intentional

Choose Wisely

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What is sacred anymore?

What is intimate?

What is worth keeping in private?

Where is the discernment?

Does anyone keep anything to themselves anymore? To their closest loved ones?

Does anyone value having anything that is theirs, and only theirs?

Does every envious and evil eye have the right to see your most precious moments?

Does every judgmental person deserve your energy and attention?

Does everyone in your digital friends list meet the requirements to actually be a part of your life? To come into your home? To watch your kids?

Does every horny individual on your feed deserve to see your naked body? To look at you as an object? To assume you did this all for them?

Are the views and the likes worth it? The followers and possibility of going viral?

Does the external validation go far? Could you give yourself that validation without getting it from someone else?

Would you still like your posts if it was only for you and your loved ones? Would you be proud of your children doing and posting the same content?

In the worlds of real life and “reel” life, are you living in your values in both? Are you the same person both on and offline?

Everything in life is temporary, yet the content we post to the internet remains forever. It has become to normal to share every aspect of our lives online to both people we know and complete strangers… but just because something is normal, doesn’t mean it’s good.

In an age of being so “connected” through apps and technology, we are so far disconnected from ourselves.

We’ve become addicted to external validation to feed our unhealed wounds of unworthiness.

We’ve become addicted to the dopamine rush when we get a lot of views or engagement.

We’ve become addicted to our screens and “connecting” with others, while ignoring the real world around us.

And we can run around and say it isn’t our fault and blame everyone else, but it’s our responsibility now. We know now.

So sit with yourself, and ask:

What do you value most in this life? Are you living in your values?

What are you grateful for? Have you thought about how many blessings are around you on a daily basis?

What habits are you wishing to let go of? What habits have you been wanting to develop?

What do you do when you’re avoiding something else? Is this beneficial to you in anyway? Is this something you wish to continue?

We all get a little lost sometimes, but the important part is that we come back home to ourselves over and over again.

None of us get out of here alive. We deserve to live lives that we are proud of. We deserve lives that we will be grateful to look back on when we’re lying peacefully on our deathbeds.

You are in charge of you.

You get to decide who has access to your mind, to your body, and to your soul.

You get one life to live, and you are the one who chooses who and what you give your energy to.

Choose wisely.

Sunday / Full Moon

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Today is a gorgeous day; while I type this in my boyfriend’s office, I can hear the birds chirping outside as I feel the breeze come through the window. We went out for a nice breakfast this morning and have been relaxing at the house since we got back. A couple of our friends are coming over to hang out later and I just wanted to take a minute for myself to write here. I go back and forth between dabbling in astrology- not that I necessarily believe in all of the horoscopes or anything like that, but I do like the idea of checking in and journaling based on the phases of the moon. Today we celebrate a full moon, and based on what I have read this is a time to celebrate our progresses and acknowledge your blocks so that you can work to move past them.

I am extremely proud of the work I have been putting in on my mental health and my overall mindset. I have been getting better at looking at “bad” situations with gratitude and also I am better at letting go and going with the flow. I can feel myself releasing control and finally feeling more present. I cannot lie though, it has been making me sad realizing how little memories I have and how for so many years I was never living in the present moment. Sometimes my friends will be going though photos of us and say something like “aw I remember that day so well” and I will feel so guilty for not really remembering much. I feel like I was always thinking about what was on my to-do list or worrying about so many other aspects of life that were beyond my control. As upsetting as it is, it does make me want to be more intentional with my time and keep focused on being present in each moment.

I do truly enjoy connecting with other people and I enjoy finding similarities in people who live completely different lives than me. That is something I enjoy about my newfound love for podcasts; I have been listening to a lot of Jay Shetty’s podcast “On Purpose,” and it has benefited me in so many ways. Jay is a former monk who has taken his knowledge and works hard to spread the beneficial information to everyone around the glove. He does this in solo episodes, but he also interviews a wide range of people from athletes to doctors to TV celebrities, and he asks them questions that go beyond these people’s professions…he gets down to their souls! Listening to him and all of these famous people who I once judged and criticized has only made me realize that my judgement of others is limiting myself and my potential, and this is also the same when it comes to judging myself. I know that I am also an empathetic person who cares deeply about the people I love, and I also do want everyone to be their best selves, but I do have to acknowledge that judgmental side and work on leaning into compassion and understanding when I find myself being critical.

