mental health

Honesty

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I didn’t record my podcast episode, and I am giving myself grace about it. I will record soon, and I know this is just my brain getting into survival mode and putting me in a freeze state. I am feeling my way through it and I see exactly where all this fear is stemming from.

As a child my father would often tell me that I had no voice. He’d remind me that I had zero power or control in the home, because I was just the child. Also, being a child of alcoholics, I kept that part of my life a secret from everyone outside of the house (except for a couple close friends as I got older). I was always keeping quiet as a way to be safe, so my brain automatically shut down when I went to start recording my podcast episode.

I am working through this feeling, reminding myself that I am allowed to have a voice. All I have to do is speak the truth and remember my intentions. People will judge regardless, and that is not my business or my problem. I know my intentions and I know who I am- that is all that matters. I am not putting a harsh timeline on this, but I am determined to start recording this year!

Social Media Prompt

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How do you use social media?

I currently only have Instagram and Snapchat. I use snapchat to stay in touch with friends, sending pictures and videos to them individually and also sharing stuff to my story. As far as Instagram, I go through phases of creating/sharing reels and I love seeing funny videos as well as spiritual and inner child memes! I often share those to my stories and sometimes reshare them to Snapchat as well.

recent meme from Instagram

Easter Sunday / 4-20-25

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I am not a religious person, so I did not go to church this morning. I haven’t been to church since I was a small child, and I vividly remember vomiting while singing hymns and my uncle telling me that the devil came out of me that day. So that’s my experience with religion, plus lots of veggie tales. My parents were religious when I was younger, they apparently even had bible study nights with their friends and they said I was there for those too as a toddler. Of course I do not remember this.

As an adult I’ve been on my own spiritual journey, and I very much believe in a higher power. I do speak to my angels and guides, I see signs and synchronicities often, but I still struggle with the word/name “God.” I think it is because when I picture this higher power, I do not see it as one entity. If anything I feel most comfortable saying “source,” because I see it all as a big, beautiful light and we all have this light inside of us. So if there is one “entity,” it’s our collective as a whole.

How I see the world is that we all have the light and the dark. Some people have more darkness within them, stemming from wounds and traumas they’ve experienced or been passed down from previous generations, and some have more light as they’ve worked through their traumas and found community to help support them. The more that the light workers shine, the more they can help others to shine through their own darkness.

Today, let’s spread our light to everyone. Smile at strangers, let people in during traffic, practice patience in moments when you feel aggravated, and just focus on the gratitude and blessings all around you. I feel so lucky to be alive today, and I am grateful to be able to spend time with my husband and just enjoy this day of rest.

Sending love to everyone this beautiful Sunday!

4-15-2025 Astrology Prompts

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I saw my favorite Instagram page posted a couple prompts today in regards to communication, so I thought, why not answer those here on my blog? The reason for the post/prompts is because Mercury, the planet of communication, is transitioning into the sign of Aries. According to astrologers, this is a time for fierce and honest words from the heart to be unleashed unapologetically.

Here are the prompts from SistersVillage:

1. I have not started my podcast (or written my book for that matter) out of fear of hurting others…mainly family members. I know that harsh truths can be hard to hear, and the whole point of my podcast would be to tell my story as authentically and honestly as possible. It’s hard to bring up where my parents have had their faults, as I am not trying to shame them or make the whole rest of our family aware of their issues; but at the same time, I have overcome a lot in my life and I know that my journey could inspire others to keep going during hard times. There were many times in my younger years where I was lost and angry, and I often felt that I did not have role models, but instead I had people showing me the life I did not want to live. Luckily, I do not live that life anymore, but it took a lot of work and reflection to stop myself from becoming consumed in my trauma.

Okay, I have to pause for a second before I answer this next prompt because I just saw 5:55 on the clock and I am crying at the timing. 555 is the angel number for CHANGE! Talk about a synchronicity! I just feel so connected to my angels and the universe in this moment, so the pause is necessary. Call me delusional, but I’d rather get excited over numbers than sit here having anxious intrusive thoughts any day. Anyways, onto the next prompt!

2. Prompt two goes with number one: my podcast. I am holding myself back from my dreams, and have been for years now. The calling never goes away either, I basically think about it every day. I distract myself with scrolling and watching TV. I keep saying it isn’t the time or I don’t know how to start, but none of that is actually true. I am the only person in my way, and it’s about time that I stop holding myself back.

Full Moon 4-12-2025

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Happy Full Moon!

