healing journey

Religion (prompt)

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Do you practice religion?

I pray and I have faith in a higher power, but I am not “religious” per se. As a child, I went to a Christian church for a bit, but I don’t remember a lot from that other than being in church choir. I also know I watched a lot of Veggie Tales, but I don’t remember the actual religious parts of the show. I am still struggling with the word “God,” a bit, and I don’t know if that just comes from the fact that I believe we’re all from the same source, but not that it’s some masculine figure in the sky who is ruling us all.

I have seen signs and synchronicities from the Universe; I know that energy matters, and how we talk to ourselves and others is important. When we come from a place of gratitude and abundance, we tend to see more of that in our lives. When we come from a wounded place of lack, we tend to see all the places we are failing. How we tune into the world is how we perceive it, and when I pray to the universe and count my blessings, I feel so in tune with the universe.

When I’m in tune, I see a lot of repeating numbers and hear repeating phrases. I notice many synchronicities and I feel so giddy inside when I notice a sign. I love feeling so connected to the divine and to my angels, and in those moments, I know that we’re all connected all the time.

New Moon Release 5-26-25

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Happy New Moon!! 🙌🏼

This new moon, I’m setting the intention of being less in the mindset of “all or nothing.” This comes into play a lot in my life whenever I am trying to reach a new goal or start a new project, and I know it stems from the perfectionism. This mindset has hurt me in the past when it comes to dieting, as well as healing and even starting my podcast.

When I was doing the Ketogenic diet to lose weight years ago, I was all the way in. I ate all the protein I needed, I made sure to never go over 20 net carbs a day, and when I did, I punished myself for it. I’d mentally beat the shit out of myself for going over as if that would change my entire progress. Even if it did, which it did not, I never deserved to treat myself the way I did. That was way more unhealthy than if I had eaten 20 more carbs!

When it comes to my healing journey, along the way I have found that there is so much to heal from, and I was starting to look at myself as this never-ending project. I was just a human full of issues and problems that would never be fully solved, so I either had to try harder or give up entirely- that is literally NOT the solution. I can be aware and mindful in my life, and the only way to truly grow and evolve is to keep living and just keep checking back in with yourself. I am not a project that needs consistent tweaking and fixing- I am an evolving human.

As far as the podcast that I’ve started behind the scenes, I find myself completely delaying and avoiding it, because I care a lot about it. I know that I want it to be good, but I also am actively fighting against my perfectionism while recording, because I already decided to not edit ANY of it. I ultimately decided that because I know that I will edit and edit and edit until there is nothing left, when my real intention with this podcast is to be raw and real. I can be raw and real at anytime, so I can truly record at anytime- but I get on the mindset of “all or nothing.”

I’m not pouring all of my effort and trying to make this the best (which also applies to everything in my life) my mind then goes: “well, then I shouldn’t do anything at all”- but that is my anxiety and perfectionism taking over. I know in my heart and soul that the black and white thinking is not how we’re meant to be in this world; it’s truly all gray. We’re allowed to be creative and flexible- in fact, it’s encouraged over being rigid.

I am releasing these rigid thoughts and feelings, and I am tuning into the creative flow of life. I welcome all love, abundance, and happiness to flow into my life, and may I be present enough to feel it all. Thank you, thank you, thank you! ✨

Sunday Thoughts and Gratitude

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I feel grateful for the beautiful day I have spent with my husband. We’re about to go on a walk together which always makes me happy! Well, we’re actually going to play frisbee golf, which is also a fun time! I just want to get outside in the sun.

This morning we were up pretty early- we have to give our cat her insulin at the same time every day, and the doses are 12 hours apart. Since I was up so early to give her the insulin, I ended up staying up and watching the rest of Secret Lives of Mormon Wives (lol don’t judge me) and my husband woke up about an hour and a half later.

We decided to go for a drive to go get some coffee, and then we went shopping for a little bit before heading back home. We did some cleaning around the house today which feels really good, and I purged my closet which was also needed!

This long weekend was much needed, and I’m just feeling so present and so grateful for so many things. I’m happy the weather is getting warmer and the sun is out. I’m happy that we learned how to give our cat her insulin and she will be feeling a lot better soon; I’m also grateful that she can still live for many years with diabetes, and remission is also a possibility!

I’m grateful that my husband and I get to enjoy this long weekend together, and that we can afford this life that we live. We’re so blessed to have our jobs and our skill sets, and I’m so proud of how far we’ve come, both individually and as a couple, over the past 13.5 years. I am so thankful for this life, and thankful to be present here in my body to feel all of the love.

