self love

Sleepy Sunday

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Last night I had the best time with one of my good friends and her boyfriend because WE WENT TO WISCANSIN FEST!! We got to see our favorite singers/rappers from our middle school/high school days like T-Pain, Soulja Boy, Akon, Waka Flaka, and Pink Sweats! I actually discovered Pink Sweats in my more recent years, but literally it was such an amazing time!

We got to the festival in Milwaukee around 4pm and T-pain didn’t even go on until 11pm, so it was a pretty long night for me, but again all 100% worth it!!! T-pain was on the balcony watching his friends perform and my friend and I looked up and waved at him and he literally waved back to us!! We were so excited like little kids LOL but honestly it was the best.

Today I plan to lay in bed for as long as I can. I already got up to shower and I know I have to eat something here, but other than that I am exhausted. I’m glad I got all my laundry done and made my lunches for the week on Friday, because I knew I’d be tired today.

Overall, I had an amazing weekend. I got to have lunch with a friend I haven’t seen in several years after I got off on Friday, and then of course going to this festival was a huge highlight! I am just feeling so happy and grateful for this life!

Good morning, Wednesday

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It’s honestly incredible how much someone else’s energy can change ours. I woke up with a bit of anxiety, and as soon as I reached over to lay my hand on my sleeping fiancés back, it all washed away. I immediately felt relaxed and safe, as it reminded me that I am only right here in bed at this moment, next to the love of my life. Becoming grounded in the present moment often gives a sense of ease, as my intrusive thoughts tend to be about the future and losing the people I love the most. I know our time here is finite, so I use those thoughts to remind me to truly enjoy the here and now, and wrap myself in gratitude for what is. I am grateful for this life, and this love. Thank you.

Focus

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Today is a relaxing day, and I am enjoying some time alone while my fiancé plays his VR. I decided to do a card pull from Gabby Bernstein’s “The Universe Has Your Back” deck. Before I pulled the first card, I asked the universe to “show me what I need to know.” When I pulled the card, one I have pulled recently, I actually giggled.

After reading “The key to prayer is to forget what I think I need,” I immediately took that as a sign to just surrender and release expectations for the next pull. Normally I don’t even pull two cards, but I knew this time I was meant to. The second pull, also a familiar card to me, read: “I’m unapologetic about what I desire and trust that what I focus on will grow.” That was the card I needed.

I find myself not allowing myself to fall deeply into my desires out of fear of them not being able to be fulfilled. I don’t want to feel disappointed or upset when things don’t go as planned, but I also have to give myself credit where it’s due. I have been able to let go of control a lot more this year as I lean into my faith in the universe. I focus on being present in my life, which has brought so much peace and happiness, and I know that in the present is where I belong.

I feel so lucky to be where I am today. Years ago I dreamt about these peaceful days of hanging out with the love of my life in our beautiful home. I dreamt of the days where I didn’t have constant panic attacks or angry explosions. I dreamt of being able to just relax and do nothing without feeling guilty or unworthy of love. These are the very best days, and I know that I will have even better days ahead, but for now I am so grateful to be where I am.

Full Moon Thursday

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Normally I am feeling pretty good on the full moon, but today’s PMS is making me so crabby. I left to work without deodorant on and was literally so hot and sweaty this morning, so I had to stop at the store on the way. Then of course I was late to work- luckily I am at a place where they are understanding, but it still had me stressed. Then at work a bird kept flying into the window and when I went outside to see how the paper/poster-board we were putting up looked, I ripped my scrub pants pocket on the door on my way back in.

I ended up canceling plans w my friend because I know my energy is off and heavy and I am not trying to put it on anyone else, so I am excited to just spend time with myself after work. I know these are all minuscule things that won’t matter tomorrow, so I am not trying to sit and ruminate on it all, but I did want to get it out so now I can work on switching to gratitude.

Luckily, when my pant pocket ripped, it was in a way where no one can see my underwear. When I forgot deodorant, at least I am blessed enough that I could stop on my way to work to get a new one. When I was late, again I at least have bosses who are understanding. I had left work early yesterday due to nausea, and they were kind about that as well. I got to work safely, I have an understanding friend, I have access to things to help me with my PMS, and overall it is not a bad day.

Wednesday Morning

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I’m grateful to be waking up in a cozy bed next to the love of my life.

I am grateful for the birds chirping and that the storms have calmed down.

I am grateful for rest and good sleep.

I am grateful for access too food and water, as well as the iced coffee I’ll be having in about an hour.

I am grateful to have loving, healthy cats.

I am grateful for our home and our love.

Thank you for this beautiful day.

Thank you for this beautiful life.

Monday Monday Monday

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Today I am tired, but that’s because it’s cloudy out and my weekend was full of fun and good company! My mom and I went shopping and found her an outfit to wear to my wedding, and it was actually the first thing she tried on! She got some cute, flows pants which are perfect for the beach and then a solid cream top! We also found earrings for me to wear and some cute clothes for vacation!