I am feeling so refreshed and recharged, and I am finally at the end of my recovery! I still have minor pain where my tonsils were, and still dealing with the post-nasal phlegm from the nasal turbinate reduction, but it is sooooo much better than I was a few days ago. I’m sure me singing at the top of my lungs and talking all day is contributing to the pain, but I have been resting my voice and body for over a week and I needed to release-and what better time than the full moon?

I am feeling so grateful to have gotten through this recovery, because that sh*t was no joke. The doctor warned me that I would be in a lot of pain for a while, but I was really thinking I had a high pain tolerance and that I would be a champ… LOL no. If you can get your tonsils out as a child, do that, because it is rough as hell as an adult. To be fair though, a week out of my entire life is just a tiny blip, and it is so worth it in the long run. I am just glad this is behind me, and now I can live normally again! Well, I am still avoiding crunchy/hard foods right now so I don’t irritate the area while it is still healing, but it nice to be able to eat some solid foods now.

Today my husband and I were invited to our friends place for a poker day/night, and I decided to stay home since I knew I couldn’t have any of their snacks LOL. Also, I did not want to play, nor did I want to sit and watch everyone else play. My friend and I got on Facetime for a couple hours which was nice, especially since I really haven’t been talking to anyone since my surgery last Thursday! Her and I are going to visit our friend in North Dakota for her 30th birthday next month, so we are getting excited for that!

Overall, I am feeling happy. I’m happy to be out of pain. I’m happy to have great friends and an even better husband (sorry not sorry friends, he is always gonna be my #1). I am happy that I have a job that I actually enjoy to return to on Monday. I am happy that we have good health insurance. I am happy that I can sing along to my favorite songs again. I am happy that I can go on a breakfast date with my love tomorrow. I am just happy, and I am so grateful to be able to feel into my happiness.

4-5-25

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I’m calling today day three of recovery, even though technically I had the surgery done two days ago. My surgery was so early in the morning that the entire day counted as recovery (in my eyes LOL).

Today I did throw up and I think that is due to the pain medicine. The reason I didn’t have nausea the last couple days is because the hospital had put an anti-nausea patch behind my ear, so that had been helping keep the nausea away. I had to take the patch off, because it does cause dry mouth which unfortunately hinders the healing of my tonsils as I am supposed to keep the mouth relatively hydrated.

I’m hoping that since I am having some bone broth and mashed potatoes that will keep me from getting nauseous again. I will say, it’s kind of annoying because I’ve been instructed to eat ice cream/popsicles to help with the pain and swelling, but the sugar can make me nauseous.

Either way, I am surviving and working through it all. My mom came by to visit today which was nice, and my husband has been so helpful and amazing during this entire process. I am so lucky and so grateful for all of the love I have in my life.

gifts from mom making me feel young again

Friday 4/4

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Feeling blessed and feeling pain- but overall all is well. I have been lacking a little sleep, but as the pain goes down, I’m sure I’ll be able to sleep better than ever! I am making sure to take the medications as directed to manage the pain as well, I’m just hoping it continues to go down.

My mouth is insanely dry right now for a couple reasons. One is I have to breathe through my mouth right now since my nose has packing in it (I start to rinse that out today). The other reason is because they have me a nausea patch the wear so I didn’t get sick after the anesthesia and pain meds, and they told me in can make my mouth and eyes very dry.

I can leave the patch on for a couple more days and honestly I want to because I usually get nauseous and I’d rather not feel like I’m going to puke while I’m also in pain. As much as the dry mouth sucks, I’ll just keep sipping my iced water.

I am just grateful for cuddles with my husband and my cats while I heal. I am falling back asleep as I write this, so I’m going to listen to my body and go back to bed. I hope everyone has a great Friday and upcoming weekend. 🤍

my baby girl Sky aka the birthday girl!! happy 10th birthday to my senior kitty.

Home 4-3-25

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I am home and will be in bed for the next few days, and my surgery was a success. The doctor was not lying about this pain though- it’s pretty rough. My husband is making sure I’m taking my medications on time and is bringing me everything I need (so blessed🥹😭), and I am prioritizing hydration and rest.

I was feeling emotional before surgery, because I had so many friends messaging me telling me they were praying for me and thinking of me. One even sent me an e-gift card for Smoothie King which I am looking forward to trying hopefully within the next week or so!

I just feel so lucky and grateful to have so much love and support around me. As much as I am struggling right now with the pain, I know it will all be worth it; even though currently it feels like I am swallowing shards of glass.

my husband & I when I was in recovery

4/2/25

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Today marks six months of marriage with my husband. It’s crazy that we have been together for 13.5 years, and yet my love for him continues to grow. I feel so very blessed to have him in my life, and I am grateful that he will be by my side for my recovery after my surgery tomorrow. I’m just trusting in the universe that all will be well.