone deserves to be their best selves, not only for yourself, but for everyone around you. your partner deserves you at your best, your children deserve you at your best, and you deserve to feel you best. dedicate that time for yourself, because self care is NOT selfish, it is a necessity.”

Check in/Reflection

How am I feeling? I’ve been having some obnoxious PMS the past few days; the on and off nausea is what’s bothering me the most. I’ve been so irritable and emotional and my period is supposedly coming in a few days, so I’m hoping that all of this goes away. I was going to go out to the bars last night with some friends, but decided to stay in since drinking would definitely not help my nausea. I also have just been feeling like I want to be alone lately; I need to do some self-reflection.

I recently was thinking about how I wasn’t always the nicest person as a kid, and I still find myself being judgmental of others. I was super critical of myself when I was younger, and that also made me critical of those around me. As I’ve grown older and been on my self-love journey over the last couple of years, I’m realizing that when I am being judgmental of someone else, it’s because I am seeing something of myself in them.

Often times how we feel about others is a reflection of how we’re feeling about ourselves. For example, money is a huge trigger for me/my anxiety. A lot of my sense of worth and control is revolved around money, which is another thing I am working on. If I find myself being judgmental of how someone is spending their money, it’s because I have an issue/insecurity about myself and my money habits. What someone else does with their life is none of my business, I can only control myself and my mindset.

I also know that I am a very empathetic and understanding person; I can very easily put myself in someone else’s shoes and get an understanding of why they make the choices they do. It’s also helpful to realize that most people do have unresolved traumas and are the way they are because of that. We couldn’t control our childhood or how we were parented, but today we can control how we parent ourselves.

Diving into what we truly need and finding out how we can give that to ourselves is extremely important. I need loving, healthy relationships, whether with my boyfriend or with friends or family; I can no longer tolerate those who do not respect myself or my boundaries. I get to choose who I spend time with and who is in my life.

I need to feel healthy, and how I do that is try to get my body moving every day, even if it’s just a bit of stretching. I try to balance making sure I get my veggies and fruits in everyday, as well as protein, but I could definitely be better at that. That is something I can try to spend more time/effort on so I feel that I’m living true to my values.

I need to feel knowledgeable, and I have been listening to podcasts more recently as well as reading! I was on a good streak for reading but kind of slowed down within the lag couple months. If I dedicate time to get back into reading, I will feel more fulfilled as I know one of my goals is to write a book one day, and this will definitely be helpful in getting me there. The more books I read, the more knowledge I’ll have and be able to apply to my life and maybe even my first book!

I enjoy experiences, but I also like to do so on a budget. I could look into more local free events and see if friends want to attend, or maybe even just go alone. An experience can really be anything; going to a farmers market, checking out the local library, walking on a new trail… there are truly endless options. Something I could do is set a goal to do at least one new experience a month, and if I want to increase frequency, I can!

I want to heal my traumas and learn how to manage stress and my emotions. I still see my therapist every once in a while, and I make it a point to listen to healing podcasts and follow self-love accounts on instagram, but I know there is more I can do. Writing this blog post is something that is so important, because it is allowing me to talk to myself and figure out my true wants/needs.

I think we all have an idea of what we want, but when we look deeper we find that we aren’t really living a lifestyle that is in alignment with our desires. I want to live a life that is in alignment with my values, and I feel like I am already doing this! However, I also feel that I can dedicate more time to myself and my desires, and I deserve that. We all deserve to live our best lives as our best selves!

Thursday Thoughts

Yesterday was a wonderful day off, and I know I’m going to love having this schedule! I felt like I got so much done yesterday, and still had so much time to do the stuff I enjoy! I listened to a couple podcasts and even went to the pool with a friend! Overall it was a great day and I’m ready to crank out these next two days and get to the weekend!

Summertime always makes me feel so much happier and more motivated, I absolutely love the warmth and sunshine. Just being able to stand on the balcony and feel the heat of the suns rays beaming onto my skin is enough to make the whole day better! I’m praying next week is nice instead of the current rain their predicting, but we will see what happens when we get there!

Happy Friday Eve!