My fiancé and I went to a brewery with this best friend this weekend which was also nice. We had good beer, ordered some yummy pizza from the place next door and just got to enjoy the outdoors! His friend’s dog was with us and she is so well-behaved, but she is also a great guard dog. There were a couple of people stumbling around near us (cops were already nearby trying to handle them), and immediately she was on guard and ready to let them know that they weren’t to come near us.

Yesterday was a more productive day just spent with my fiancé! We got some cleaning done and picked up our groceries as well, and then I cleaned up and re-twisted his dreads at the end of the day! I love days where we just get to spend time together and get ourselves all set for the week.

This week leads up to a long weekend and if weather permits, we will be going on our friend’s boat on Saturday! If weather does not permit, I’ll likely just do more purging around the house and get a schedule together for myself for the week ahead! During the week I have a nail appt and a dinner date with a friend, so those will be nice little self care things to get me through the week!

My lunch break here is almost done so I’m gonna enjoy my yogurt and get back to it! I hope everyone has a great week ahead ✨

Rest Day

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It’s a gorgeous day outside, and I am currently sitting in my papasan chair with my cat laying on my torso. I went on a walk this morning which was very refreshing and peaceful. Once I got back home, my fiancé and I went on a scenic drive out to grab some lunch and we treated ourselves to the new summer berry lemonade refreshers from Starbucks.

I decided to read a little while he is playing VR and after a chapter with Mushu purring on me I was quickly falling into a nap. Today is a day to rest and really soak up the love around me. I am so grateful for this life, and I’m happy to be present in these beautiful moments.

I FINALLY SAW THE NORTHERN LIGHTS

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One of my good friends messaged me yesterday reminding me to look out for the northern lights (bless her soul), so I had set an alarm for midnight to get up and go luck. Well my ass was too tired at that point and my fiancé hadn’t come to bed yet so I told myself that I’ll think about getting up when he comes to bed!

So at around 2:00am he strolls in ready for bed and I got out of my bed and went out to the balcony. I originally didn’t bring my phone out, so I was just staring at the sky when I can see moving lights and little flashes around the sky- it was so clear and beautiful! So of course I ran back to get my phone and decided to take some photos on night mode! I was so shooketh by the beauty I had captured and needed to share it here!

I am so grateful that I finally got to see this magical light show, and rumor has it I may be able to see it again tonight! We will see what happens, but either way I am so happy I got to see the northern lights finally!!

Freedom is Peace

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What does freedom mean to you?

Freedom means feeling at ease physically, spiritually, and mentally. Freedom is not worrying about how situations will play out or how long it’ll take to reach your dreams, it’s trusting that all is happening for you and in the best timing that is possible. Freedom is waking up without your heart racing in a panic, but instead you have a deep feeling at peace and are ready to go with the flow of the day. Freedom is not giving a f*ck what other people think of you, because after years of healing and diving into the depths of your soul, you know exactly who you are and you know you can trust yourself. Freedom is peace.

2:22 on the clock

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The angel number of “alignment” is on the clock as I start this, and today I am feeling it so much. I have been at my current job since the beginning of the year, so just over 4 months, and I have been enjoying it! I still do dental billing, just at a new office and I am so amazed at how great the doctors/owners are with being transparent and appreciative. I have been told multiple times that I am doing a great job and they’re so happy with me, and this is something I never heard from other employers other than that their required yearly reviews.

Well today the doctor who I work with the most pulled me into her office today and again gave me great feedback on how I’m doing, and then she proceeded to say: “We want to give you a $2 raise.” My jaw dropped. I literally felt myself getting emotional and my body felt so light but also weird. I thanked her and told her how much I appreciate her and the other doctors being so open and supportive, and I told her that I’ve never worked anywhere like this and how grateful I am to be there.

I am just feeling so supported and loved this year. I’m blessed that I always feel that from friends and family, but to finally also have a job where I feel appreciated is honestly incredible. I work full time 40 hours a week I am at this office, and for a lot of my life those 40 hours were at incredibly toxic work environments.

I worked in places where the boss would talk shit about other employees right to you, which only has you wondering what they say about you when you’re gone. I worked where you are constantly getting more and more work dumped on you, but no compensation to go with it. I’ve also worked places where you’re told to do something but once you do it they are mad and said they never told you to do that.

I think part of me always chose to stay in these chaotic workplaces because I was used to that type of environment in my childhood. Since I no longer had those issues in my home life, part of me would still seek out toxicity so I’d just find it in abusive work environments. In reality, I want peace in and all around me, and I’m finally at a place where I can allow peace and rest to be a priority. Now that I have a job where I am not constantly on eggshells, I finally feel free enough to speak up and discuss any concerns I have without fear of retaliation.

I feel so grateful for this job, and for this life. I feel even more grateful that I am able to be present to it all.