healing journey

Trusting/Faith

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I trust in the Universe to keep me protected from all evil, and all things blocking me from my purpose.

I trust my Angels and Guides to keep me on the path to my higher self, loving and supporting me along the way.

I trust in Diving Timing; even when it may not always feel right in the moment, I know there is a bigger and better plan.

There is so much beyond my control, and I no longer wish to hold the weight of the world. I trust that love and light will always prevail. I trust that people are more kind and loving and connected than the media may make it seem. I trust that there is good in this world, and greatness in the divine. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 🤍✨

Tuesday Thoughts

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The way we speak to ourselves really matters.

You’re not supposed to be liked by everyone, and if you’re being authentic, you won’t be liked by everyone.

Adults can handle their own discomfort and disappointment, it’s not your job to make everyone else happy.

Shaming and blaming yourself will never bring the results you want.

Life will always have chaos, we’re meant to prioritize joy.

Fear sells. Fear controls. In a world of fear- have faith.

Self-Reflection

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It’s been a while since I’ve sat and written anything long form on here, and I can’t say I necessarily want to do that right now either, but I have been feeling some shifts this weekend that I feel like articulating and expanding upon for a second.

I am someone who hates disappointing people, but I’m also someone who really has been trying to empower the whole “don’t do want you don’t want to do” mindset. As someone who has been a people-pleaser her whole life, I was basically not living in any sort of authenticity because I always did whatever people wanted even when I didn’t necessarily want to do that.

This weekend we were invited to my husband’s cousin’s graduation ceremony. Now, we are obviously very excited and happy for his cousin for following his dreams and meeting his goals, but this ceremony was 3.5 hours away and we were not trying to pay for a hotel out there, so it was going to be an in and out trip. My husband ultimately decided to not go and that we would take his cousin and his wife out another time, which I felt so relieved about. I was not looking forward to a 7 hour commute and a ceremony.

My default is to feel guilt and shame about this, even though I really have not gone against any of my morals. For me, I would not expect my cousins to drive 3.5 hours for my college graduation… in fact, they didn’t even drive the 2 hours and I have never taken that personally! I do understand my relationship with family can be different than his, and ultimately this was his decision to skip the graduation so I really should be detached from it, yet yesterday I couldn’t help but feel guilty and like we’re the a**holes of the family. In reality though, we haven’t done anything wrong. I can understand 100% if they’re upset, but also I’m sure they can understand where we’re coming from too and it’s not something that will rip the family apart.

We also were asked to help our friends move on that same day and we didn’t go help them even though we didn’t end up going to the graduation. My husband had a project he was working on and I honestly just took a day for myself. I’ve been finally leveling out after a couple weeks of being very stressed and having bad mental health, so I just needed a day for rest and joy. Yesterday we did go to help them finish moving some boxes, but part of me still felt rude for not going to help on Saturday, even though I know I would have been exhausted and overall just not pleasant to be around.

My husband felt no guilt whatsoever for not going to the graduation or helping friends move, and it’s just crazy how differently our brains work. I also am like, maybe I should just embrace the fact that I also didn’t want to go do any of these things, and if that makes me an “a**hole,” then so be it! I think I have such issues with being “rude” or doing anything to upset people, because I really didn’t like how mean my dad was when I grew up.

In reality though, he was typically drunk and would be name-calling/making fun of big emotions. He’d pick on my weight or my intelligence, and that’s not anything I could see myself doing, nor is that what I have done this weekend. It definitely felt that his rudeness was more intentional, and me skipping out on a graduation is not actually comparable to the ways my dad was an a**hole.

I guess this is why I write, and why I need to get back to it. When I actually take time to think through and articulate my thoughts, I realize how illogical I’m being when it comes to how I punish myself or make myself feel guilty all the time. My inner critic gets very loud the instant that I feel I’ve done wrong, and I have to remember that she also is not very logical- she’s part of survival mode. My brain still thinks that being “perfect” and never upsetting anyone is how to stay safe, but that is not feasible, nor is it true. Authenticity is the answer. Love is the answer. I just have to embody those two things, and all will align as it should.

Monday AM / Full Moon

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Happy Monday! I am feeling quite tired this morning, but I am manifesting a great day and week ahead! This weekend was nice as my husband and I got to see some friends and family, and I’m just excited that we’re in October and the fall weather is on the way!