Thursday Morning Thoughts

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I’m tired and in bed before I have to get up for work, and just wanted to take a moment to jot down some random thoughts I’ve had recently:

  • peace and calmness can feel odd or off to someone who has experienced a lot of anxiety and hyper-vigilance
  • if you’re taught that everything is scary and is the end of the world, that makes sense why you’d think that. however, we can still unlearn / de-program those concepts that aren’t actually helping us
  • sometimes it feels like our brains are actively working against our healing journeys and that’s because they’re wired for survival.
  • I don’t need apologies from those who have hurt me- I apologize to myself for not speaking up and setting boundaries when needed.
  • we judge people we love because we want better for them, yet we get mad when people judge us or tell us how to live our lives because we know what’s best for ourselves. (plot twist: they already know, it’s just hard to change and develop new habits)
  • life on earth includes oceans, sunsets and sunflower fields, friendships, true love and hugs: it’s not all bad here

5/20/25

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Just been feeling kinda off, but also not? Like I’m not depressed or anxious which is nice- I’d like to say I’m content, but also I do have some stresses. We just found out our cat is diabetic; I’m happy that it is manageable and she will feel better soon once we start her insulin, but it’s just going to be a life adjustment for sure.

Luckily my parents had a diabetic cat as well, so my mom could help me out if we go on a vacation or something, but it’s a bit harder when it’s a family trip. Either way, we have our appointment at the vet on Friday to learn how to give her the shots and I will just ask my questions at that time. My coworker said her vet would have vet techs available to go to the home to give medication while they were out of town, so I’ll see if that’s an option if ever needed.

I’m not super overwhelmed by this; honestly I’m just glad we can afford this and give her this treatment. I just feel like I’m sitting in a “calm before the storm” type situation, but I’m realizing right now that it’s just my anxiety telling me I’m not allowed to feel calm or at peace. I’m just going to sit in this present moment and let myself enjoy the lack of anxiety.

Wednesday Wisdom

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Just thought I’d start the day with some quotes that I have found to be helpful for myself in breaking free from people-pleasing, anxiety and perfectionism!

• You will inspire some and trigger others; both are medicine.

• There’s no reason to be a people-pleaser- people are never pleased.

• Accept people as they are, but place them where they belong.

• Peace that costs you your power isn’t peace- it’s performance. You’re not here to perform.

• Worrying doesn’t take away tomorrow’s troubles, it just takes away today’s peace.

Full Moon Release

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The full moon has peaked and it will start waning today. As it slowly disappears, all that I am releasing will go along with it:

• self-doubt

• shame and guilt about things that were never my fault or mine to hold

• the need to please others

• putting other people’s comfort before my own

• rigidness and perfectionism

May we all step into our best timelines, bringing forth love and light to this world, and our inner worlds.

Tuesday

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I had an amazing weekend away with two of my best friends from high school, and today I am completely exhausted. I got back home around 7pm last night and was back to work today. I had originally took the day off, but I retracted it back because I get so stressed when I fall behind at work. Turns out I should have listened to my gut because I ended up leaving work early today.

I was feeling so exhausted and my stomach started rumbling and feeling upset; luckily I was able to get a lot done in the five hours I was there so I shouldn’t be too overwhelmed tomorrow. I knew my body would need rest after a weekend of travel, next time I’ll make sure I just keep that extra day on the books.

I’m so glad to be back home though, and cuddling with my husband was so need d after spending days away from the house. I just always feel so content and at home with him, and I feel so lucky to have the marriage that we do. This was the life I always dreamt of as a child- a home full of love and affection, rather than rage and disrespect. I am so grateful for this life and this love.

Welcome May

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Wow, I can’t believe it’s already May! Getting closer to sunny weather and summertime! I am starting off this month with a girls trip to celebrate my friend’s 30th birthday!! I’m so excited for this month, I can just feel good vibes and energy all heading my way!

I pray that May brings peace and abundance to all of us who are seeking it.

I pray that May is full of love and happiness, and everyone is able to receive it.

I pray that May brings miracles and blessings that leave us so beyond in awe and strengthen our faith in the universe.

I pray that May shows you so many signs and synchronicities; I pray you feel how close your angels and guides are.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. ♡

Sunday/New Moon 4-27-25

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Good morning! I’m so happy to see the sun shining on this gorgeous day- a day of rest and resetting. Self care is on the list today- which includes a little bit of spoiling ourselves with some pedicures today. My husband and I haven’t had pedicures since November… LOL so we’re a bit overdue. I also wanted to get one before my girls trip coming up!

I’m also gonna pick up some groceries today and do my best to have a more nutritious week than I have been having lately, because I know my body deserves to be healthy and full of vitamins and nutrients. This part is always harder for me, but I am going to focus on small wins and keep reminding myself why I am doing this.

New moons are time for new intentions, and since we are no longer in eclipse season, the energy is much calmer. Plant those seeds that you wish to grow, and take time to nourish them. No rushing, no pushing- just trusting in the divine timing of it all. I am focusing on my physical and mental health, as well as how I can be more grounded- both in nature and in my own positive energy.