I have been working on my communication skills and making sure I am speaking my mind in a mindful, but honest way. As I have said before, I used to avoid voicing my opinions or thoughts to avoid confrontation, but also to avoid coming off as rude or judgmental, as that is something I feel shameful about. When I think about it, I think it is because I have always hated how rude and judgmental my father is and I never want to turn out like him. I have gone over this in therapy and the difference is that I do not intend to hurt people, nor do I say anything rude to people! I do listen to others and can empathize with their stories and situations, and I also very much believe that I do not know what is best for anyone else’s life, just as they do not know what is best for mine. Life is a lot easier when we mind our own business and give up the idea of trying to “fix” people, but I also feel that life is better when we can have open, honest conversations with the people we love, and really anyone we come across in life.

As I continue on this journey, I will continue to give myself grace for my faults. I will acknowledge the fact that I am just a human being, just as everyone around me. We all have emotions, we all experience pain and grief, we all have bad days, and we are all just doing our best with the resources we have. I feel very blessed to have access to therapy, but honestly I am also grateful for the books and podcasts that are available to so many people worldwide that can help expand our mindsets and perspectives, and open our eyes to a healthier way of living. Make sure to take some time to pat yourself on the back for the fact that you are here today, and you are continuing to move forward every day. Happy Sunday, and happy full moon!

Being Intentional

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Today is back to work after enjoying a long weekend, and I am looking forward to the week ahead! I definitely feel tired today, but I know that once I come home I can relax and do what I want to do with my time. I got to see my parents as well as a couple friends during my time off, and I am planning to see another friend during the week, and I am going to visit someone else this upcoming Sunday!

I know I didn’t really write about it here, but mid August I found out that one of my previous coworkers passed away during childbirth. Death is always hardest for me, and I always find myself questioning so many things and my anxiety always spikes. This time around I really tried to dig into my emotions and lay low, and even though her and I were not close or friends by any means, it still affected me.

I was feeling guilty for being sad, mainly because she wasn’t always my favorite person, but at the same time I would never wish death upon anyone and I couldn’t stop thinking about her family and children she was leaving behind. It kept reminding me that death truly is the only guarantee in life, and the only thing we can really do about that is be intentional with our time.

We can do our best to spend time with the people we love, so I am trying to make a more conscious effort to at least message friends more, if not see them in person. It’s also important that I do what I want in life, because I have no idea when I will pass on! When you think about it, we should truly be living like every day is our last. I mean I wouldn’t recommend taking out thousands of dollars of loans to go on an extended vacation in Greece (as tempting as that sounds), but if you always say you want to do more of something, start doing that thing!

For me, I always say I want to read more and write more, and this year I have been doing much more of those two things, but I can still do more! If I plan to fulfill my dream of writing a book, those are both things I should be investing my time into. I also say I want to be more mindful about my eating and overall health, so it is time that I start paying more attention to that.

Small, daily habits are what truly matter, and it’s important that you schedule some time for yourself. Whether it’s five or ten minutes to meditate, twenty minutes to read, or thirty for a workout, all of that time adds up over your life. Imagine how many days/weeks of our lives we have spent scrolling through online content, watching endless TikToks and reels- is any of that truly important? For some, that answer is yes, and that’s okay! For others, they are annoyed with how much time they spend on social media.

Everyone has different interests, but what matters is that you do what is important to you, and you live life intentionally for yourself. If you are constantly living for others, it becomes easy to lose yourself and go down a path you didn’t necessarily want. Life is always too short, so take some time to check in with yourself and start doing more of what you want to do!