To kick off the week, I just wanted to just start my day with some gratitude! As stressful as life can feel sometimes, I know that there is beauty all around, and I have so many blessings to be grateful for.

I am grateful that I get to wake up next to the love of my life, in our warm, comfy bed. It’s so nice to wake up and feel immediately safe and relaxed knowing that he is here with me.

I’m grateful for our home that provides security, safety, and a roof over our heads. It’s cold when it needs to be cold, and warm when it needs to be warm. We have clean, running water and we have electricity-our home is everything we need.

I am grateful that my husband and I have jobs that allow us to pay for the life we have. We can pay our bills and still enjoy having fun in life, and I’m just thankful we’re both in jobs that we don’t hate LOL.

I am grateful for our cars- I love my car and am thankful to have a reliable vehicle to get me from place to place safely. I enjoy my car and I am thankful that I can make those monthly payments, although I am also excited for the day we pay it off!

Last but not least, I am thankful for my Angels and the Universe. I am thankful that when I am in low moments, or even moments of happiness, I can find peace in knowing that I am being divinely guided and protected. I have seen so many signs and synchronicities that remind me that there is so much more than all that we see, and it is pure and beautiful. The more I step into the present moment, the more I am in tune with the Universe.

Thank you for this quiet morning.

Thank you for this beautiful week.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

October Prayers

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Dear Universe,

May October feel cozy and sweet, like the cinnamon and pumpkin seasonings in our drinks.

May October feel like a breath of fresh air, bringing peace and quiet to chaotic minds and bodies.

May October feel like letting go, releasing all of the weights and worries that were never ours to hold.

May October bring clarity and comfort to all who are needing a little extra lately.

I pray October is bringing love, blessings and peace to the entire collective. I pray we are present enough to see and receive all of life’s beautiful offers and opportunities. I pray that this month we’re all able to trust and lean into faith, rather than succumbing to fear and doubt. May October be blessed. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Little Life Update

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Life has been a little hectic lately dealing with sick cats. We brought our diabetic cat to the vet to stay all day for her glucose curve, and they ended up finding a tapeworm in her stool. They told us that they come from fleas or eating mice which is even more confusing because our cats show no signs of fleas, and the one time she caught a mouse (8 years ago) she definitely brought it to me like most cats do.

She then of course didn’t feel well due to stress from vet and now taking dewormer, but we also had to stop her insulin as well. Now my other cats started throwing up this week, one of which had diarrhea, so we had to drop off stool samples from my other cats off at the vet this week and was supposed to get a call yesterday but the vet was in surgery so she didn’t call. Today we should get the results and if the other cats have worms, then we also need to treat them.

Part of me is scared we are overdosing our cat with insulin, even though the vet says we aren’t even at max dose yet, but I swear she’s been like deteriorating since her diagnosis in May. She has arthritis, which makes sense because she was holding lots of extra weight for a while, but just seeing her walk so slow and not wanting to be walking around for more than a few steps is hurting my heart.

We’re gonna have to bring her for a second opinion about the diabetes and dosage too. I just want to see if maybe there are other, more natural routes for her. She’s about to be 10 so I know she’s a senior kitty now, but I’ve had cats who lived to be 17 and I’d love to see our Mushu get there.

It’s hard having all of our babies not feel well- luckily the other two have stopped puking/having diarrhea so hopefully that stays like that. Of course, if their stool does have worms, then we will have to deworm. We will see what the vet says today and hopefully we’re on the upswing from here!

Monday Evening

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I messed up my streak! Oh well, guess today is day one again! I had a fun weekend, so it was definitely worth missing a blogging day. Yesterday I took my mom to the Bears Vs. Cowboys game!! She loves the Cowboys, so that was kind of a bummer that the Bears suddenly figured out how to play football yesterday, but either way the experience was awesome!

On Saturday my husband and I went to a local Oktoberfest and met up with my friend for her birthday! It was so fun being a little kid again riding all the rides and just enjoying the atmosphere! I feel very blessed to be living this life, and the fact that I can be present to the love around me is also a blessing in and of itself. Being someone who has been chronically anxious, it’s nice to be able to feel joy in the present moment.